Wrong Impression

Written by Solaris

Genre: Angst

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Ran+Ken

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. Don't sue.

~*~*~*~
Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why I'm always alone when you're in my dreams
~*~*~*~



He drew the curtains open, letting light pour into the dark room. The figure on the bed unmoved, almost lifeless. His eyes fixed on her as he sighed, running fingers through red locks. He let himself lean against the wall, watching her silently.

It's as if she was never in any danger just a week ago. As if she had never left his side, although she had. She was taken from him for over two weeks. It could have been longer.

At that though he shivered.

And he thought of those that he left behind. Those who had risked their lives along with him so many times. But not this time. Not when he was trying to save her. This was his solo mission.

He was his own boss and his own assassin team. It was almost a miracle how he got out of Schreint's hideout without meeting a single one of them. Most probably they were out on one of the crimes again. But still, it was careless to leave a prisoner, although comatose, without a guard.

He shook his head, wiping his eyes with his hands. The lack of sleep was starting to show. It wasn't because he was keeping guard all through the night or anything. He knew he was safe where he was now. It was those dreams.

Every night it was the same dream. He would be walking down the street and walk right in front of the Koneko no sumu ie. He'd try to peer inside, to see whether his friends were inside, but the window was too fogged up.

Daring himself, he finally went inside. But was surprised to find that the usually packed shop was deserted. There were no customers. And no sign of florists either. But the flowers looked well-taken care of. But there was something about them...

Suddenly the door opened, revealing the person he had been wondering about. The one he missed most from the three he left behind.

The brunette set down a box on the counter and then walked towards two potted gentians and carried them back and placed them in the box. He frowned as he watched.

"Ken?"

No reaction. The brunette stacked up the pots until the box was full, then he heaved it towards one corner of the shop.

"What are you doing?"

Silence. Then a sigh came from the brunette as he sat down on a nearby chair. He closed his eyes, placing a hand over them.

"We're moving out of here and they're asking me to pack the whole shop alone." Ken said, finally. He froze, however, upon hearing what Ken said.

"Moving? Where? ken!"

"Too bad Aya...Iie, Ran isn't here." Ken said wistfully, sitting up. "Then again, if he's here, we wouldn't have moved in the first place."

"Ken..."

The brunette sighed again, his back to him, wiping his eyes. "I never got the chance to tell him anything." He paused, then turned around. Ken was facing him this time. "Goodbye Ran. Forever."

And he woke up.

~*~*~*~
Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why you're finding it hard just looking at me
~*~*~*~


He was guilty.

Guilty for leaving his friends like that, guilty for not telling them the truth. And worst of all, guilty of not telling Ken his true feelings. Guilty that they never had a chance. Or that he never gave them a chance.

Them, being the idea of he and Ken being together.

But even though, the days he had to pass with Weiss, the last few days...That was after he had told Ken what he was planning to do. In the end, he had told only Ken about his intentions. Of rescuing his imouto alone. Not as Weiss, but as himself. Which probably was somewhat selfish of him.

After all, they had promised--although unspoken--that they would fight this till the end. But he was bailing out on them, all because of a personal reason. And he was letting them all down.

More importantly, he was letting Ken down.

The look of sadness that passed in the brunette's eyes was bad enough, but there was a trace of betrayal, however brief, in those eyes. And that was more than enough to haunt him in his dreams, even after he had carried out his solo mission.

But this was something he had to do. This is his imouto, the only living relative he had left. The very person that he fought for, that he would die to protect. Why on Earth would he join Weiss, if not because of his imouto?

Actually, that was partially true. The other part being, of course, because he wanted to find Takatori Reiji. The man responsible for the death of his parents and for his imouto's current state of comatose. If that man had never crossed his path, he would still be living care-free, like any ordinary person would.

But if he was care-free, that would mean he's also blinded from the truth, wouldn't it? After all, he wouldn't have a clue of the dark underworld of this nation. And especially not of the deadly games that assassins have to play in order to protect the innocents. By punishing the guilty.

