What's She Doing Now?
By Criminally Charmed
Do not own Criminal Minds beyond my heart… All the money goes elsewhere.
Aaron Hotchner sat quietly in the roundtable room, the rest of his BAU team having headed home after another difficult case. In the aftermath of the traumatic crimes they saw regularly, Hotch enjoyed the moments he could sit and reflect, needing the time before going home to his family. And sometimes, he remembered the one person he missed having by his side.
Last time I saw her it was getting colder
But that was years ago
Last I heard, she had moved to Boulder
But where's she now, I don't know
But there's something about this time of year
That turns my head around
Takes me back, makes me wonder
What's she doing now?
Elle had been a member of the team, someone he could count on. Then an unsub had done the unthinkable. He had gunned Elle down in her own home. Only a neighbor calling in the shooting had saved her. The shock of being attacked in such a way changed Elle. Her body recovered but she was broken.
'Cause what's she's doing now is tearing me apart
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows… What's she doing now?
Not that Hotch had been in love with Elle. No, he loved his wife Haley. Had since he saw he up on a stage in the school auditorium. But his team was his family. Gideon was a sage uncle, JJ and Garcia his quirky sisters, Morgan the goofy younger brother and Spencer Reid? Spencer held a special place in his heart. It was his relationship with the young genius that had given Hotch the confidence to be a father. He often thought that Haley suspected why he had changed his mind having kids, but she never said a word. And Elle? Oh, she had known, had practically said as much to his face. Elle could read the stone faced agent all too well. He missed that.
Just for laughs, I dialed her old number
But no one knew her name
Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered
If she'd ever done the same
I took a walk in the evening wind
To clear my head somehow
But tonight I lie hear thinking
What's she doing now?
No one really knew where Elle had gone to. She had resigned, saying she needed to get on with her life. Her team had failed her. They had sent her back to the house, alone, to almost die… alone. And the only way she could deal with their perceived betrayal was to leave them. And while another agent now held her job, the team still felt the loss. A member of their family had divorced herself from them, killing the link between them. And with any death, came the grief. Morgan, JJ and Garcia had yet to really warm up to the newbie, Gideon was always watching her, like he was waiting for her to pull away, and Spencer was not as open in the group as he had been. Elle had let him do that, as well as making Hotch laugh… if only in his mind.
'Cause what's she's doing now is tearing me apart
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows… What's she doing now?
Elle was gone, her seat at the round table filled, her place in their hearts, empty. He wondered what he could have done to have protected his team… his family. With a sigh, Hotch rose, grabbed his briefcase and left. His other family was waiting for him, to give a bath, to give a kiss, to give himself back to them… if only for the night. As he exited the room, Hotch swore he smelled a discreet perfume, heard a soft laugh. He didn't look back because the step of grief – acceptance – was finally there.
And I wonder if she knows… What's she doing now?