I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
Bella Swan was and always would be a survivor.
There was no way in hell she was going to allow some fucked up little boy control her.
She just had to figure a way to get out first.
Her head was pounding, her entire body ached, her fingertips were raw, and she was pretty sure her knuckles were bleeding. She had tried to scale the walls and punch through the solid wood door. After the first unsuccessful attempt, she was sure she had broken a few bones.
But she didn't stop.
No, it was only until she had literally blacked out from the pain that she had stopped trying to find a way out.
She figured she deserved it, trying to punch through solid wood doors, was not exactly a sign of intelligence.
It was a sign of desperation.
She was trapped.
She had lost track of time.
There was no window, no light source. There was nothing that even hinted to Bella a possible person within miles. She was left here to die: alone, starved, isolated, bleeding, and probably half crazy.
Bella tried her best to keep her mind in check. To watch her thoughts carefully, she knew what could happen if she let her thoughts slip. If she allowed herself to panic, some crazies weren't born they were made.
She began by counting seconds, minutes, and hours. But she fell asleep, and that screwed everything. She couldn't be sure how long she was out, there was nothing to look at, nothing to distract her. She was painfully aware of where she was: trapped inside this room and inside her mind.
She tried to go back and organize everything she remembered; but nothing was clear. All she could see were brief glimpses, snapshot of moments, nothing substantial. No story, just a string of random events.
Sitting on the couch in the dressing room.
Jessica's electric blue and Angela's pale pink dress.
Windows full of crystals, dream-catchers, and books about spiritual healing.
Four men.
A Street with no sidewalk, only a chain link fence topped with barbed wire.
Blank door less, window less walls.
Being herded.
One fist, two fists, being held down. Being kicked.
A flash of silver.
His voice.
Probably a concussion, Bella thought and absently touched her head, wincing from the pain. The last thought she had was, "Edward's here, he will protect me."
Apparently Edward would not protect her, he would destroy her. She knew he had made them leave. She knew he was the last person she was with. She knew he was her savior and her executioner. But just because she knew this didn't mean she accepted it.
He had gone too far.
When she had to pee, she thought she was going to die of humiliation. She was forced crawl on her hands and knees to search for an empty water bottle, a bucket, a fucking dip in the wood. When her fingertips recognized the feel of porcelain, she could have wept for joy.
She nearly gagged the first time she had to drink from it.
The second time wasn't much better.
The water was fresh; at least she hoped it was. The plumbing seemed to work, and it tasted like water. Then again she could not actually recall the last time food was in her stomach.
That thought only served to remind her of her empty stomach.
How long had she been here? A few hours, a day, two days, three? She knew it couldn't be longer than a week it was physically impossible to survive without food for that long. She probably had a day or two left before she tried to chew off her own hand.
Edward Cullen was going to die.
She wished he stayed wherever the hell he went when he disappeared months ago. She was fine without him. She was fine.
She cursed herself for allowing her mind to think about him so often, as if her past thoughts had any bearing on the present. There was nothing she could do about her previous dreams featuring his topaz eyes, prayers he would sit closer, and wishes that he would look at her without looking like he fantasized about murdering her.
Apparently he did fantasize about murdering her.
Well fuck him.
"FUCK YOU!" Bella scream into the darkness. She knew he wasn't there. There was no one here. The only sounds she ever heard were the cries of birds, and the whistling wind. No voices, no footsteps.
But she kind of wanted him to be here.
"Did you hear me I said 'Fuck You!' I'm still here you little dipshit."
And the impossible happened, light flooded the room. Bella immediately closed her eyes, the light burning her retinas, but she forced them open and saw a figure descending into the darkness. The person was walking towards her, but she didn't know who it was. Her vision was still clouded, as it adjusted to the brightness of the room.
When the figure stepped in front of her, clear as day, Bella gasped, and ran into their arms.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
Bella ran straight into the arms of Alice Cullen.
She was here, someone besides Edward knew she was here, Alice would save her.
So naturally she was shocked when Alice pushed her away, she found herself being slammed her into the wall, faster than she could blink. Her body collapsed onto the floor, and she wanted nothing more than to lay there.
Bella Swan may be a survivor but everyone had their limits. What was there left to fight for?
The question remaining unanswered, she pushed off the floor with her hands and tried to stand straight. Not quite able to keep her balance, she began to fall, but before she could Alice wrapped her hand around her waist and helped her over to a stool on the opposite side of the room.
