here's another story for all you people! i know its kinda short but... i hope you enjoy it anyway! inspired by the song Tourniquet by Evanescence.

Disclaimer: i don't own -man

The crimson blood flooded out of the wound. Allen flinched as the cold metal blade sliced into his pale skin creating a horrible red gash across his wrist. The pain was mind numbing and soon he could not think coherent thoughts. He couldn't remember when this horrible chain of self mutilation had started but he was too addicted to care. The cuts were his way out, his only salvation from the dark world he lived in. he was too lost to be saved by anything else. They helped him cope with the misery in his life that had seem to start from the day he was born and abandoned. Memories of what had just transpired in the café flooded back to him; making fresh new tears well up in his eyes. Kanda was right when he had said the Allen was a freak of nature. Allen knew he would always be alone. He knew Kanda spoke the truth when he said no one would ever love him, it just hurt to hear the Japanese swordsman say that. Allen had an infatuation with Kanda but he would never admit to it. It made his heart hurt to hear Kanda admit to what he really thought of Allen.

More blood flew down his wrist like a gentle stream. Allen half smiled at the puddle of blood forming on his bath room floor. When did he become such a masochist? He didn't tell any of his friends about his little "habit" he always put a brave face for his friends and acted like everything was all right. His masked seem to fool everyone around him. They never saw him in such a weakened state. Without thinking Allen cut into his wrist for a third time, this time with more force than necessary. The gash went deep exposing the horrible red skin and blood splattered everywhere. It started to drip of the walls leaving streaks. The pain racked through Allen's body and left his mind buzzing. Looking down he could see the reflection of the 14th staring back with a sadistic smirk playing across his lips. Dark spots clouded his vision as he screamed in agony and feel to the floor. The steady rhythmic dripping of the crimson liquid lulled him into a state of total darkness. "This is the end" he thought as he slid into unconsciousness.

Kanda was mad as always. The annoying rabbit had ruined his peaceful lunch like always. Why count people just leave him alone to sulk in his venom? And to his annoyance he and the Moyashi had gotten into a fight. Kanda was so enraged that he called Allen "a freak of nature" because of his red arm. He had also told him that he would never be loved. After that the damned beansprout ran out of the cafeteria with tears streaming down his face.

Flashback

"Oii Bakanda, stop torturing the poor finders!" a voice shouted from behind Kanda

Turning around he saw Allen standing there, glaring up at Kanda with his hand cocked on his hip.

"Nani? Who do you think you're talking to pathetic moyashi?" Kanda snapped at the young boy, causing him to slightly flinch. But this didn't make Allen back down

"Well of course you Bakanda! I said stop treating those finders so poorly….and my name is Allen! Are you stupid?"

"I don't care what your damn name is. These finders are useless and are only more baggage for the exorcists to deal with. They get killed off too easily. They are weak" Kanda shouted back, rage filling his tone, fingers twitching to grab Mugen

"That still gives you no right to treat them that way. They risk their lives every day to help us! At least show them more respect"

"Che, that will never happen"

"Why do you have to be a cold hearted bastard all the time?" Allen asked, concern filling his tone. Maybe he could get Kanda to be nicer to the finders, to be nicer to everyone…

"The same reason you're a freak of nature that will never be loved by anyone" Kanda yelled angrily, but as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. The sound resonated across the cafeteria. All talking stopped and an eerie silence filled the café.

'No' Allen thought as his eyes began to burn and fill with tears. Kanda couldn't really think that about him could he? Allen knew the answer all too well. It was painfully clear that what Kanda had said had been the truth. Not wanting the cold-hearted samurai to see him cry, Allen fled the café, leaving a guilty feeling Kanda to watch him go.

End Flashback

Kanda felt a sting of guilt and regret. The truth was that Kanda really did like the stupid beansprout. He really didn't think Allen was a freak of nature. In fact Kanda thought he looked better with all his oddities. Without them Allen just wouldn't be…..well Allen

In his thinking Kanda didn't seem to realize that he was passing Allen's room. Realizing his position Kanda thought 'maybe I should just apologize to the damn moyashi.' In an instant an agonizing scream came from Allen's room. Kanda jumped slightly at this, shocked, then ran as fast as he could towards the door. Twisting the handle, he found that the door was unlocked

