The Diary of Arthur Poe: More Evil Than You Thought
My latest fic yet. I must be going crazy, writing so many fics in a short period. Anyways, this fic is a diary of Arthur Poe, known as Mr. Poe, through the series if he was associates with Count Olaf. I thought of this story on December 25, 2004 when I got the Unauthorized Autobiography and wrote it in my commonplace notebook. Well, enjoy, and I really do think Mr. Poe is associates with Count Olaf.
Chapter 1No time for dates. Olaf burned it down!
Dear diary,
Today was the best day in my whole, entire, volunteer life! Count Olaf, the world's greatest actor, ultimate boss, and most villainous criminal, has finally burned down the Baudelaire's mansion.
Mr. and Mrs. Baudelaire sent Violet, Klaus, and Sunny to Briny Beach. Then, with the younger Baudelaires out of the way, Olaf burned down the mansion. I have no idea how he did it, either because he never told me, or because I didn't pay attention to his long, detailed, often boring stories. Anyways, the good and important part is that the Baudelaire parents are out of the way, or in other words, dead.
They were very trusting, thinking I was on their side. Always inviting me to dinner parties, and believing that I always had a cough. The truth is, I spied at all those dinners, and my cough was a Voice Fakery Disguise, a fancy VFD term meaning, "not a real voice, but a fake one".
My other disguise was an operagoer one, and it's from my VFD disguise kit. It consists of a top hat, black suit, formal shoes, and money, to create the appearance of wealth. That's partly the reason of as to why I'm a banker. As you probably know, I ALWAYS wear these clothes.
On my way to Briny Beach (I had to meet with the brats), I thought of how to sound when confronting them. I had to show sympathy, and look sorry. I also had to be sad and gloomy. Yeah, like I was sad in real life! I was now entering the foggy beach.
In the fog, I saw a figure with something in its hand. As I exited the fog, I saw it was none other than Violet Baudelaire, followed by Klaus and Sunny. The thing in her hand was a smooth stone. She dropped it, looking embarrassed, but I don't know why. We started to make conversation, and then I delivered the news. The expressions from their face went from content to miserable.
I took the Baude-brats to my home where they would stay for a while until I found them a home and guardian. Of course, I was to bring them to Olaf straight away, but he was not ready yet.
The brats were so annoying during their stay. The baby bit things non-stop. Violet and Klaus moped around, doing nothing. Why can't they be like my children, Albert and Edgar? They're so smart, hygienic, and fun-spirited.
I finally got rid of the brats by putting them in the care of Count Olaf. Well, I didn't really get rid of them, as soon, all of us will REALLY get rid of them, and get their fortune.
I met Olaf's neighbour. She's a woman named Justice Strauss. She seems familiar. Then, we, well the orphans, met Count Olaf for the first time. I acted as if I never knew Count Olaf at all, even though I did.
Everything was going fine. I went to work, came home, and everything was normal. Until, the orphans came to my bank. They were complaining about Olaf, and how evil he was. I ended the annoying conversation by using my knowledge. I told them about the Latin term, "in loco parentis". I told them about how it meant, "acting in role of the parent" or in other words, "Count Olaf is allowed to boss them around".
Later on, I called Count Olaf and told him about the children's complaints. I told him about how I used the Latin term, "in loco parentis". He must of thought that I was very smart, and just because I was a comrade of Olaf doesn't mean I'm dimwitted.
After a lot of work, Count Olaf was having a play. He invited me. Of course, this was a fake play; it was a scheme to get the Baudelaire fotune. If anything went wrong, I would let Olaf flee and take the Baudelaires to another guardian, preferably a good member of VFD or someone related to a good member of VFD. Olaf could easily destroy the brats AND the VFD member when I told him where they would be.
We had to put Plan B into action, as those Baudelaires somehow stopped the original plan. I took them to their next guardian, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. I told Olaf about this, and he said he has a plan. Well, until next time.
The world is quiet here.
Arthur Poe
Liked it? Plz tell me inur reviews. And now, a couplet by yours truly:
Who is Beatrice, someone tell me,
why the answers lie within Lemony?
Was that good? Well, bye,
TelepathicPrincess