Dedication: those damn walnuts that I spent an hour picking out of my trail mix.
She sat, glaring at herself in the mirror, yellowed-out bulbs making up the frame. She twirled a strand of her pink hair around her index finger, a glossy French nail at the tip.
She felt like a stretched out movie star, who bit the dust a long time ago, yet kept going.
Never did it occur to her that she was.
x.x.x
golden strands of velvet
it makes me wonder if when you look in the mirror, you feel as disgusted as I do when I look at you
x.x.x
She sat across from her dark haired companion, looking at him from under her long lashes. He stared at his half-curled, leathery white fingers that laid about the glossy wooden table. She licked her lips, and tapped her fingernails on said table, waiting.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked quietly. "Do you want me to tell you that I love you or something?" She bared her teeth and looked away. "Do you want me," he paused, "to pretend?"
"Yes," she growled. "Pretend to love me, to be with me, to want me."
Sasuke turned his head to stare out the window. He watched as the breeze carried the leaves away, and she murmured about how he never paid any attention to her. He turned to her, his dark eyes gazing into her, as if her were searching for that someone he wants; that someone he needs.
"Pretending can only last so long, and you know it'll just make us both miserable." He shook his head, running his hand through his black spikes and sighing. "It'll just hurt you, and I promised her I wouldn't let that happen."
Sakura stood up; knocking the metal chair to the floor with a sound so harsh it made him ache. She slammed her hands down on the table and looked at him, danger flashing in her eyes. Then she pulled away, stood up straight, and crossed her arms against her chest. She looked away haughtily.
"If you don't want to, fine. I'm done with you, anyways." She flew out his front door, grabbing her coat and huffing on her way. Sasuke closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He got up and brought himself to the door to watch her leave, her steps graceful, yet hurried.
He shook his head, and closed the door with a click.
x.x.x
Somewhere in her pretty little head, Sakura knew that she was going nowhere; and fast.
She kept on doing what she had pleased. Buying out of spite, getting her nails done a day after she had already had them done, eating at the most luxurious places that she couldn't even pronounce, and she knew, despite it all, she was going more and more in debt.
Her acting days were over, and heaven forbid she get a job. She was only 22. Why wasn't she still acting? Oh, right. Daddy's dead.
She was after someone. Someone who could pay her bills. Someone who could take care of her and make enough to withstand her impulsive actions. Someone who didn't need any love from her, and someone who she could get money from easily. Someone like Sasuke Uchiha.
But inside, she knew she would never be able to make him do that. They weren't in love.
Besides, it was only a game to Sakura. Why should she care?
x.x.x
He watched as she walked in the small shop, her presence filling up the whole room. She had on a bright red trench coat that clashed almost well with her pink curls. She looked like the trendiest thing on earth. But she wasn't. She was just some washed-up movie star that no one cared about anymore, because the man that was behind it all, her father, was long gone.
She entered with her head held haughtily, and strutted over to his table. Reaching into her purse and grabbing what looked like lipstick, she ran it over her red lips, making it brighter to match her coat. Then, she sat down and crossed her legs.
"Let's make a deal," she said, folding her hands on the table, smirking at him. He instantly looked out the window and stared at the semi-cloudy sky. She noticed this. She pursed her lips. With a slight yet graceful wave of her hand, she called over a waiter to order herself coffee. She gave him the order: Fresh brewed coffee with one cup of cream and three teaspoons of sugar, and turned back to look at the man in front of her.
"I know how you play these games." Her green eyes darkened at this statement, and she grinned deviously.
"Then you should know what I expect, right?" She turned her nose up, then grabbed her coffee as the waiter came back. Taking a sip of the hot beverage, her eyes never left his face. Sasuke turned to look at her, finally. He took in what he hadn't seen before. Sunken-in eyes, purple, bruise-like bags, pale skin, blue veins threatening to pop out of her skin. He sighed.
"I don't want to partake in anything like this," he spoke after a pregnant pause. She licked her lips and smiled, and confusion overtook his brain. She finished her coffee in one gulp and slammed the white mug down. Others in the café turned at the noise. She stood up.
"That's quite alright, Sasuke-kun. I understand how you feel about it. But be warned. I will see you soon." Then, she set down a few bills, and smiled once more at him. "Goodbye, dear, and I do hope your day is gorgeous."
As she walked out, Sasuke couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle.
x.x.x
"I used to sort of be afraid of you. Did you know that?"
Sakura sat in her big red dressing room chair, legs swung over the arm. Her bra strap had slipped off her shoulder a bit, and she moved to fix it. But it wouldn't stay put on her skinny shoulders. She took another drag from her cigarette, filling her bedroom with more sweet-smelling smoke.
