CHAPTER ONE
OCTOBER
CRAIG
It had been 11 days since the love of his life had turned his back on him and walked away without a backward glance.
Craig had arrived in Dublin with none of the anticipation and exhilaration he had expected to feel. Instead he had found his way to his new flat feeling nothing but emptiness and a sense of loss. Now, almost two weeks later the emptiness was gone and had been replaced with an ache in his heart and a feeling of frustration.
He had spent a full day putting niknaks from home around his flat and trying but failing, to make it feel like home. He had wandered around the town, checked out a few pubs and even hooked himself up with a job at The Swan which was just around the corner.
All the while his thoughts were consumed with one thing...John Paul.
Just thinking about him made Craig ache and he felt as though a fist was wrapped around his heart. On more than one occasion he had though about running back to Hollyoaks and begging for a second chance but every time he talked himself out of it. He had to remind himself 'He left me'.
Uni life wasn't what he had expected. He knew his plans had changed, first Sarah was going to be with him and then John Paul but he hadn't ever thought about being alone. His days fell into a quiet routine. Get up, showered, dressed, eat, uni,home, work and bed. He couldn't seem to get any pleasure out of his days. It was as though he felt he didn't deserve to be happy, couldn't be happy if he wasn't sharing it with his best mate, his soul mate.
Craig spent his nights curled up in bed, replaying in his mind everything that had gone wrong, everything he could have done differently with John Paul. His mum had sent him a picture the day he and John Paul had left. It was taken just before they had got into the taxi whilst all their family were standing there seeing them off. They were standing with their arms around each others shoulders, grinning at the camera. Bless his mum for developing it the same day or she never would have sent it.
His thoughts once again turned to that blue eyed boy. Craig lay there with his eyes closed and could clearly picture John Pauls face, his beautiful sincere smile and his gorgeous lips. He could picture John Paul standing there, telling him something, all the while gesturing with his hands. A smile flickered across Craigs face as he remembered their conversations. Some nights he lay there and felt sick as he remembered the way he had behaved, the things that he had said and done that had taken the smile away from those beautiful lips. He remembered how the twinkle in John Pauls eyes had disappeared when he had refused to kiss him. He pounded the pillow with frustration, still berating himself for being a coward.
Eventually exhausted and weary he fell into a dreamless sleep.
OCTOBER
JOHN PAUL
John Paul made his way home through Hollyoaks village as if he was on a mission. He kept his head down and avoided eye contact at all cost. After four weeks he still couldn't stand the accusatory glances of those around him. It had been bad enough having to see Sarah, Hannah and Nancys exchanged looks as he got out of the taxi from the airport and then having to explain to them that he and Craig weren't going to be together after all. Sarah had thrown a fit, still unable to process that perhaps she and Craig would never have worked and that had it not been for John Paul she still would have been living a lie.
He arrived home and tossed his backpack on the sofa before slumping down next to Jaq heaving a big sigh.
"You alright love?" she asked. "They're not still blanking you at college are they".
He looked over at his big sis and gave a dejected smile "Yeah, but it's okay, they'll get over it eventually". His sister nodded, noting that he didn't sound very convinced of his statement.
John Paul got up and went to his room, throwing himself down on his bed. He couldn't stand the sympathetic glances of his family and the snippets of whispered conversations he kept overhearing. He wanted to shout that he was fine but knew if he did he would break down completely at the enormity of his lie. He was tired of lies after everything he had gone through with Craig and yet he knew he was lying to himself every day.
What the hell had he been thinking, walking away from Craig that day? He had asked himself over and over but still couldn't come up with a reasonable answer. He knew that Craig hadn't had enough time to adjust to the idea of them as a couple but at the same time he had seemed to want to be with him too. He had acknowledged to himself weeks ago that it had been unfair asking Craig to kiss him in the crowded airport but he had just wanted a sign, a gesture that this was definitely what he wanted. He had hated the idea that maybe Craig had only picked him because Sarah had turned him down. He had felt like second best and wanted proof, even if it meant putting Craig on the spot. But now that fateful decision was still praying on his mind.
He looked over at his night stand and saw the picture of him and Craig together. Happier times, when they hadn't a care in the world and the most stressful thing in their lives had been putting up with Sonny Valentine. A smile played at the edges of John Pauls lips as he remembered the first time they had met.
He'd been listening to some tunes on his ipod in the sixth form common room when Craig Dean strode in. Of course he had known who he was, this boy with the sad brown eyes and shifty demeanor. Everyone had been saying things about his brother knocking over Sonnys mum and that he wasn't looking so smug now that he hadn't got the grades he wanted and was repeating a year. John Paul had glanced at him and made a passing comment about being in the wrong place. Craig had looked around as if trying to decide on fight or flight. Before they could get any further Sonny had come in and started having a pop at Craig. John Paul had watched out of the corner of his eye as Justin had gone over and diffused the situation. However later whilst he was waiting for Michaela he had noticed Sonny trailing Craig back into school closely followed by Justin. He hadn't liked the way the odds were stacked against Craig and for a reason he couldn't explain at the time he had hot footed it back indoors and broken the glass to the fire alarm. As Craig left the building John Paul had struck up a conversation and from that day forward they had been best mates.
A tear sprang to John Pauls eye as he remembered it all. In his eyes they were no longer mates. They were soul mates.
He went over to his bottom drawer, removed a piece of clothing and lifting it to his face he inhaled deeply. Craigs scent still lingered on his cardigan and it made John Pauls stomach muscles contract at the vivid mental image that flew into his mind. He took the garment over to the bed and holding it close he closed his eyes and let the memories surround him.