Yes, this is a slash fic. No, I do not care.
I do not own either One Piece, or Katekyo Hitman Reborn!.
Paring: Gokudera Hayato and Sanji. Gokudera is shorter than Sanji, btw. 168 cm vs 177cm. So close!
Warning: Yaoi... bad language... um... crack and idiocy? Bad writing? Please note, I started writing this in 2013. I recently rediscovered it, re-read what I had written, and found that I actually remembered where this was going. I know I shouldn't be working on anything but Mirror, but once I remembered this... I couldn't stop. I needed to continue writing it.
Summary: "Sanji had transferred into this new high school 3 days ago, if only to 'make normal friends' as his father oh-so lovingly put. Uh-huh. Right. What was normal these days?" Sanji is sent to Namimori to make friends outside of his current circle, and ends up meeting someone who becomes so much more.
Sanji looked around the roof top with a sigh. The sky was a clear blue, the temperature was near perfect. The lunch Sanji had made for himself was as delicious and hefty as the meals he made back in the Baratie. The day was almost perfect.
And Sanji felt lonely.
Sanji had transferred into this new high school 3 days ago, if only to 'make normal friends' as his father oh-so lovingly put. Uh-huh. Right. The fuck was normal these days?
Sanji had been thrown out of his place, put into a new one of his own, in a new town, (town, not city, town) and told to make normal friends.
Heaving another sigh, he slid down to the ground, bento in hand, and pulled out his cell. He scrolled through the messages he got, at least one from everyone of his friends. Even that damn Marimo had texted him, telling him to get his prissy ass in gear and make some friends, so he could come home soon.
At least the thought was sweet...
The blond chef sent out a reply to each one as he ate his lunch. He finished eating with half of lunch period left before the bell rang, and no-one to text. He checked his watch. His friends back in Ikebukuro wouldn't have lunch period until his was over, and so Sanji was left with nothing to do but sit back, watch the clouds and sleep. Perhaps he could get a smoke in...?
The door to the roof opened, thankfully away from him, and he looked up, daring the new comer to say anything regarding the cigarette pack and lighter in his hands. Sanji's deep blue eyes met with the seemingly always angry jade green of the new comer, and Sanji found himself offering one of the death sticks to this silver-haired young man. The action seemed to dissipate the spell of silent contemplation that had formed between the two high schoolers.
"No thanks, I've got my own. Mind if I join you though?" the blond transfer student shook his head 'no' as the door closed. Gokudera Hayato assessed the new transfer student, making sure he was no threat to Juudaime's life. Finding none, he let up his guard – slightly – and leaned against the wall beside the new student, pulling out his own pack and lighter, and lighting up. They sighed out a breath of smoke simultaneously, and enjoyed another moment of silence between them.
They were equally half finished their cigarettes when Sanji decided to introduce himself.
"Sanji Noir."
Sliding down to sit next to the new student, Sanji, the silver-haired bomb-shell repeated the action.
"Gokudera Hayato."
They had finished smoking their first cigarettes, and just as Sanji had started his second, he remembered where he had seen Gokudera before. The silver-haired, green-eyed teen was in his new class, and although the other teen looked like a delinquent, he was a rather brilliant young man, as shown by the scores on the tests that were given and graded on the second day Sanji was there.
"Hey, what happened to the other two people you hang out with?" He asked, genuinely curious. "For a while there I didn't reconsigned you without them." Sanji glanced to the side, looking at his new company.
For a moment, a flash of concern flickered across Gokudera's stormy green eyes, before his scowl of indifference was back. "Juudaime caught the flu, so he's out for the day. And I could care less about the Baseball freak." Gokudera's scowl increased and for a second, it almost looked like he was pouting. At this thought, Sanji let out a low laugh.
"What's so funny?" Gokudera asked, turning his glare (pout) on Sanji. Said blond laughed a little louder.
"No, it's nothing. You just remind me of how I get with a friend of mine." he paused in his laughter, arms crossed lightly over his mid-section. "Well, kinda friend. Or, maybe more like that annoying cousin you don't wanna know or be related to?" he was mumbling out the last bit, but Gokudera caught it, and returned the laugh. Within the span of 30 seconds, the two of them went from a calm silence between two strangers, to laughing like idiots alone on the roof top.
