Standard Disclaimer: With the exception of Eliot Bennet-I don't own 'em! I just love 'em!

Redeem
The time. Redeem
The unread vision in the higher dream

-T.S. Eliot, Ash Wednesday

To Turn Again

As he sat in his office Jack McCoy didn't know how things had gone so awry. An hour earlier his life was on a comfortable, albeit predictable track. He was enjoying the life of NYC District Attorney. Of course there were the things he had to learn to tolerate, press conferences, cocktail parties, etc. But an hour ago his life took an unexpected detour.

It was a normal Tuesday morning he, his EADA Michael Cutter, and ADA Connie Rubirosa were headed out of One Hogan Place for a meeting. A young woman in her late twenties approached them. She introduced herself as Eliot Bennett, the daughter of a former colleague, Caroline. She looked very much like her mother as Jack recalled-same petite frame, same long wavy brown hair, even the same smile, but her eyes weren't her mother's sea green; they were much darker. Eliot explained that she'd been trying to get an appointment with Jack.

"As it turns out it's quite difficult to get a meeting with the District Attorney," she said with a nervous chuckle.

Being in a hurry to make his meeting Jack made quick arrangements for them to meet that afternoon in his office. As he walked away he knew that he'd made the appointment mainly because she was so attractive. He chuckled to himself.

Stupid, old man. Old habits…

Eliot arrived right on time. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this, but she had every right. She just had to keep telling herself that and try not to chicken out.

Be strong.

After exchanging pleasantries Jack asked after her mother. Eliot hated this part. For what seemed the hundredth time in three months Eliot recounted to him the story of her mother's passing.

"Ovarian cancer. It was very quick," she said as if to console him-a habit she'd picked up. "She was diagnosed in mid-January. There wasn't much they could do. But we had more good days than bad-so we were blessed."

Jack was taken by surprise at the news.

"I'm sorry. I haven't seen Caroline in a lot of years. She was a good person. I'm sorry she's gone."

Caroline had been a fellow prosecutor with Jack in the early years. She was a good attorney. Brains and beauty-just Jack's type. She'd left the DA's office to teach at NYU. Or was it Columbia? He remembered being surprised when she'd left. There was no warning-one day she was a legal ace on her way up the ladder and the next she was gone. He'd always wondered if she'd stayed…

"I think you're my father."

This jolted McCoy out of his reminiscing. "I'm sorry? You what?!"

"Or at least my mom did."

Jack's head was swimming with questions, but all he could seem to manage was a quizzical look of shock. He was at a loss for words-a situation the DA rarely found himself in.

Sensing his confusion Eliot began telling him about herself. She grew up the only child of Caroline, a single mother. Caroline never told her who her father was except to say he was a man with whom she'd had a brief fling and nothing more. Eliot had always assumed the news of her mother's pregnancy was an unwelcome surprise and she'd decided to raise her on her own. After she died Eliot began the dreaded process of cleaning out some of her mother's things. A few weeks ago she came across some letters in her mother's office. She pulled a bundle of a dozen or so letters wrapped in a satin green ribbon from her bag and handed them to Jack. To his surprise they were all addressed to him. Some even had stamps on them.

"The, uh… the earliest one was written on the day I was born-August of '80. Then," she took a deep breath, "a few here and there over the years. The last one was written the day before she died."

She watched this stranger-her father as he took in everything she said.

He absently thumbed through the bundle stopping on the most tattered one. Not surprisingly it was the oldest. It looked as if it had been read and reread many times. What were the chances? Jack did the math silently.

Of course it's possible, you dick. I couldn't keep it in my pants in those days!

Brief! Brief was an understatement. It was four, five times maybe over a couple of months. He didn't have time for much more in those days, neither one of them did. But he could barely be bothered to be a father to Rebecca then let alone-that's even if this story is true. Jack suddenly began to take the offensive and the air in the room proved it.

"Look, Eliot, what is it you want? I mean, that was a long time ago and…"

The look of confusion on her face began turning to one of hurt. Now that was a look Jack knew all too well. Women seemed to wear it often around him.

"What I'm trying to say is: We both, your mother and I, had several 'brief flings' if I remember correctly."

God, I'm an ass.

"Look, Mr. McCoy, I don't want anything from you. I don't need anything from you. I have a good job; my mom's brownstone is paid off. Hell! My student loans are even paid off!" she was visibly shaken, but held her composure impressively.

"Ok, listen, all my life it's been just me and my mom. And it was great! Over the years there were some long term boyfriends, but for the most part it was just us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm very well-adjusted." she chuckled lightly. "But when mom died, I realized, I... I'm all alone." she chuckled again, nervously this time. "My grandparents died years ago and mom was an only child, so no aunts or uncles or cousins. And then I found those letters and-believe me, I'd rarely given my father a second thought, but…" her voice wavered and she shrugged, "Can you appreciate how alienating is to be all alone in the world?"

Jack said nothing.

Stupid! Stupid girl! Why would I come here and subject myself to this jerk. I'm better off alone…

Eliot got up and gathered her things.

"This was a mistake. I'm sorry to have bothered you," she said as she headed towards the door.

"Eliot, can you give me a day with these?" holding up the letters. "So I can get my head around things?"

"Yeah, sure."

Reaching into her bag she produced a card and handed it to him.

"You can reach me on my cell."

"If you want…" she added as she left the office.

I won't hold my breath...

Jack studied the card:

Eliot Bennett-Addiction Counselor
Arms Acres, Brooklyn

So what's next McCoy?

"Hm… that's a good question."