Prologue: The Vicious Cycle
Oct. 30, '81
"Sirius? Baby, you home?" Julia Monroe called as she entered the London flat she shared with her beloved, their 21-month-old daughter lounging comfortably in her arms.
"Yeah Jules, I'm in the shower," she heard him call in his sexy, smoky voice as she set down her squirming daughter in her playpen along with the pile of files she'd been carrying. In the process of walking to the bathroom to him, she discarded her shoes and took off her coat, leaving a trail as she shed her clothes. By the time she got to the bathroom, she was only in her underwear.
"Hey," she grinned, standing in the door jam of their bathroom.
Sirius, being Sirius, hadn't closed the bathroom door nor seen any cause to draw the shower curtains. He stood there, under the showerhead in his naked glory, his long black hair plastered to his wet back as he arced back so the water hit the center of his chest. "Hey," he said, sighing and closing his eyes at the ministrations of the steaming water, "did you just get back?"
"Yes," she answered, watching him with pleasure, knowing just from looking at him that he'd had a rough day, "Moody had me go talk to this woman in Warwickshire about a possible sighting then I had to pick up Lacy from Lily's."
"Warwickshire total crock of bull?" he asked, now turning so the water hit the back of his neck.
"No actually, I think she really saw a few Death Eaters roaming around," she told him, and couldn't resist asking, "bad day, ha?"
He opened his eyes to look at her with a sly smile, "you know me too well."
"Want a back rub?" she said with a sly smile of her own.
"Want to get in the shower with me?" he countered, eyeing her underwear clad body, "you're already half naked."
She grinned but shook her head, "I wish, I really wish I could but I promised Moody I'd get the report done by tomorrow and I have to feed Lacy."
"I'm sure Lily already fed her. 15 minutes Jules. Jump into the shower with me and then you can write the report and I'll feed, and bathe and change Lacy," he said, his smile and eyes so tempting, so sinful. More likely it was the male version of Eve's smile when she enticed him to eat the apple. "C'mon Julia," he said smoothly, his electric gray-blue eyes gleaming enticingly.
Julia shook her head, as hard as resistance was, biting her bottom lip when he resorted to extortion by putting his hands all over his incredible body. But seeing her resolve, he gave up first, "fine then, but you owe me a kiss and a massage."
"My pleasure," she smiled and walked into the bathroom, reaching for him for one of their nuclear kisses. Tongues playing, sensually rubbing against each other, breaths catching, teeth nipping as undaunted, unquestioned pleasured fill up both their minds.
"Damn you taste good," he murmured, still holding the bar of soap against his massive, muscular chest, "I can never get enough of you," he said, still staring at her lips like he couldn't look away.
She couldn't not kiss him and did so, her hand in his long wet hair, moaning slightly as the world disappeared again and there was only Sirius. He appropriately became her entire world now, nothing else existed anymore. The reports she had waiting to be written on her desk, the constant worry of the war, worry for her friends, worry for the world, they all disappeared as Sirius licked inside her mouth boldly. Dropping the bar of soap, Sirius turned fully towards her in the stall, his wet chest pressing against her breasts.
Breathless, completely enchanted, she forced herself to pull back, licking her own lips, loving his lingering taste, "God, you're so distracting Sirius," she laughed weakly.
He grinned lazily, his eyes heavy-lidded, sexy as hell, "thank you, love," he smiled, deftly kissing her lips again, "I love you," he muttered against her lips.
""I love you too," she said, kissed him again and forced herself to turn away,. "Come here baby," she said walking into the living room and picked up her baby girl again and headed to their bedroom where she put Lacy on the bed. Her daughter immediately started talking in her own special language, kicking and giggling at whatever her mind conjured up.
For a second, she looked around their messy bedroom, smiling despite the mess. Their bed was unmade, the sheets rumpled on one side, completely off on the other. There were clothes strewn everywhere, Muggle and Ministry robes had both suffered the same fate. It seemed only Lacy's nursery was in decent shape these days, but a few of her toys could seen strewn about the house. But neither of them had time to pick up their clothes, and it wasn't just a clever excuse either. The war and their participation in the resistance against the war was taking up all their free time. It was very rare for Sirius and Julia to come home and be able to actually have ten minutes together before they had to rush off again. They barely got time to spend with their precious daughter these days.
Julia sat heavily on her side of the bed, furthest from the window, and put her head in her hands, exhausted beyond belief. Every bone in her body seemed to be aching, and there seemed to be a huge vein popping from her forehead all the way to her spine, all the muscles around the vein were rock hard, in need of a good massage. But exhaustion wasn't her only problem. How long had it been seen she and Sirius had had sex? And not a quickie either like they were so used to, but slow, connecting love-making for hours and hours and hours in their bed like before the war.
