Authors Note: This is my first fanfiction. I'm really nervous to share my story with you because I'm a pretty shy writer. The perspectives of this story will mostly be between Edward and Bella. But who knows? Maybe I'll throw Jacob or Alice in the POV mix somewhere. I would really like reviews if you would like me to keep going. If you think my story is boring, or bad just let me know. I will not be offended, it would help me in the long run. I do hope you like my story, and I'm sorry to say that it is going to be quite long because there are so many aspects I have to cover to get to my initial point. My story starts 2-3 weeks after Edward, Bella, and Jacob had the argument in the woods. Hope you like it! enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon in any way, shape, or form. That is all Stephenie Meyer who is a pure genius.

Chapter one: Internal Battlefields

Bella's POV

Thousands of images swirled around my head. They never rested, never ceased to stop. It was Jacob, he was calling to me. We were on the beach in La Push and he was standing in front of me, raising his hand to try and reach out to me. The look on his face almost made me burst into tears, he seemed to be suffering in agony. As I edged closer to him I heard a rustle in the woods and whipped my head around viciously to turn around and see who it was. Edward. He was standing just outside the La Push limits holding his hand out to me just as Jacob had. I was standing in the middle of a battlefield. I had to chose a side, Edward or Jacob. I stood there for what seemed to be a timeless moment, deciding. Of course, I had made my decision long ago as to who I wanted to spend all of eternity with, but over the last few months things had gotten extremely complicated. I knew I wanted to be with Edward forever and yet I did not want to hurt Jacob in the process. I knew what I had to do. I had to let Jacob go, I could not lie to him to save him. It would kill my own heart in the process, not solving anyones problems. I stared into Jacob's swelled eyes, "I'm sorry". I ripped my eyes away from him and ran to Edward. He was my life, my destiny, reaching him would mean I was safe, I could finally start my life with him. I ran for what seemed to be a mile, he was standing so close, within reach and yet so unreachable. No matter how fast I ran or how close he seemed to be, I could not run into his arms as I wished to. All of a sudden my legs got weak and began to buckle, I fell to the ground into a pool of darkness. I was alone, and Edward could not reach me.

I woke up with a sudden jolt. I was panting breathlessly remembering the impact of my dream. What did this mean? I knew I had to make a choice, and I believe I had. Then, why in my dream did I end up alone, in the dark?

I opened my eyes to find a God-like creature staring down at me with the most beautiful amber eyes I have ever seen. "Good morning love. Did you have a bad dream?" I could see Edward was concerned for me, he knew I had a nightmare from the deep panting that came from my chest, he could hear my fastened heart beat protruding out of my body.

I looked at his angelic face and raised my hand so I could touch his wonderfully cool cheek. "Nothing to worry about, just a nightmare." I added a small smile to assure him I was alright.

"Okay, but if you would like to talk about it, you know you can always tell me anything. I love you more than I would have ever thought possible. You are my world and my reason for living, I don't want any secrets between us, no more hidden thoughts or lies. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything and everything because I will listen no matter what happens. I will always be there for you because that is what love is, being able to be there for one another through thick and thin."

Tears started to formulate in my eyes. His words were so beautiful, I could not believe such a perfect creature loved me to intensely. I slid closer to him grabbing his face gently between my hands lowering his head down to mine. My emotions were running rampant through my veins, as were my hormones, but I couldn't help it. I was, after all, only human. If you really thought about it, it was his fault I couldn't restrain myself when he touched me. If he would just change me, I wouldn't have this problem. I decided to keep this fact in my mind and use it incase we went a little too far.

Surprisingly, Edward did not pull away, in fact he pulled me closer to him, creating a passionate embrace between the two of us. He was laying on top of me now, very gently as to not crush my body beneath him. I could feel my inhibitions slip away as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I knew I was pushing his limits, but I could not stop him, I was too entrapped in the moment. I guess Edward was not paying attention, getting as caught up in the moment just as I was because there was a large knock at my door. Our bodies both became stiff and rigid. It was Charlie on the other side. If only he knew what was going on behind his daughters brittle door. I didn't even want to think of his reaction if he caught us, it would be terrifying and I'm pretty sure he would find a way to kill Edward. Since Edward had returned, he was not exactly at the top of Charlie's best friend list. Well, thats an understatement. Edward was not even under his 'people I wouldn't run over with my cruiser' list. Edward quickly, but carefully, lifted his body off me and ran to my closet. The closet had become a pretty often used hiding spot for Edward. I should put a chair or some kind of sitting place for him in there, he was, after all in there more then he was in my bed due to Charlie's constant checking up on me. I let out a small giggle looking at Edward enter in the closet with a smug smile on his face. I quickly sat up in my bed displaying a more appropriate position and called for Charlie to enter.

