Here's a oneshot I have produced in my procrastination ^^ Enjoy~
*So sorry for any mistakes!
"Oi, Eren." Levi suddenly spoke as he pulled his partner's body closer. They were cuddling under the cool, white sheets of the bed they christened as theirs just minutes before. Eren gently brushed through the dark mop of hair below him.
"Hmm, Levi?" he murmured contently. The smaller man buried his face into Eren's chest and mumbled something incomprehensible. His face tinted pink as he felt the warm cheeks on his skin.
"I can't really hear you. What did you say?"
Levi wrapped his arms around Eren and lifted his face to speak clearly.
"I said… will you become my lover? None of this… "I feel like fucking today so come over" shit anymore. I want to make this official, Eren."
The teen couldn't stop the grin forming on his face. He slid lower into crisp sheets to look the man in the eyes. "Yeah, Levi. Yes. I'll become your lover. I thought you would never ask. I was afraid it'd be causal fucks all this time.." he sighed in relief. "So does that mean we'll be together forever?"
Levi rolled his eyes ever so slightly and gave him a quick peck on the lips. The boy blushed profusely in response. "Does getting laid screw up your head even more, brat? Of course we'll be together forever."
The sandy-haired teen tried to keep his eyes open to say one last thing. "Thank you, Levi." he said softly.
"You don't need to thank me for anything. I'm already grateful that someone like you can love a train wreck like me."
Light shone through the cream-colored curtains, stirring Eren from his sleep. the boy groaned and threw the blankets over his head.
"Ugh, Levi.. it's too early. Don't open the windows already…"
There was no response.
He rubbed his eyes and decided to get up. He didn't want to ruin the wonderful chemistry he and Levi had developed last night.
Because they were lovers now.
"Nnngh…" Did being in love really hurt his ass this much? His entire lower body creaked in soreness.
"I know you're going to hate how unclean I am now so I'll go showe-"
He stopped in the middle of his sentence. The realization hit him.
Where did Levi go?
'Maybe he went to shower first…' but he didn't hear the water running. 'Or did he go to make breakfast for the two of us to eat… in bed?!' Eren covered his heated face with the sheets.
All his curious thoughts halted when he looked over to the small bureau next to their bed. A piece of paper lay on it.
He crawled over to grab the sheet. It was jagged at the edges, as if it was hastily ripped despite trying to be neat. A familiar print was on it. Eren took the paper into both of his hands and read it.
Eren,
I know you're probably shocked right now. Distressed. Confused. Just listen to me for once, okay? Last night, I was told I have some unfinished business to handle. It's some fucking debt that I don't ever want to deal with. But I have to so the two of us can happen. You're a stubborn brat so you'll be okay while I'm gone. You're my safe haven, so I'll return.
Levi.
Eren couldn't process what he just read. No doubt, it was Levi who wrote it. The cramped scrawl was always recognizable.
But why. Were they going back to that "one-night-stand" shit they were always doing until last night? Did Levi change his mind about getting serious with a brat like him?
Did Levi lie to him?
He clenched tightly onto the sheet of paper and sat unmoving on the bed. The room was growing colder with every passing moment. He closed his eyes trying to relive the feeling passion.
Levi's warmth was gone.
All that was left… was the flimsy promise scripted to him in a moment's notice.
He hoped it wasn't all a dream. All of it couldn't have been some miraculous mirage, right?
It was real. The evidence was right in his hand.
I'll return.
*Day One*
After rising with a dull ache in his heart and mind, he went through the day's motions. As he turned each corner, Eren expected Levi to be waiting for him in the next room. He'd be going over papers or reading a book while constantly adjusting his glasses. But of course he wasn't.
How was he going to get by in this dark, empty house without the love of his life?
*Day Three*
He tried to call Levi countless times. He even sent messages on his email and other social networking sites. These attempts always ended in despair.
Message has failed to send.
He read the words over once, then twice.
This user has blocked you.
It echoed in his mind. Why. Why. That was all he was asking the past three days.
Why was he left alone? Why did Levi suddenly leave?
Why couldn't he tell Eren face-to-face? Why didn't he trust him?
Why couldn't he get in contact with him?
Why did Levi make promises he couldn't keep?
He threw his mouse at the door, causing the door to close. His head fell to the hard desk. It didn't hurt. It didn't hurt even when he banged his forehead over and over on the white, laminated desk. It was a cold shock.
*Day Nine*
He shivered as he pressed the just-heated silverware on his arms, shoulders, and waist.
Nine days. Nine burns. Nine discolored patches that didn't hurt at all.