"I used to think that if I loved you forever, I'd just die alone."
He pulled up the rim of his boxers as he made his way to her. Then, he sat on her dresser, making sure not to mess with the placement of any of her various make-ups and products. He leaned slightly against her mirror, glancing at the large yellowed-out bulbs that framed it. They were the only source of light in the room at the moment.
"Isn't it funny how you love me now, and I blatantly hate you?"
Sasuke glared at the floor for a moment, and she laughed, and sat up straight. She caressed his face, and ran one fingertip over his lips. "But don't be sad, love. Even if it's only a game to me, it can be real to you." He shook his head, and she unclasped her bra for a second time that night.
It was only a game, though, wasn't it?
x.x.x
He should've known better than to let her take over him.
He should've known better.
It was only a game.
And now? All he had was his house, clothes, and his car. His money was gone, and so was Sakura, on the road to what had to be a better life. On the road to what she wanted. As usual. But it was okay, because he knew she would come back sooner or later. She always would. Because no matter what she said, she loved him, somewhere inside her heart.
That was enough to make her come back, every single time.
x.x.x
some odd years later
Somewhere in her pretty little head, Sakura knew that she was going nowhere; and fast.
She couldn't feel her toes anymore. It was like half her body was turned on, and the other half was totally shut off. She laughed, and remembered a boy she used to love. No; a man. She inhaled bitter smoke, and her lungs gave another heave. Letting out a cough, she turned to her companion.
"Hey, gimme a drag." The man threw her the pack of cigarettes and she quickly grabbed one, lit it, and took a long drag from it. Instantly, the world became a little brighter for her and her head gave a sigh of relief. She got up from where she laid on the bed, and stumbled her way to her coat.
Quickly, but with difficulty, she got her coat on. She buttoned it to where no one could see her undergarments, and she swiped her bag and clothes off the nearby table. As she started towards the motel door, a hand caught her wrist.
"Where are you going?" the man asked, slurring his words around. Sakura yanked her hand away.
"To find where my life went."
x.x.x
"I am sorry for the things I said." The pinkette smiled down at her savior once again. Then, she leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. He moved around a little, but didn't wake from his slumber. She giggled, and glanced at the wall.
Photos were there, of her and Sasuke. When things were still good. God, what had happened to her? She had become a monster. Sakura shook her head and walked to pick up the picture. She softly wiped the dust from it, and smiled. She could remember when it was taken.
They were both 18, just graduated. Sakura's grad cap was too big, and had fallen in front of her eyes, while Sasuke's fit him perfectly. In the picture, she had been giggling, and smiling big, and he was smirking, almost chuckling at her. Her emerald eyes filled with tears.
"Isn't it fitting…?" she asked herself, then barked out laugh.
She hung the photo back up in its place, and made her way back to the couch Sasuke was sleeping on. He had given her his bed, while he took the couch, but as soon as he fell asleep, she made her way to lay with him.
x.x.x
Sakura had arrived out of nowhere, beating on his door hard. When he had opened it, she jumped on him, apologizing over and over. Despite being 26, she wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly, and begged for him to forgive her. He easily did so.
She sat down and told him everything. Where she had gone, who she had met, and how she ruined her life in 4 easy years. She cried that whole night and he sat rocking her in his arms like a small child. Then, she asked how he had been, and he replied with a simple "miserable". She didn't dare ask if it was her fault, because she knew the answer.
Then, wiping her tears away, she asked him if he still loved her.
For moments, he didn't say a word, and neither did she. They sat there, enjoying each other's company and silence. But inside, Sakura wanted the answer, and fast. She waited, and waited, and waited, the bitter air biting at her skin. Then, he spoke.
He told her that if he didn't still love her, he wouldn't have let her in. She smiled, and kissed him, right there, in his arms.
x.x.x
Sakura smiled at the memory of the past hours, and felt warm. She was glad that he had still loved her. It made her wish that she hadn't treated him the way she had, but all she could do now she make up for lost time. And she vowed that she would.
She sat down beside him in the couch, and kissed his forehead. "I love you a lot, kid. I hope you know that." She giggled and brushed his bangs away to kiss him again. Then, she lay down beside him and snuggled up to him. He woke slightly.
"S'kura…?" She shushed him with a kiss, and nodded.
"I'm right here. And I'm never leaving." He made a noise of approval and put his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. She smiled once more; god, she hadn't smiled this much in forever. Then, she whispered a small prayer to whoever was up there, and closed her eyes.
x.x.x
there are those times at night, where I just lie awake, and think about you.
end.