Disclaimer: I don't own PJO. And I'm getting sick of putting disclaimers, too.
Summary: Kronos is going to destroy Western Civilization forever! But our prophecy hero finds a teensy little loophole and saves the Olympians.
"MUWAHAHAHAHAH!" Kronos laughed evilly. "My fierce army, FORWARD!"
The Titans' army cheered and surged forward, exiting the Princess Andromeda. Luke, one of the major generals, chuckled with glee as he saw the overeager monsters, demigods, and who knows what else on a mad rampage.
"FORWARD! SPARE NO MORTAL! MARAUD AND PLUNDER AT YOUR WILL! GET ME ALL THE CHOCOPOPS YOU SEE!" Kronos bellowed.
"YES, SIR!" the army answered simultaneously as they ran out onto the empty, dark streets of the USA.
Wait. Empty? Why were the streets empty? (Even in big cities like New York or Los Angelas where there are cars all the time!)
WHERE WAS EVERYONE?
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"Sir." Luke said, coming up to his beloved Lord Kronos.
"Don't call me that!" Kronos shrieked. "It's Lord Kronos, Overlord of the Titans, Master of Evil! 'Sir' is so last century!"
"Lord Kronos, Overlord of the Titans, Master of Evil, I have some news." Luke mumbled, half in fear, half in nervousness.
Kronos sighed, stopped looking in the mirror, plopped down on the bed, threw his half eaten Chocopop into the trash and said, "Very well. Tell me the news."
Like you have anything better to do, Kronos.
"IT'S KRONOS, OVERLORD OF THE TITANS, MASTER OF EVIL!" Kronos shrieked.
Don't take that tone of voice with me!
"SHUT UP! I NEED MY CHOCOPOPS! WHERE ARE THEY?"
How am I supposed to know?
"Um, the author isn't supposed to communicate with the characters of his or her story." Luke piped up timidly.
Oh yes, my apologies.
"APOLIGIZE TO ME, DAMMIT! I'M KRONOS, OVERLORD OF THE TITANS, MASTER OF EVIL!" that ugly Titan interrupted.
"AND I'M NOT UGLY!"
Whatever. Luke, tell him the news.
"Okay." Luke cleared his throat and opened his mouth to tell that pushy Titan the news. That very moment, a small fly flew into his mouth and accidentally fell into his throat. Luke coughed, gasped, and fell down, struggling to breathe, face red.
"Can't breathe." Luke Skywalker gasped. He rolled on the floor, coughing and hacking. "Tell my mom that she's weird, and give my kitty (whose name is Sophie) two bowls of cat food and a can of tuna with a clear bowl of water everyday."
"No way, you freak." Kronos sniffed.
"But then my kitty will die!" Luke mumbled in agony, about to lose consciousness.
"How many times do I have to tell you? It's not a kitty, it's a freaking chinchilla!"
"It's a kitty!" Luke sat up, glaring defiantly. He had stopped coughing and his face reverted back to its original color in that very second.
"It's a chinchilla! The guy at the pet store said so!" Kronos rolled his eyes, annoyed.
"The guy at the pet store was wrong! It was a kitty!"
"Chinchilla! Kitties don't look like that!"
"Yes, they do! It's a kitty!"
"Chinchilla!"
"Kitty!"
"Chinchilla!"
Okay. We'll leave them right now and go to a few other characters.
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Annabeth and Percy smiled together as they waited.
And waited. And waited some more.
"Why isn't the camera working?" Annabeth asked.
"Dunno." Percy answered.
Our favorite daughter of Athena walked over to the old fashioned camera standing in front of them and inspected it for a few seconds. She frowned and turned on a switch. She came back next to Percy and whacked him on the head.
"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" Percy screamed.
"IDIOT! THE CAMERA WASN'T SET!" Annabeth screamed right back.
Percy pouted and slapped her in the face. Annabeth stared back, shocked. Then she slapped him right back. Percy tried to strangle her, and she did the same.
At that moment, there was a flash. The camera had taken the picture.
"IDIOT! SEAWEED BRAIN!" Annabeth yelled and continued in trying to kill Percy.
"Hi, guys!" Thalia and Nico, our other favorite children of the Big Three who were still alive had popped up out of nowhere, followed shortly by Grover, our favorite satyr who had an uncanny ability to find obvious clues about Pan and sniff out the most powerful demigods in existence.
Percy and Annabeth stopped trying to murder each other and said, "Hi."
Thalia lowered her Hunter bow (which was in her hands, by the way) and said, "Hey, Percy, it was a nice idea."
"Yeah." Nico agreed. (No, he wasn't mad at Percy anymore, since he was bribed lavishly with some "mature" materials. Please do not ask your parents what porn is.)
"It was my idea! Percy stole it!" Annabeth said calmly. Then she broke down and started sobbing. "He always steals all my ideas! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
"Um, there, there." Grover said awkwardly, patting her on the back.
Let us check up on the villains now.
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"Kitty!"
"Chinchilla!"
"Kitty!"
"Chinchilla."
They are still at it! It's been two hours and fifteen minutes!
"It has? Oh, sorry." Luke apologized. "I forgot about my important news. Ahem."
Luke cleared his throat, forgot about his "kitty," and said, "There's nobody. Not a single immortal, let alone a mortal. And we got a note from Percy.
"A note? I, Kronos, Overlord of the Titans, Master of Evil, shall read it!"
That's stating the obvious.
"You keep breaking the rules." Luke whined.
Fine! I'll stop talking to you guys!
"The message says, 'See ya later, sucker. We all went to the Eastern civilization. Love, your favorite grandchild, Percy Jackson.' " Luke recited.
Kronos pounded his hands on the table. "Dammit! I should've thought of that little loophole!"
He started crying.
Luke left to take care of his "kitty."
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While Annabeth was sobbing her eyes out, Grover and Percy left to play Dungeons and Dragons with a bunch of other demigods, and Nico skipped across a field of pink flowers, followed by a menagerie of Disney animals.
"Oh gods, am I the only one who's acting in character?" Thalia asked, obviously disgusted.
Yes, she was.
"Now I'm alone with the crazy authoress!" Thalia shook her head. "Just my rotten luck."
Too bad. Remember I can make you do anything I want.
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Plus, we're all living in the Eastern world now."
Well, duh! Then Kronos would kill you!
"I hate you."
You're welcome.