You promised me forever and what do we have left? You're leaving tomorrow and you won't even offer me the solace of a kiss, a confession, even waking up next to you. Today you abandon me for your duties as favorite, and I can't begrudge you that, but there's no smile when we pass in the halls there's no reassuring 'good night' message tonight. Have you forgotten me? We were together only last night.

What did I do wrong?

You used to tell me that you were proud of me, that you loved me. Now when others push me down you walk on like it wasn't once your problem. Or maybe that's why. Maybe you thought of me as your problem and the only way to solve me was to let me go. Maybe being me was just too hard for you to deal with. If that's so I'm sorry. I'm sorry wasn't strong enough to stand on my own, I'm sorry wasn't enough.

I'll remember this for next time.

I'll remember I need to be cold, I need to be closed because no one will love someone soft. People don't have time for someone who can't stand on their own, apparently. I'll keep in mind to be strong and to never lean on anyone ever again because that's a sign of weakness and no one can stand for it. I'll close of my heart and lock it in a box.

Do I need to lose the key too?

I was the one usually losing things, I'd misplace it somewhere or another and you'd be the one to have to find it. There were some day's you'd get so annoyed with me for it, you would rage and yell before we'd make it up and everything would go back to normal. But maybe that was something you resented for me, maybe it was one of many things. I don't know you never bothered to tell me.

(X)

I rescue you, I save you from irrevocable pain. I tell you my secrets again like the past never happened because apparently you forgot it all. You forgot the good and the bad, I can't help but resent you for that. Your heart won't wrench every time you see me like when I see you. You won't remember late mornings and coffee breaks after studying all night.

You won't remember any of it.

I have to relive every single moment when I see you and you don't even remember my face as anything more than a team mate. As normal and casual, as strange, as anyone else here. That just might be what hurts more than anything else. You're supposed to be the leader but you're more broken than any of us, how does that qualify you? You used to be so strong, and now you still are but you're still different somehow.

Nothing will ever be the same.

Not for me at least, but no one else will even know. The rest of the crew don't even know our past and I'm not going to tell them. They don't need to know, because they might be able to see into my head but there are some things I've buried as far down as I can. At least they can be happy in their obliviousness. They might have their own pain to deal with, and I sympathize as much as I can, but none of them have to face the same pain every day without even being able to face it

There's so much pain in this place.

There are some days I just want to run away, I was to leave it all behind and never have to deal with it again. I buried my heart as far away as I can, I locked it in a box and lost they key but I keep resurfacing and for some reason I gave you a copy. You don't even remember where it goes. There's nothing I can do about it I guess and all there's left is to let it go, but it's so damn hard.