She cursed, pulling on an old spaghetti strap shirt and jeans as she stood up, picking up her daughter again and headed for the kitchen. She'd feed and put Lacy to sleep, then she'd conquer the paperwork waiting for her. McGonagall had forgotten to mention how much paperwork there was involved in being an Auror when they'd been discussing careers, and she needed to kick her father and godfather's butts, both of whom were Auror's, because they'd forgotten to mention it to her too. But she needed to write reports about the investigation she'd led into the mansion of a potential Death Eater, so that her boss, Mad-Eye Moody, could look it all over in his spare time.
She grabbed a bottle of ice-cold butterbear from the fridge as she started mixing her daughter's dinner. Lacy looked up at her from her high chair, banging her spoon happily against the little table in front of her. She had her fathers best features, the blue-gray eyes, but Julia's light hair and with would become a killer bone structure once she started to really grow up. She was such a incredible baby, and everything she did seemed to be better then what any baby could do. Despite the fact that they were almost never home, that Lacy spent most of her time with Lily and Harry, Lacy was the apple of her parent's eyes, the reason they were still alive and fighting today.
After feeding the baby, which resulted in both mother and daughter to be quite messy, it was time for Lacy to be put to sleep in her crib. "I want to," Sirius said a little childishly, laughing happily as he watched Lacy vault over to him from Julia's arms.
"Well, fine then," Julia smiled, watching in delight as Sirius tickled and kissed their daughter mercilessly, the perfect father with nothing on but unbuttoned jeans.
"Say good-night to mama baby," Sirius said, making Lacy lean toward Julia in his arms, but all Lacy say was "mamma mama" with a grin, her new teeth showing brightly in her beautiful smile as her father led her into the nursery.
She headed towards the room she and Sirius had turned into a sort of office for themselves. There, she opened one of the files she'd brought home with her and began scribbling down everything she remembered from the investigation.
From where she was sitting, she had a perfect view of the nursery, and her heart damn near exploded as she watched Sirius and Lacy. Her head was nestled against his chest, her eyes drifting close, her little fist in front of her mouth, her cheek as soft as lace against Sirius's skin. And his head was bent towards her ear as he slowly walked her around the room, no doubt crooning something to her. The contrast between Lacy's light skin and her father's tanned skin was a beautiful sight, the sight something Julia would cherish for the rest of her life. The two people she loved most in the entire world, loved more then everyone and everything else. They were her everything and the mere thought of some day, because of some horrible incident, they would be separated, she felt sick to her stomach.
"Done yet?" Sirius asked, walking into the office about twenty minutes later, the nursery door not quite closed behind him.
"Are you kidding? This is going to take a few hours," she sighed, sitting back in her chair, managing to crack her spine on the process. She grimaced as her bones rearranged themselves out of discomfort, and every single muscle in her shoulders and neck were strained and hurting beyond belief.
"You look like you could use a break…from life," Sirius commented coming to stand beside her, still squeezing out excess water from his hair and into the red towel.
"I could," she said, looking up at her beautiful man, happy and content with the fact that he was hers forevermore, "war is not for the vain," she sighed and picked up her quill again, nearly done with two reports.
Wordlessly, she felt him put his large, warm, callused hands on her shoulders and began to rub the tension out meticulously, expertly making her head loll back and a soft groan ensue from her lips.
"I thought I'm the one who supposed to be doing the rubbing Sirius," she said softly.
"Oh well," he smiled, sliding his hands down her torso as he bent down closer to her mouth. As his hands started massaging her breasts slowly and lovingly as he kissed her, his wet hair cocooning their faces as their tongues and hearts fused.
"BLACK! MONROE!" they heard Moody's familiar growled shout coming from the fireplace in the living room and Lacy's cries rose from the nursery, no doubt startled by Moody's gruff voice.
"Is he kidding?" Sirius asked with a groan, surrendering and jogging to Lacy as Julia headed towards Mad-Eye's voice.
"What's up?" she asked her boss's floating head.
"There's a situation in Warwickshire, move yer arses," he said, disappearing from the fire as Sirius slid into the room, a red faced Lacy in his arms.
"Where?" he asked, so used were they to war that he didn't even need her to tell him.
"Warwickshire," she answered, looking deep into his eyes, serious and getting ready for battle. She would take Lacy to Headquarters then join Sirius and the others in battle, "if you don't come back to us in one piece, I'll kick your ass."
