Title: Slowly Shattered
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: Truly loved at: dana_mulder32@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 2; "Daddy's Little Girl"
Classification: Amy grief; Drama; Amy/Colin
Disclaimer: "Everwood", the characters and situations within do not belong to me. They're the property of Greg Berlanti, Mickey Liddell, Everwood Utah Inc, and the WB. No infringement is intended.
Distribution: My archive, Bound. http://www.geocities.com/cassandra_mulder Anyone else please ask.
Summary: Amy Abbott regarded herself as broken glass. There seemed to be pieces of her everywhere, and she didn't have the first clue how to pick them up and figure out how they fit together anymore.
Written: October 13, 2003
A/N: The title of this fic was born during "Daddy's Little Girl", and the fic followed immediately after. Kudos to Emily Van Camp, and her portrayal of a grieving Amy. She made me cry, she made me feel for her, and gave me long lost inspiration to write what I hope is a moving piece.
*****************************************************************************
Amy Abbott regarded herself as broken glass these days. There seemed to be pieces of her everywhere, and she didn't have the first clue how to pick them up and figure out how they fit together anymore.
The shards of her life lay before her, and instead of magically returning to their proper place, all they did was cut. They cut so deeply that sometimes she felt as if she were bleeding to death, but everyone refused to see.
Yes, she was grieving. Yes, she was having a hard time. But she'll get through it, they all said.
How would they know? How *could* they know how she felt, what she thought, if she'd be all right? She certainly didn't know. She was so consumed by pain that she didn't know how she'd manage to put one foot in front of the other, much less how she'd make it through the entire day. She merely existed in the present, couldn't currently imagine her future, and longed for the past.
Colin was in the past. Amy had fought for Colin. Loved him. Supported him.
Lost him.
It was her own fault for never preparing for the possibility of living without him, she told herself. She never once considered defeat; that he wouldn't make it through whatever came next. She would be there every step of the way, and if it took her sheer will for him to survive, then she'd give it everything she had.
In the end it hadn't been enough, and she realized it never could've been enough. She didn't like things that were out of her control, but their presence was undeniable. What seemed like the inevitable to everyone but her had caught up to Colin, and now he was gone.
She was left feeling alone, even surrounded by all the people she knew that loved her. But the only one that knew her deep down, the real her, only haunted her dreams, untouchable, intangible.
The only other people who would understand her grief were drowning in far different ways. Mr. Hart in the bottle, Laynie in her anti-depressants, and Bright in his guilt.
She didn't know what was worse, trying to make it on her own or depending on something else. It wasn't anything her father would let her decide, so what was the difference?
Maybe she should be getting better, but maybe no one realized exactly how much Colin meant to her. How deeply she loved him, would always love him. What kind of wound had been opened when reality crashed down on her, breaking her serenity, changing her normal, perfectly mundane existence into constant waves of sadness, anxiety, anger, and fear.
They couldn't see, help, or understand as she fought to breathe, to move, to live. No one saw as the agony overtook her on these solitary nights.
As she slowly shattered.
Finis
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: Truly loved at: dana_mulder32@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 2; "Daddy's Little Girl"
Classification: Amy grief; Drama; Amy/Colin
Disclaimer: "Everwood", the characters and situations within do not belong to me. They're the property of Greg Berlanti, Mickey Liddell, Everwood Utah Inc, and the WB. No infringement is intended.
Distribution: My archive, Bound. http://www.geocities.com/cassandra_mulder Anyone else please ask.
Summary: Amy Abbott regarded herself as broken glass. There seemed to be pieces of her everywhere, and she didn't have the first clue how to pick them up and figure out how they fit together anymore.
Written: October 13, 2003
A/N: The title of this fic was born during "Daddy's Little Girl", and the fic followed immediately after. Kudos to Emily Van Camp, and her portrayal of a grieving Amy. She made me cry, she made me feel for her, and gave me long lost inspiration to write what I hope is a moving piece.
*****************************************************************************
Amy Abbott regarded herself as broken glass these days. There seemed to be pieces of her everywhere, and she didn't have the first clue how to pick them up and figure out how they fit together anymore.
The shards of her life lay before her, and instead of magically returning to their proper place, all they did was cut. They cut so deeply that sometimes she felt as if she were bleeding to death, but everyone refused to see.
Yes, she was grieving. Yes, she was having a hard time. But she'll get through it, they all said.
How would they know? How *could* they know how she felt, what she thought, if she'd be all right? She certainly didn't know. She was so consumed by pain that she didn't know how she'd manage to put one foot in front of the other, much less how she'd make it through the entire day. She merely existed in the present, couldn't currently imagine her future, and longed for the past.
Colin was in the past. Amy had fought for Colin. Loved him. Supported him.
Lost him.
It was her own fault for never preparing for the possibility of living without him, she told herself. She never once considered defeat; that he wouldn't make it through whatever came next. She would be there every step of the way, and if it took her sheer will for him to survive, then she'd give it everything she had.
In the end it hadn't been enough, and she realized it never could've been enough. She didn't like things that were out of her control, but their presence was undeniable. What seemed like the inevitable to everyone but her had caught up to Colin, and now he was gone.
She was left feeling alone, even surrounded by all the people she knew that loved her. But the only one that knew her deep down, the real her, only haunted her dreams, untouchable, intangible.
The only other people who would understand her grief were drowning in far different ways. Mr. Hart in the bottle, Laynie in her anti-depressants, and Bright in his guilt.
She didn't know what was worse, trying to make it on her own or depending on something else. It wasn't anything her father would let her decide, so what was the difference?
Maybe she should be getting better, but maybe no one realized exactly how much Colin meant to her. How deeply she loved him, would always love him. What kind of wound had been opened when reality crashed down on her, breaking her serenity, changing her normal, perfectly mundane existence into constant waves of sadness, anxiety, anger, and fear.
They couldn't see, help, or understand as she fought to breathe, to move, to live. No one saw as the agony overtook her on these solitary nights.
As she slowly shattered.
Finis