"Let's face it, men are pigs!"
And when they face the facts, the SWA decides that things shouldn't go on like this. The resolution? Read on to find out.
I don't own Bleach.
I hope you guys like this. (And by the way, I wasn't joking in that last chapter of Checkmate)
One sunny day in the summer…
It was another warm summer Saturday, the temperatures were high, the birds were too lazy to sing and yet another meeting of the SWA was being held.
Well, being held was not the right thing to say. Dragging on painfully slow was more correct. Almost every shinigami present in the room was suffering from the heat and the boredom. For the last two hours, Nanao and Isane were trying to find a way to justify the SWA's budget, since Yamamoto had stated very clearly, that if the shinigami women's association didn't find a way to use its funds, then they better stop holding meetings. Which was simply not possible. If the SWA was gone…well, it would mean more free time and less hanging out of your comfortable home, but winning women's rights and then dismissing their association was like saying "Fine, we had our five minutes in the spotlight, we don't like it, please, we're letting the men rule the world again."
It was a concept which even Nanao couldn't accept. Sure, she liked being second seat, and maybe, just maybe, she was holding herself back to stay lieutenants, instead of captain, but the SWA was a nice organization and if she let it go Kyoraku taicho wouldn't let her hear the end of it.
"Ok, how about we make a bakery sale…" Nanao began, but Rangiku sighed out loud and leaned back on her chair, pressing her hands to her forehead.
"Nanao-chan, please, stop it! My hangover is bad enough!"
Nanao looked at her friend and crossed her arms.
"Well, sorry if I'm boring you."
"Nah, it's not just that. This is not a way to solve the problem. Bakery sales aren't getting us anywhere. Next Saturday we'll be stuck here again and we'll be discussing the same lame stuff again. We need something big! Something that'll make people talk and something they won't forget in a long time!"
"Ano…Rangiku-san…" Isane chipped in "Last time you said something like that, your idea wasn't a very good one."
"What's wrong with shooting a calendar? We would've had Kyoraku taicho buying out at least half of them if Nanao agreed to participate." Matsumoto pouted.
"True, but the idea failed because nobody wanted to have pictures of him in a bathing suit taken and hung all over Seiretei." Unohana taicho pointed out politely.
"Oh, fine, that wasn't such a good idea. Frankly, I can't come up with anything right now." Matsumoto sighed and leaned back on her chair. "Let's leave all those numbers and papers aside, my taicho is giving me enough of them back at the office. We need to think about something else, talk about something else. Maybe we'll get better ideas like that."
Nanao nodded, her head had began aching too.
"So….are you guys still up for going out tonight? We can go to the living world, grab ourselves a gigai and check out the bars, the men, the sake, the bars, the men, the food and of course…did I mention the bars?" Rangiku asked.
"No thanks. I have paperwork to catch up with." Nanao put aside her calculations and cleaned her glasses with a piece of cloth.
"How can you possibly have paperwork to catch up with, you do it all the time?" Isane asked "I have a lot to do too, but I always have spear time for myself in the evenings."
"Because your captain doesn't need babysitting."
"Oh, but Ise-fukutaicho, Matsumoto-fukutaicho also falls behind with her paperwork and nobody's going to her throw her in prison for not doing so."
"Because Hitsugaya taicho does hers and he hardly insists on her staying at the office. Face it, in a division the captain and the lieutenant have to share their duties so that they can have enough free time for a personal life, otherwise one of them goes nuts! He's gotten away with very little, though-at least he doesn't need to fake her signature because he's in charge of the entire squad."
"Well, well, faking Kyoraku taicho's signature, eh, Nanao? And you say we're the ones acting naughty." Kiyone chuckled
"You have to deal with what you have." The former said with a shrug "I fancy myself pretty good in doing so, after a few centuries of practice."
"Ise-san, as much as I feel for you, it is better to talk to Kyoraku taicho other than going so far." Captain Unohana said softly "Why don't you explain to him that his neglect of his duties as your captain are having a bad influence on your health and personal life?"
"With all due respect, Unohana taicho, I've tried to do that. He just doesn't pay any attention, as if my opinion doesn't matter at all."
"Are you sure you're not approaching him the wrong way? Taicho always listens to what I'm saying." Rangiku said.
"No, not really. I just smack him on the head with my fan."
"That usually works on my lieutenant." Soin Fong said in a gloomy voice.
"Well, you don't want him falling in love with you, do you?" Rangiku laughed at Nanao's startled expression "Oh, come on, Nanao-chan. If you're ignoring the obvious, that doesn't mean we're ignoring it as well. Come on, Kyoraku is a nice guy, and I'm sure he can do his paperwork if you persuade him to do so the right way."
"I AM NOT GOING TO…"
"Geez, what's wrong with asking nicely?" Matsumoto asked "Really, Nanao, aside from his habit to mistake documents for firewood, what do you disapprove so much of him?"
"He's never serious. He can't understand me. When I tell him I'm tired he's asking me if I'm in my period and if I wanted to take the whole week off, instead of just one afternoon. And he does it in the mess hall, in front of the whole squad. It's not funny, Rangiku!"
"No, it's hilarious!"