After he had told Ken...not once had the brunette looked his way. He would avoid his violet gaze, looking elsewhere. He wouldn't look at him if he posed a question, preferring the solitude and guard of his bangs. Providing him some cover.

~*~*~*~
I want you
But I want you to understand
I leave you
I love you

Wasn't trying to pull you in the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try and make a connection
of love
~*~*~*~

Leaving them was the best decision he made. What else was there anyway? He knew that his sister came first, before everything. Before his own life, his needs and even his love. Yes, there was no need of denying it from himself any longer. He knew what he could have had if he stayed.

But his sister was the reason why he started to fight in the first place. And now, she's the reason he's stopped fighting altogether. He's got to have her back first. Get his own family in order and then he can concentrate on moving on.

It was selfish in his part, that he had left his teammates no voice in the matter. But it is his life isn't it? And besides, if his employer, Kritiker, wanted him back hard enough, they had the manpower and the man hours to put into it. They'd easily find him. Kritiker's teams are slightly better than other assassin teams in ways that they are able to track down a cold trail.

~*~*~*~
Didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you with my last confession
of love
~*~*~*~

"I'm going." He had said as he was about to leave. It was a short statement, just stating the obvious. Ken had nodded slowly, hardly lifting his head. At the lack of a reply from the brunette he had managed to hesitate for a moment.

But then, eyes that were shielded from chestnut bangs slowly showed themselves again. And he nearly reeled back at the intensity in those eyes. The unshed tears in his eyes, all the emotions he was keeping inside.

"Ken..." He said, but he knew he could never bring himself to say it. He had been robbed of his ability to express himself when he had forced the cold front on himself. When he had forced the numbness on himself. No. He shouldn't say it. He tried to force the mask back on, the shield to be put up around his heart.

"Go." It was so soft, a near plea.

"N-nani?" He stammered.

"Go." Ken repeated. When the brunette saw that the older man was in too much shock to actually do anything, he bit his lip and shook his head. "Please, just go!" By this time the dam that he had built up was threatening to break. He quickly dropped his bangs again. And just on time too. A lone tear finally slid down his cheek. Ken gritted his teeth, desperate to hide the real pain.

"Sayonara Ran."

"Sayonara...Ken."

~*~*~*~
Falling out, falling
Have you ever wondered
If this was ever more than a crazy idea
Falling out, falling out
Have you ever wondered
where we would have been if you'd only let me in
~*~*~*~


He smiled once more at the girl, bowed his head and snuck his way to the back. It's really unlike him, to be sneaking off during his shift. It wasn't as if he's Youji or anything. He snorted at the thought of the taller blonde.

He sat down on the couch, in the dim room that they always use for the briefing of their missions. That dreaded room. He sighed softly, looking around the room, looking for something...someone.

He groaned as he buried his face in his hands. Why was he torturing himself this way anyway? Their leader's gone now. There was no use in crying over spilt milk, right? Not that he could regard Ran as spilt milk. If anything, he should really regard him as a mistake he never should have made. A mistake he should never have fallen in love with.

'Yes, drive the dagger deeper, Ken.' He thought to himself, laughing bitterly.

And to think, he himself, played a part in Ran's departure. Alright, so it wasn't that he kicked Ran out or anything. But he was the one who chose not to tell the others and more specifically, Manx, about it. He did tell Youji in the end.

Which was why Ran's own getaway was so easy.

Youji, Omi and himself were fighting Schreint at that time. They had provided a distraction for Ran, as he snuck by under the four women's noses to get his imouto. Youji had originally disapproved of Ken's lack of action in this, but after knowing where he stands...Even Youji would have to back off.

Omi was the only one left out in the dark. But knowing the chibi, he probably figured it all out way before Ken himself did. He managed a smile, at the thought of his younger teammate. If anyone's able to lift someone's spirits, it's Omi.

