Title: All Hallows' Things
Author: A. Windsor
Pairing/Characters: Callie/Arizona
Rating: Gish.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My two years of law school could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!
Series: Thing!verse
Summary: "They look ridiculous." [Halloween 2022]
Author's Note: Soooooo. The Things make a holiday return! It's been awhile, and I hope it isn't too rusty. Beta'd by the lovely [weirdy, reindeer-panda] roughian.
"I'm objecting. I just want there to be a record somewhere that I tried to save them from this humiliation."
"Aw, look, you're even acting like The Fish," Arizona teases her wife, kissing her cheek.
Callie is pretty sure she now has black, white, and red paint on her face. She has just received a kiss from the Cat in the Hat, after all.
"They look ridiculous."
"You look ridiculous. You just have a plastic goldfish bowl taped to your chest. They are having fun. Well, most of them."
Thing One and Thing Two, all red jumpers, white face paint, and wild blue wigs, are indeed jumping around and grinning, despite the cool but remarkably dry air. Nine-year-old Asa is even playing, nicely, with his six-year-old sister. Teo is rather indifferent to the whole affair. At just six months old, he is, curly wig and all, snoozing in the Baby Bjørn strapped to Arizona's chest. He has foregone the face paint for the night.
Caroline, on the other hand, looks pretty grumpy about this itchy clown wig her mother cajoled her into. To the three-year-old's credit, she's stopped trying to remove the wig and just sits, pouting, in her stroller.
"You didn't put up this much of a fight before the Peds party," Arizona notes, bending down to tickle Caroline's belly. It's quite the feat with Teo on her chest and her comically large top hat.
"Well, we embarrass ourselves at that hospital on a regular basis. Out here in public, on the other hand..."
"We should've dressed you as the Grinch instead."
That makes Callie laugh, and she leans over to kiss the only unpainted part of her wife: her ear.
"You've gotta stop being so cute," Callie sighs. "Okay, who's ready to go trick-or-treating?"
Remarkably patient Asa and Lena shout with joy, and even Caroline pushes herself out of the stroller in order to go get her pumpkin bucket.
"You'll have fun. They're adorable," Arizona promises, adjusting Teo's wig as the baby wriggles in his sleep.
"You're adorable," Callie laughs. She tugs gently on Arizona's tail. "Alright, c'mon. We gotta walk over to Grey's and Susie's so we can get started. Stay where we can see you. Don't go to a door without an adult. Don't forget to say thank you."
"Mami, we know," Asa groans.
"Yeah, I know it's not your first rodeo, but a reminder never hurts. Less whining, more trick-or-treating!"
Lena beams, skipping over to her and grabbing her hand. "Okay! Vamos."
Arizona and the boys are already headed off down the street, and Callie raises her eyebrow at Lena.
"¿Cómo voy a empujar a tu hermanita y hold your hand?" [How am I going to push your sister and hold your hand?]
"Oh," Lena giggles, those dimples popping even through the caked-on white paint. "I'll push!"
"No," Caroline calls over her shoulder, settling back into the umbrella stroller.
"Cari, deja a tu hermana empujarte un poquito." [Cari, let your sister push you a little.]
"Noooo," Caroline objects.
Callie sighs.
"Okay, Lena-nena. Just walk next to us, okay? We gotta catch up with Momma and the boys. Are you ready for candy?"
"Hello. Happy Halloween. Have a beer," Meredith Grey greets them at the end of the Sloans' driveway, with a cowboy hat on her head and a beer in each hand.
Callie laughs. "That's the best costume you could come up with?"
"I didn't even want this, but Derek and the girls talked me into it. We drew straws. Moms are handing out candy and drinking. Dads are trick-or-treating. I have no idea what that means for you and Arizona."
"I think we're both going," Callie tells her. "Arizona's pretty big on Halloween being a family holiday. But thanks for the beer. I'll take it to go. Not trick-or-treating in your neighborhood? The bears don't give good candy?"
Meredith rolls her eyes.
At the top of the driveway, the Shepherd and Sloan cousins chase each other around, and Asa chats happily with his Uncle Mark, who is dressed as Frankenstein's Monster. Arizona is talking with Derek, Lexie, Cristina, and Owen. Caroline apparently sees her Aunt Cristina and leaps out of the stroller to go say hello.
"Hello, Thing Three," Cristina greets as she picks her up, then gives a little laugh. "You really are Thing Three tonight."