Sanji straightened in his spot, sighing out one last laugh. He looked at his watch and bit back a groan. "Damn. The bell's gonna ring soon." he looked over to his new found friend, and sighed. "You know, I really don't want to go to class." Sanji hinted, hoping that the other wouldn't mind skipping with him. A grin spread across Gokudera face.
"Well, I know of a few arcades that are rather decent. Wanna go check 'em out?"
Hours passed, and they ended up at Sanji's place, laughing still at the last place that had kicked them out.
"Oh my god! Did you see the look on that one guy's face when you started flirting with his girl? It was priceless!"
"Or when you flipped him off? That was perfect! His nostrils actually flared! What, is he a bull or something?"
The two paused in their laughter for a second, looked at each other, and burst back into uncontrollable laughs. Sanji was the first to calm down as he stepped into the kitchen, checking on the slow cooker he'd set to low that morning for his favourite comfort food. He'd made meatballs the night before, added a few to his lunch that morning, and had them slow cooking all day in a sauce he had created when he was first adopted by Zeff and had perfected over time. Usually he has this wondrous concoction over rice, but considering his Italian guest, maybe pasta would be better?
"Oh? Nice looking kitchen you got here. Ever use it?"
"Everyday." Sanji turned to Gokudera and grinned. It really was a wonderful kitchen, for such a small apartment. With a fairly large stove and oven, plenty of counter space, two sinks, lots of cupboard space, and a bar/ island that separated the kitchen and the living room. Mahogany wood and marble counters were simulated with paint and a specially designed wallpaper made for counters. The entrance to the apartment was just off to the side of the kitchen, leading into the living room, and down the only hallway on the other side of the kitchen was his bedroom and bathroom. Gokudera sat on one of the bar stools at the separating bar/island while Sanji stood, his back to his new friend.
"I never told you what I did for a living before coming here, did I, Gokudera?"
The silverette's eyes drifted down to his hands resting on the counter in front of him. "You know, since I'm calling you Sanji, you can use my first name too."
With a grin on his face, Sanji repeated himself. "Well then, Hayato, I don't think I ever told you what I did back in 'Bukuro, did I?"
"'Bukuro?"
"Short for 'Ikebukuro', the part of Tokyo I'm from."
"Ah. I see. So then, Sanji, just what did you do for a living before you came to little old Namimori? No wait! Let me guess! You were a buss boy! No, better! A burger flipper!" Hayato laughed outright and Sanji stuck his tongue out at the cackling teen.
"Ha. Funny. Very funny. But no, I was a Sous chef in my father's restaurant. I was, at one point, a buss boy, but that was way back when I was 8. Chef Garde and inventory at 10 and prep chef at 11. Sous chef at 14. It was marvellous."
"Chef Garde? Never heard of that one."
"It's basically the chef that takes inventory control in the pantry and works with things like cold cuts and salads."
"Wow, doing inventory at 10? Your father must have really trusted you."
"Oh, not just doing inventory, ordering the stock too. And less 'trust' and more like the old bastard just couldn't be bothered to do it himself." Sanji laughed softly, pulling one of the pots down from its hanging point along the wall beside the stove. He filled the pot just over half with water and set it on the electric element, turning it on to medium. "So how do you feel about pasta and meatballs for dinner?"
"Wow," Hayato said, a sarcastic note layered thick throughout his tone. "How very thoughtful of you. Just how did you know the Italian in me loves pasta? And on that note, I'm staying for dinner? Since when?"
"Since just now. I decided it." Sanji said, a bit smug and playful. With a touch of uncertainty entering his eyes, he added, "Unless you already have plans?"
For a moment, Hayato thought that he should maybe go and see Juudaime, check on him and give him his notes for the day- "Nope." there was no way he was going to see Tsuna when he had skipped a whole half day of note taking. "I've got nothing, so dinner sounds awesome. And again, why pasta and meatballs?"
"Well, it's actually supposed to be rice and meatballs, that's my comfort food, I started making it yesterday, let the sauce and meatballs slow cook all day. But I figured I could change it, since you are Italian, and, you know, pasta." Sanji chuckled, making a random gesture at the bag of pasta sitting innocently on his counter.