"Good morning Bells" Charlie seemed to be in a good mood today, but beyond his eyes lied worry.

"Morning Dad, where are you going?" It was then I noticed he had fishing gear in his hands, ever since Jacob told Charlie about my motorcycle escapade he hasn't left the house for recreational reasons, simply to work and back. This ensured that I would have no alone time with Edward, and I could not sneak him in. He was forbidden from the house, Charlie's orders.

"I thought I would go fishing today, I would like to let you know that I am relieving you from your grounding today. You may see Edward, but he better be out of this house by the time I get home or so help me..."

"Dad, he will be! Oh thank you dad!" I snapped back before Charlie could even finish his rambling sentence. I jumped out of my bed and nearly tripped on my own feet. Luckily, I survived and caught myself on my bed post. I decided I should probably just walk to hug my dad, I wouldn't want to go to the emergency room because my feet enjoyed intwining themselves together causing me to fall on my face. I jumped so I could wrap my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Charlie was not one for showing emotions so he simply smiled and started to walk away. Right before he got to the last step he turned to me.

"Oh, and Bells, if I walk in the house and find Edward anywhere near your body, I'm taking him in." My jaw dropped a little and I could see Charlie's smug reaction to my face. With that, he smiled and walked out the front door and into to his cruiser driving off to pick up Billy.

I quickly whipped my head around to find Edward laying in my bed with a huge grin across his angelic face. I skipped over to him, concentrating very hard not to fall over and jumped in the bed. I cuddled over to him and his arm pulled me closer to his side. "Wow, a whole day alone with you, and it's legal!" I laughed at this, we hadn't been allowed to be legally alone since he left before my birthday. Although we were illegally alone all the time, this new found freedom was very exciting. We were finally breaking through the barriers everyone had seemed to be setting up for us these days.

"I know! I cannot believe Charlie is finally softening up, it took him long enough."

"Yes well, he did threaten me. Luckily, I have a few tricks up my sleeve he does not know of. Therefore I can hide before he finds me here. Or anywhere near your body." I grinned looking down at my hands. I could feel the blood rushing up my body and into my cheeks causing them to turn a bright red.

"You know, you look so cute when you blush." He said lightly bending down kissing my newly warmed cheek.

"Well, you always look cute Mr. Cullen."

"Not nearly as much as you."

"I beg to differ, you are absurdly beautiful, and you know it."

"No, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. You light up my darkened world every time you enter a room, every time you look at me, or touch me. You are my light Isabella, my light and my savior."

He was even better at sweet talking than me. Was there anything he didn't do perfectly? I stared into his eyes, confounded that he chose me, he wanted me and only me. It made my heart do backflips in my chest and sent blood once again rushing to my cheeks.

"As you are mine." His lips were on mine then, he was quite affectionate lately. Usually we kept our distance before he left, but ever since he moved back he has been extremely into the physical part of our relationship, which of course was perfectly fine with me, although it was probably hazardous to his health.

"Okay, now what would you like for breakfast?"

"You don't have to make breakfast for me Edward."

"Oh, but I want to." He bent his face down to mine and his eyes did that smoldering thing they did when he often dazzled me. Such a cheater, one day, I swear I will find a way to protect myself from dazzlement. Sadly, I was not there yet, therefore I gave in relentlessly.

"Eggs" was all I managed to slip out with a bit of a crack in my voice. He was gone from me then and left me alone to have my human minute. So unfair he was.

When I was done with my shower and prepared myself for the day I skipped down the stairs, falling a little in the process. Damn these feet. Edward was right there to catch me. He set me straight at the bottom of the stairs and ran back to finish my meal in the kitchen. I sat down at the table and watched him cook my eggs and some bacon. He was so adorable when he was being domestic. After a minute he brought the food to me with a proud smile and placed the plate in front of me.

"Why, thank you Edward."

"No problem, love."

"So what would you like to do today?" I said in between bites. He really was a good cook, of course he was good at everything, so it was expected.

"Hmm...whatever you would like to do." I didn't always like making the decisions, but I knew he was just trying to make me happy so I smiled.

