Inferno
At first you think it's going to be a cake walk, you're tough, and you can get used to it. But Hell isn't like that, it doesn't matter how tough you are, or how many times they've done it to you, it's still just as painful and hideous, and just as unexplainable as the last time.
Maybe I was always headed for Hell, but there were moments…moments where I'd just wished I'd let Sammy go, that he'd gone here instead of me. That made me furious, ironic really – but I think self-loathing may have been what let me hold on for thirty years.
But it gets to you eventually; your smart ass comments are gone, your hopes of rescue have faded away, and you have nothing left, no defense to offer yourself when they make that offer once again.
It's so tempting, each and every time, anything would be better than this, anything you think. It's not, it never is in Hell – it's just a different kind of torment, and let me tell you – watching your soul erode in the blood of others; it's just as bad.
When it starts out you do it hesitantly, a slice there – a tear here. I remembered how Alastair tormented me, mimicked it. If I did well enough they would never put me back…they'd never…
And then you start to like it, enjoy the screams that you cause, addicting, sweet…disgusting.
You hate yourself but at the same time you yearn for more, so they give you more tools. More tools for the 'fun'.
And then I was saved; saved before I became as bad as the demons who had owned me.
So the question is what now; what if I go back…I probably will go back – is it going to be any different next time? No, they'll break me again – probably faster this time, all I can do now, is try to pull Sammy away from that gaping pit, and I don't know if I'll manage it.
A/N: So there's my short about Dean in hell and his thoughts, hopefully I portrayed him properly because he's definately my favorite character.