Title: Identity Crisis

Fandom: Hanazakari No Kimitachi E (JDrama)

Pairing: UmedaAshiya

A/N: ...or something. JDrama-verse, and I think Umeda has the right idea by being gay. Just for the record.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hana-Kimi, nor am I making money off of this.

"Sano, Sano, Sano," Umeda grumbled, placing his empty cup in the sink. "I am sick of hearing about nothing but Sano." He leaned against the bed, crossing his ankles and folding his arms, careful not to look at the now silent girl next to him.

"But," Ashiya started, her tea cup shaking slightly in her hands, "I thought you liked boys."

"I like men," he corrected, turning his head to look at her. Against his better judgment, he reached out a hand to gently stroke her hair from her eyes. "And turning into quite the young man."

Ashiya froze, and he could see his words rolling around, over and over, in her head, her slow brain struggling to process his words. He took full advantage, running his fingertips over the smooth skin of her cheek, his thumb brushing against her pouting lower lip. It had been a long time since he had last touched a woman's skin.

And it would be a long time before he touched a woman's skin again.

More for her sake than his own, he said, "It's a shame you'll forget how to be a girl."

Like a true boy, she fled, not looking back as she ran from the room.

"Tell Sano!" he called after her, not caring if the boy was standing outside the room, waiting for Ashiya. With a sigh, he picked up Ashiya's dropped tea cup and hoped there was a spare set of sheets in the closet.

"I take it Sano wasn't surprised?" Umeda asked when Ashiya came through the door a week later.

She nervously played her hair, her finger brushing up against her lower lip, and she was completely unaware that she had done so. "I didn't tell him."

"Of course not," he said, filling the two cups with water.

"Do you really think I'll forget how to be a girl?" she asked, taking a seat on the bed.

"It's not a hard thing to forget," he lied, handing her her smaller cup before taking a sip from his own, preferring to lean against his desk today.

"Then, help me remember," she said.

"Tell Sano," he said, ignoring her request. "Then you won't have to keep up this meaningless charade."

"Help me," she pleaded.

"That is something you have reserved for Sano," he said, putting down his cup so that she couldn't hear his shaking hands.

"I'm not ready to tell him," she said, shaking her head and looked positively pitiful.

"Then Ashiya the girl will probably fade away," he said. His hands gripped the edge of his desk so tight that his knuckles turned white.

"You should help me remember," she repeated.

Umeda was on Ashiya so fast that neither had the chance to breathe before she was on her back, his hands pinning hers above her head.

"You have no idea what you're asking me to do," he breathed into her ear, reveling in the feel of her body trembling beneath his.

Ashiya swallowed, took a deep breath, and then said, "I'll do whatever it takes to be what Sano wants me to be."

It would never cease to amaze him how brave this girl was. Still, he pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked down at her. "That's not good enough," he told her.

"What-"

"What do you want, Ashiya? If you had never met Sano, if you didn't love Sano, what would you want?"

"To be a girl," Ashiya answered.

"Damn," Umeda muttered, rolling off of her. "I only like men."

But he pushed his hand under her shirt, drawing circles with his thumb over her nipple. She squirmed and whined, pulling away from the touch only to cry when it stopped.

"That's the trouble with girls," he mused out loud, moving his hand from her chest and under the waist band of her shorts. "They never know what they want, even when it's right in front of them."

Ashiya kept still, obviously having to try to bare this, and Umeda couldn't help but think that it shouldn't be something to bare. Her hips rose slightly, her teeth bit her bottom lip, and her hand found his free one, squeezing it so hard that his fingers lost feeling.

When it was over, he washed his hands and told her, "I have taken nothing from you. You can still give all of yourself to Sano, when the time comes."

She didn't look any less ashamed.

"I'm forgetting again," Ashiya said, closing the door behind her. It had been almost two weeks since she had spoken to him.

Umeda didn't look up from his paperwork. "And you're telling me because…?"