"Rice? That sounds like an odd combination."
"Oh but it's so good. Maybe I will do rice, just to show you how good it is. That and now that I think about it, I have no idea how my sauce would taste on pasta." Sanji turned to his spaghetti noodles and really looked at them, almost glaring.
"Is it too late to change it to rice? 'Cause now I'm curious."
"It's never too late, man. Never." they shared another laugh, and Sanji set out to re-start dinner, dumping out the water from the pot and grabbing a measuring cup from above the sink. While thinking to himself that he'd like a smoke right about now, he grabbed an ash tray and set it on the island between them.
"Thanks, I was just about to ask for one."
"No problem.…. Do you mind 5 minute rice? I don't have any long grain."
"Yeah, sure, I don't mind. And I think I'm going to check out that view, if you don't mind." Hayato said, standing up from the bar. He grabbed the ash try and headed out to the balcony. The view was amazing, the sun had just set, some colourful lights still hanging around in the sky, painting it in reds and purples. He took a deep breath of fresh air and contemplated not lighting up. With a smile, Hayato decided to put his pack back into his pocket and leaned against the railing. They were 7 stories up, and the world appeared so small. People seemed like unimportant dots walking along the sidewalks, and cars looked like toys Hayato could just reach out and grab. In the far distance, he could even see the edges of farm land just outside of Namimori.
And for a moment, just one moment, he let his guard down completely. He let his shoulders relax, he took another deep breath, released it in a sigh and thought about why he was able to let his guard down so easily. Why, when he had known this person for a mere half day? Why, when he wasn't even sure the door had been locked, or that there wasn't a near-by sniper lining up a shot, or that Sanji really was who he had said he was? Why, when Sanji could even be an assassin looking for a way in to get to Juudaime easier?
Because Sanji was just easy to be himself around. As easy as breathing to Hayato.
There was movement behind him and Hayato smiled, listening as Sanji walked out and joined him at the railing. The blond grinned at him and said, "So you took my ash try from me, and you aren't even using it? Tsk tsk."
Hayato gave a small laugh, tightening his grip on the ash try he had forgotten was in his hands, and looked back at this strange blond that had quite suddenly appeared in his life. They spent a good few minutes standing there, watching the dark set in and the lights come on. Hayato turned back to Sanji, watching the man watch the stars before looking up at them himself. They were beautiful; a beautiful contrast of white dots in a blanket of dark sky.
"If there's one thing I like about this place that's really different from 'Bukuro, it's the stars. The lights of the city are too much for them to come out, and some nights, I can't even find the moon. The stars here..."
"I know," Hayato nodded, "Back in Italy, at my father's place, I could always see them. Then I made the stupid move to the big city and I couldn't see them anymore. Here... I'm reminded of the few good times with dad and my step mom."
'Where the holy UMA did that come from?!' Hayato shouted in his head. He looked back at Sanji, eyes wide in surprise and a touch of fear. "I didn't just say that. Could you forget you heard that?!"
Sanji's blue eyes saddened a bit and the blond reached into his pocket for his smokes. Lighting up, he said,
"Let too much slip to a new friend? Don't worry," he paused and turned back toward his apartment, "I didn't hear a damn thing." he turned back with a smile that Hayato very suddenly wanted to return and said, "You coming in? Rice should be done by now."
Hayato spent the walk back to his own apartment thinking back on his day. He'd gone to Juudaime's early that morning to find that Tsuna was sick after staying out in the cold rain earlier in the week, and that the baseball idiot was just as sick for the same reason. Why Hayato hadn't been there with them was a mystery Reborn wouldn't answer.
Then he was asked by Juudaime's mother to take notes for Juudaime and what had he done? He had gone for only half the day and then skipped the rest with the new transfer student. Gone to arcades he'd only gone to with Juudaime on the weekends before, and then even rejected the thought of going to see Juudaime! Was he insane?
... possibly.
