Bridging the Gap Chapter One
They stood regarding each other warily, the great chasm of nine months separation yawning between them. He wasn't sure how to greet his mother. He took a first hesitant step towards her as she moved forward to hug him. He buried his head in her hair as she pulled him tighter. She smelt different, fresher, cleaner and a wave of emotion swept over him. Months of denying her a place in his heart vanished as he clung to her.
The Cohens looked on, each feeling like an intruder. Kirsten stood still and watched Ryan's face as he held his mother and a lump formed in her throat. The resentment she had felt earlier in the day vanished as she watched mother and son rekindle their shattered relationship. How could she have wanted to deny him this? He'd done a good job of hiding his love for his mother for too long.
As if suddenly aware of the pairs of prying Cohen eyes, they pulled apart and Dawn held him in front of her, scanning him quickly. His hair had grown longer and was falling over his eyes. His shoulders had broadened and he was looking more like his father than ever.
"My God Ryan, you've grown about a foot! What have the Cohens been feeding you?" she exclaimed, her voice faltering slightly, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
He looked down, embarrassed and self-conscious.
"Take Out mainly" quipped Seth, his unease not enough to take away his quick tongue.
"Seth!" Kirsten remonstrated. "I don't want Ryan's Mom thinking that's all we give her son to eat, thank you"
"Sorry Mom, we all know that Ryan's growth spurt is attributable to your meatloaf" he retorted.
They all laughed, the tension of the moment dissipating.
"Well, I'm sure it's better than what his alcoholic mother used to feed him, …" laughed Dawn uneasily.
"Mom…" Ryan pleaded.
"Sorry, bad joke," accepted Dawn, her eyes cast downwards in embarrassment.
"Come on in Dawn" invited Sandy, changing the subject quickly, "You'll be relieved to hear we're barbequing tonight and Kirsten is in charge of setting the table!"
"Sandy, you're as bad as Seth!" Kirsten replied, scowling at her husband as she turned and led the way into the kitchen. "Let's go in and get some juice, it's way too hot out here."
Kirsten ducked down under the tarpaulin , followed by the rest of the group. The kitchen was the only part of the Cohens' downstairs to be left relatively untouched by Archie and his team.
"You'll have to excuse the state of the place Dawn, we've been doing a little remodeling over the summer, kept us busy while the boys were away!" Sandy explained, waving his arms in a gesture of hopelessness.
"Oh, it looks …" Dawn's face gave away her true feelings as she took in the chaotic surroundings.
"A mess. I know!" laughed Sandy. "Goodness knows when we'll get it finished. Some mix up with the contractor, didn't know what the hell he was doing. It's a good thing we have Ryan here, he's the only one who seems to understand what should be done." He slapped Ryan on the back playfully.
"Really, Ryan?" his mother looked at him questioningly.
He looked down, slightly bashful.
"Yeah…you remember that summer I worked construction? I picked up a bit about architecture, that's all…." He mumbled. He wished Sandy wouldn't make such a big deal of it. He still felt a little bad for Archie that he'd dropped him in the shit, he'd seemed like a nice guy. Still, he wasn't about to see the Cohens walked over, not if he could help it.
Kirsten, retrieving juice bottles from the refridgerator, interrupted . If Ryan wouldn't boast about his achievements then she would. He had a right to feel proud of himself.
"Yes, and his counselor at school says his grades are well on target to get a scholarship to college. She's suggested classes which would help him study to become an architect, if that's what he wants."
She caught Ryan's eye and smiled at him encouragingly. She knew he wouldn't feel comfortable about them all talking about him like this. If he could let his achievements blend into the background, he would, she knew that. But she wanted him to know that she was proud of him and she was willing to risk embarrassing him to show him that. Even if he didn't appreciate the attention now, she hoped he would later, when he'd had time to reflect.
Dawn stood sipping her juice, looking from Kirsten to Ryan. The fleeting look of self conscious pleasure on Ryan's face was not lost on her. She could see that Kirsten's words meant a lot to her son. She felt her own pride in him surge. He'd always been such a smart little kid, but never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined a career in architecture for him.
"Ryan, sweetie, that's great. I really don't know where all that smartness comes from, it's not from me that's for sure"
Ryan smiled uncertainly, but it felt good to please his Mom, and it was a new thing for him, to see that she was actually interested in his progress. She'd never been when he was a kid. His Mom was not the sort to attend parent/ teacher conferences or show much interest in school reports. The only thing she did make sure of was that he attended school regularly and Ryan was pretty sure that was for her own selfish reasons and nothing to do with wanting him to get a good education. When he was out of the house, she could smoke and drink all she wanted without him to hound her about it. It had always kind of suited him and Trey. At least she never got on their case about homework or joining activities they had no interest in.
But Ryan was beginning to realize that it actually felt good to have people take an interest in your progress. Kirsten and Sandy's constant quizzing about how his classes were going was already inspiring him to work harder and take the idea of college more seriously. He gave a rueful smile when he recalled that conversation in juvie with Sandy, when he'd snorted in disgust and disbelief when Sandy had suggested college. And look at him now.