"Well, because, y'know… You, and me…"

"You and I have done nothing," he corrected forcefully. "And it will stay that way."

"But-"

"But I am not Sano, or have you forgotten that as well?"

Ashiya shoved her hands into her back pockets and stared at the ground. Umeda let his breath out through his nose, knowing that he was giving in too easily. He didn't ask himself why.

"You need to know what you want," he said, swiveling his chair around to face her.

She looked up and stepped closer.

"Otherwise," he continued, feeling rather small as he looked up at her, "you will have to leave. Now."

She sat in his lap.

"What now?" she asked.

He held on to the arms of the chair. "What ever you want."

She had to think about that for a minute. He was going to go insane. "Ashiya-"

"Mizuki," she said quickly. "My name is Mizuki."

"Mizuki," he repeated and she not so gently rocked her hips towards his.

"Doctor…" she said slowly, hoping to get his name in return.

Instead he grabbed her ass and lifted her, dropping her on the bed. He may have liked men, but there was only so much a man could take before it no longer mattered.

"I have nothing left to give Sano," she said softly afterwards.

"We both know that you are not above deceiving him," Umeda said as he washed his hands. He entertained the idea of not changing the sheets this time.

Fortunately, it was not Sano who walked in on them a few weeks later, but Nakatsu.

Umeda could honestly say that he had never moved so fast in his life, pushing Nakatsu into the hall and slamming the door closed behind them.

"Doctor…" Nakatsu started, blood leaking from his nose, the boy completely oblivious to it.

"Nakatsu," Umeda responded, ready to negotiate some sort of understanding.

"Who was that?" the boy asked, still staring at the door.

"Who-?" Umeda repeated, then realized that Nakatsu hadn't seen that the naked girl was Ashiya. He must have been hit in the head with a soccer ball one too many times. "A friend. She's here for a consult."

"Oh. Consult."

"Do you need something?" Umeda asked through gritted teeth.

"Aspirin. I have a headache."

Umeda cracked the door, then opened it when he saw that Ashiya had closed the curtain. Grabbing the aspirin bottle and some gauze, he tossed it at Nakatsu and closed the door.

"Your fly is undone, Doctor," Nakatsu said a bit late to the closed door.

Umeda locked the door, propped a chair under the handle, and as he contemplated nailing it shut, he asked himself what he was doing and why was he doing it. He didn't have an answer for himself, so when Ashiya had dressed and left for the day, Umeda packed a bag and left the next morning.

"You could have said good-bye," Ashiya said from behind him.

Umeda didn't answer, just inhaled on his cigarette and looked out at the ocean.

"Nanba said you might be here," she continued, coming closer and closer. "He said that you often come to visit your sister."

"He lied," Umeda said, putting his cigarette out in the sand. "I don't come here at all."

"You thought I wouldn't find you here," she added.

"I hoped you wouldn't," he said, turning his head to look at her. She was wearing a dress. "I don't want to see you anymore."

"You wouldn't have hid if you didn't want to see me," she said, standing above him.

He paused, lit another cigarette, and told her, "I slept with another man. Several men, actually."

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked.

"Doesn't it disgust you? That I've been with other men and you?"

"I'm used to having my heart broken, Doctor-"

"Hokuto," he said around his cigarette.

"…Hokuto. I'm used to heartbreak and disappointment, so nothing you could say or do would-"

"Shut up," he said.

She sat down next to him, giving him his silence.

"I only like men," he told her again.

"Then it's a good thing I know how to be both."

He laughed at her for a good ten seconds before saying, "You know nothing about being a boy."

She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder as he chuckled to himself, keeping her ear near to his mouth in case he had something more to say.

He didn't.

19.December Update: Thanks for all the kind reviews. I really didn't expect anyone to like this story . As per suggestions, rating has been lowered from M to T. Also, I changed a line or two near the beginning to help it flow a little better. Hope you enjoyed reading!