The same Alice who just threw her through a wall.
Bella sat, and watched Alice dig through the cabinets only to see her pull out a first aid kit, with a look of extreme satisfaction. Alice pulled Bella's hands closer to her, and ran her cool fingers over the bleeding flesh, immediately soothing it. When she felt her hand stinging, she was dumbfounded, Alice was fixing her.
Did every member of the Cullen family, have a split personality?
"You knew I was here." Bella stated as Alice wrapped her hand in gauze.
"Yes." Alice said, her voice was soft, almost comforting.
"Edward told you."
"Yes."
"He kidnapped me."
Alice looked away. Bella's eyes now acclimated to the light, couldn't help but see how beautiful she was. She had the same beauty Edward did. It was amazing how pale her skin was, how perfect, how smooth. It was amazing how something so beautiful could harness something so evil.
"You're helping him." Alice didn't say anything.
Bella's hands began to shake, nothing and no one made sense. Alice had pushed her away then fixed her. She checked on her, but was helping her brother kidnap her. They saved her, and then hurt her. What did they want? Why was she involved? What had she ever done besides move to this godforsaken town?
"Am I going to die?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. Maybe." Alice whispered.
Bella nodded.
Alice just sat there, with her, waiting.
Bella sat. She just sat, for the first time since she had woken up, her mind was blank. Her eyes stared off into nothingness. She might die. Her entire life would end in a few days, she would never see her parents, her friends, and she would never get a chance to live, before she died. She wouldn't graduate, or go to college. She wouldn't get a chance to figure out what she wanted from life. It was all over, before it even began.
That's when the tears fell.
Her body shook, and she sobbed, for the first time since the entire ordeal began, she lost herself; and Alice was there to catch her. Bella leaned into the young girls touch. Alice rubbed her back, whispered soothing words, pulled her hair back, she held her rocked her until she was able to calm down.
Bella hated herself right then. Alice was helping Edward hold her here against her will, but she couldn't help from leaning into her touch, accepting her comfort. She needed Alice right then more than she could hate her, and she wondered what that said about her.
Gradually her tears stopped falling, and she pulled away. Alice handed her a tissue, she wiped her face, and blew her nose, and felt slightly embarrassed as the sound seemed to echo in the room. Alice waited patiently, while Bella situated herself.
"Why?"
Alice let out a heavy sigh. Her shoulders sunk a little, the expression on her face, was lost and distant, and made Bella want to hold her hand.
"Edward…is struggling." Alice whispered.
"What does that mean?" Bella whispered. The answer was just so…inefficient.
"He can't decide. He's trying Bella. He's trying so hard." Alice's voice was soft and pleading.
"What is he trying to do? Why am I here? What does it have to do with me?" Bella had almost zero interaction with him; there was no reason for him to do anything to her. She hadn't asked him for anything. He saved her. He helped her. She didn't want a god damn thing from him. She was just his damn lab partner. Was it trouble with biology?
"Oh Bella. I wish you weren't here. Trust me." Alice reached out to her but Bella backed away.
"Then why am I? Let me go! Just let me out. Please." Bella begged.
Alice stared out into space for a second then shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "It doesn't matter he will find you." She was quiet for a second before she whispered "It's better if you're here. I know it doesn't make sense but there's no other way."
"No other way for what!" Bella shouted at Alice, with more force than she thought was possible. But that last exertion seemed to take the last bit of energy she had, and her legs sank from underneath her. Her stomach flipped and she began to cry heave. She felt as if her body was trying to eat its inside and she wanted to die.
"I'm sorry." Alice eyes glistened, but tears never fell, and Bella wondered if the girl was just a really good actress. What had she said, what had been true? If she really wanted to help her why not let her go? How would Edward find her? What did he want with her?
Alice got up to leave. Bella's head shot up.
"Alice."
Alice paused without turning around, and Bella blushed. "Um, do you think, if you're not um, planning to kill me right away. I could um… getsomefood." Bella rushed out, it was amazing, how easy it was to talk about her death, but asking for food, made her blush. Her values were seriously distorted by being here.
To her surprise Alice laughed, and walked up the stairs, and shut the door.
Bella was left as she was just an hour before, alone in the dark. But she was more confused than ever.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.
Some relatively short time later, the dark basement was flooded with light as Alice descended the stairs with a tray of food.