"I would like you to make the decision, I always have choose."

"Well, I always like what you choose."

"Okay, I choose to watch Romeo and Juliet."

"Okay, I'll choose" I knew I got him there. Ever since the incident in Volterra, he had been very reluctant to watch Romeo and Juliet. Given, we almost endured their same fate. I could tell that movie was pretty much out for us.

"How about we go to the meadow?"

I looked up at him. The meadow, our meadow. Last time I had been there, I had been there with Laurent and Jake's pack. Nevertheless I still wanted to go with Edward. After all it was our meadow and no matter what happened it would always be ours. "Okay" I replied with a light smile showing I really did want to go despite my long hesitation.

Edward's POV

"Okay" she said with a slight smile creeping across her lips. It was not a happy smile, but more a reassuring one. She had hesitated.

"Are you sure?" I asked starring straight into her eyes with a skeptical look on my face.

"Positive." This time she looked up at me and displayed a huge grin on her face as if she had just made the decision she really did want to go and was sticking with it.

"Alright then, are you ready to go now?

"Yes, sir. Let me just grab my shoes."

She walked over to get her shoes and I noticed what she was wearing. Faded jeans and a dark blue shirt. I loved the color blue on her, I think she noticed because much of her wardrobe had lately consisted of varies shades of the color. She was absolutely stunning. I cannot believe such an angel was sent down to me. What did I do to deserve her? Nothing. I was a monster, and I knew it. But no matter how much I denied the fact that I would despise changing her, deep down I knew I couldn't live without her. The selfish monster inside me needed to change her, to reassure myself she would be with me for all of eternity. But my more sensible side told me I couldn't do that to her. I would not strip her from her soul and lead her to live a life of darkness and shadows. Even if she wanted to, I was not worth it. Although, she had already made her decision. If I were to refuse to changed her, even if she agrees to marry me, she would get Carlisle to do it. My attempts on keeping her human were slipping, there seemed to be no way she would stay this way. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was glad. Knowing that Bella and I would be together for all of eternity made it seem like my heart had restarted itself in my chest. I was suffering from an internal battle. On one hand I did not want to damn her to my life. She did not deserve to have to wallow in the darkness and watch the years pass as minutes, stuck to this eternal life. On the other, I needed her. As selfish as this sounded I did. I couldn't imagine a life without her anymore. She was my completion in this world, without her I was nothing. I wanted to change her, I needed to change her. Living without her would be worse than enduring the fiery pits of hell for the rest of my existence. My selfishness was starting to boil over, I couldn't let it control me. She needed to stay human.

"Edward, are you alright?" I heard her call my name, I looked up to see her beautiful brown eyes looking deeply into mine with a sense of concern on her face.

"Yes, I'm fine?" I tried to not display my arising internal battle in my eyes.

"Alright then, but remember you can tell me anything." This was the second time today we were discussing admitting our feelings. However, I couldn't tell her about this battle with myself. I didn't want to let her know my selfish side was starting to overpower my sensible side. I couldn't tell her how weak I was becoming and how much I really did want to change her. Would she see myself as selfish? As I saw myself? No, she would be ecstatic. But I had to think of her, her and her humanity. I had to stay strong, for her, for us.

"I know, my love, I know." I walked over to her and embraced her gently. She put her head down on my shoulder, snuggling herself to me. She was so warm and delicate. "I love you Edward, I love you so much." Her words sank into my heart, I cannot believe how I endured seven long tremulous months without her. I did the impossible and I would never, ever do that to her or myself again. "I love you too, Bella. I love you too."

We sat there for an unmeasurable moment. Simply soaking in each other's presence. We had such a long journey in front of us. I knew we were reaching a bump in the road ahead and Bella needed to make some serious choices, as did I. The Volturi pressuring us, Victoria trying to kill my love, and Jacob. Jacob, I knew she loved him, even if she did not possess the same love for him as me, she still loved him. As much as this pained me, I could not forbid her from what she really wanted. He was a werewolf, my number one enemy. I appreciated him for being there for Bella, but I couldn't bare if she chose him over me. Bella always told me she loved me and that she could not live her life without me, but I complicated her existence so much, how could she be so forgiving? How could she still love me? I knew I had a lot of making up to do, I know I made a mistake by leaving her. A devastatingly tremendous mistake. I would make it up to her, even if it killed me.

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