"Same to you," he said before they both Dissaparated.
Arriving in Warwickshire, Julia didn't need to search the area for neither the Order or the battle. The night sky was illuminated by the spells that were being cast all over the village, turning the sky above into day time. Explosions, curses and shouts could be heard, and Julia didn't waste any time before starting curse the masked figures that threatened so much.
She found Sirius and James standing back to back, fighting as they had always done, turning into a square as Julie and Remus Lupin joined them. The four stood back to back, a united front against all the evil in the world, willing to do anything to keep the other safe.
"Where's Lily? I don't see her!" Julia said in alarm, "STUPEFY! You fucker," she added as she knocked out a surprisingly huge Death Eater.
"She's pulling hospital duty at HQ, IMPIDEMENTA!" James answered, "She and Hestia are pulling babysitting duty, didn't you see her? OY!" he yelled, ducking just in time to miss a Killing Curse that caused fire to erupt from the tree stump it hit.
"I handed Lacy to Hestia at the door," Julia told him, sending a Reducto towards an unsuspecting Death Eater.
"I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT!" Sirius yelled over the noise of the night, one eye on the Death Eaters that were approaching him and one eye on Julia, praying the entire time.
Half an hour later, with four apprehended Death Eaters, the battle was over. The Order had lost none, the Aurors had one death and about 5 injuries, including a deep gash on Sirius's chest that refused to stop bleeding.
"I'm ok Jules," he said, covering the wound with his hand, his other holding his wand as he and his three friends landed in front of Order Headquarters.
"You're soaked with blood Sirius!" she said, a few minor cuts and bruises marring her face. But she didn't seem to notice the tiny stings they caused in her face, too horrified by the slash on his torso that ranged from his shoulder and across to below his opposite peck. And though he'd refused to stop fight, the wound was just as stubborn so that his t-shirt was completely soaked with blood on the front.
Lily jumped on top of James the second they walked into headquarters, obviously worried about her husband. And James didn't seem to mind her death grip, instead, burying his face in her red hair while Julia dragged Sirius to the Order's other Healer, Hestia Jones. She found Lacy playing with Harry and Neville Longbottom, but she didn't go to her, not wanting to scare her with all the blood on her.
She went back to the room they were using as a hospital room and watched Hestia and Lily heal everyone's wounds. But even after Hestia told her, assured her that the cut, despite its deepness, was nothing that wouldn't heal in a jiffy, Julia was shaking inside and out. She knew she'd lost all the color in her face, throwing herself into one of the easy chairs in the sitting room, at least five rooms away from the living room that was being used as a medical wing for the injured Order members.
She was shacking when Lily quietly came into the room, "want me to look at those cuts?"
Julia started and looked around at her best friend, "what? Oh, no, thanks," she said hastily.
"You sure?" Lily asked sitting in front of Julia on the coffee table, her eyes growing in alarm, "oh my God! Why are you shacking so hard?"
"Shock," she muttered.
"What's wrong?" Lily asked, taking hold of Julia's cold hands, "what? Sirius's cut?" When she didn't respond, Lily pulled her in for a hug, "oh Julia, he's fine! He's in the kitchen being an idiot with James, the cuts almost completely gone away!"
Julia pulled back suddenly, "almost? What do you mean, almost?"
"Julia, relax. There's slight scarring, it was a magical cut, but it's barely noticeable," Lily said hastily, "honey, you've seen him get hit worse then that! You usually laugh it off, what happened today?"
Julia lost all her control. All she saw was the green jet of light missing him by a fraction, reliving the wild fear that she'd felt at the prospect that she'd never kiss him, make love to him, see him smile, making that bark-like sound when he laughed. And she began to weep in Lily's arms, horrified at the mere idea of someday maybe losing him.
"Hey! Evens, we need you to make us some foo--" Sirius's request for Lily's cooking stopped halfway through when he walked into the sitting room. "Julia? What's wrong?" he asked his voice full of alarm and concern as he came to kneel next to the hugging friend.
Julia hiccupped once as Lily pulled back, tears freely falling down. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck, her shoulders shacking as she let it all out. Lily gave them a lingering concerned glance before going to find her husband.
"Shh," he soothed, moving to kneel between her open thighs, rubbing her back, terrified about what was making her so upset. "Julia, come on, stop crying sweet, tell me what's bugging you. Shhh, come on. You're breaking my heart here Jules."
"I'm so scared Sirius," she said into his neck as she finally got her sobs under control, "I thought you were going to die today. And I can't seem to grasp the idea that you're still ok."