"I'm not sure how good the food is. Edward cooked; I'm not talented in the culinary arts at all." Alice admitted, and Bella took a second looking at the food, wondering whether or not it was poisoned before her stomach and brain decided it didn't really matter.
Bella jumped toward the food, and cleaned her plate. It was a little disconcerting having Alice stare at her while she ate, but she was too hungry to object. Soon the orange juice that accompanied the eggs and toast was gone all that remained was a scarlet apple that she kept for later, in case they should forget to feed her again.
Alice took the plate upstairs and closed the door behind her. Bella frowned. She was hoping Alice would stay and talk.
She tried to remind herself that Alice was a bad guy. Alice was helping him. They were the monsters the evil ones. They were keeping her here against her will.
They were not her friends.
She thought of Charlie. What would he think? Did he think she was like Renee and took off of her own free will? Was he looking for her? Did he think she was dead? Who was taking care of him?
Did he call Renee? The image of Renee cradling the phone when she heard Charlie telling her that she was missing broke Bella's heart. She would be devastated, she hoped Phil was there. He would know what to say, how to help her. Bella decided it would be best if Renee didn't know, and sent a small prayer to god that Renee didn't know. That hopefully she would never have to.
Hopefully she would get out. Alice seemed to think that it was a possibility. Maybe just maybe he would agree that she was no longer needed here. Maybe he had a heart.
How many times in the past months had she been hoping he had, and that it beat for her? How stupid could she have been? Edward Cullen stared at her from the very first moment as if she was the living embodiment of all the world's problems. And yet she dreamed of his kisses, and soft words. That obviously was not going to happen. But what was it about her that annoyed him so?
Maybe he was just a sociopath.
No, she didn't think so. There was something odd about these Cullen's. They were all beautiful, intelligent. Pale, they didn't act like any normal teenager, there was something dangerous. Something primal. Vampires, Jake had said, and she laughed. But now….
Vampires?
They weren't real. They were fantasy creatures, like witches, goblins, unicorns and the damn lochness monster. They were figments of the imagination, created before people knew about science. Before people understood what really was happening. They were myths.
But…
Edward moved faster than she had ever seen anyone move.
He had stopped the truck from hitting her with the force of his damn hand.
She didn't imagine that; it was real. He stopped the damn truck; he crossed the parking lot in fractions of a second. Again he came to her rescue in Port Angeles. He saved her life twice since she moved here and now she was waiting for him to kill her.
But why?
Why would he want to kill her? Why save her? The damn question wouldn't leave her mind. It hadn't left her mind since the incident with the van. It circled her head, like a virus. Edward Cullen had infected her head; he was all she could think of. He was her angel and her demon. He would save her then kill her. And she had no idea what she had done to deserve this type of attention from him.
She was plain and ordinary. Simple quiet, bookworkmish Bella. Hell she wasn't brave; she was even beginning to question her intelligence and sanity. She still liked Alice; she wanted to talk to her. She wanted to talk to Edward.
She wanted to know why?
Bella groaned, and threw her head back against the wall, only to howl, as she was reminded of her previous injuries.
Port Angeles
How did he know where she was? As far as she knew he was still missing, again. He disappeared after their first biology course, only to come back a few weeks ago and he disappeared again right after the van incident. He seemed to come and go as often as he wants; and she was amazed no one commented on it. Then again she watched him with an almost stalker worthy obsession. And now she was trapped in his basement.
The world was topsy turvy.
Her head began to ache and she closed her eyes, willing the pain away. Within minutes the world disappeared.
Yeah,
Yeah.
Bella woke, her head ached, her body sore. She lifted herself off the floor and stretched, pleased with herself for having gotten a few hours sleep.
She stood for a few seconds, and then sat back on the floor. She tapped her fingers, recited the entire periodic table, (well as much as she could remember), and attempted to do some of those yoga poses Renee tried to teach her a few years back. In the dark. Not the smartest thing for a girl whose body barley understands the concept of walking.
Really this is getting ridiculous.
"Edward." Bella spoke, her voice hoarse, and his name was barely audible to her own ears. She made her way over to the toilet, and grimaced as she scooped up some water. Swallowing, she stood and walked towards the door.