But spending all that time with Sanji... it felt right. Just laughing like an idiot like the baseball freak; it was fun, so fun he wanted to do it all over again. And that meatball-over-rice stuff was fantastic! Hayato grinned stupidly; just the memory of that amazing food made his mouth water! For reasons unknown to him, he suddenly regretted leaving Sanji's place. He wanted to talk more, learn more about Sanji's past, his family, and good god, his friends back in 'Bukuro sounded fantastically hysterical. Checking the time on his phone, Hayato came to a halt in front of his apartment door. Was it really almost midnight? And how did he miss so many calls and texts?
"Wow..." he muttered, taking out his keys and sliding the lock closed.
... closed? Didn't he lock the door this morning?
Immediately, or rather blatantly, his training as a mafioso kicked in and he could sense someone on the other side of the door. No... two someones? There were two people in his apartment and there was no way that whoever it was wouldn't know that Hayato was there at his door; his lock was loud. He crouched and thought about what he should do, considering that he had just essentially locked two potentially armed enemies in his home, and there was no way to get out without passing the silverette...
The lock pulled back and Hayato jumped up, all but slamming his body into the wall next to his door, pulling out a few sticks of dynamite and almost magically lighting a cigarette at the same time. He relaxed though when the door opened and reviled his red-headed sister, Bianchi.
"Nee-san!" he said, placing his dynamite back in it's pocket while placing his hand over his stomach, happy that he had, for the most part, gotten over the psychosomatic illness whenever he saw his sister's face. "You scared me! What are you doing here?"
"I scared you?! Where the hell have you been? Get in here!" the red-head grabbed her brother's shirt and cancer stick in one move, throwing one to the ground and the other into the apartment. Hayato tripped over his ill-placed throw rug and landed face first into the couch.
"Seriously! What the hell?!" he screeched, standing up and just before he could get in his sister's face for throwing him, Bianchi stormed up.
"That is my question, Hayato. I have tried calling you 10 times. When the school called me to tell me that you were missing from class and I got worried, so I called you. You didn't pick up. I tried again. I came all the way out here to look for you, thinking that maybe you had gone home sick and gone to sleep because I couldn't think of any other reason for you to miss an afternoon of class when Tsuna needed your notes. And you know what I found when I got here?"
Hayato was fairly certain she had paused so he could answer her rhetorical question, so instead he grabbed the t.v. remote, turned and sat down on the couch. Rolling his eyes, he hit the power button on the remote, expecting to get away from his sister's scolding. Except nothing happened, no sudden light in the room, no flicker of life to the screen, nothing.
"What did you do to my T.V.?"
"I unplugged it." The young red head closed the door behind her, slamming it shut and watching Hayato jump at the sound with a bit of a smug smile. She flipped on the light switch and sauntered over to her little brother's side, plopping down beside him snuggling up close. No, he wasn't forgiven that easily, but Bianchi knew Hayato hated being this close to anyone, especially his sister, so this kind of torture was something the red-head loved doing.
"What the hell? Get away from me!"
Bianchi continued with her rant from before, like nothing had been said or done in her pause. "I found my little brother's apartment empty. Completely empty. Where were you?!"
This time Hayato knew his sister had paused without rhetoric but he didn't want to respond, and instead turned his hardest, coldest glare on his sister. Bianchi took this in stride, raising an eyebrow and stared her baby brother down. After a minute or so, the red-head decided to take things up a notch, and swiftly got up just enough to swing herself back down onto Hayato's lap.
"Gah! OK! OK! I give! I'll talk, just get your fat ass off of me!"
"What did you just say?!"
"Alright!" boomed another voice, one that had both siblings flinch. They looked over the edge of the couch and that's when Hayato remembered that there had been two people in his apartment, not just his sister. (No matter how big her ego, personality, and pride were, they were not enough to make up a second person.)
"That's enough! Bianchi, go get a drink and cool your head. Gokudera," the voice, thundering with authority and power, was a voice Hayato knew better than most, no matter how much it was changing with the man's swiftly ageing body. "Come here. You and I need to talk."
Reborn went well into the morning with his lecture, and despite it, Hayato regretted nothing.
