A Cam/Sully fic since there are none with a dash of Bren/Booth. Yes, me and Mandi have recently discovered that it would be fun to put together Cam and Sully. Why not, right? We can dream big. (For more info, read our joint account profile lol)
But this is a sad Cam/Sully fic just because I am enthralled with the song "Into Dust" by Mazzy Star right of now and I could make something out of it. So sue me for all the sad/tradgedy oneshots lately, I still have some good stories up that aren't as bad. And maybe I write good tragedies and everybodyknows that if you write something good, go for it.
For those of you who read my Bren/Booth Tradegy, thanks!
Title:Or Have Something More to Gain
Rating: T
Genre: Drama/Romance/Tragedy
Characters: Camille Saroyan, Tim "Sully" Sullivan, Seeley Booth and Temperance "Bones" Brennan
Pairings: Camullivan and Semperance
'Still...falling
Breathless and on again
Beside me
Today
Around broken in two...'
Camille Saroyan paced. She waited. She stopped, and then paced again.
She couldn't remember a time when she had waited for so long and had been so scared in waiting. She couldn't remember a time she had last been so afraid, walls building up all around her. Walls she knew she couldn't climb. She couldn't remember a time when she'd felt so vulnerable. So little. So afraid. She was Bronx girl, she shouldn't be this way. But she was also a human being. And as Dr. Brennan always said, human beings were subjectable to certain emotions.
Cam shook her head recollecting the anthropologist's words. She had been right, though. Temperance Brennan was usually always right, if it were not then in the favor of Seeley Booth.
Sweet irony had gripped Cam. Sweet subjectable vulnerability. She managed a very short, very discreet laugh. He would tell her that she'd been hanging around at the Jeffersonian too long. He would tell her that everything was going to be fine. He would lie about his pain and what he was going through. He would hug her, console her, and try to help her make sense of it all. If, that is, he wasn't the one being worried about.
Yes, Tim Sullivan would do all those things. If it was any other person, even if it was himself. Wait...if? It is him. Still, he would hold her and tell her that he would be fine. That the car accident was nothing and that his pain wasn't really there. Cam would see through the lies and tell him what she knew. Sully would then tell her to think on other things. That there was good out of this. Cam would fire back, naturally and it would all just go downhill from there.
Her pacing stopped. She looked for a doctor, anybody at all that could tell her what was going on. How the operation was going and whether or not they would be able to save him. Nobody came.
Cam let her eyes wander to the corner of the waiting room where Booth and Brennan sat in silence. Cam had called them herself when the accident had happened. Booth came out of sincerity. Not to mention he worked with the man. Brennan came...well, Cam didn't know why. She just did. Either way, she was sort of grateful. She needed someone there. But she wasn't with them talking. She was pacing in worry and thinking to herself. Some condolencing. But Sully wasn't into the fire yet. She didn't need to be condoled. He was fine. Just in surgery. People did that everyday. There was nothing to be afraid of.
Still...
Booth looked up at her and she looked down a moment after, then continuing her pacing. Two hours...maybe more. They had never really told any of them how long the operation would last, but two hours was being more than enough for Cam. More than enough in agony.
Cam's mind went back not to far. When Sully and Brennan had been over and when Booth asked Brennan out and Sully to Cam herself. She remembered it so vividly. And it wasn't even that long ago. Maybe a month now, maybe less. Either way, Cam remebered every lasting minute she had with Tim Sullivan. Every lasting, perfect moment. Of course, the imperfect moments, too, but she didn't dwell on those now. They weren't important. Not now. Maybe then, but never now.
She looked at her watch. 3:00 AM. The accident had been at 1:00 AM. On the way home from the Jeffersonian, Sully, Brennan, and Booth were the last ones left. Cam had went home her normal time. Sully left before Booth and Brennan. That was at midnight. Cam got the call at 12:59 AM. Brennan and Booth had left at 1:03 AM. Cam called them at 1:04 AM. They all had arrived at the hospital by 1:22 AM. Cam, Brennan, and Booth had all signed the consent form for Sully's operation by 1:24 AM. Sully was in the OR by 1:26 AM. The three had been waiting since then.
Finally, she couldn't take it. She had to sit down. Sighing deeply, she took a seat across from Brennan and Booth and crossed her legs, biting her fingernail. She hadn't done that since she was little. Nerves were overtaking her.
"Hey," Booth nodded towards her.
Cam looked up.
"He'll be fine, okay?" Booth smiled reassuringly and Brennan followed suite.