"Tch, stupid moyashi is gonna get himself hurt, leaving himself so vulnerable like this!" He stepped in slowly, fearing that the stupid Beansprout had gotten hurt. After taking a quick scan of the room and finding the bedroom empty, he walked towards the bathroom. Slowly opening the door his eyes widened in horror. The sight that graced his eyes sent a wave of nausea crashing through his body. The walls were dripping red with blood, obviously Allen's. The floors were soaked also with the deep crimson liquid. The sight that scared him the most was the Beansprout lying in a pool of blood, with more dripping out of a deep gash on his wrist with smaller cuts around it. His silvery locks were matted with the twisted liquid, the blood causing a stark contrast to the boys pale complexion. Kanda's eyes widened in horror, negative thoughts filling his head.

'Did someone break in and try to kill him? Was it a Noah? I'll kill the bastard who hurt him' Kanda thought as rage swept through his system. But what caught his attention was the red stained blade laying limply in the Moyashi's grasp. Cursing under his breath he quickly hoisted the boy up on his shoulders and ran as fast as he could to the hospital wing. Not wanting to knock Kanda barged in

"Help, an exorcist has collapsed"

Allen felt as though he was floating, floating in nothingness. 'Am I dead?' he thought as his conscious seemed to flow with an invisible current, pulling towards an unknown destination. This seemed to go one for an eternity until he saw a light up ahead. "Maybe it's a way out" as he got closer it seemed that the light began to take form. Soon the thing in front of him was

'Mana' Allen choked out, shocked, happy and saddened at the sight of his dead adoptive father

'Allen, my-my, haven't you grown into a fine young man' Mana said as a sad smile graced his lips "I wish I could have been there to see it all'

'Mana, I'm so happy to see you, please don't leave me again. You're the only one who has ever loved me…..even though I'm a monster'

'Allen, that is not true, you are not a freak of nature. I am not the only one who loves you, so wake up and find that person'

'No! Mana I am not leaving you again, please don't leave!' Allen was crying now, wet hot tears streaming down his face. Mana reached as to wipe them away but was slowly getting pulled back towards the light

'I love you Allen. Wake up Allen! You must wake up!' and then he was gone and Allen was surrounded in the darkness once again.

'No Mana! Come back! I don't want to wake up, please just come back!' Allen screamed as his conscious was pulled back and he woke with a start.

Since Allen had been brought to the hospital wing, Kanda had not left his side. There he was, sitting by the brat's bed, holding his hand after the doctors had bandaged up Allen's wounds. He was in a coma because of the amount of blood he lost.

"Just wake up already! Damn bean sprout"

After hearing that Allen was in the hospital all his friends came to visit. Lenalee cried at Allen's bedside as Lavi rubbed soothing circles on her back. Kanda didn't tell anyone of how Allen got the wounds. He didn't know how they would take it if they knew the type of things Allen did to himself. Kanda would keep the bean sprouts secret but he knew he could not let him keep harming himself. Yes, he had noticed the other scares that graced the pale boy's arm. It was horrifying. What if's swirled in Kanda's head. What if Kanda hadn't been passing Allen's room when he heard his screams? Would he have bleed to death? The mere thought of Allen dying sent Kanda's stomach in knots.

Allen always looked so happy to everyone else but Kanda saw. Kanda saw that the smile never reached Allen's eyes. Kanda wondered what kind of hardships the boy had went through to cause him to be so empty looking. It always seemed like Allen was just smiling for their sake. That at any moment he would just curl up and start to cry. It saddened Kanda to see this but he would never admit he cared. He was Kanda Yuu after all, the cold hearted bastard of the order.

In all his thinking Kanda missed the slight fluttering of Allen's eyelids, but he didn't miss the boy jumping up suddenly, His eyes wide with confusion.

As Allen's eyes adjusted to the change in lighting he realized that he was in the hospital wing of the order. 'When did I get here' he thought as his eyes traveled the room, finally stopping at the familiar blacked haired samurai sitting by his bed side.

"Kanda…?"He questioned.

The raven stared back at him with wide eyes, shocked at the boy's sudden awakening. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever until Allen looked down and noticed something peculiar. This sight made resentment and hate wash over him.

Blushing, despite his angry and bitter feelings he asked "Kanda…Why are you holding my hand?"

End of chapter 1

okay there it was! this story will probably be two chapters total. This will be the longest I've written so far! Review and tell me watcha think! the universe will thank you if you do!