"You got jolted, that's all," he soothed her, kissing the exposed curve of her shoulder, "I'm ok, see? As good as knew."
She laughed into his shoulder and her tears soon stopped. She pulled back to look at him, sighing when he brushed her shocking red hair back from her face, "I want this war to end, Sirius. I can't take it anymore. And this hole Secret Keeper thing…God, I'm so terrified!"
He nodded, "it seems to be getting worse by the day isn't it?" he sighed, looking jagged and battle worn.
She didn't say anything for a few minutes, just looked into his gray-blue eyes with her own luminous ones, "today, when I saw that killing curse heading your way…I thought Lacy and I lost you," she said with a sob, then stopped herself and her tears from flowing in record time.
"But I'm ok. I'm sitting right here Jules, see?" he asked, deftly kissing her to prove his point, "I'm fine."
"But the wars not over Sirius, and tomorrow may be a battle where…where you don't come back to me…Then what am I supposed to do?" she asked imploringly, begging him silently to promise to never again get hurt, "I don't think I can live without you."
"Babe, since the same goes for me, how 'bout we strike a deal? Hmm?" he prodded, burying his face in her neck, licking and kissing the soft skin there, "let's both of us promise not to get killed."
"Sirius," she groaned miserably, pushing him back, knowing she was scaring him with her vulnerability, "you're too careless in the battlefield. You're too bold," she said and her shoulders started shacking again, "I need you to promise me you'll be ok. That you won't let yourself get carried away during battle because that will be your downfall. You need to realize that you're living for Lacy too, and for me." She bulldozed over him when he was about to interrupt, "if Remus hadn't seen that Death Eater send the Killing Curse your way Sirius…where would we be now?"
His handsome face grew somber, running a hand through his hair, clenching his jaw, aware that she was right. He did get carried away on the battlefield sometimes, sure that he was immortal, when in fact, he was more mortal then anyone around him. And he had two precious ladies who were terrified for him, scared to death at the mere prospect of losing him someday.
"Alright, I promise to be more careful," he said before kissing her, licking the inside of her mouth with lazy stroked that made both of them catch fire in an instant.
He was still kissing her when he felt her pulling up shirt, he broke their kiss with a laugh at her audacity, turned on beyond belief, "Jules, anyone can walk in!" he said, but she was intent upon lifting up his shirt.
But her reasons weren't one bit carnal. He watched with an aching heart when her lips quivered, tracing his new scar with a light fingertip, giving him Goosebumps of pleasure. "Just a scar," he assured her, "nothing more then a scratch. I promise."
"At this rate, we'll both look like Mad-Eye in a year," she said, totally straight-faced, leaning her head to kiss his knew scar.
"Ahh Julia," he moaned, his fingers running through her short hair as she ran kisses along the scared skin, his pleasure ending when he felt a tear drop on his chest. "Ahh Julia," he moaned again, but not in pleasure this time.
"Let's go eat something before James finishes it all," Julia said, standing up and pulling him up with her, leading him silently into the kitchen of the mansion the Order used as their Headquarters. Everyone had a tendency of staying behind and migrating into the kitchen after each of the meetings.
There was James and Lily with Harry, Remus, Kat, and Peter of course, Frank and Alice Longbottom with their baby, Emmeline Vance, Kinsley Shackelbolt, Elphias Doge and his wife, and surprisingly, Professor McGonagall, who was holding Lacy, and Dumbledore, with his brother, Aberforth. They were all sporting some sort of scratch or wound, except Hestia and Lily who'd stayed behind.
As they entered the modified kitchen, everyone greeted them with a smile and went back to their conversation. McGonagall's eyes remained on Julia, her one and only niece, and she seemed to visually make sure Julia was ok then went back to her conversation with Mrs. Doge. Lily, however, came over to her and smiled tentatively, "you alright?"
Julia smiled with a nod, giving Sirius a surreptitious smile, "thanks Lils, I'm fine."
"Alright," she said, unconvinced, her emerald colored eyes running over Julia's battered face, "let me clean up those wounds."
When Lily was done, Julia had a brand new scar of her own that ran adjacent to her eyebrow. Since the wound had been the result of a half-hearted cutting curse, it wouldn't completely go away, like the slash in Sirius's chest.
Needing a beautiful distraction and since Sirius had Lacy in his arms, Julia picked up her godson, and started playing with him, making him giggle by tickling him and blowing raspberries against his soft tummy. He tried to stop her by pulling on her hair with his tiny fists, but she untangled her hair just in time and resumed torturing her little godson.