Cam nodded. "Yeah," she faked a smile. "What am I worrying about? He's gone through worse. This'll be nothing." She smiled and waved her hand as if waving it off. But inside, she knew the truth. It was a bad accident. Horrible. There was no way he would make it out of this time. As awful as it sounded, Cam knew it to be the truth.
3:20 AM rolled around. Nothing was said. Now Cam was really starting to worry and wonder. What was going on? Was the operation proving to be difficult? Had he died on the table? If he had, shouldn't the doctor be coming out tell them?
By now, Booth had fallen asleep in the chair, his arms crossed, legs crossed and head on Brennan's shoulder. Brennan was writing. Probably a new book or something. Notes...something Brennanish. Cam was sure.
She rubbed her forehead, tired herself, but didn't want to miss a bit of news if anything should happen and someone came out. She didn't want to miss a beat. She never had. Her whole life, she'd always wanted to be in on things. Now, it was different. She was hardly in on the process. Hardly.
"Whatcha writing?" Cam decided to make conversation, trying to get her mind of Sully and everything else for that moment.
Brennan looked up, making Booth stir just a bit. "Oh, it's just an idea for my new book. I don't actually know if I'm going to do it yet. It's just an idea."
"What's the idea?"
Brennan looked at her. "You know it's okay to think about it. Sully would want you to."
Cam sighed. "I know. But for my sake and health, I just need to get my mind off it for a little while. I'm exhausted."
Looking over at Booth and grinning slightly, she retorted, "Apparently so is Booth."
Cam made an effort to smile, then leaned back in her chair with her arms folded. She closed her eyes momentarily, then opened them again. So much so soon. The thick of it all is where she was found. She wanted to yell. Wanted to run, scream, kick, cry...everything. In terms, act like a child. But she wasn't going to lose it. Not right now.
She looked at her watch again 3:30 AM. She sighed. So long...she started to lose hope.
"Camille Saroyan?"
Cam's head snapped up to where Dr. Rishe stood. She had been the one. The one that had talked to them about the operation...everything. This was it. Moment of truth. "Yes," she stood up. "Is he okay? It's been hours."
Brennan gently shook her shoulder, waking Booth, who rubbed his eyes and grunted.
Dr. Rishe looked from the two to Cam. "Agent Sullivan's injuries were very serious. A lot of his organs became damaged due to the internal bleeding and we couldn't stop a majority of them. He's going to be in insufferable pain. The only bit of good news I can offer is that we bought him time."
Cam swallowed. "How--how much time?"
Dr. Rishe sighed and looked down for a moment. "Possibly another seven to ten hours. But it won't be a pleasant experience for him. I am sorry to say that whatever we give him for pain will be of little use. He's better off with the pain than just trying to take the tip off."
Cam nodded numbly. The walls built higher, then crashed. She sat back in the chair and Booth and Brennan looked at each other for a moment before Booth thanksed Dr. Rishe and they both went over to her.
"Hey," Booth knelt in front of her. "Are you okay?"
Cam nodded, though she wasn't. She put her face in her hands and Brennan gently rubbed her back. Booth bit his thumb and stood up, ultimately seeing Sully still drugged out in the bed, being rolled into his room. He swallowed. "Cam..."
She looked up and behind her. "Oh God..." she stood up and followed in a brisk pace. Booth just stood there and Brennan tugged on his hand.
"Are you okay?"
Booth nodded. "Yeah."
Brennan stared ahead for a moment, then hugged him, Booth wrapping his arms around her and keeping his emotions at bay. There was nothing in the world that would make this okay.
3:30 AM found Cam in Sully's room, standing by his bed, his hand in hers. She tried swallowing her tears down, but couldn't seem to keep them away. "Oh, God," she kissed his hand and took a shaky breath.
The walls were down. They would never go back up. It was just like she knew the end was coming. Like her walls knew the end was coming. She would have given anything to be able to build those walls again and try to climb them.
Sully groaned lowly and Cam became alert right then. "Sully, can you hear me?" She gently stroked his bruised, cut face. "Tim, it's Cam."
Sully gritted his teeth and hissed. Cam quickly took her hand back. "No," he cracked one eye open. "You didn't..."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You didn't."
Cam took a shaky breath. "I was so worried. I didn't know what had happened. You've been in surgery for hours."
Sully took a harsh breath, gimacing in pain and it almost hurt Cam to see it. He flexed his fingers around her hand. "Just...a car accident. I'll be...fine."
Cam shook her head. She knew the truth. He didn't. "Please don't. We both know the kind of pain you're in. Don't hide it, don't even pretend it's not there. Because we both know where it's going to head." She smiled and stroked his hand.
