The Same

Integra awoke on a hard stone ground. Her head was throbbing as if trying to choose what size it wanted to be. Integra didn't care what size it chose, she just wanted it to decide. She scanned the room, or at least she tried to; the room was black, that's all it was, nothing but darkness. Integra laid herself back on the ground, trying to remember what happened. She gasped as the memories came back to her.

They were painful memories; she remembered the death of Alucard, the death of Seras. She recalled the triumph of Millennium. Integra didn't need to guess what happened after she blacked out and she cursed herself for being taken prisoner. "Why didn't they kill me?" she asked herself. Integra reached into her boot, "it's still there." she thought.

From her boot she drew the Walther PPK that she always kept in her boot.

Fumbling with it in the dark she ejected the magazine and drew back on the slide. She heard a small metallic ping of a single round hitting the ground. Integra slid the magazine back into the pistol and chambered a new round. Integra stopped; they were somewhat faint, but she could make out the sound of footsteps approaching. Integra hid the pistol in her coat and waited, she debated whether or not she should shoot whoever entered or to see who it was.

In the end she decided in the end that she was probably kept alive for a reason and should better find out why. The room suddenly filled with light as the door opened. Integra shielded her eyes from the blinding light. From the light came a too familiar voice with a deep German accent. "It looks like you are finally avake". Integra unshielded her eyes, only to see the all too familiar dark silhouette of the Major.

Integra didn't even hesitate; she pulled the Walther from her jacket and took quick aim. When the Walther clicked, Integra quickly pulled back on the slide. What ejected from the chamber wasn't a round but an imitation of one used for training.

Integra discarded the useless gun and charged with the intent to kill him in whatever way she could. Raising her fist she prepared to give him blow. The Major caught her wrist with a surprisingly tight grip. Integra struggled to break free from his grasp. The Major laughed to himself "You have quite ze Intent to kill, don't you." The Major freed her from his grip. Integra backed off keeping him in her sight.

"Where am I?" she demanded. The Major smirked "Our new head quarters, Hellsing Mansion."

Integra looked around the room that now was illuminated with light; she could now clearly see that she was in Alucard's dungeon. "Why am I still alive?" she demanded "WHY DIDN'T YOU KILL ME!?" Integra felt something welling up in her eyes; she hadn't cried in years, yet here she was, right now unable to stop the gushing stream. Integra clenched her fists, she grinded her teeth, hoping she could kill this man with anger alone. The Major stepped into the dungeon. "I didn't kill you, because you are like me-" Integra didn't let him finish, yelling out, "I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU, YOU SICK WARMONGER". The Major leaned down and picked up the Walther, "O-Really" he said inspecting it and its fake ammunition.

"Vell your actions vould say otherwise, you may not see it, but you are just the same as me. I've seen it all before; the look in your eyes says it all. You vanted to kill me, take my life, and defeat your enemy. Even if you did kill me, Vhat Vould it change? Alucard's dead, England's rubble, and soon the rest of Europe will follow with the removal of Hellsing and the Vatican."

"The rest of the Vorld is at millenniums hands. Do you really think that killing ME vould change all that?" The Major smirked.

"Of course not that's absurd. You vanted to kill me for ze simple sake of destroying your enemy; I can see it in your eyes. You could not think of anything more pleasurable than defeating me; it's that same look. I see it on the battlefield, amongst my allies, amongst my enemies, amongst old recruits, and new ones.

"It's in your eyes; I've seen it all the time."

Integra sat in the corner of her room; the Major relocated her into her own room in her mansion, with the door locked, of course. Integra would have her meals delivered to her thru a small makeshift trap door on the door. At first the guards gave her the meals directly, they quickly learned better after she impaled one of the guards with a wooden stake she made from her bedpost.

Integra sat on her bed enjoying the tranquility.

The door opened and The Major walked in with her meal. "You certainly made my men nervous after you killed that soldier of mine." The Major handed her the meal and pulled up a chair. "Many of them Von't even come anyvere near here". Integra looked into his yellow eyes. "So why did you come?" The Major laughed "Because I have no fear of you, ve are so much alike."

