Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to the song, the melody, Deadpool, or Spider-Man's theme song. The lyrics are all Captain Deadpool. The rest are Marvel.
A/N: Yeah, I have no idea what was going through my head when I wrote this. So there.
Deadpool's Theme Song
Deadpool was walking down the streets of Manhattan, not looking for trouble, when in an apartment upstairs, somebody started singing along to that old Spider-Man theme song. But instead of the actual words, he sang some twisted version of the happy little theme.
Deadpool, Deadpool
Deadpool looked around, trying to find the source of the sound. He shot someone in the chest, thinking it was the singer.
Does whatever he's paid to do,
Shoots his guns, all the time,
Drops his victims, just like flies,
Watch out! Here comes, that violent fool!
Deadpool began shooting people that had their mouths open. Anyone. It didn't matter that the singer was a man; he shot women too. When he finished, the singer continued.
Does he talk? listen bub-
The question is: Does he shut up?
Is the man uglier than sin?
I wouldn't even know where to begin,
But look over there! He's in his underwear!
Deadpool looked down at himself to see if he was indeed in his underwear. He wasn't. He kept searching the windows, looking for the lying singer.
In the chill of the night,
Where he really shouldn't be,
He arrives just in time,
To make life harder for you and me!
Deadpool looked directly at the singer. He was a man in his thirties, with his mouth wide open. Deadpool smiled, then proceeded to make his way up to the room. He walked into the building out of sight of the vocalist. It didn't matter, the man had already closed his eyes and was singing as loud as he could so the entire building could hear it.
Deadpool, Deadpool,
Deadpool stood in the elevator, waiting for it to take him to the eighth floor. He tried to drown out the sound of the singing and concentrated on the elevator music instead. He tapped his foot and pretended to look at a watch.
Unfriendly neighborhood Deadpool,
For wealth and fame he was never meant,
action is his punishment,
To him,
Life is a great sig bang up-
Wherever there's a shoot-up caused by that blasted fool!
Deadpool kicked down the door to the apartment and pointed his twin AK-47s at the man's head.
WTF!?! Don't do it! I'm sorry! I have a wife and kids! I want to live! I want to-
BANG!
Deadpool: Lying bastard. Don't worry, he's perfectly fine folks. He's just got a bullet in his head. A few Band-Aids, and he'll be back to screwing himself. This is Marvel after all.