He blew out the last candle, the flicker flame dying out immediately. Not even it cared enough to put up a fight. Joey gathered the dishes and walked them into the kitchen. He was too tired to be angry, too sad to be upset, too hurt to be indignant. The sound of the door rattling normally filled him with joy, but tonight, he almost dreaded what would come next.
"Sorry I'm.." She stopped, looking around. She reached out to touch the still warm wax that had melted onto the table. "Did you do all this?" Kelly took a step towards him, the guilt welling up inside her as he took a step back.
"What makes you think that?" he muttered. He knew it seemed petty, but at this point, he no longer cared. Getting back together with Kelly was the one thing that had gone right this past year. He finally had another chance to get it right. He had the girl, now he could get to work on building the life, only she was never here to do that.
"Joey," she said softly, reaching up to touch him. "I'm really sorry. Something came up and I had to take care of it because…"
"You're the only one that could." He finished her sentence for her. He'd heard it enough. "If you'd come work with me, like I've asked you, like I've begged you, we wouldn't be having this problem," he sighed, grabbing the last of the dishes.
Kelly shook her head. "I thought we'd settled this." She reached down, grabbing her shoes and tossing them to the side. "The Sun is important to me. It's something that's just for me. Something I've worked hard on. Don't ask me to give that up, Joey. Don't ask me to choose. It's my baby."
The second the words left her lips, she knew what she'd said. She saw in his eyes, the hurt….or was it anger? She wasn't sure and he didn't give her long to ponder. He simply grabbed the last remaining plate and stormed into the kitchen.
She stepped into the kitchen, the banging of pots and pans a clear indication that Joey was in no mood to talk. She wasn't either, but this silence….it was so….loud. It was ironic, she thought to herself, how silence could be as loud in your head as a scream…as deafening as any harsh words you had ever shouted in anger.
"Joey," she said quietly, jumping a little as he slammed a pot into the cabinet.
"Not now, Kelly." He didn't even look at her. He couldn't. They'd been having the same argument over and over and over for months. It always ended the same way. She always promised that it would get easier. She was going to hire an assistant and she'd be home more…soon, but now he was beginning to wonder. He wondered if work was an excuse…a reason to avoid the commitment…a reason to avoid making all the plans and dreams they'd talked about a reality.
"I just…I didn't mean it to come out that way. What I said…I mean. Work…The job…" She looked over at him. Not once had he even glanced her way. She hadn't seen him this angry…this detached in so long…not since….since the whole mess with Kevin. "The thing I said about it being my baby." He turned his head toward her, his eyes glaring.
She continued. "It was just an expression."
"No. See that's just it, Kelly. It's not just an expression. I think maybe for the first time in months…maybe you're telling me the truth. Maybe you don't want what I want. Maybe you never have. Maybe this life isn't your dream. Maybe it's just been mine and maybe I'm the fool that's been fighting for something that's never even been there in the first place."
His words seemed to hang in the air, never to be taken back, never to be unsaid, and he wasn't sure he'd want them to be. His anger was real. His pain was real. His disappointment was real. Even though the tears that flowed down her face seemed to beckon to him, he stood firm. He wouldn't be her comfort this time. He wouldn't be her shoulder to cry on.
Breathe, she reminded herself, as she forced the air through her lungs. She reached out, grabbing the door frame and steadying herself. "I want what you want, Joey….I just…" His eyes were so cold as he stared at her. She searched them for something she recognized, but found nothing. "Why can't you understand?"
"I understand perfectly." Turning away again, he went back to work scrubbing the pot in the sink. He was done. Done with the pleading, done with the begging, done with asking her to make a commitment that she didn't want to make….He was done with it all. "I'm sure you've got work to do."
She inhaled sharply. "Are you telling me to leave?" Her voice shook with disbelief and pain.
He kept his hands in the water, afraid that if he pulled them out she'd see them shaking. He closed his eyes, unable to look at her as he spoke. "Just go. Take care of what's important to you."
It took everything in her not to collapse to the floor, but somehow she managed to remain on her feet. Taking a deep breath, she reached down, wiping some imaginary lint from her jacket, and using the few seconds to collect herself. "If that's what you want," she said softly.
Joey stood still until he heard the door shut. He listened for a moment for the sound of her car starting, then reached for a towel. "You're what I want," he said softly.
The file fell to the floor, scattering the papers everywhere. Kelly sighed. She didn't know why she came back here. There was no way she was concentrating on anything tonight—much less work. The only thing she could think about was Joey. He looked through her tonight, like he didn't even know her anymore. She hadn't seen him that empty in a really long time and she hoped to never see it again.