"Torres," Mark grins as she joins the clump of adults and Asa and Lena run off to play with Grey, who appears to be a zombie this year. "You walking and drinking or staying and drinking?"
"Walking and drinking, at least until one of the kids decides they're done, and then I'll probably come back here."
"One in four," Mark grins. "Guess your odds are good."
Callie sneaks in behind Arizona and gives her ass a pinch.
"Where's your beer?"
Arizona jumps and passes her a dimpled grin.
"It's not gonna go well with my candy consumption later. Plus, I think at least one of us should be sober if the children are going to be running around in the dark."
"So responsible," Callie teases.
"Take me with you," Owen begs, which gets a laugh from Lexie. "Don't leave me with them."
"You can come," Callie assures him. "We need the numbers, anyway. There are eight of them."
"At least Tiny Dancer isn't mobile yet," Arizona says, patting Teo's back. "Should we head out?"
Mark turns away and hollers:
"Alright, let's go trick or treating!"
As the kids all hurry to reclaim their candy buckets, Lexie grabs Callie.
"Mark's taking the wagon for Susie if you want to leave the stroller here," she smiles.
"Oh thank god."
When they return, sore and exhausted, Callie is pulling the wagon loaded with Princess Susie and Thing Three, who are practically asleep on top of each other. Owen has a bleary-eyed Thing Two in his arms, and Mark is carrying a sleepy zombie. Katie, Ally, and Asa all walk but have somehow convinced Derek to hold their candy for them.
Callie would like to dream that this general tiredness means everyone would be going straight to bed as soon as they get home, but she's done this enough now to know that she will still have to deal with the ensuing sugar high and crash. From all five of her children.
She looks over at Arizona affectionately, her silly wife still grinning happily and murmuring softly to little Teo. Arizona looks up, brushing the end of her floppy hat from her eyes. Her blue eyes twinkle in the streetlights.
"I love you, crazy lady," Callie says softly.
Arizona smiles.
"I love you, too, you grumpy old Fish."
Arizona puts Teo straight into his crib when they get home, which just leaves them with three sugared-up children on their hands, rather than three sugared-up children and a cranky infant.
While Arizona is putting him down, the older three all take up their stations, sprawling on the living room floor and dumping their candy booty onto the ground. Then, Asa and Lena begin their annual candy trade. Callie's pretty sure Asa is losing his shirt in the exchange (Lena is very persuasive), but she doesn't intervene. They try to bring Caroline into the system, but Cari will not part with even one piece of her hard-earned candy.
That Callie cannot stand for. She plops down next to Caroline and starts making moves on a Baby Ruth.
"No, Mami," Caroline says immediately.
"This is my tax on candy. I pulled you around all night!"
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes! Lena, Asa, tell your hermanita. Your mommies get a cut of the candy."
"Yep," Lena nods. "And Mami's nice about it."
Callie laughs. "Does that mean Momma's not nice about it?"
"Cari, give Mami five of whatever she wants, and then hide your good stuff before Momma comes down," Asa advises, keeping an eye on the stairs.
Callie quickly takes her cut and grins at her silly children. A few minutes later, Arizona comes down the stairs, clapping her hands together:
"Alright, kiddos, time for Momma's candy."
The sugar high comes and goes, and Callie weathers it while Hocus Pocus plays on the television. Caroline crashes first, but quietly, passed out cold in Arizona's lap. Then goes Asa, grumpy and sick of his paint, who runs up to a shower with a scowl. Then, little Leni, snoring with her head in Callie's lap.
And finally: Arizona, hat long discarded, falls asleep before the end credits even roll, head lolling back against the couch from her seat on the floor.
Callie grins and begins clean-up. She carries the girls up, one at a time, although Arizona puts up a sleepy fight to keep her snuggly Care Bear. Asa has made it out of the shower, and with a kiss and a "Happy Halloween", she sends her oldest son to bed.
Now comes the tricky part.
"Arizona, c'mon. You'll kill your back this way. Let's go to bed."
"Mmrrggh. No."
"Arizona..." Callie chuckles. "Are you saying you'd rather sleep all night on the floor than snuggled up next to me in bed?"
"Nooo," Arizona moans again, blinking herself awake and pitifully holding her hands up.
Callie helps her to her feet, pulling her in tight.
"We gotta get you cleaned up," Callie says softly in her ear. "How about a shower?"
"Together?" Arizona perks up.
"Together."
Arizona is suddenly very awake, grabbing for Callie's hand and pulling her along.
"Come on, Calliope. Hurry up!"
el fin