Integra gave him a death glare "I already told you, we are nothing alike". The Major smirked "So then tell me lady Hellsing how are ve different?" Integra didn't waste a moment to hesitate. "I actually fight for something; you don't even fight for anything."

The Major smirked, "Let me tell you a story."

The Majors eyes seem to widen into big yellow pools like he was thinking way back. "My father vas a devout member of the Nazi movement and was involved in the Hitlerputsch in Munich. My mother vas a devout believer in the Aryan race, she bore many children and was awarded the Mutterkreuz two times; I was her eighth child.

"Despite being one of her children my mother never seemed to acknowledge me no matter vhat I did. My father vas never pleased with me; he vould always treat me like I vas a mistake, telling me I vas too short, too slow, too fat. Vhen I joined the Hitler Youth like many of my brothers, he vould constantly make us recite the motto, he vould make us memorize passages from Mein Kampf, breeding us to be soldiers of the Third Reich, not once showing love or pride.

"Even the day I joined the Schutzstaffel, he never once told me that he loved me, that he was proud of me, that he vas proud to be my father. And vhy should he be? I had only done vhat so many of my other siblings had done vhy should I be special?

"But I still set out to make a difference; I set out to earn my parents love and become the pride of my family. In the spring of 1940 I took place in Operation Barbarossa and led the advancing assaults. It vas there that I discovered my eternal love with var. I will never forget the bone chilling sound of Stuka dive bombers coming in for the kill. Or the sound of artillery shells screaming through the air. Or even the traumatic sound of MG42's gunning down Russians soldiers.

"It vas there that I found vhat I was truly passionate about.

"Then something happened on the day of July 12 1940 My Company faced a massive counter attack on a little village we had captured. ve vere outnumbered and out gunned, and my commanding officer was a coward Obersturmbannführer vho foolishly vithdrew and drove us into a deeper corner.

"How could this have happened to us ve thought, veren't ve a superior army? Veren't ve a superior nation? A superior race? Vith these questions in mind my entire vorld came crashing down on me. I realized it was a lie, it was all a lie; the Aryan race, the superiority of the German people, it was all a lie. Everything I had ever vorked for was a lie.

"At the time I just vanted to die, to lie down and let it all end. But then I realized something.

"All my life I had been vorking to please my mother and father. I had never done anything for myself; everything I ever did was to please other people. For once I had something I was passionate about, something that vas mine.

"Then for the first time in my entire life I did something for myself; I executed my commander.

"I vill never forget the feeling of the gun kicking in my hands and his warm blood splashing my face. How could I ever forget? It was the first decision I had made on my own, it vas my first act of freedom. Vith the death of my commanding officer, I took command of his post.

"And vhat do you think I did vith this army, lady Integra?"

Integra didn't say anything she barely made a sound during the entire story. "I killed, of course. it was all I could do; it was all I wanted to do. I fought back with everything I had till the Russians retreated in fear! But I never let them retreat, I followed them, making sure no one got away. After the battle, I was awarded the Iron Cross first class and deemed a hero.

"For once I reached the point in which I strived for. I was finally recognized by my parents, but none of that mattered to me anymore. all I vanted was my var; that was all that mattered to me. It was after this that I learned that many of my fellow companions in the SS where on the same page as me, I learned that I vas not alone, that others lusted for var just as I did.

"I stayed in the SS with my friends, my battle companions, my var. Every battle I learned that more and more people vere like me, more people vere valking the path of blood, more people vere living the life of rifle and bayonet like me. My Honor is My Loyalty, that is the slogan of the SS. My loyalty lies in not in the Third Reich, or the Nazi party, or the Aryan race; my loyalty belongs to the Waffen SS, to my friends in battle, to those strong gentlemen who follow me; that is My Honor, that is My Loyalty. My men follow me because ve vish for the same thing, ve vish for var."

The Major got up from his chair and walked to the window.

"At the age of fourteen you inherited Hellsing from your father. Tell me Integra, is that what you really wanted to do? Did you really want to inherit such a responsibly from such a young age? Did you want to pledge you allegiance to a country, a church, an ideal you didn't really understand? Of course you didn't.