"Cam..." he hissed harshly against the pain and bit his lip.
"Don't. You need to save your energy."
Sully smiled cockily. "I have enough energy...to last."
Cam smiled and uttered a laugh. "Energy of a cocky FBI agent."
"Yeeah...that's me."
The walls started buliding up again and time seemed like nothing but an artifical construct in life. Cam knew not the meaning of anything else but why she was there. What she was doing and why. Everything else was all but a vague blur.
"Booth and Brennan are here."
"Where?"
"I think they figured I needed my time alone with you," she answered simply.
Sully lightly squeezed her hand and winced again. Cam did her best to make him as calm as she could. She kissed his hand and kept her tears down. Sully knew this. "Come on...Cam."
"What?"
"Let it...out. We both...know you...can be emotional," he looked at her with his eyes still holding that nice shine. His eyes weren't drained and Cam thanked the heavens above for that. "Cry...Cam. Hug me if...you have to."
"I don't want to hurt you and I don't need to cry," Cam forced.
"We both know--who you really are--"
"'When nobody's around'," Cam smiled. "I know, Tim."
Sully took a painful breath. "So--nobody's around. Do what you...have to."
Silence passed by. Painful silence, thick silence, and every other silence Cam could ever think of in her life that she'd ever known before. When the dam broke, tears ran down her face. Sully watched her, writhing, letting out groans, an occasional yell and all else in pain. Cam would cry harder. Eventually he would shush her gently and rub his thumb slowly across her hand.
"Cam..." he lifted an arm, hissing slightly, but didn't stop. He gently wiped away the tears on her face with his thumb. "I love you."
Cam nodded. "I love you, too."
By then it was 4:00 AM.
When 4:10 AM rolled around the pain became more and more unbearable for Sully. Cam did her best to keep him calm, but knew that it wasn't going to be enough in the long haul.
"Hey," Cam gently traced his face. "Do you remember just last week whe we went on vacation?" She smiled at the recollection of the memory.
Sully nodded, pain written all over his face. "Yes."
"And we spent those wonderful nights on the yacht? The dances, the dinners..." she smiled hugged his hand to her cheek. "Remember?"
"Yeah..." he gave her a weak smile. "And I told you...that we'd always...have nights like...that."
Cam nodded. "You did," she smiled a little wider. "You did."
"We'll still have...those nights," Sully rubbed his thumb across her cheek. "We will."
"Promise?"
"Defintely."
5:00 AM found Tim Sullivan slowly slipping and Camille Saroyan's shoulders shaking from crying. It also found Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan in the room as well.
Booth gently squeezed Brennan's hand and stared at his friend. In all the years he'd known Sully, he never considered him anything at all. Rarely friend, sometimes barely...but now the guilt was setting in. They got along, yes, fairly well and all, but sometimes, the two butted head like there was no tomorrow. Now Seeley Booth felt like those years were wasted. Guilt was pouring in like a tide.
Cam rubbed Sully's arm, holding his hand tightly to her, not wanting to let go. She knew what was coming. They all did. Sully was just trying to make the best out of it. The best that she knew wasn't going to work.
Brennan let her eyes go from Booth, to Sully, to Cam, and back all over again. She never really had been one to show much emotion. Not unless the situation presented it to be too much for her and she broke. But now, she just couldn't find the will to let her emotions run. She couldn't find the feelings she had right now. She couldn't describe what they were. She didn't want to.
Sully groaned and tightened his grip on Cam's hand. His breathing came in quick gasps then and Cam did her best to look brave. She didn't want to break until the moment was perfect. She didn't want to let it all out until the moment was necessary.
"Sully," Booth put his hand on the bed rail and the agent looked him in the eye. "Sorry. I should've been better to you."
"Nah," Sully cocked a small smile. "You did...what you...had to."
Booth put on a small grin. "Yeah, but it shouldn't have gone down like that. We didn't need to be fighting."
"Seems...stupid now...doesn't it always work...like that?"
"Yeah," Booth nodded. "It always does." He let his head drop for a moment. "It always does."
Sully looked at Brennan. "You watch him...got it?"
Brennan smiled and lightly smacked Booth's forearm. "Please, I got it all wrapped up."
"What does that mean?" Booth looked at her.
"Nothing you can't figure out," she smiled and laid her head against his arm.
Sully smiled. "You two..."
"'Make a great team', we know," Booth grinned. "We always have."
"Always...will."
Booth nodded and Cam sighed deeply, holding his hand closer to her. Sully looked at her. "Hey...don't be like that, alright?"