"Edward. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but can you make up your damn mind, already. I'm getting sick of waiting. Just kill me if you want ok. I mean I'd already be dead if it wasn't for you. But please, just let me go. Let me go, and I swear I won't say anything to Charlie. I won't say anything. I'll just say I got lost." Bella trailed off, and felt a little ridiculous talking to thin air.
Edward wasn't here. Alice probably wasn't either. They were probably both in school. Both living their lives while they kept her here, and she was stuck. There was nothing to do but wait and cry. And to be honest she was sick to death of crying. She was sick of being the victim. She was a survivor. Or at least she was now, she had to be, because sitting here and waiting for someone else to decide her fate was driving her insane.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...
With a determination she hadn't felt since first being placed here Bella made her way, (carefully and slowly) to the cabinets on the opposite side of the room and began to look for something. Anything, a scissor, a blade, rope. There was nothing.
The only thing the cabinets had were every type of linen, you could imagine. Softer than anything she had ever slept on. It would be good for a noose.
Bella pushed the thought away as soon as it entered her head, but filed it away for future use. Maybe if she got desperate but not now.
There was no blade to stab him. There was plenty of wood though. Maybe she could make a stake? Somehow the idea of a splinter being able to kill Edward didn't seem plausible. Maybe he wasn't really a vampire; after all they went to school. They were out during the daytime. They couldn't be right.
"ARGH" Bella threw her head back in frustration, walked up to the door and began pounding on it. "That's it Edward Cullen. You come down here right now and kill me. Drink my damn blood. Do whatever the fuck you want, but someone better get the fuck down here and let me out. I will not stay in this room another second. I can't. I can't you hear me." Bella pounded on the door, pain shot through her hands, but she continued pounding on the door, even after she smelt the blood.
"I'm serious; there are plenty of sheets down here. If you don't do it, I'll do it my damn self. I swear I will. Won't that take all the damn fun out of it? Edward get me the fuck out of here. Honestly why save me to kill me? What the fuc—"
Before she could finish the damn sentence the door was thrown open and she was falling backwards. Edward immediately wrapped one hand around her waist pulling her forward while another wrapped around her neck.
"Now Bella" he whispered, "what exactly did you mean by 'drink my damn blood'?" The light created black spots in her vision, and she could barely see him. But she knew Edward Cullen was holding her. His nose traced her jaw, his lips hovering over her pulse; she had half an urge to kiss him. Her mind was fuzzy, and she needed to think clearly.
"I… I know what you are." She whispered. His hand still around her throat, his grip was getting tight and she found it hard to breath.
"Do you now?" Edward half laughed at her, he loosened his grip and pulled his face back to look her square in the eye.
Bella nearly lost her breath despite the decrease in pressure. He looked like an avenging angel, his face was too beautiful for words, his eyes were coal black, and his lips were tilted up in amusement. She nodded once.
"Then what am I?" His grip became tighter than before, and his expression changed faster than her eyes could make out, his lips that were almost smiling a second before were now twisted in a sneer. Bella coughed, and reached for his face, but he was faster than she.
"Va- a vampire." Bella choked out, kicking her legs, reaching out to scratch his face. She was struggling for breath, and the black spots were once again clouding her vision. Right before she thought she would die, he released her, and she fell to her knees gasping for breath.
Edward was still standing, watching her. "Do I frighten you?"
Was he out of his mind? Of course he frightened her? He nearly killed her. He kidnapped her. He starved her. And yet, as he kneeled down beside her and brushed her hair out of her face, while she sucked in air, she couldn't make her feet move. She should run in the opposite direction, she should punch him, stake him, and kill him. But right now, she couldn't move. She wouldn't move.
She was at his mercy. And he smiled at her, like he knew. He knew she was stuck. That despite every sick and twisted fucking thing she couldn't leave him.
"Fuck you." Bella spat at him.
He laughed, for a sharp second, his face lost all its viciousness and Bella gaped at his beauty. She found herself wondering as she had earlier with Alice, how something so beautiful could be so evil. Because despite the fact she had no self-preservation instincts, despite the fact she couldn't leave him, didn't want to leave him she knew him for what he was. A monster.
But that second was over fast, and before she knew it her body was being thrown back against the wall, her head smashing against the bricks. She was dizzy, and cold. Edward's body was pressed against hers, the cold ones, she thought. "Bella, sweet, beautiful Bella." He crooned tracing her feature with the tip of his fingers. "Don't tempt me."
Bella pushed against him, but he wouldn't budge. She kicked and slapped. While he sat there expressionless, "What do you want?" Bella yelled.