The next morning, Sanji got up to sluggishly make his bento for the day and his breakfast, hating the fact that he couldn't get Hayato out of his head, and couldn't sleep because of it. He picked up his cell phone to text the silver-haired boy, wondering if he wanted any of the left over meatballs and rice, when he realized something rather stupid of him. The blond spent nearly 10 hours with the other boy, talking and laughing, and not once did he think to get his number. He 'tisk'ed.
"Damn it."
Well, so much for that. Sanji hummed over what he should do, when a thought came to him. Didn't Hayato say something about his friends being sick, and therefore, missing the day yesterday? If they came today, there was little doubt in Sanji's mind that Hayato wouldn't rave over the food last night, and Sanji would either have to hide his lunch or share it with them. If they weren't there, Hayato was sure to skip lunch again, and Sanji would undoubtedly share with him (The chef had been appalled when Hayato reviled he typically didn't eat when he was alone).
So with that in mind, the blond made a second, smaller bento, consisting mostly of left over meatballs and rice, and left a little early with a smile on his face. He arrived early, hoping to run into Hayato and talk to him, but the other wasn't there, and only showed up about 20 seconds before the bell went off with two others running with him. The one next to Hayato was tall, maybe taller than Sanji, with dark skin and black hair and a smile so kind and wide, it reminded the blond of his friend Luffy back home. The boy front and centre was much shorter, gasping like breathing hurt, and staggering to his seat on shaky legs like running was normally an impossibility. The taller male was laughing like he won something (or was high, because really who could tell?) and Hayato was... fussing.
Sanji couldn't really find any other word to describe what the silver-haired boy was doing, helping the shorted teen to his seat, carrying his bag and hanging it up for him, asking if he was OK, if he needed anything, and more. Even the teacher went either unheard or ignored for the most part when he came in, and ended up walking up to the two of them to tell Hayato to go to his seat. The blow-up was expected, the words Hayato spat were not.
"How dare you imply that your stupid lessons are more important than my Juudaime's health!"
'My Juudaime? What does that mean?' Sanji thought to himself, watching as the smaller boy bowed his head in respect, or embarrassment, and apologized for Hayato's loud words. "Please Gokudera-kun! I'm OK, really! Just go sit down."
Sanji wasn't really sure what to expect at this point, but he was still surprised when Hayato stiffened his back and saluted the smaller teen with a cry of, "Hai, Juudaime!" and promptly walked over to his desk, sitting without another word. The teacher blinked as if uncertain about the teen's sudden obedience, before shrugging it off and wandering back to the black board to start the day. Sanji tried to catch the silver-haired teens attention with a good morning wave, but went widely ignored. So the chef focused on the school work, and tried (and failed) to ignore the feeling of depression and dread building up in his stomach like rocks on a cliff face tumbling down to bury him alive.
It was lunch before Hayato even acknowledged Sanji's existence.
"Hey Sanji, you wanna join us for lunch?" Hayato asked, gaining the sudden interest of over half the class. The blond momentarily considered saying something snide, maybe along the lines of 'oh, now you're talking to me?' but went instead with a smile and said,
"Sure, I'd love too." Hayato matched his smile, and Sanji turned to reach into his bag, retrieving the two bento's he had brought with him. He turned and stood just in time to avoid knocking over the petite boy who had arrived to class with Hayato. "Sorry," he sputtered, nearly tripping himself back into his own seat.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I almost ran into you. My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi. You can call me Tsuna." the boy said with a smile on his face. Sanji smiled back, and decided that he liked this 'Tsuna', and took the offered hand in a friendly shake.
"Hi, I'm Sanji."
"And I'm Yamamoto Takeshi!" Sanji turned around completely, startled by the sudden introduction, before smiling at the tall boy standing next to Hayato. "Hi." he said back with a chuckle.
Heading up to the roof, the four of them were joined by four girls, and the group of eight decidedly sat in a circle under the sun.
"So, Sanji-san? Why do you have two bento's? Ah! My name is Kyoko, by the way." the girl sitting directly in front of him said shyly. "And these are my friends, Hana, Haru and Chrome." she continued, and each girl waved to the sound of their names. Sanji smiled at the cute girls, but before he could get out an answer, they were all joined by yet another person. Well, less 'joined' by and more... interrupted by?