"You were a little Fräulein who wanted to live out your life, be happy. Don't tell me you really wanted to slay undead monsters for the rest of your life." The Major turned to Integra. "You say you fight for something, but the real question is do you really believe in what you fight for?

"So tell me, do you really believe that you are protecting anything worth protecting? Me, I pledge my allegiance to no one but my army; that is all I need to pledge my allegiance to, that is all I want to pledge my allegiance to. You see, we have no reason to fight, fighting is all we want to do, and we couldn't be surer that we are happy, that we are content with our lives of rifle and bayonet.

"We live our lives with no compromise, no regret, no questions, and most importantly no purpose. A purpose is an irrelevant thing that we do not need, what makes a person is not there purpose; it's there means. What you are trying to do is nothing, what you can do is everything. You may fight for something Miss Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing, but just because you fight for something doesn't mean you believe in it."

Integra lay on her bed; she had been trying to forget everything He said.

His word would ring through her head for hours on end. His story would never cease to be erased from her mind, echoing every painful sentence in her head. She didn't want to hear any more from him, she didn't want to hear any more of his sick twisted logic. She didn't want to see him, talk to him, or even be on the same planet as him. She wished that he would just die and rot in hell. Integra felt burning hatred, the most powerful passionate hatred she ever felt pumping through her veins like battery acid.

She heard the sound of footsteps coming from the hall outside her door, probably her meal she thought. As the trap door opened for her food she stabbed the victim's unsuspecting hand with another wooden stake she made, hoping that their screams of terror would subside her anger, it didn't.

The Major opened the door with a fresh meal for Integra. He closed the door behind him before being decked with a hard punch to the face sending him and the food tumbling to the floor. Integra picked up the silver tray for her food and began pummeling him with it, yelling profanities with every swing. The Major didn't even try to stop her; he didn't scream, or even try to protect himself, all he did was laugh hysterically. Integra stopped, discarding the metal tray, "WHATS SO GODDAMN FUNNY?!" she screamed giving him a blow to the stomach. The Major looked up at her and smiled, "All this time I keep telling you how we are so much alike, and here you are trying to beat me to death with a metal tray.

"So go ahead KILL ME, right now I won't fight back, but remember with every blow all you are doing is proving me right." The Major reached into his coat, Integra heard something click, and then she heard her own voice. "Who is it," she heard herself say, "Friend or foe?" Integra's eyes widened, "It is your servant, Integra." it was Alucard's voice. "No…" said Integra.

"An order, give me an order my Master," Integra shook her head, the Major took the tape recorder out of his coat and set It on the floor. Integra heard her own voice again. "Alucard, describe your situation."

"We were ambushed right after we arrived at the hotel. It looks like they are better than I thought. They knew about us beforehand, a special police unit just attacked."

"And what happened?"

"Killed them, annihilated them without exception! Now Integra, give me an order. The elite police forces are probably being controlled by them, but they attacked, followed orders… the ones that I killed and will kill from now on are just normal humans. I can kill them without a moment's hesitation, without a moments regret I can massacre them, because I am a monster. I'll be the one to hold the gun, I'll be the one to take aim, I'll load the ammo and the magazine, I'll pull the slide,
I'll release the safety, BUT your intent to kill will be what kills them.

"So what will you do? Order me! Hellsings chief Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing!" Integra shook her head not wanting to hear any more. No no no no no no no, she didn't want to hear, she knew was coming.

"DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME SERVANT!! I ALREADY GAVE YOU MY ORDERS, NOTHING HAS CHANGED! SEARCH AND DESTROY, SEARCH AND DESTROY! CRUSH ANYTHING AND EVERY THING THAT GETS IN YOUR WAY, DON'T RUN OR HIDE, BUT LEAVE FROM THE FRONT DOOR! DESRTOY ALL OBSTACLES AND GO STRAIGHT THROUGH." The Major stopped the tape there, Integra stood with her eyes to the floor.

"No…" She said. The Major looked at her, "The hotel room vas bugged."

