"Don't Leave Me"
Summary: Harry is completing his 7th year and is asked by Dumbledore to return to Hogwarts next year to teach. But Harry cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer. Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love for Severus?
Warnings: HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read!
Note: this takes place during the end of Harry's 7th year. The events of Deathly Hallows and some events of Half-Blood Prince did not take place. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is alive. There was a final battle and Voldemort was destroyed earlier during 7th year. During 7th year, Prof. Snape taught Potions and Prof. Lupin taught DADA.
DearReaders: Many thanks to you if you read & review. Comments helpful are so welcome, but please don't be shrew, for at writing I'm new!
Chapter One
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A man sat with his head hidden by his arms, crumpled and crying as though his world had ended, at Dumbledore's desk. It was the second time in his life that Dumbledore saw the man this way and it broke his heart.
"Severus, please talk to me."
"Albus," Severus sobbed. "I can't. I can't keep hurting this much."
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TWO WEEKS PRIOR…
"Professor, you wanted to see me?"
Headmaster Dumbledore smiled at Harry with pride. "Yes, my boy, I wanted to talk to you about your plans after you leave Hogwarts. Were you still planning on applying to the Auror Training Program at the Ministry?"
"Actually, sir, that has been my plan for the last several years, but I'm not sure if my heart's still in it…" Harry bit his lip, hesitating. "I thought I would be happy ridding the world of Dark Wizards. But after the war… I'm just tired of fighting… I'm glad Voldemort's gone, and I thought I would be happy to kill the monster who murdered my parents and countless others… but… I didn't take pleasure in killing, if that makes any sense?"
Harry stopped for a moment, lost in thought. "I know that it's what people expect from me and they might be disappointed, but I can't worry about that. As an Auror, I know that I will have to be prepared to hurt, and possibly kill, the Dark Wizards that I hunt down. I don't think I have what it takes to do that anymore… I just want a quiet life now. I hated being The Boy Who Lived and I hate being The Man Who Killed You-Know-Who. "
"So what are you going to do, Harry?"
"I haven't decided, sir. Quite honestly, I really don't know much about the wizarding world and what opportunities there are. And I'm not even sure if I want to live in the wizarding world at all. I was thinking about traveling abroad for awhile and spending some time with the Weasley's… After that… I don't know."
"Have you thought about teaching? Professor McGonagall and I have been discussing for some time that given all of your many experiences, including teaching defensive spells to fellow classmates, that you would make an excellent Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. Prof. Lupin enjoys teaching but wants more time to be with his wife and new baby. You could teach years 1-3 and assist Lupin in years 4-7. If you are interested, Harry, I would love to offer you the position. I really hope that you'll consider it."
Harry's eyes widened. "Are you serious, professor?" The headmaster nodded, eyes twinkling. "Well, I did enjoy teaching my classmates defensive spells. I was really resistant at first when Hermione and Ron suggested it, but that was one of the best experiences I had here. It made me so proud and happy to see my friends improve on their skills and surprise themselves by doing magic that they hadn't been able to do before."
"That is exactly why you will make an excellent instructor, Harry. So, is that a yes? Will you accept the position?"
"Professor, I admit that the possibility of this hadn't entered my mind… Hogwarts has really been the only home I've known, and I believe that I would really enjoy teaching, but…" Harry's eyes darkened and he looked away from his Headmaster.
"What is it, Harry?"
"It's Professor Snape, sir." Harry sighed. "It will be unbearable for me to be around him. It is all I can do just to finish out this year."
"Do you still hate him so, Harry? I thought you had moved past that."
"No, professor, that's just it. I don't hate him. Not anymore. I haven't for several years now. But he still hates me… He insults me, my father, and Sirius at every chance he gets... He suspects and accuses me of things when I have done nothing wrong… He spits out my name like a vomit Every Flavor Bean…" Harry bit his lip, weighing his words. "I don't expect him to like me, I can handle that. Actually, I can live with him hating me. I just can't bear him to treat me with hate. If I'm going to be here at Hogwarts as a professor, I won't be able to bear his cruelty. I just want… I just want him to be civil… But I think… I think that would be asking him too much..."
The headmaster waited patiently as Harry's hands fidgeted, and remembered with amusement of the time when he was unpleasantly surprised by a vomit-flavored Bean.
Harry sighed and continued. "He's treats people so cruel, cold, and unfair… At first I thought he didn't have a heart. But… I think I understand him… a little. Maybe I'm wrong but, I believe that deep down he does have a heart and that he has just built a cold wall around it in order to not get hurt and be seen as weak. I believe that scares him more than anything. I believe that once he built that wall, it was easier just to continue life that way. I don't think he would admit to that though. He's always treated me with cruelty and I think that he won't be able to stop because it would be seen as a weakness."
"That's all very perceptive of you, Harry."
"Do you think I'm right, sir?"
"Harry, as I'm sure you have already noticed, Severus is a very private person. I feel it would be disloyal of me as his friend to answer that particular question."
"Yes, I've noticed and I understand, sir. But, do you think that he could put aside his hate for me and at least act civil?"
"Honestly, my boy, if you really paid attention to him, he is pretty cold and short with everyone, including the staff, evenmyself, and I would say that he's closer to me than he is to anyone else here."
"I understand, professor. I can handle cold. But he's worse than cold to me."
"Harry, may I ask you why this bothers you so much?"
The young wizard looked away and sighed. "Wouldn't it bother anyone?"
"Not necessarily… It's harder to tolerate unkindness from others when they matter most to us… Does Professor Snape matter to you?"
"B- But of course he does, he's saved my life many times, he spied for you, and he played an important part in the war these last years and in the final battle, so why wouldn't he matter?"
"I mean, does he matter to you… Personally…"
"Like I said, he saved my life. I'm grateful for that."
"Harry, what I mean is, do you have feelings for him? You said it would be unbearable to be around him unless he was civil, that you 'just want him to be civil,' but are you being completely honest? Are you, deep down, longing for more than that?"
"Sir, it is a ridiculous notion. You said yourself that he is cold to everyone. It would be absurd for anyone to expect more from him."
"Ah, yes, my boy, but there is a big difference between knowing that, and hoping for it anyway," Dumbledore said knowingly.
Harry slump forward and covered his face in shame, knowing that there was no use in denying it to his Headmaster anymore. "I've fallen for him, professor. I fought my feelings, really, I did! I tried so hard not to be attracted to him..." Harry began to shudder with dry sobs.
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A:Harry and Dumbledore's conversation will continue in chapter 2! I am hoping to have it uploaded in about a week or so, but it does need some tweaking and my job keeps me Very Busy.
HP: Oh, please hurry. I really want to know how the conversation will end!
A:I'll do my best!
SS: Blasted writer, will I have any shred of dignity in this story?
A: But of course Severus. You are adored by this author and this story's readers!
APWBD: My dear boy, you are very much loved by many, even if you refuse to see it. [eyes twinkling]
HP: [blushes]
SS: [scowls] Don't. Change. The subject. I am not weak and do not wear my heart on my sleeve. I do not appreciate my only appearance thus far in this story is that of a weak and pathetic crybaby.
A: Don't worry Severus. You will appear in Chapter 3 and I think you will be very pleased by how you are portrayed. [eyes twinkling]
SS:We'll see. [glares]
HP:Will we have a happy ending?
A: You will just have to stay tuned to find out! [winks] Please review!