Amidst all the death and destruction that haunted her each and every second of every day, Lacy and Harry always managed to remind her that there was always good to be found somewhere. Always a silver lining. Because, even with death looming over all their heads like a shadow that wouldn't go away, life was so abundant and vivid around them all. And Lacy and Harry and Neville seemed to both be evidence that life always went on, that giving up in the tiniest of ways would be destruction itself.
She often spend the precious hours most used for sleep to dream about the future. She lay awake almost every night, her cheek pressed against Sirius's chest, the thuds of his beating heart a blessing within itself, her daughter lying in her crib next to her father. And she dreamed of giving Lacy and Harry a new little companion to play with. She dreamed of watching an 11-year-old Lacy, as bright and mischievous as her parents, boarding the Hogwarts Express, becoming the best at every subject, making her mom and dad proud.
Looking at Sirius, laughing at something Aberforth was telling him, it wasn't that hard to see just how much Sirius loved being a father, and how much Lacy loved being around him. It seemed odd sometimes to see robust and rogue Sirius Black so gentle and patient with an infant of 21 months old. But he was Lacy's dad, and Julia herself was living proof that little girls adored their fathers.
Yet Harry was addicted to his handsome godfather too, launched himself out of whoever's arms he was in when Sirius walked into the room, crying "pah-foo" at the top of his lungs. And Julia was sure the love Sirius had for Harry quadrupled when his own daughter, with his own gray-blue eyes and brilliant smile, staring up at him and crying out "dadda" in loud, happy squeals.
"That's just wrong!" James said loudly as the little group of himself, Sirius and Remus burst out laughing at whatever Aberforth Dumbledore was saying.
"That's brilliant!" Sirius said through gales of laughter, Lacy looking at him curiously.
Katherine Nosreme, a new member of the female extension of the Marauders, was regarding them with a cocked eyebrow, "do we want to know?" she asked.
Remus looked at his new girlfriend and dissolved into another fit of laughter, shaking his head "no". "Unless you want to throw up," Sirius added, holding his stomach, chuckling as he watched James's entire face turn red.
"Goats?" Julia asked, almost afraid of the answers, knowing Aberforth Dumbledore's unusual love for the animal. But her question succeeded only in making Sirius burst out laughing again in that wonderful, bark sounding sound of joy. She cautiously walked towards him and took Lacy, afraid she would be dropped by her distracted father.
"I fear my brother is a bad influence on your men, ladies," Dumbledore said, watching his brother over his half-moon spectacles.
Watching the guys with a frown, Lily concluded, "I think they're a bad influence on him, sir," she said and Julia couldn't deny the fact that the Marauder's could corrupt anyone.
Giving them a gentle, amused smile, Dumbledore stood up from his stool, "well, I must be on my way back to Hogwarts. I will see you all at the next Order meeting," he said, giving them all a smile then walking into the living room to Floo back to Hogwarts.
"Stay safe Julia," McGonagall said, hugging Julia fiercely and kissing Lacy on her blonde head.
"You too auntie," she said and smiled.
She turned to Sirius when she heard his chuckle, "the poor woman's still in a state of shock that soon, I'll be her relative, officially."
"And she's thanking her God that its not by blood, I'm sure," Kingsley said with a smile.
Aberforth and the Longbottoms decided to go next along with Elphias Doge and Shacklebolt. "You guys want to go back to our place?" Lily asked as the three men came to stand beside their three women. Predictably, Lacy nearly threw himself into Sirius's awaiting arms. And Lacy wasn't disappointed when Sirius carried his daughter comfortably as he talked with his friends
"Watch a couple of horror flicks, perhaps?" Kat smiled.
"Ooo, the one with that chick who's head spins around," James said excitedly, "I've always loved that movie."
"How 'bout a nice werewolf one?" Julia asked, watching Remus's face with an amused expression as she lay her head against Kat's shoulder, getting a direct view of James's face. And her heart ached for her friend. The pressure and strain he and Lily were under, having gone into hiding a few weeks ago, was killing him. Oh, he laughed and joked around like he always did, but there was strain to his every smile and joke. He looked weary and old, like a man of 28 who was going onto the 80.
"I don't know kids, I'm pretty exhausted," Sirius said, not sounding exhausted at all, his eyes stuck on Remus, who was pointedly not looking at him.
"But it's Halloween," James whined, and Julia knew that it was just something he was doing out of habit, to keep everything as normal as possible, to ignore the fact that was ripping him apart. That fact being that Sirius and Remus hadn't said a word to each other for nearly six months. And it seemed, only they knew what the deathly row had been about.