Once Kirsten had provided them all with drinks, they left the dust and chaos of the house and sat outside near the pool. It was still fairly hot, but anything was better than the internal surroundings. Sandy fired up the grill whilst Kirsten busied herself with setting the table and bringing out shop bought salads and bread from the kitchen. She and Sandy had agreed that they would leave Ryan to handle his mother unless it looked like he needed them. They would only intervene if he appeared to be floundering.
However, Seth had different ideas. He stuck to Ryan like glue until Sandy called them to the table. He was reluctant to allow Dawn any space to talk to Ryan alone. He was afraid that if she did, she might persuade Ryan to go back with her. Seth told himself that he was protecting Ryan's best interests but he knew it wasn't just that. His motives were also selfish. He couldn't handle Ryan leaving again.
Ryan noticed Seth's more than usually odd behavior but didn't remark on it. The truth was, he was only too glad to have him around. It put off the moment which he knew would be coming, the Mother/Son chat that he knew was inevitable. Instead, they entertained Dawn with stories of Seth's life before Ryan had turned up, tales of Water Polo tormentors and his undying love for Summer.
Dawn enjoyed listening to Seth's stories although she found it hard to keep up with his babble. She could see from the easy way they were with each other that these two boys had a strong bond of friendship. And it hadn't gone unnoticed that Seth had not left Ryan's side since she arrived. She was pleased for Ryan. It was good that he had a friend who would support him. He needed that. He and Trey had been close but unfortunately that had not always been a good thing and she knew Ryan had experienced things way before he should have done, thanks to his older brother.
Sandy walked over to the boys, waving his barbeque tongs in the air.
"OK kids, Dawn. Dinner is served. I hope you like tuna Dawn, we get some fantastic fresh fish here in Newport."
"I'm not sure I've ever eaten fresh tuna before actually," Dawn replied. "Normally I eat the stuff from the can."
Seth looked sideways over at Sandy, eyebrows raised. Surely Sandy remembered that time he'd introduced Ryan to lobster. Sandy caught his son's expression and looked like he could have kicked himself. Of course she'd probably never had tuna. Expensive fish was not likely to have been high on the shopping list in the Atwood home.
Sandy smiled apprehensively at Dawn as he dished the fish out on to a plate. "Well, you're in for a real treat. This is completely different to the tinned variety. Now lets all sit down and eat."
By the time they were all seated at the table, Ryan's nerves had really gotten the better of him. He knew he couldn't avoid a one to one conversation with Dawn for much longer and he was feeling so sick to his stomach., he could barely eat. The food stuck in his throat and his mouth was dry as sawdust. He was beginning to regret suggesting this meeting . Yes, he'd wanted to know how she was doing, but he'd conveniently forgotten that that would also mean reopening old wounds, addressing issues he'd rather not deal with. Nearly becoming a father had made him realize that his mother must really love him to do what she did, in leaving him with the Cohens. But realizing someone loved you didn't excuse them from their behaviour to you. It didn't excuse the beatings from her boyfriends and her neglect. It didn't excuse the abandonment when he'd been released from juvie. He'd never have done that to his kid. He'd have supported his kid whatever they had done, good or bad. Just like Sandy and Kirsten had done this past year. They'd been there for him, through the good and the bad. Never once had they intimated that they regretted their decision, even when Ryan felt they had a right to. They were more his parents than Dawn would ever be.
Thankfully for Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten had noticed his unease and were doing their best to keep the conversation upbeat. They explained to Dawn the plans for the remodel and Kirsten told her about her sister's new job in Japan. Seth weighed in with the story of his broken love affair with Summer. They studiously avoided all talk of rehab centers, jail and Dawn's future plans.
Ryan sat quietly picking at his food, his mind teeming now with questions he wanted answering. What were her plans now? Where would she be living? Did she have a job organized? Did she know how Trey was doing?
Dawn noticed her son's reticence. He was so like his father, in looks and in character. She wondered if he realized that? Probably not. He'd been just a little boy when his father had left, Ryan had never had the chance to get to know him as a person.
She knew she needed to give him the chance and the space to talk to her. But she also knew that he would do his best to avoid it, because he was his father's son and that was always something Jim Atwood had been good at.
"Ryan, what say we head off down to the beach after dinner, if it's OK with Sandy and Kirsten that is?" She looked across at them questioningly. Sandy looked across at Kirsten. They'd known this time would come. Now here it was.
Kirsten's first reaction was to suggest they all go, she wanted to protect Ryan from this. She hated to see him in this state, wound up so tight. But she knew he needed to do this and she must let him, no matter how painful it would be for him, and for them. Her heart ached for him as she saw his eyes full of anxiety and uncertainty.
"That's a good idea Ryan, have some time on your own with your Mom. And we'll be right here when you get back." She smiled at him knowingly. And they would deal with anything they needed to deal with.
Ryan nodded. "Sure Mom, that'd be great…"
tbc