Because nothing was as painful as losing Levi.
Eren needed reassurance, not empty promises.
The spoon dropped to the floor. He crouched down into a ball in the kitchen and let a few tears escape.
*Day Eleven*
Eren let the tears he kept at bay for the past week and a half to well out of his eyes.
"Levi…"
The depressing thoughts kept circling around, mocking him.
He never wanted you anyway. He was playing with you. It was all a lie. That note? Ha, would you believe a shady guy like that? Leaving you for an age-old debt that might not even be real. Guess you aren't as important to him as you think.
'I'm such a shitty brat. Levi… he was always right. I'm the only one who doesn't deserve anything, not even a fake love."
He went from room to room and cried. The only warm things were the saline tears that moistened his face.
*Day Thirteen*
There was nothing that comforted him better than the numb pain he caused himself. Everything was temporary for him. Friendships, happiness, melancholy, loves, and life. Nothing was permanent in the life he lived.
He read Levi's handwritten note everyday, every waking hour, and every hour. It was tear-stained and wrinkled.
But one day, even those words would fade from the paper and then from his memories.
Eren didn't want Levi to disappear. But now he was gone. Without any hint of returning. He didn't know if he could trust those promises.
Ah, it was that time of day again. The emotions were becoming too much for him to handle all at once.
Eren dug through his the pockets of his khaki pants and felt for the pack of cigarettes. He took out a stick and lit it with the lighter he grabbed from the kitchen counter.
The smell made him wrinkle his nose a little. He was still getting used to it.
He sat down on the worn sofa he and Levi shared a lifetime ago. Eren brought the cigarette up to his lips and inhaled deeply, keeping the sickening taste in his mouth. Then he blew out of his mouth slowly and calmly. The smoke filled the room with a deep, empty sigh.
Contemplating the small fractured light catching the grey smoke, he almost fell into a daze. He rolled the cigarette between his fingers a few times. Before letting it cool down, he raised his shirt and pressed the reddened stub to the side of his ribcage. He stiffened a bit, and relaxed as the heat spread around the area.
He only felt warmth from the numb pain that made up for whatever emotions he had left.
*Day Fourteen*
The toxic smell of cigarettes filled his nose as he woke up groggily. He felt so euphoric. Throwing the couch pillow aside, he found the floor littered with at least a dozen of the rolls already smoked and put out.
Two weeks.
Eren sighed heavily. Despite having little hope of Levi returning, he gradually swept all the burnt cigarettes into the ash tray and dumped them in the trash.
He remembered how cleanliness was of the utmost importance for him.
The condo was a mess, but he didn't have any willpower to clean it up. He didn't have any willpower to do anything but just lie down and sleep forever in the coldness that enveloped him daily.
The temporary warmth from last night already left him. Maybe he needed something else. What could give him what he needed?
Eren had already considered drinking. It only left him dizzy for hours. That wasn't numbing enough.
He needed that warmth that was painfully numbing enough for him to escape the cruel reality.
But he couldn't stop thinking of his lost lover. Lost. Lover. Longing. Levi. These words all started with the same letter.
Letter.
Eren took it out and read the words.
"You're a stubborn brat, so you'll be okay while I'm gone."
He wanted to crumple up the message and throw it across the room. He wanted to laugh. He was okay. He was okay?
He didn't feel half alive, or alive at all.
Did this count as being okay?
No, he'd last another day of hell.
*Day Seventeen*
He poured himself a cup of Levi's favorite tea.
"You're not going to like that. Don't waste my tea." Levi noted as he saw Eren brew the tea.
"Whatever, I'll do what I want." When he turned back around, he saw Levi drinking the cup of stolen tea.
"Hey!" Eren reached across the table to grab it back. Levi scoffed and gulped it all down before handing the teacup back.
Feeling a bit sorry for denying Eren of wanting to try the most amazing drink, Levi made him a cup after.
Eren stirred the rapidly cooling drink absentmindedly as thought of that day. It happened too long ago for him to remember the details. It was when they first started living together after Eren began college. His mouth almost curved into a little smile.
Thinking of the fonder memories put him a little more at ease. But barely.
*Day Nineteen*
It didn't take him long to fall back into the oppressing depths of his thoughts.
And it didn't take him long to take out another cigarette so he could scar his body as much as his mind.
Eren forced himself out of the statue-like position he was in to go to the bathroom. He closed the door, even though he knew no one would come. He took off his thin shirt, one he borrowed from Levi, and observed himself.
One.
Two.
Three.
Seven.
Ten.
Thirteen.