"I side with Julia on this one," Lily said, watching Harry yawn in James's arms.
"It aint over till the little people yawns, I suppose," Sirius smiled, watching Lacy's little mouth expand in a huge yawn, then he turned his attention back to Remus, and in a cold, un-Sirius like voice said, "you mind giving us some space, Lupin? I need to discuss something with the Potters," he said.
Julia felt like throwing up at the look of pure hatred on Remus's face as he looked back at his friend of 17 years. But whatever their fight had been out, it seemed that no amount of super-glue could put the broken pieces back together. "Sure," Remus said coldly, pushing himself away from the counter and looked at Kat, "let's get home," he said and without another word, Dissaparated with a pop.
"Good night," Kat said in a strained voice and she went with a pop too.
Sirius walked around the kitchen, cursing like hell as he did, then stopped directly in front of Julia, his jaw tightly clenched as he looked at her, "mind if I come home a little after you?"
Julia stood up, uneasy but obliging as she took Lacy into her arms, anything to keep the Potters safe, "sure," she said, giving Lily a hug and letting James kiss her on the cheek, "I'll see you guys…later, I guess," she sighed, rubbing the back of Lacy's back and Dissaparated home.
She hated the fact that to keep James and Lily safe, she wasn't trusted, and Sirius's life was put in danger. She hated the fact that he and Remus were fighting so passionately, distrusting each other so wrongly. She hated that she couldn't trust anybody in this war. And she loathed the fact that her future was so freaking hazy.
In an attempt to relax all her aching muscles after Lacy fell asleep, she went into the shower, turning on the water to a scalding degree and got under, turning her neck this way and that as the water pressure kneaded out knots of pressure from her muscles.
She was brushing her rudely red, short hair when Sirius finally arrived home, looking harassed and not in any mood to be asked if he was ok. So she just gave him a smile in the mirror and continued to brush her hair. "I've been thinking of going shorter," she told him, still watching him change through the mirror.
He cocked an eyebrow at her, "but you look perfect with that length already," he said almost indignantly.
Julia beamed at him, agreeing that her jaw-length hair did her bold bone structure justice. But she could've cared less about her hair, or how short it was or how outrageous. All she cared about was how Sirius threw himself back on their bed, lying spread eagle on his back with nothing but his boxers on.
Standing up, she walked over to him and silently climbed the bed and straddled his hips, their heat mingling with the warmth of her own body. "Still want that massage?" she asked, bending down to kiss his incredible lips.
"Just the kiss," he murmured, his fingers digging into the flesh of her thighs, the little sparks of pain delicious, sending down buzzes of pleasure down her spine, the taste of his tongue rasping against hers goading a moan out of her throat.
And the world was no more as he flipped them so that she was on bottom, and he kept on kissing her, rubbing his thighs into hers, seeking the warmth and comfort no one else could offer him. And when heaven had been reached and passed, every star and moon touched and explored, as they lay panting next to each other on the bed, the last word they spoke to each other was a simple "I love you".
Julia woke up early the next morning, finding herself still draped over Sirius's naked, sleeping body. Blinking at the alarm clock by the bed, she frowned because it was only 3:30 in the morning. The clock was not due to come to life and dance around the room until 6.
Finding herself comfortable and content and couldn't hear Lacy carying, she didn't know why she'd woken up and her senses flared. The years of Auror training and tactics prickling.
Something must've woken her up. She ruled out a bad dream because she'd been dreaming of Lacy and Sirius. Discomfort couldn't have woken her up because nothing felt as comfortable as being draped across Sirius Black's body.
Then there it was, "Sirius? Julia!"
She nearly toppled off the bed when she recognized Dumbledore's voice coming from the living room, the fireplace, no doubt. Making sure Sirius was fully awake, she grabbed her bath towel and ran, tripping and stubbing her toes a few times, to the living room to see Dumbledore's floating head in the crate.
And dread, like five pounds of lead, dropped into her stomach as she looked into the Headmaster's bleak eyes. "What's happened?" she whispered, not seeing but feeling Sirius coming to stand behind her.
Dumbledore sighed, and in a quiet, sorrowful voice told them, "James and Lily Potter were attacked, earlier this night," he said, looking up at the two.
"What?" Sirius hissed as Julia collapsed onto the sofa, praying to whatever God that had been looking out for her to please, please let James and Lily and Harry be ok. Please.
"It seems Voldemort found out where they were hiding," Dumbledore sighed again, "I'm sorry, neither Lily nor James survived."