The door opened loudly and they all turned to look up at the new comer, Sanji turning the most, as the door was right behind him. Tsuna spoke up first.
"Ah, Hibari-san! What are you doing here? Did you want to join us?" the much older looking teen (like seriously, was he held back a few years?) sneered in distaste at the group and swiftly turned around, gripping the ladder that lead to the highest part of the roof that was stationed about three feet from the door.
"Don't wake me up, or I'll bite you all to death." he said sourly as he ascended the ladder. Sanji turned to the rest of the group, his eye brows raised, and muttered,
"Well, he seems pleasant."
"That's just Hibari Kyoya, he's always like that." Tsuna said in a sigh.
"You can just ignore the bastard, for the most part. That's what I do." Hayato said with a lazy shrug. He turned his eyes to the second, smaller bento and asked, "So, is that second bento what I think it is?"
"Depends," Sanji replied with a smirk. "What do you think it is?" and he handed the dish over, noticing not for the first time that Hayato didn't have a lunch with him while everyone else did. The silver-haired teen pulled the cloth away from the small, metal box and almost drooled when it reviled the delicious meal he had had last night. He must have made some sort of noise in the back of his throat, because Sanji started to laugh a little and Tsuna leaned over from his other side.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Really, really good." Hayato answered and offered a bite to Tsuna to try. He picked up a meatball in his chopsticks with some rice stuck to it, and brought it closer to himself to examine it farther before deciding to just go for it, and popped it in his mouth. If the sound he made was anything to go by, then Sanji knew he liked it. A lot.
"Oh... My... God... Sanji-san, did you make this? It's so good!" Sanji just laughed as the girls leaned forward asking if they could try some too. Hayato looked unwilling to share with anyone but Tsuna, but relented with some pouts aimed his way. When Yamamoto, the tall version of Luffy sitting on Sanji's other side, asked for some as well, Hayato just huffed and said that he couldn't. So Sanji offered a bite of his own lunch for him. The group chatted for a while, exchanging how they met and their favourite hobbies. Some of their stories were so wild, Sanji almost didn't believe them.
After all, who would believe that someone who's smile was so like his "captain's" would ever try to kill himself? And the way the taller teen talked about his attempted suicide, the way he casually brushed it off like the whole thing was nothing worth remembering... it was almost like a small part of him still wished he hadn't been saved. The way his smile darkened for just a second, really, just a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment... it was like Yamamoto still thought about jumping again.
And that thought really scared Sanji, because Luffy's smiles sometimes got just as dark as Yamamoto's. And the chef really didn't want to think of the implications of that. That Luffy could get that dark, the same way Yamamoto could. Did that smile mean that Luffy thought about it too?
Very suddenly, Sanji wanted to call his friend up, wanted to make sure those thoughts were not in his head, because they had no right to clog up that wonderful mind. Sanji took a deep breath to quell his shaken thoughts, and stood from the circle, pulling out his pack of smokes and lighter as he went.
"I'm going to have a smoke, if you all don't mind. Hayato, wanna join me?" he asked as he started to remove himself from the group, walking toward the railing with a cigarette already in his mouth. He brought the lighter up to light the stick just as Hayato yelled out,
"Ah! Sanji wait!" he was sadly interrupted by a growl of "Smoking on school property? I'll bite you to death." which caught Sanji's attention just as the black-haired guy from the upper roof lunged.
-Omake of when Sanji called and talked to Luffy later that day-
Sometime after Sanji got home, and made himself a salad for dinner, the chef worked up the nerve to call one of his best friends. He stared at the name on the screen for a minute before hitting dial and brought it to his ear. It rang twice before Sanji was reminded why bringing the phone up was a terrible plan.
"SANJI! I'VE MISSED YOU!"
The scream nearly blew out his ear, so of course Sanji had to be polite and remind Luffy that being on the phone required his inside voice.
"KEEP IT DOWN, SHIT-HEAD! YOU NEARLY KILLED MY EAR!" Despite the hypocritical tone (and level) of voice, Sanji couldn't suppress the grin that split his face that came with Luffy's joyous laugh. He laughed with him for a moment.