"Can't help it," Cam shook her head.
"I'm not going...anywhere."
"How can you say that?" Cam scolded. "You lie, Tim Sullivan. You lie. You know where this is going. Heck, all of us do. Just admit it, please."
Sully gave her a small smile. "Naw. I don't...admit anything."
"Right off," Cam cut in. "But you do in time."
"Then..in time...I will."
Cam closed her eyes and Sully gently pulled her down, letting Booth remove his oxygen mask. Once Cam was face to face with him, he gently kissed her lips, putting one arm around her.
"I love...you."
Cam smiled through her tears. "I know, Tim. I love you, too."
Sully smiled and wiped away a tear. "Take my...yacht, Cammy."
"Why?"
"Because I'm admitting...just like you said. So...when I go...I want you to have...the peice of me...you need. Take...the yacht...okay?"
Cam nodded. "But how can I--"
"Just...do it. Don't worry...about anything else. You...you can take...all the trips you like...pretend I'm...with you. Dance...like we used to...and talk like I'm...there. That way...you'll always...have me," Sully grinned weakly and kissed her again. "Okay?"
"Okay."
5:30 AM found Tim Sullivan dead and Camille Saroyan hugging his body in tears. It also found Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan standing in the corner of the room. Booth was in tears just a little bit and Brennan was hugging him.
6:00 AM found Cam walking along the docks. She went to a little building and walked inside, aimlessly walking towards the front desk. "Hi, I'm Camille Saroyan. I'm here--I'm here to get a transfer."
The woman at the desk pointed to an office. "Just walk in."
Cam nodded. "Thank you." She opened the door and walked into the office, a man in his mid-twenties sitting at the desk. The name on the desk read 'John Raines'. "Hi, I'm--"
"Camille Saroyan?"
Cam sat down in a chair across from the desk. "Yes. How--how did you know me?"
"You're with Agent Tim Sullivan, aren't you?" John Raines went over to his file and opened it, fishing out a folder.
"Was. He...died. Five-thirty this morning," Cam looked down.
Mr. Raines looked up at her. "Really? I'm sorry, what happened?" He set the folder dow and crossed his arms.
"Car accident. The bleeding was too much, killed half of his organs...they said they bought him seven to ten hours, but it turned out to be less," she looked down. "He told me to take his boat."
"Yes, he did," John Raines picked up the folder again. "In his statement, he had originally intended for Dr. Temperance Brennan to take the yacht. But when he broke up with her, he issued it to you."
Cam looked surprised. "Really?"
John nodded. "Yes," he showed her. "Right there."
Cam took the folder and read the statement, tears brimming in her eyes. "It's like he always knew..."
"Would seem that way." John Raines fished for something in his top desk drawer and pulled out a key hanging off a keychain. "Here it is. She's all yours, Miss Saroyan."
Cam looked up and numbly took the key. She looked it over and stared at the keychain, then smiling somewhat at the inscription:
To my captain if anything should happen to the sailor. Love you, Capt Cam
-Sailor Sully
"Thank you," she whispered, standing up. "Thank you."
John nodded. "You enjoy. My condolences."
Cam nodded and walked out, setting the folder on his desk and clutching the key in her hand.
6:30 AM found Cam on the yacht, walking around as if the world wasn't there. She walked up to the steering wheel and spun it. She looked up at the sky, the stars still shining through the sunrise that was just coming up over the horizon. She took the key out of her pocket and put it into the ignition and turned it, starting up the engine. She smiled and breathed in the fresh morning air.
Nothing sounded except for the gentle humming of the yacht engine. Cam smiled in spite of herself and fingered the steering wheel. Anywhere she wanted to go. Anywhere Sully would be. Anywhere she wanted to go, he would be with him. Anywhere at all.
"If anything should happen..." Cam murmurred to herself. "It's like you knew," she smiled and pulled out the small stereo, then thought otherwise. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the air agai and hummed to herself My Heart Will Go On.
In her heart, she imagined her and Tim Sullivan dancing under the stars, the pink, orange, and yellow of the sunrise just coming up over the waters and reflecting on the both of them.
It was a perfect scene.
So perfect that it was still vivid, still real. It was then that Camille Saroyan made the decision to take the yacht after his funeral. She would go for as long as she needed to. She knew Brennan wouldn't mind.
She also knew that Sully would want it.
It's what he had intended for her all along.
'I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate
Under
Your fate...'
Ta-Da. Sorry for the sadness, but Mandi and I have some fun Camullivan coming up. We're working on it tonight and I will have it up this weekend as well as some fun schmexy BB.
Jay