Her world blackened that second as she heard a small pop.
Dead.
James…dead.
Lily…dead.
Oh God.
And Sirius…SIRIUS was the reason!
But no…that wasn't possible…Sirius would never have in any way, shape or form done anything to hurt the Potters in any way! Impossible! Sirius would never have become a Death Eater…that was just wrong…he was too loyal to his friends, hated his family's dark roots…He was the white sheep of the Black family…
But he was their Secret Keeper. Only through him could someone have found access to the Potters…
But it couldn't be…no…not Sirius…
God please, not Sirius, not James, not Lily!
Let it have been me instead…not them…please….please God make this be a dream….let this be a nightmare…let me wake up sleeping next to Sirius…
Please.
Julia woke up what seemed seconds later, but knew it was probably at least a few hours after she'd passed out. And when she remembered why she'd passed away, she began to hyperventilate, gasping for air, tears dribbling down the side of her face and onto her neck.
Terror washed through her with hatred and revenge and bone deep aching, pain of loss, as if someone had cut her heart out and was viciously stabbing it in front of her.
Healers rushed through the room as alarms sounded, but she didn't hear them, didn't see them as she prayed helplessly, hoping that James and Lily and Sirius were waiting outside and would rush and see her, telling her she'd just collapsed for no reason. Then Sirius would bend down and kiss her, telling her he'd kick her ass for having worried him so much. And Lily would scold her for not taking care of herself and James, dear James, would smile and tease her like he always did.
And even as she wove this scenario in her head, she knew that Dumbledore's announcement had not been a dream, that this terror was too real for her taste.
"Julia, you must stay calm or you'll kill yourself!" she heard her aunts stern voice command.
She turned her head to look at her aunt Minerva sitting on the chair beside her bed, holding her hand. And the sadness in those dear old eyes confirmed Julia's worst nightmares. "So…so James and Lily are…"
Feeling that her niece couldn't finish her sentence, Minerva nodded solemnly, squeezing Julia's hand when she started weeping from the pain of it, "and Harry?" Julia asked, once she could open her mouth and speak without sobbing.
"Miraculously, he survived the night, walking away with nothing but a scar," Minerva told her niece and when Julia asked for details, she only got, "the only thing I know is that something about that boy stopped Voldemort. You must ask Albus about the details Julia, I do not know."
Digesting this bit of news, Julia nodded, grateful that at least Harry was alive and Voldemrot was no more. But. Damn. "Sirius?"
McGonagall's eyes filled with a sort of anger Julia had never seen inhabit her aunts eyes, "Azkaban for the murder of the Potters, 13 Muggles and Peter-" Julia whimpered- "and also, on the charges of Death Eater. And Lacy is safe with the house elves of Hogwarts."
Saying she was numb didn't come close to describing how she felt. But she wanted to cry so hard yet her tears has stopped, like she couldn't cry at all, couldn't feel her body, her mind, anything.
Sirius was the reason James and Lily weren't alive.
Sirius had lied to them all.
Sirius.
God. All the things he'd told her, about how much he loved her and would never leave her or Lacy, about how he wanted the war to end and raise their daughter, for the Order to succeed, had been a lie.
He had sold his own best friend, the man he swore was his brother, to Voldemort!
She was grateful that she passed out again.
Five days later, clad in black with an aching heart, clutching Remus's arm like it was her only lifeline, she was walking up the little cliff of Godric's Hollow cemetery, full of legendary witches and wizards, including Dumbledore's family and more legendary families.
She wanted to go far away from this place, run away as far as possible and pretend this wasn't real, that this wasn't happening.
But reality was that James and Lily were dead because Sirius, their Secret Keeper, had betrayed them to the Death Eaters. Reality was Sirius was in the highest security wards in Azkaban. Reality was that Kat and Peter were murdered that same night. Reality was that Harry would have to go and live with his aunt Petunia because Dumbledore thought he was safer there then with his godmother. She'd put a good fight in his Hogwarts study, yelling and crying, wanting to take care of her godson, but reality had been that Harry was safe with blood relatives. Horrible reality was that Lacy would grow up without Sirius, the Sirius Julia had loved, as her forever present and forever over-protective father. And reality was the fact that she'd been pregnant, but lost the baby the night James and Lily died.
Reality was this, standing beside a pale, sickened Remus, who was clinging onto her as tight as she was clinging on him, looking down at the two coffins sitting side by side. She could Lacy's little whimpers behind her, the sadness of the day having penetrated her infant mind in Aunt Minnie's arms. Tears silently fell as people gave eulogies, talking about how wonderful James and Lily were. Dumbledore was the first to speak, then Shackelbolt got up to speak about incredible a person James had been, then Hestia stood to speak of Lily's beauty, inside and out.
