Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket (Furuba) it belongs to Natsuki-sama.

Addiction, depression, self-injury, yaoi, and suicide are all implied and carried out in this story. If you don't like any of them, back off. Italics for emphasis and thought. (Kyo's POV)

A Way to Let Go

I had been wearing tighter pants more often. I even got a smaller size in my uniform pants. It was nice, being noticed by everyone. Even the new kids I hung around were wearing tight pants. They taught me how to get over the small and big problems of life. It really worked too. Kauri, my new friend, and I always did it together too. He would come over and we would just sit in my room with the needles and razors.

They taught me in school not to share needles, heck; they told me not to do drugs at all! But really, who was it hurting? No one around me knew, only Kauri and our friends. Tohru, Shigure, even the Rat didn't notice. So, I wasn't hurting anyone. The cuts were always covered up and I healed quickly anyways. My grades may have been dropping, but it stopped the pain.

The reason I was on drugs and cutting myself was HIS fault, not mine. I had been in love with Yuki for awhile,. Kauri noticed immediately and showed me this incredible way to heal. He was a real nice guy, the kind that, if he wasn't on drugs, you would want as a friend. He knew what to say and when to say it. That was all that mattered. He helped me.

I had been sitting at the table, watching TV, when there was a knock on the door. Tohru opened it and let my new best friend in shyly.

"Yo, Kyo. The guys and I are going out tonight," Kauri's voice snapped me away from the TV.

"Where to?"

"That place, where else?"

"I don't know. I'll be right back," I mumbled, getting up.

I walked into the kitchen and noticed Shigure whispering to Yuki. I walked by slowly and didn't give them any attention. Picking up a key, I looked longingly at the knife set. I touched it lightly, anticipating tonight's events. Smiling softly, I walked back over to Kauri and Tohru.

"Ready?"

"I was born frickin' ready," I smirked at him.

He returned the smirk and walked over to my door. I smiled at Tohru and she nodded. She thought it was great that I had friends other than her and Yuki. I walked over to the door and was ready to walk out when Tohru's voice rang out to me.

"It's cold. Put on a jacket," she smiled.

"Nn..'Kay."

I threw on a jacket with fur on the rim of the hood. It was a slim-fitting jacket, my favorite, to be exact. I was almost out the door before the stupid rat spoke up.

"If you appreciate what Miss Honda has given us, you won't do this," he threatened.

Recently, I just didn't feel like fighting him, "Whatever, let's go Kauri."

Kauri looked between us and nodded. We walked away and all we heard was, "I hate you Kyo! I hate you so much!"

I smiled a fake smile and kept walking, "Are you okay?" Kauri's concerned voice reached me.

I looked at him, "Of course," I said play-punching his arm.

He smiled and we kept walking. Neither of us spoke until we got there. The old, abandoned, shack. This was where we always did the drugs. I preferred needles and pills over crack. I shared a needle with Kauri, like always. We liked the same things. It was nice to be similar to someone.

"Hey dudes, check this out," Kazuki muttered.

We all looked at him to see him cutting a small slit on his wrist. Someone said something about it being stupid and dumb to watch, until he did something really stupid. He grabbed salt out of a bag and smeared it all over his blood and cut. He breathed in sharply as he tilted his head back out of pleasure and pain. When they said being high makes you do stupid stuff, they sure meant it. The others started to try it, but I was way too smart to give myself an infection.

What am I doing here? Why am I doing this?

Because it helps. I told myself…..It was better to have no pain.

I was already infected with whatever the hell Kauri had. No turning back, if I'm sick, I might as well try something new. I reached for the razor and made a small slice like Kazuki, and it felt good. I grabbed for the salt when I was hauled up suddenly.

I looked around and saw Hatsuharu dragging me away from my friends. My only friends. I struggled, but I was too weak from all the drugs in my system.

Haru laughed emptily, "You're pathetic. You're so high you can't free yourself from my grasp!" he yelled with fury and hate.

That was it. It had finally hit me. Someone cared and I was being so completely stupid that I hadn't noticed. Haru was right. I was too high to care about my own body's strength. Sobs escaped my lips as I embraced the ox in a tight, warm hug. He hugged me back with an intensity meant for healing. He was trying to heal me.

"H-Haru….I'm s-s-so so-o-rry….," I wept into his shirt.

He shushed me and carried me. I didn't remember much due to the fact that I had past out. But when I came to, I was still in his arms. He opened a door, I looked over and saw Shigure's house. I squirmed like a maniac, I couldn't let Yuki see me. Haru just walked in, closed the door casually, and walked up the stairs with me in his arms. We passed Yuki in the hall, but he didn't say anything. He didn't need too, his eyes were wide and he followed Haru to my room. I was laid gently onto my bad, but I kept my arms around Haru. If I let go, I lost the only person who cared about me. His eyes were loving, he was smiling softly, and he laid his head on my chest.

The tears came again. I cried onto him and held his small body tightly. Haru got up, and pushed my arms away as gently as he had put me down. He walked away, but I wasn't alone for long. Yuki came up to me and just glared. I stared at him. I love you. Don't leave, stay here and lay beside me. Heal me. Protect me, save me from myself.

"You're an idiot," he hissed out.

"Yuki," I extended my hand out, but he smacked it away.

"I warned you Kyo. You didn't listen. I hate you," and with that, he walked away.

Yuki, don't leave me………. I need you more than I need healing……….

He didn't come back. He wasn't going to come back for a freak like me. No one loved me, not even Haru, he left me. When Yuki slammed my door, I couldn't help it. I needed relief. I grabbed the blade hidden in my closet.

Make my pain go away……… Forever.

I sliced on my artery and gasped at my surprise. I didn't think it would hurt more than it gave me relief. Until, the pain left me suddenly. I smiled, the tears going more severely than before. Laughing, I sliced away.

Harder you fool! Your pain will remain until you end it! I shouted at myself.

I laid down on the floor, time for a nap. I felt myself slinking out of reality and into the darkness of my dreams. I laughed and I cried at the same time. It hurt….and yet it was perfect.

"Kyo! No!"

Yuki?

Yuki's beautiful face flooded my sight. He was worried about something. He had tears in his eyes, his beautiful, silky eyes. I touched his face lovingly, the smile appeared on my face.

"I must be dreaming already. You're always here when I dream," I mumbled.

"Kyo…no…"

"I love you, my prince."

"I love you too, Kyo…..don't die," he sobbed.

"I'm not dying… I'm living for the first time."

His lips touched mine tenderly, it was wonderful. I didn't want this dream to end. This was the best dream I had been having in awhile.

"I love you so much, Kyo…..Tohru! Call Hatori! Tell him Kyo's dying!"

Yuki shouted so loud, I thought my ears would shatter. I kissed him again. His tears hit my face.

"Why are you crying, Love?"

"Kyo…hang on. You'll be safe, I promise. And once you're okay, I'll love you for real."

I smiled and I realized my dream was ending. I kissed him and leaned away. My surroundings became black and my body started going cold.

"KYO?!"

It was over. I couldn't hear Yuki. The light was gone.

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Author's Note:Um....I'm thinking of making Yuki's version of the story. Tell me if you want it!