"It's a classic movie!" Lister insisted as the credits rolled.

"It's a kid's film, Lister. A kid's film with very dodgy special effects," Rimmer said patronisingly, "Obviously it's just about right for your mental age but I require something a little more sophisticated in my entertainment."

"Look, it's not about the plot," Lister told him, stopping the vid and standing up; "It's a modern fairy tale about responsibility, awakening sexuality and the importance of courage, loyalty and friendship!"

"Modern?! Lister, the film was almost two hundred years old before we even left Earth!"

"Okay, maybe not so modern then. But the rest is true. You can never see beneath the surface of anything, Rimmer. You take everything at face value!"

"And you're making up fatuous reasons for why you enjoy watching a children's film, because you can't admit it's because deep down you're a very immature person."

Rimmer stood up and brushed some imaginary dust off his uniform. "Now, I really have to go. I was meant to be in the cockpit five minutes ago." He walked out with his nose in the air. Lister followed him out, crossly; "I wish the goblins would take you away right now," he muttered, stomping back into his own quarters. There was a flash of light and suddenly a large white owl was flying around Lister's head. He yelped and waved it away, panicked. "What's going on?!"

The owl settled in the doorway and began to change shape. Slowly it grew upwards into a figure that Lister immediately recognised. "Hey!" he exclaimed, excited, "You're David Bow..."

"No, I'm not!" the figure snapped, cutting him off mid-sentence; "I am Jareth, the almighty King of the goblins and I don't look anything like...that man. What is it with you blasted humans?"

"Sorry," Lister said automatically, then shook himself as the words registered properly in his brain. "Wait a minute! You're just a character in a movie! You aren't real!"

"That's what we wanted you to think," Jareth smiled triumphantly.

"I'm sorry but I'm not buying this, man; no way," Lister insisted, backing away, "This is some kind of weird hallucination again, isn't it? I'm very prone to hallucinations." He paused, "In fact, we all are on this ship. We've had more weird hallucinations between us than you could shake a stick at!"

"If you don't believe me," Jareth said sweetly, "Then take a look next door. You will see that your companion is gone."

"Of course he's gone," Lister argued, "He went to the cockpit. I saw him go."

"He's not in the cockpit or anywhere else on this ship!" Jareth replied testily, "He's there in my castle!"

He stepped aside and, with a swirl of his cloak, the doorway of Lister's room no longer led out into Starbug's dark corridor. Instead it had become a gateway through which Lister could see a strange red-skied land. Taking up most of his field of vision was a vast maze. In the centre was a tall turreted castle. "You've got to be taking the smeg," he said weakly.

"I'm afraid not," Jareth smiled triumphantly, "You made the wish, David. I just granted it for you."

"But...I didn't think you were...I didn't mean..." Lister stammered desperately. Jareth tutted sympathetically, "Spoke before thinking, did you? Such a pity. You humans do that so often."

"Wait a minute," Lister drew himself up as a thought struck him. He whirled around to face Jareth, "You have no power over me!" Jareth folded his arms and stared back at him, unimpressed. "Did you really think we'd keep to that old routine after the movie? We'd never get anywhere! No; I changed that spell pretty sharpish, David."

"That's not fair!" Lister flared up. Jareth rolled his eyes and Lister flushed as he realised what he'd said. Just great. He wasn't any better at this than a teenage girl.

"You have thirteen hours to find your way through the Labyrinth and rescue your friend," Jareth told him, pointing to a strange twisted clock which had appeared beside them, "Or he will become a goblin. And you will be trapped here forever." Lister glared at him, "You suck. You know that?" He stomped away down the path and then turned around to shout back at him, "And you look exactly like David Bowie!"