"So! How've you been? Made any new friends yet? Think they'd join my crew?" Luffy sounded so excited over the prospect of new friends, Sanji almost lost his courage to ask what was on his mind.
Almost...
"Yeah, I met some people. They're kinda cool, I guess. There's this one guy though... he's a lot like you Luffy."
"Oh yeah? How so?"
"His smile is just like yours, and his personality. I guess the only real difference that I can see is that he's really tall. Taller than me!"
"Oh! I wanna be tall!"
"Yeah! And he's always laughing, just like you. And this tall, always smiling guy... he tried to kill himself. Back in middle school..." the tone of the conversation got heavy, enough so that even Luffy and his endless laugh sobered to silence. Sanji gulped and continued, forcing the words from his throat.
"His smile... we were talking, me, him and a bunch of his friends, and the topic just came up... his smile got all dark, and I got the feeling that he still wished sometimes that he had jumped. That serious smile... it reminded me of how your smile gets sometimes when you don't think we see it. Luffy... do you have similar thoughts?" the other end was silent, so much so that Sanji wondered if Luffy had hung up, before there was a long sigh on the other end.
"So... you figured it out, huh? Sanji..." the blond chef almost didn't recognize his voice when Luffy spoke, he sounded so resigned. There was another sigh before Luffy's voice came back, "Just a sec, I gotta go to another room. Ace is here."
'So you don't want even your brother to know, huh?' Sanji thought, sinking deeper into his seat on the couch, his dinner salad sitting on the coffee table half-eaten and forgotten. He listened to Luffy throw some half-assed excuse over his shoulder, thankfully away from the phone, heard him shuffle to a new area and close a door, sealing off the background noise. There was a sudden Fwamp as Sanji assumed Luffy plopped down onto the bed.
"Sometimes... just sometimes, I get thoughts like that." his voice was muffled, like he was talking into a pillow, and Sanji got the feeling this was Luffy's way of trying not to face his problem, even while talking about it. He wondered just how bad Luffy's thoughts were, if the boy was trying to hide from them.
"Why haven't you said anything to us? To Ace?" he asked instead, hoping that maybe getting his best friends' brother involved would help. Luffy's next words broke Sanji's heart, and his resolve, and forced the chef to bite back tears.
"Because I don't want people to know how weak I really am."
The crack in his voice, the stutter in his breath, the tremble of his whispered words.. there was no doubt in Sanji's mind. Luffy was crying. Sanji let out a stuttered breath of his own, and said just as quietly,
"You know I could never see you as weak, Luffy." Luffy let out a sob, one that came from the deepest part of his chest, and said,
"I know. But what I know and what I feel are different."
"Like what?"
"Like... Like I know that if you all found out about... you know, then you all would support me and help me. But I feel like you would all leave me. I know that fighting these thoughts makes me strong, but even having them makes me feel so weak... like I can't live up to the image you all have of me. Like I can't make Ace proud of me."
"Is that why you didn't want to talk in front of Ace?"
There was a subtle slide of skin against cotton, twice, and Sanji figured Luffy nodded, forgetting that Sanji couldn't actually see him. But it made sense, now. Why Luffy wouldn't tell anyone, especially Ace. They weren't really blood brothers, but they were just as close, if not closer. Luffy, if only in his own torturous mind, thought that he would lose Ace, and his friends, if anyone found out.
"But you know what, Sanji?" Luffy's voice startled Sanji a bit, but the chef recovered quickly, enough to respond with a quiet, "What?"
"I'll never, ever do anything to hurt myself, no matter how bad those thoughts get." the words alone seemed to spark a light back in Sanji's heart, and the determination in the other's voice brought a smile back to his face.
"Why's that?"
"Because I have a dream to chase! I can't chase it if I'm dead! Hahaha!" The words were blunt, tactless and so much like Luffy, Sanji could hardly believe the last five minutes were so hard...
"And you know, Luffy, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'll help you every single fucking step of the way. No matter what. We're all behind you."
"Shishishishi! I know!" if he sounded like he was crying again, Sanji didn't mention it.
so... that's all for now. More later, just not sure how much later. This took 4 years to get out of me, but I can guarantee it won't take that long to get out the next one.