"You." Edward said simply, Bella raised her head to look at him.
"I'm right here."
"I want all of you." He said, and buried his face in her hair, she was sure he could smell her blood. She could smell her blood, and she wasn't a vampire. He pulled back his eyes black as night, his mouth ruby red, she could see desire in every inch of his face. "Do you trust me Bella?"
"No."
"Smart girl." His mouth descended upon her neck, pain seared through her body, an agony so sweet, it was almost ecstasy. She cried, begged, bargained and fought but her body was weak. She had no choice.
She was only mortal after all.
Soon the whole world faded to black.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
Bella woke disoriented.
Pain was everywhere; it felt as if she was being burned alive beneath her skin. Her skin itself felt as if it were being peeled off slowly, replaced with sandpaper, it was scratchy raw. Her organs were dying, she couldn't breathe. She awoke screaming many times in the past three days.
Every time there he was. A man with red eyes, and copper hair. His face was god-like, and he whispered words of comfort. He told her that her name was Bella, she was his. They were in love, and she had made this choice to spend forever with him. Somewhere inside of her she was screaming, that she had not made this choice. He took something from her, but right now he was so sweet. So gentle. Bella closed her eyes, and decided to wait until later to think some more.
Three days after she lost consciousness, Bella's heart stopped beating. The last organ in her body shut down. She sat there for a second, a moment in forever in silence. She could hear everything. The distant humming of the cars that drove past the street, the clocks on the walls, the animals. She could smell, she could…..water.
"Water." She croaked, and opened her eyes.
Two figures stood before her. Edward, the man who had been talking to her, loving her, he loved her. She smiled at him, and he embraced her. The action startled her, before she made the decision her hands were pushing him back and he was thrown against the wall.
"Bella." A soft voice like bells called her. She recognized this girl, this girl was nice. Friendly.
Alice.
"I need water." She said, her own voice rang like chimes in the air.
"No, you don't just follow me." Alice laughed. Bella watched the girl and Edward run outside and she followed them. Something felt off, it shouldn't feel like this. Walking was no effort, running was easier than breathing, and there was no exertion, no thought. She was like the damn wind. She smiled and followed them laughing, until a scent caught her attention.
Sweet.
So sweet, and god her mouth was dripping. Every single cell in her body pushed her in the direction of that smell. It was heaven, and hell and she couldn't put the words together because all she did was want. She wanted.
She tracked down the smell and before her was a large doe. Her eyes large and black, Bella stepped forward to pet it, shocked by the source of her desire. When the deer retreated and scuttled back, she pressed forward, and without a second thought pounced on the animal. Her teeth sinking into the flesh of the animal, and she drank her blood.
Her first kill.
The thought went through her head long after the first doe. When Bella finally had her share of three deer, and two bears she sat next to the carcass. Petting their fur, mouring their loss. She knew somewhere that it wasn't right. That they were not meant to be her food, that she had taken innocent lives.
She had taken their blood. She lived off of it. She was fast, and strong. She was dead.
She wanted to hide from it.
If what Edward told her was true than she made this decision. She wanted to be this monster.
She wished she could remember.
She wanted to take it back.
Take back her death.
To take back the bears death.
The doe's death.
She didn't want to be a monster.
She didn't want to love a monster.
She didn't want to kill.
Her fingers scratched the soft fur and the animal nuzzled her hand. Its warm breath tickled her hand. With that thought Bella jumped back, the bear she had just drank form was alive. It was moving its head, which she had snapped. Its body was warm, and its large brown eyes studied her.
"It's your gift." Alice whispered.
"I can-"
"Apparently. You are special Bella." Edward came behind her and nuzzled her neck. Instinctively she withdrew from him, but he pulled her back. "What's wrong love?"
I'm a monster. You made me into a killer.
"Nothing. I just wished I remembered." She said, observing the bear, which seemed to be glaring at Edward.
"You don't remember anything?"
"Nothing."
Edward pulled her wrist to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm before he turned over her hand and kissed every knuckle. "Don't worry love; we have forever to make new memories."
"Come on you two." Alice's voice called back to them. "The family can't wait to meet you again."
Edward turned to her and smiled. Holding out his hand for hers, it felt like the two stood there for an eternity, patient and waiting. Before she finally placed her hand in his and they ran off to the white house together, starting forever.