"Kelly," a voice called to her from the door.
"Yeah, Meridith?" Kelly looked up, grateful to see the young woman there. It wasn't exactly that she wanted to hear whatever problems the young reporter had to burden her with, but at least it would be some distraction, and at this point, any distraction was a welcome one.
"The police scanner just picked up some activity near Angel Square. Apparently something pretty big is going on. You want me to send someone over to cover it?" She looked at her with hopeful eyes.
Kelly nodded. Meredith reminded her at lot of herself. She had energy to burn and a lot to prove. Both of her parents had been junkies and she'd basically raised herself. Determined to succeed, she possessed plenty of heart and a healthy amount of a talent to boot. Now all she needed was a chance to prove herself.
"You know," Kelly said, managing a small smile, "Why don't you go?" She actually felt a little better as she watched the girl's face light up.
"Really? You're sure?"
"Yeah…Yeah…Go ahead. Just make sure you let the police handle the dangerous stuff, ok?" She raised her eyebrows, making sure to emphasize her point.
Meredith shook her head, then looked a little concerned. "It's just…"
"What? What's wrong?" Kelly was confused. She figured Meredith would jump at the chance to be the first on the scene of a story, but now she seemed to be having second thoughts. Jitters, she wondered?
"It's just. I haven't been here very long and I've been saving up, but I haven't had the money to buy a car yet." She kept her eyes fixed on the floor, embarrassed that she couldn't do the job she was now being asked to do. Even after working so hard here, still she didn't measure up.
"Oh?" Kelly felt a twinge of sadness as she watched her. She knew what it was like to try to fit in, but she'd always been blessed financially, thanks to Dorian. "Tell you what," she smiled, "Why don't you drop me off at home, and then you take my car?"
Meredith eyes widened? "Are you sure?"
"Of course, but we'd better be getting out of here before that lead gets cold," Kelly said quickly, gathering her things and picking up a few files to take with her. It wasn't as if she was getting anything done here tonight anyway, she reasoned. At least this way, she was helping someone out.
She motioned for Meredith to walk out ahead of her, flipped off the light, and closed the door behind her.
"Talk about timing," Kelly muttered, listening as the rain poured heavily outside its steady assault on the windows broken only by loud claps of thunder and sharp crackles of lightning. Holding the flashlight, she sighed, grateful to at least have the small beam of light it provided. Her aunt's house was huge and the darkness only made it seem larger and even emptier. What she wouldn't give to fall into Joey's arms right now.
She started over to the phone, and picked it up, realizing for the first time that the storm had rendered it useless as well. Grabbing her purse, she cursed. Her cell phone sat inside the glove box of her car, which was now surely on the way to Angel Square. She flopped down on the sofa. She could take Dorian's car, she thought. She could go to Joey. She could try to explain. Leaning back, she closed her eyes, her body releasing a slow sigh. Nothing like a dark and stormy night to make you feel totally and completely alone.
"Alright already," Joey yelled, as he headed down the steps. Polite wasn't even on his list tonight. The storm had kept him up most of the night and now that it had finally settled down, some idiot was down here knocking on his door. "This had better be good!"
He jerked open the door, "Uncle Bo?" he said surprised.
"Joey," Bo replied, looking at his nephew with a mix of sorrow and regret. "I know it's late, but I wanted to make sure you didn't hear it from…." He sighed. "Can I come in?"
Joey paused for a moment. When someone from the police department stopped by your house in the middle of the night, even if they were your uncle, it wasn't good. He simply stepped aside.
"Thanks," Bo said quietly, walking inside. "Why don't you sit down?"
"I don't want to sit down." Joey could feel his body begin to shake. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"
"Joey…I…" There was no right way to say this. He'd done this more times than he cared to remember and yet he never felt he got any better at it. He never felt he found the right way to say it. "There's been an accident, Joey."
"An accident?" His heart beat faster still. "Who? Who was it?" His voice broke with each word he spoke and he sat, no longer trusting his legs to hold him.
"Kelly." Bo said softly.
"Kelly?" It was as if his heart had fallen to the floor. He couldn't catch his breath. So many questions flooded his mind and yet he couldn't get his mouth to cooperate. Everything seemed blurry and slow and surreal. "She's ok though, right?"
Bo closed his eyes for a moment, reliving his own losses. There was something so unbelievably painful about the moment you realize something you love more than your own life is gone.
"I'm afraid not, Joey." He stopped for a moment, watching his face as the words became real. He stood, walking over to the chair where Joey sat. Gently he put his hand on his shoulder. "She's gone, Joey. I'm so so sorry, but she's gone."