Lovino stared at the picture before him blankly
It was taken years ago now, when he was a kid and when this wasn't all that bad
It was before everything turned to shit.
Before her parents...divorced.
It was his dad who wanted out, he remembered hearing his mom shouting that she didn't want their relationship to end like this but he was shouting back. This continued until he came upstairs
"We're leaving right now" he said grabbing his arm and yanking him out of his bed
His brother peeked his head into the room his eyes filled with fear
"I'm not letting you have my kid!" his mom had exclaimed getting in-between them
"I'm not leaving him with you" he shot back angrily, "Lovino get your things we're going"
"he is staying!" her mother said furiously, a few objects around the room exploded
Lovino stared, his mom didn't use her powers when she got angry because she said that that's how people died.
"Fine" his father said after a long agonizing silence "keep him, I'm moving to America anyway, and I'm taking Feliciano"
That is what had started this argument in the first place, mom was happy in Italy but dad wanted a better job in America, he had been offered one too but mom didn't want to move.
Lovino stared as his father turned and grabbed his little brother draggin him away
His mom went after him but soon after there was the sound of the door shutting and she just sat there crying.
Lovino tried, built it wasn't working.
he worked so hard to keep his mom happy
he took up lots of sports, hobbies, he won so many competitions and disregarded anything that wouldn't gain his mothers attention but even though his mother would smile she could still see her...dying on the inside.
Then that day came.
He remembered before he went to school his mom held him close and whispered:
"I love you so much, you will never understand"
These words had confused him so much, terrified him when he couldn't figure out the meaning,
When he couldn't figure out why his mom sounded so...miserable...as if she was saying her last goodbyes.
When he got home, he unlocked the door and walked into the house which was quiet, he immediately went into the kitchen where his mom would usually be making him a snack or something.
He sighed as he was greeted by an unorthodox silence
"Mom?" he called but got no reply,
he then started searching the rooms, something had happened. it was like it was resting at the tip of his tongue but he couldn't exactly place what it was.
Then he pushed open the bathroom door and froze
"Oh" he whispered staring, there were pills scattered on the floor
A letter and blood...lots and lots of blood draining into the bathtub
"Right" he said before backing away and leaving
The water had been cold he could tell just by looking that his mom had been there a long time
Lovino went downstairs and out of the house and knocked patiently on the neighbours door
"I need help," he said to teenager who answered, Lovino had never taken the time to learn his neighbours child's name
"Look just go and fix it yourself," the girl said shutting the door but Lovino knocked again
This time it was more desperate and his hand was trembling
"Look kid if I help you will you go away?" she asked
Lovino nodded and took the girls hand leading her into his house and upstairs
Lovino stopped outside the bathroom and stood there
"What am I meant to do?" she asked pushing open the bathroom door
The girl literally shrieked and backed away shaking
"mom!" she screamed running out of the house "mom call an ambulance or something-god!" She exclaimed
An d from there it just sort of went on by itself
Lovino stayed at the neighbour's house for a week while the police cleaned things up and got in contact with his dad
His dad who had built himself a new life
He knew he had because he and his mom had received the wedding invitation and a plane ticket...maybe that was what broke her?
he just sat around waiting and waiting, he didn't want to move to America but she had no choice.
When his dad suddenly came into his neighbour's kitchen he had expected to see a knight in shining armour or an angel or...something but instead he saw his dad. Nothing special, if anything he had grown to hate him
"Lovino" he breathed running forward he moved to hug him but he didn't allow it
"I'm going to be moving to America aren't I?" he asked simply continuing with his drawing
"Yea...yea" he said nodding "I-I'm sorry you had to see-"
"You came a week late," he said too quiet for anyone except Jane to hear, that was the neighbours daughters name-Jane.
"I'm sorry I was working," he said apologetically
'So he heard' Lovino thought bitterly
"Are we going to be staying for the funeral?" he asked
"No, I'm sorry Lovino but we've got to get back to America"
There was a very heavy silence
"Right, I understand" he smiled sweetly but everyone else in the room seemed to know what message those words carried.
When he got to America he had imagined everything would be fine and that everything would be better.
Fat chance.
That woman he had married seemed to think he would steal 'her' money-seriously, she said it as if she actually went to work.
Then the arguing started, and then he was moved to live with his grandpa.
Just fucking great huh?
Somehow, Feliciano wasn't blamed for anything, no. They blamed Lovino for their parents splitting up. Nobody said it but he knew they all thought it.
They looked at him disdainfully every time he outdid his brother and their looks turned pitiful and condescending when he let his brother win.
They didn't value him.
They didn't even like him.
Every time that Feliciano invited him over, he would have to decline.
Because his own fucking father didn't even want to see his face.
His granddad was all right but even he seemed to have a soft spot for Feliciano like everyone else fucking did.
But still.
Lovino couldn't bring himself to hate his brother.
When he saw that, he was being bullied because he had come out as gay he stepped in making sure that his brother didn't even notice it was happening.
He cleaned the garbage out of his locker for him, he get rid of nasty notes, he was like a shadow, not hating the one who had cast him but still unable to bear being near him.
Lovino tried and tried, he honestly did.
He hid the cuts which were both self inflicted and caused by bullies ganging up on him
He learned how to hide his emotions and every so often fake a smile
He made sure he was always alone.
He tried.
So...
So why wasn't it enough?
Why didn't they accept him?
Why didn't someone try to help him?
Why did everyone hate him so much?
He did everything he could.
But why was he still alone?
He needed somebody.
Anybody.
Anybody...
But nobody came.
And that's why he started trying to kill himself.
Of course he didn't die
That was another thing that was fucking wrong here.
Not even hell wanted him.
He had jumped off bridges, slit his throat, overdosed and fucking SHOT himself.
But every time he would wake up a second later
If he had drowned then he would drown but still be conscious, still be breathing.
Still be alive.
If you'd call this living.
And there was nobody he could talk to about it.
He knew his mom had powers, secret powers that he wasn't meant to tell anyone about
Feliciano had forgotten and grandpa Romulus probably didn't know considering he was the paternal granddad
So he was alone.
And he was dead.
But he was living.
And he would never be good enough.
He was a waste of space.
But it seemed like he was a waste of space that nobody wanted.
lets see how this goes-eh?
reveiws would make my life SO much better and tell me if you have any suggestions on where this is going :D