Although he recalled that Youji had called him the lifter of spirits instead of Omi. He didn't know why. Sure, he's the one that acts chipper most of the times. Even after a rough mission...well, with exception of one in particular.

Omi was able to lighten his moods by cracking jokes here and there. Even fighting with Youji in his place. It was amusing to see the genki one of the group try and bash in some of Youji's...explicit sense of humor.

But not even Omi could get him out of this depressing time. The thought of the things he could have had. Well, just the possibilities. Ran had never exactly expressed any feelings for him. Hell, sometimes you'd have to wonder whether or not he can feel at all!


~*~*~*~
I want you
But I want you to understand
I miss you
I love you
~*~*~*~

What sucks the most from the redhead's departure? Possibly the fact that he missed him. He heaved a sigh, kicking an empty can that was conveniently left right beside his right foot. The can flew to the end of the alley, bounced off the wall and into a bin. There was a smug grin on the brunette's lips.

"Still got the touch." He said aloud, amusement in his voice. But the amusement was gone in a second as he wallowed back in his misery. But even that was short-lived as a blonde head stuck out from an open window.

"Ken-kun! A little hand in here!" Exclaimed Omi.

"In a minute." Ken said, throwing away a lit cigarette. He paused, blinking for a moment then stared at the cigarette. He didn't remember having one, let alone lighting one. But from the familiar taste in his mouth, it seemed that he had done it once before.

He resisted the urge to groan. Great, with Ran gone, he's turning into Youji! What next, Omi's going to be hitting on the girls? He grimaced, shaking his head. Not his idea of fun.

He sat up and walked back inside. It was still crowded, as can be expected from a regular school day. Especially at this hour, right after the girls have their extra-curricular practices, whatever they may be. But he stopped in his tracks, eyes widening. Then he groaned, putting a hand over his eyes.

Omi.

A bunch of girls.

Flirting.

Hell. Someone up there must really, really hate him. He gave a helpless look around the room, before finally admitting defeat. Wishing very much he could take up the role the redhead left empty, he walked over to the counter. If he was Ran, at least he would be able to glare at the girls and send them scampering off to Youji or something.

His eyes prickled with tears, as he tried desperately to hide them. No, he didn't want to take Ran's position. What he really wanted, more than anything else, was for the redhead to return. For Ran to come home. But too little, too late. Ran was gone and he probably found a new home for himself anyway.

~*~*~*~
Didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you with my last confession
of love
Wasn't trying to pull in the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try and make a connection
of love
Have you ever wondered
~*~*~*~

So maybe he was stupid, to wish for someone who couldn't possibly love him. No, someone who never even gave him the chance to love him. But he knew that the chance was there, but both of them were afraid to take it. He sighed, smiling bitterly. He couldn't exactly lay all the blame on Ran. He was partially to blame for his own heartbreak.

A lone tear slipped down his cheek and he made no move to wipe it away, closing his eyes with the bitter smile still on his face.

"I need you."

Too late for words left unspoken. Words that should have been said when there was still a chance to. He held the smaller hands of the comatose girl in his hand. He had sacrificed everything for her, including his own chance at a...possibility of a happiness. But she had been the main reason for his transformation as an assassin and she too had been the reason for him leaving his team mates--no, friends--behind.

Still holding her hand, he looked out the darkening skies. The words slipped out of his mouth, as soft as the whistling wind.

"I love you."


End of "Wrong Impression"
Part One: Losing Trust
'Trust' Arc To Be Continued...


Fic was written courtesy of "Wrong Impression" song by Natalie Imbruglia in her new album, White Lilies island. Good song and ever greater album.

The follow up. Part Two: Gaining Trust.

Strength:

Strength (Yes, another song fic. But this one isn't a one-shot)
Aya's fully conscious and Ran is leading a normal life. But a twist of fate has it that Ran is forced to meet with his former team mates, now rock stars but still leading the life of assassins. Will Ran choose his new-found normalcy or will he try and win back his friends and love from the team's newest ally...Schwarz?