Red vs Blue episode 101: Kick the Can

Sarge: Alright dirtbags listen up. Command has decided to send us to a new place to fight those dirty blues, who are ironically moving to the same place.
Griff: Figures
Sarge: Quiet dirtbag. Now as I was saying this new place is called sandtrap. There are two bases. One is a ship very similar to the one that landed here a while back and the other is a crashed alien ship. We will be moving into the first ship. Now start packing the ship to take us there will be here in 2 hours, which unfortunately we will have to share with the blues.
cut to blue base where Church has just finished explaining the same thing
Caboose: Church why are we moving again?
Church: How the hell should I know dumbass, but I mean really think about it do you really want to stay here.
Caboose: …Maybe.
Church: Just shut up and start packing.
two hours later
The ship lands in the center of the canyon and the Reds and Blues go and load it up
Sarge: Well that's the last of it.
Church: Good now lets go in walks in
the rest of the reds and blues go in
inside the ship
Caboose: This place reminds me of Sheila. Poor Sheila.
Church: Well we might as well make the most of this trip.
silence
Griff: So anyone see any good moves?
Everyone: No!
Tucker: Okay well as fun as this is I'm going to take a look around. begins to walk away
Sister: Ooo can I come goes to catch up.
Tucker: Sure that's fine.
they walk away
Donut: Hey everybody I've got an idea.
silence
Donut: Um hello I said I've got an idea.
Griff: We know we heard you we're just ignoring you.
Donut: Aww come on it's a good one.
Simmons: Fine what is it?
Donut: Lets play kick the can.
Sarge: Wow that's actually a good idea.
Church: I know but Donut said it.
Doc: Well lets play. Anyone got a can?
Griff: I do. holds up Lopez's head
Lopez: Lopez speaks Spanish I am not a can.


Church: Okay we got a can so who's it first?
Everyone: Not it.
Tucker and Sister come back
Tucker: Hey guys what's up?
Church: Hey Tucker perfect timing. We've decided to play kick the can. Now you and sister can decide which of you is it.
everybody leaves
Sister: Well see ya. begins to walk away
Tucker: Hey why am I it.
Sister: Uh duh. Because I'm colorblind.
Tucker: Oh yeah
Sister goes and hides
Tucker is waiting by Lopez's head
cut to Church hiding with Caboose following him
Church: Stop following me you dumbass.
Caboose: But I don't want to be alone.
Church begins to walk away but Caboose continues to follow
Church: What part of go away didn't you get.
Church sees Tucker standing by Lopez's head
Church: Hey Caboose want to help me with something.
Caboose: Sure Church.
Church: Okay I need you to run out there and get Tucker's attention so I can kick the can.
Caboose: Okay.
Caboose runs out in front of Tucker while Church sneaks around behind him
Tucker: Church right behind me.
Church: What the fuck how did you know it was me?
Tucker: Your not that sneaky Church. Caboose behind the crate.
Caboose: Darn
cut to Simmons and Sarge hiding
Sarge: Alright Simmons here's the plan. You will go out and push a crate in front of Tucker. He'll be so surprised it'll give me time to kick the can.
Simmons: Excellent plan sir.
Sarge: Thank you Simmons.
Tucker: Sarge and Simmons behind the upstairs walls, on the blue side.
Sarge: Damn it he must have developed some kind of mutant telepathy power.
Tucker: No you guys just left your mics on again.
Sarge: Damn it Simmons I thought I told you to do a check on radio activity.
Simmons: I did but you never asked me what I found.
Sarge: angry grunts
cut to Griff and Donut hiding
Griff: snoring
Donut: Come on Griff wake up. Don't you want to win?


Griff: Look Donut I only agreed to play so that I could get away from Sarge and take a nap.
Donut: Well fine I'm going to go out there and kick that can.
Donut leaves
Tucker: Donut on the crate
Donut: Fuck!
Griff: Finally some peace and quiet. falls asleep
cut to Tucker
Tucker: Man I'm better at this than I- Lopez's head goes flying with Lopez screaming in Spanish-thought. What the fuck just happened?
Voice: Hello cockbites. Tex appears

Episode Ends