Neither Remus nor Julia could get out a coherent word, too distraught, too betrayed and heartbroken to speak. So she just stood beside Remus while people spoke superficial things about her two best friends, two of the greatest people she'd ever met. And she pressed her face into Remus's chest as the two coffins were lowered into the ground, sobbing into his chest as he cried on her shoulder.
The war was over but they were never this miserable. Voldemort was gone, the Death Eaters defeated temporarily, yet she was miserable, her heart in pieces, her life destroyed, everything she believed to be true gone like a puff of smoke she could never catch again.
She was the first to walk away from the gathering, unconsciously strolling towards James and Lily's house like she had always done, hands in her pocket, her brain buzzing with thousands of thoughts, thousands of regret.
She was just numb when she saw the rubble the house had been reduced to. The beautiful little house, perfect for a young family, perfect for the family Lily and James would have become, only because Sirius had been a lie. A fake…Lies.
"McGonagall took Lacy with her," Remus said quietly. Julia smiled slightly when he hugged her from behind, pulling her against his chest, "we'll be alright Julia," he told her softly, "we'll be ok."
"It just hurts so much Remus," she sighed, leaning against his chest. He felt like the only solid thing in her life and she loved him so much right now.
"I know," he sighed, looking at the house like he couldn't look away.
"They died for the greater good I guess," she sighed, squeezing the arm Remus had wrapped around her torso, "I mean…if Lily hadn't…hadn't done what she'd done, then Harry wouldn't have survived either and Voldemort would still be around…"
She felt Remus nod against her shoulder, "we have that, at least, to be thankful for."
"Yeah," she sighed, turned in his arms and hugged her last remaining friend, her last remaining truth, "we have to move on Remus."
"We do," he said quietly, "and we'll be fine. We'll hurt, we'll ask why almost none stop…but we'll make it," he said quietly, "and if you ever need anything, any help or babysitting with Lacy, Jules, I'm here for you."
She pulled back and kissed his cheek, "I know Remus, I know. But now I have to go back to the Ministry, Mad-Eye needs me to give him an oral report of an investigation I did a few days ago."
He smiled, "alright," he nodded and let her go, "dinner tonight at my place?"
She smiled into his eyes, it may have been a strained smile, dull compared to the ones she was used to giving before Halloween, but it was a smile she actually meant, "I'll bring the movie. But if I get home too late, eat without me, k?"
With a last smile at Remus, she Dissaparated into the alley behind the Ministry of Magic where she always Apparated. She walked to the entrance of the Ministry, trying not to think about the fact that this was the first time ever that she was walking into the Ministry without Sirius and James following her or leading her, making stupid jokes and comments along the way, drawing looks from Muggle women who found both of them insanely attractive.
The DMLE offices had never been this cheerful, this optimistic since Julia could remember. Everyone was reaping the benefits of having Voldemort defeated, being able to finally move around without holding their breath, waiting someone to attack, kill and betray at the next turn.
But all eyes turned to her as she made her, like always, to the offices in the corner that the Aurors occupied, and where Mad-Eye Moody's office was located. Ignoring the looks she got, knowing she was a spectacle of the century, she knocked on Mad-Eye's door. "Come in Monroe," she heard his gruff voice call.
She opened the door to find Dumbledore sitting in one of the guest chairs facing Moody's desk. "Hello," she greeted both of the older men, then looked at Mad-Eye, "if it's a bad time sir, I'll come back later."
"I was actually about to leave Julia," he said, standing up and looking at her with sympathetic blue eye, and she didn't fail to notice that he was wearing the same robes he'd had on at the funeral as well.
When Dumbledore left the room, she looked at Mad-Eye, who's eyes seemed to be literally x-raying her. "Glad you could come by today Monroe."
"There's work to do, sir," she said quietly, "my friends being dead and gone won't stop people from being stupid."
"True," he nodded, "I have a request for you. I want you to stay far away from Black's case, as far away from it as you can because I don't need my best Auror to murder a prisoner."
"Of course, sir," she said, nodding, not able to look up into Moody's face, knowing that if she was ever to see Sirius Black's face ever again, she'd curse him into oblivion in a heartbeat.
After a short pause, he went on, "alright then, tell me what you found in Warwickshire."
Hey everyone! I've been working my ass off for this story, so I hope that you all love it. READ AND REVIEW! My life literally depends on ur every review!