Emma
Emma Swan, super producer extraordinaire, was returning to yet another season of the hit reality show Once Upon a Time, a dating series where a considerably large flock of girls vie for the affections of a single man. Y'know, because it's obvious that love is something to be shared between one man and 27 women.
The thought made her scoff. She was currently lying on the ground of limousine 3, with her head resting on the floor between the parted feet of her personal pick to win, Elsa. She was hiding from the camera's line of sight, hoping to avoid upsetting her vengeful boss by ruining valuable footage.
Her ear piece squawked to life with the voice of her boss, the one and only Regina Mills, "MIsssSWAaaaAAn," she called, "Where the Hell are my girls here?"
Running her tongue over her chapped lips to wet them, Emma spoke into the tiny microphone, "Yeah umm we got caught in some traffic on the way back from the airport," she confessed scratching sheepishly at the messy knot of golden locks resting atop her head.
"Well I don't give a shit as to what kind of traffic you got into; I want you to take a fucking lesson from the road runner and meep meep your asses over here now!Do I make myself clear?" Regina Demanded.
Emma let out a exasperated sigh God, kill me now,she thought picking up the microphone again "Copy that your majesty"
"Hey! You there with your head between the ice queen's legs," Zelena, the red head to her left drawled , Taking the time to perfectly pronounce each of her words, hoping to mask her drunken state, but Emma could hear her British accent becoming slightly thicker with each glass of champagne. The red head pointed her freshly emptied flute at Emma.Emma flinched away from the stray drop that landed on her cheek. "What?" the producer asked rolling her head to look at the buzzed contestant.
"I have to pee, could we stop somewhere with a toilet?" Zelena explained, shifting in her seat to illustrate her discomfort.
"I would like to use the restroom as well." Elsa chimed looking down at the floor between her spread legs to meet Emma's eyes.
"I need to go too," Mulan, asked peeking around Elsa's knee.
"We're already late enough as is, but what I cando since we're getting so close is show you who the suitor is," she said tugging the glossy headshot free from her bag. "His name is Killian Jones, and he is the heir to his family's multibillion-dollar record company, Jewel Records"
The picture was quickly plucked from her hands and the girls began to chatter excitedly amongst themselves saying things like 'ohmigod! Look at those eyes!', 'I wonder what the rest of him looks like', and 'goodness! That smile could melt a girl's heart'.
Emma let out a sigh and stared out the open sun roof watching the starry night sky. This can't be all there is to life.
Killian
Killian fought the urge to groan as the first carriage of girls arrived. God, just kill me now he thought as he plastered the most believable smile he could muster across his face.
"So Killian, are you nervous?" the host, the ever-charming David Nolan asked him as the first carriage pulled up.
"No. Not really," he answered rocking back and forth on his heels "I suppose I'm more so excited than nervous, mate."
"That's good to hear, because here they come," David told him clapping a supportive hand on Killian's shoul
How did it come to this? He thought as the first girl stepped out. It's not that she wasn't attractive. She was. She had long, long, dark hair styled into some elaborate system of braids, and skin the color of warm mocha. Her smile was sweet as she extended her hand for him to take. "Hello, I'm Rapunzel, but you can call me Zella"
"Very well, Zella. It's a pleasure to meet you," He went to press a chaste kiss on the top of her hand only to hear all of the staff yelling 'Cut!'
What the devil is going on? He thought looking around.
_ Regina
"So who the fuck's idea was she?" Regina looked around the from producer to producer. "Was it you? She asked her eyes narrowing in Ingrid's direction.
The blonde held her hands up as if to say 'it wasn't me.'
"It was me," August told the angry woman from his seat across the room. His bravery was met by a pen flying at his face. "What's the big deal!? She's gorgeous, she's educated She's—"
"Black."
"Regina, it is 2015, and there is a black man in the White House.
"What?" Regina gasped in mock shock "We do? No shit August. First girl is always supposed to be a wifey , and after you've been on this show for as long as I have, you pick up a few things. One thing that I have noticed is that America isn't a fan of the swirl." She shrugged "It's not my fault America's racist." She then pointed at the screen showing the confused suitor. "Now if British McTightcheeks goes out and decides that he's craving chocolate I will be the first to apologize, but until then we go based off what has happened in past seasons," Regina walked over to his desk and met his eyes with her own icy gaze, "So, bring me. A different. Girl."
August bit back his desire to argue the point any further, and simply replied with a curt 'fine'.
Regina looked back at the screen and pulled out her walkie talkie " AND, For the love of ALL that is holy somebody tell captain guyliner over there to perk up or be prepared to lose the other hand, we're trying to sell these idiots 'Happily Ever After' Does he look happy to you? No! So fix it." On the screen Killian lifted his good hand with his middle finger extended at full mast. "Yeah, fuck you too buddy. Just shut up and be a good meat puppet," Regina grumbled under her breath.
The door creaked open and the person who stepped inside was a young girl with golden hair, "Hi Ms. Mills, I'm you're new assistant Cindy," She stammered looking down at her clipboard to avoid Regina's killer glare.
"Well, what is it?" Regina 'asked' crossing her arms and arching one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.
"M-Mister Loxley would like to see you," the teen stammered, her knuckles turning white with what Regina hoped was fear.
"Of course he would," she said setting down her walkie talkie and heading out of the room.