This is an idea for a story that I've had for a while now. All of the trolls will be humans and all of the humans will be trolls. I hope to also have some reader participation so if anyone is interested in suggesting commands for our young heroes just leave a review.

Unfortunetly Fanfiction does not allow the use of greater than and less than symbols so the commands and Terezi's smiles are messed up.

HUMANSTUCK

A young man stands alone in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the thirteenth of April is not this young man's birthday. In fact his birthday won't be for several months yet on the twelfth of July. Even though he was born over thirteen years ago it is only today that he will receive a name.

What name shall this young man be given?

Enter name.

NOOKSUCKING ASSHOLE

Oh very funny, try again smart-ass.

Try Again

Karkat Vantas

There, that wasn't too hard now was it?

Examine Room

Your name is KARKAT and you have a deep love for EXTREMELY TERRIBLE ROMANTIC MOVIES. A number of posters and cases for these movies are scattered all around your room. Your 'friends' will often time tease you about your love for these movies however you are not and never have been EMBARRASSED about it. You enjoy creating viruses even though you COMPLETELY SUCK AT IT, another thing that several of your 'friends' never let you forget.

Speaking of your so-called friends you spend a lot of time hanging out in your room simply chatting with your online friends. And by that you mean GETTING THE LIVING SHIT ANNOYED OUT OF YOU. You recently started using a new chat client called PESTERCHUM though your still not sure if you think it sucks or not. Your chumhandle is carcinoGeneticist and you speak in a matter that is ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ORNERY, ALL THE TIME.

What will you do?

Karkat: Examine Bed.

This is your stupid old BED, which is probably teeming with bed bugs. You have had this same mattress since as long as you can remember and it's probably the same mattress your FATHER used when he was a kid. Just looking at it grosses you out. You usually end up sleeping on your bedroom floor or the couch. They're both hard as rocks but at least when you lay down you don't feel like thousands of little bugs are crawling all over you.

Karkat: Examine broken window.

Just looking at this pisses you off. The stupid neighbor's five year old brat decided that throwing his baseball through your window would be hilarious. You do feel a little bit of satisfaction when you think about how his tricycle mysteriously fell apart the very next day. You don't care what his mother said, you had nothing to do with it.

You didn't have enough money to fix it so in the end you just decided to use duct tap. You still get a bit of a draft every once and a while but it works.

Karkat: Examine hermit crab.

Right next to your duct taped window you have a fairly small habitat with a white hermit crab resting inside. Your father bought him for you when you were five because you didn't have the space or the money for a dog. You decided to name him CRABDAD.

You are amazed at how long this thing has lived. How long are hermit crabs supposed to live anyway?

Karkat: Examine movie posters.

Alright let's stop screwing around and get down to business. Dear God you love these movies. These movies are great. You don't give a flying shit what any of your stupid online friends say they are amazing.

You look over your collection of posters and fondly regard the titles of some of your favorite titles. Failure to Launch, Along Came Sally and Fifty-first Dates are all works of art that deserve to go down in history as classics.

Oh, and Adam Sandler is amazing. And that's all there is to say on that matter.

Karkat: Captchalogue Fifty-first Dates poster.

You captchalogue the POSTER using your ENCRYPRION MODUS. If you want to retrieve it you will need to hack the code. Wow, that was a pretty stupid move. You probably won't be getting that out anytime soon.

You look over towards your old computer monitor. God that thing is a piece of shit, you would ask for a new one if it wasn't for the fact that your dad can barely afford to buy you clothes let alone a new computer. It seems like one of your chums are pestering you.

Karkat: Answer chum.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: WHY H3LLO TH3R3 K4RCR4B! [:
CG: OH GOD WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?
GC: TH3R3S NO N33D TO B3 L1K3 TH4T
CG: THERE IS A PERFECTLY GOOD FUCKING REASON FOR ME TO ACT THE WAY I DO. AND IT'S MAINLY BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL DICKSMELLING ASSHOLES.
CG: I'M PRETTY SURE YOU ALL JUST EXIST TO ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME ALL THE TIME.
CG: IT'S LIKE YOU GET TOGETHER AND MAKE PLANS TO TRY AND MAKE ME FLIP MY SHIT.
GC: WH4T3V3R, JUST L1ST3N TO M3 FOR 4 S3COND
GC: DO YOU R3M3BER TH3 G4M3 T4 AND 44 W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT?
CG: YEAH, WHAT ABOUT IT?
GC: W3LL TH3 B3TA FOR TH3 G4M3 1S SUPPOS3D TO GO OUT TOD4Y 4ND 3V3RYBODY IS GO1NG TO PL4Y 1T TOG3TH3R
CG: BY EVERYONE I AM ASSUMING YOU MEAN EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME.
GC: NOP3, YOUR GO1NG TO PL4Y W1TH US TOO! [:
CG: EXCUSE ME BUT I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING I WOULD PLAY ANY GAMES WITH YOU ASSHOLES.
GC: SOLLUX W4S TH3 ON3 WHO S41D YOU WOULD PL4Y
CG: WELL SOLLUX IS ALSO A COMPLETE AND UTTER ASSHOLE.
CG: WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE.
GC: WOW R34LLY?
GC: SOLLUX THOUGHT YOU WOULD THROW 4 HUG3 F1T 4BOUT TH1S
CG: IT WILL PROBABLY JUST TURN INTO ANOTHER HUGE WASTE OF MY PRECIOUS TIME BUT I SU
GC: ….
GC: K4RK4T?
GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

You stop typing like an enraged madman when you suddenly here the sound of your sad excuse for a house's creaky door opening. That sound can only mean one thing…..

Your father just got home.

Well shit.

Karkat: Quick, run into your father's loving arms.

Oh hell no. First off the very mental image makes you want to barf up your lunch everywhere and second off your father is a complete and utter freak. He looks just like you and yet you couldn't be any more different.

You're also not supposed to be on your computer right now, and you'd rather not get grounded yet again.

You should probably hide. He'll be busting in here any second now.