"He has absolutely no regard for our status in front of the troops, he doesn't care about how he looks to the others and he definitely does not think about how I feel."
"What, you're blaming him for being too straightforward? Not that I can congratulate myself on an excellent relationship, hell, I don't even have prospects of any relationship, but can't you make a compromise?"
"Compromise with Kyoraku taicho is turning yourself into a whole different person. We're like two polar opposites."
"Then you both should make compromises." Isane smiled "Move closer to the equator."
"To do so they have to talk first, and as Ise-san said, he hardly understands what she's trying to tell him." Soi Fong retorted. "To talk to a man, you need a universal dictionary and at least 360 hours of tutoring."
"Yeah, and they're very stubborn. My captain always tries to skip on his medication." Kiyone cut in.
"But he gives you and Sentaro something to do, right?" Rukia asked "Otherwise, you two would die from boredom."
"Maybe, maybe not."
"Well, it's not like people like being sick." Isane stated "The less patients we have in the 4th division, the better. It means people look after themselves and don't need intensive care."
"Yeah, and sometimes it means that men prefer to drown their pain in sake than to see a medic. They're so proud, they just won't admit that they can be weak too."
"But isn't pride a normal male behavior?" Nemu asked "As the leader of a tribe in the Stone age, men had to demonstrate health and power."
"Yeah, but back then the most important thing was survival, and the biggest act of heroism was killing a mammoth."
"But still, the alfa male had to prove himself the strongest and enduring. Thus, hiding weakness is a natural reflex of all men." Nemu went on.
"But it's not just about being obnoxiously proud. Men are just impossible sometimes. They never listen to what you say to them." Hinamori sighed "If only my captain listened more carefully he wouldn't have gotten himself in such a mess."
The rest of the women decided to stay quiet on that one. Hinamori's unfortunate romance with Aizen taicho was a theme people preferred to skip for the sake of the entity of their limbs. Momo could get really violent when her beloved captain was involved into some conversation.
"Yes, they never listen and they never understand. And they say the most inappropriate stuff sometimes." Isane swiftly changed the subject back to men and their many flaws.
"And they tend to be too violent." Unohana taicho chipped in, remembering how Zaraki always gave her too much work with his over-enthusiastic for fighting troops.
"And lazy."
"And they never let the toilet seat down." Rukia nodded "Or so this manga here says." She pulled out her latest book, some doujinshi and for the next few minutes, the women educated themselves in studying the comic….and turning it around a couple of times to see better.
"Wow…" was all that Matsumoto could say in the end. "This was really strange."
"Yeah, but it seems women in the West who live with their boyfriends find this…toilet seat issue, very troublesome." Rukia explained
"This is all very upsetting indeed, given that those little facts are an obstacle for a man and a woman to have a real relationship…." Unohana began "But there is no good in picking about every small fault in men."
"Yeah, but it's not fair to find yourself a nice guy and then discover that he…loves broccoli, and you can't eat it?"
"Details…" Trailed Isane, but she seemed discouraged.
"Oh, let's face it. Men are pigs!" Nanao snapped "All they think about is their own lives, their pleasures, their everything. There is hardly a guy out there that cares about women and treats them with respect. If such a specimen is discovered, he'd be put in the zoo to be fed peanuts!"
Heavy silence fell upon the room, until Matsumoto's merry voice called out:
"Then how about we give them a hand there?"
It was a while until Rangiku explained her idea to the other members of SWA.
"So you propose a course for men that teaches them how to treat their girlfriends the way they wish to?" Nemu evaluated in the end.
"Exactly. Men can't talk to us because they're too ignorant of our lives. Take Gin and me for instance-we did grow up in one of the poorest districts of Rukongai, and we certainly kept no secrets from each other before we entered the academy. For treachery, I don't know, but we sure understood each other."
"So...show the men our point of view so that they can understand how we feel and re-evaluate their actions." Soi Fong titled her head
"In short, yes. What is PMS and what to do when your girlfriend is moody? When does she need sex to loose up and when you should just not mention it? How to court different types of women? All of this into a short course every Saturday, and it will justify our budget perfectly."
"But this won't be correct from a scientific point of view. Everybody has different tastes…" Nemu began.
"Yes, but it would be correct from a woman's point of view. Men are always complaining that the was between the sexes is making people sad, so let's end it by trying to learn something more about each other." Matsumoto smiled "After all, when you want peace, you have to show that you're not trying to burry the hatchet into somebody's head."
"It sounds like a good idea…" Kiyone began
"But are you sure that men are going to come to such a course?" Isane asked
"Indeed, they get touchy when you tell them to do things."
"My father always calls me strange names when I try to express my disagreement." Nemu said quietly.
The women looked at each other, and they all swore silently that one of these days, Mayuri taicho would get his artificial ass whooped.
"I'm sure he means no wrong." Nanao lied
"And as for gathering people, I'm sure we can persuade some men to come, and if things get desperate, we can just order our troops to go to the lecture." Rangiku chipped happily. "So, how about it girls? All in favor say 'I'!"
"I!"
A/N-Bleach II Arrancar, people, see that fic. If three people have written it, it has to be interesting, the least. Right?