Integra shook her head, the Major took a step towards her "You could have ordered Alucard to stand down but you didn't." Integra continued to shake her head, "No…"

"They didn't have to die. They vere just normal humans, they vere of no threat to Alucard, but you still ordered their slaughter" Integra clenched her fists, "No!"

"You are just like me; you command monsters to quench your thirst for violence."

"NOOO NO NO NO NO NO!" Integra collapsed on the floor, tears running down her face in an endless stream. Integra lay on the floor and cried "I'm sick, I'm twisted, I'm horrible!"

The Major got on the floor and put his hand on her shoulder. "I think differently, you see, all your life you believed that you didn't have a choice about who you were. You devoted yourself to something you didn't really believe in, like you didn't even have a say in it. But not anymore. Now, you see, you are not 'Integra, the heir to the Hellsing organization protector of the Church of England', you are simply 'Integra.'" The Major embraced her, burying her wet face into his shoulder. "All your life you believed you needed to be something you're not, something that really vasn't you. And you accepted that, thinking you had no choice, thinking that there is no other vay to live your life. But that isn't true, it is your life, live it vithout restraint, vithout regrets, vithout question. Release your passion and be free." Integra looked up into his eyes, into the eyes of the man who was embracing her. She embraced him back.

She embraced the one man who truly understood her. She embraced the man who was truly free, she embraced the one man who never judged her or expected anything from her, she embraced the man who accepted and understood who she really was, she embraced him. She embraced who she really was and the lie she always lived, she embraced him, and then for the first time knowing who she really was, knowing exactly what she wanted, she kissed him; she kissed him with all her passion.

With all her might, all her freedom, she kissed him. The Major hugged her tighter and kissed her back, Integra felt lighter, she truly felt at ease as she kissed him, dueling his tongue with hers, this was the first time she had ever been kissed, the first time she had ever felt a man's warm embrace, the first time she ever felt so at ease.

Integra broke from the kiss, from the embrace, and began to strip herself. She stood before the Major completely naked and put her around her neck.

The Major looked her in the eyes "is this vhat you vant?" Integra smiled completely sure of herself, "Yes." she whispered. The Major planted her a small kiss then buried his face into her breasts. Integra helped him undress, removing his coat, his gun and holster, his vest and shirt, she laid herself across the bed as the Major finished removing his pants. Integra closed her eyes as she felt his hot kisses cover her body.

The Major finally met her lips plunging into another deep kiss. Integra broke from the kiss and looked deep into his eyes, the Major didn't need her to tell him what she wanted. The Major inserted himself into her; she cringed not expecting the sudden pain, which was soon replaced with mounting pleasure. She closed her eyes, she held him tighter, feeling the pleasure of every thrust growing brighter like a star reaching supernova. They reached their limit together, both crying out in ecstasy.

Integra lay there cuddled up with him, for the first time in her entire life she felt loved.

Integra awoke in her bed and in his arms which were wrapped around her. The room was dark only illuminated by the moon. Integra broke from his grasp not even waking him; she found his pile of clothes and began to rummage through them until she found what she wanted. From his holster she drew his Luger P08.

She pulled back on the arm chambering a round. The loud click woke him from his sleep; he illuminated in the moonlight, she with his gun. The Major smiled at her, Integra returned the smile, "I love you" she said as she pulled the trigger.

A loud crack echoed through the room, the muzzle flash illuminated everything, the bullet ripped thru his right shoulder, Integra laughed, so did the Major.

She dropped the gun and returned into his awaiting arms. When she arrived into his arms she found that his shoulder wasn't simply flesh and blood, but a collection of circuits and wires. She stared in disbelief; the Major stood up from the bed and walked to the window.

"I am a human, and although this body may say otherwise it vill never change the fact that I have my free vill, that I am myself. Monsters don't have free vill, that is vhat makes us different. Monsters do things like drink blood because they have no choice, they have no control. But we as human beings have a choice, we have control. Integra, many people will think of us as monsters, but remember; this life we live is a choice. It is by our freewill that we tread this path. The Major turned around to find her right behind him.

She pulled him into soft kiss. The Major pulled away, and smiled, "Let's go back to bed."