Fifteen.
He stopped counting.
He couldn't keep track of all the little round scars he created. Too many to count. It wasn't just one a day anymore. Temptation and longing broke that unspoken rule long ago. His obsession with Levi had led to an obsession with harming himself.
He wasn't governed by that desire or sorrow. He was governed by the bitter, unfeeling emotions he had left. He did whatever to get him by the day. Because… he might fucking come back.
Levi might stride through the door one day. The room would light up, and so would their faces. But when was that one day?
Eren slammed his fist against the mirror, but didn't hit hard enough to break it. He had enough bad luck already. He sobbed and pressed his forehead against the cold glass.
"Didn't you promise, Levi? Didn't you fucking promise me you'd be back?! Who… who's being a little shit now… answer me, Levi…"
He couldn't bear to stare at the broken expression in the mirror. He hobbled over to open the cabinet above the sink. There was a small shaving razor, a variety of shampoos and creams, and sleeping pills.
Eren reached for the small orange bottle and forced the cap to come off. With an anguished expression, he forced a few pills down his throat.
He slumped to the floor after several minutes.
"You said… you're coming back…"
*Day Twenty-One"
The blood rushed to his head all too quickly when he lifted himself up a bit. He couldn't get up. His body felt like thick honey, but not quite as sweet and comforting. After gaining half of his consciousness back, he turned so he was lying on his back. The white ceiling of the bathroom was above him.
Oh fucking god. How long was he here?
The bottle of pills was spilled out next to him. It took him a couple minutes of bleary thinking to figure out what happened.
His body shook and his stomach curled. He took about three times the recommended medication. He wondered why he wasn't dead yet.
It wouldn't have mattered to anyone anyway.
Glancing up at the digital clock on the edge of the sink, he read that it was 7:54am. The date read two days after his last coherent memory.
That memory of smashing himself against the bathroom mirror.
"Fucking god. I can't move. I can't do anything. Again."
Not only was he sick in mind and body beyond comprehension, but the disconsolate thoughts fought to crowd him again.
"Fuck it. Fuck it all. Send me to hell already." he moaned as he crawled out of the bathroom.
In a couple hours, Eren cleaned himself up after crashing for another nap that did not last one and a half days.
"I'm torturing myself, Levi. But it isn't enough."
*Day Twenty-Two*
It was too long. Too long without real warmth. He drowned himself in numbing pain for almost a month. Too many scars. He didn't even know if the pain was even real anymore.
Almost a month without…
Levi.
He wanted to give up, but reading the note made him scream out in the torment of crushed hopes.
He hadn't heard a word from his "lover" for so long. Had their relationship even existed? Was he going insane from the lack of love in his life?
"Come back to your fucking safe haven already!" he yelled out the window.
Eren kneeled in front of the glass panes and buried his face in his hands. "I'm not okay… I'm not okay, Levi." he managed to say quietly.
"You're so selfish… for leaving me like this." But did his words matter anymore? No one was listening.
*Day Twenty-Three*
Eren woke up from a dreamless sleep. The darkness faded from his eyes as he opened them. He lay in the bed and looked to the side. It wasn't supposed to be this empty. Was love supposed to feel this empty?
"No." he said aloud. "No, it can't. It has to feel warm like that last night we were together."
He tugged at his brown hair.
"That warmth felt different…from this coldness and this." he traced his fingers across his chest and ran his hand down his arms. He reached under his shirt to feel the cooling scars, raised on his ghost-pale, unhealthy flesh.
He felt the bumpy scars and red flesh on his neck. He shivered. He was so close to dying. But he had to live for Levi. Because…he needed warmth again.
Real warmth.
Levi's.
*Day Twenty-Four*
Eren grabbed his backpack full of things. With a mildly rational mind, he checked off the items in his head. Cellphone. Charger. Extra clothes. Some body wash and a toothbrush. Tissues. Sandwiches. A bottle of water. A wallet with $155. Pocketknife.
He was set.
He left the note on the dining table, underneath Levi's favorite teacup.
It's been a really difficult month, Levi. I still am on the verge of unexplainable things. I don't understand what's going on but it's been too long without you. I'm going to look for you. I'm not coming back without you. I love you.
Eren
He dated the note and left the house, not forgetting to lock the door. He would be back, he promised that. He didn't lie like Levi did.
*Day Twenty-Five*
He sat on the curbside, feeling the dust and gas blow onto his face. It had only been a day and he ate his sandwich already. The majority of his resources would be gone soon.
Eren didn't know where to start looking. He wasn't left with a single clue. The only lead he had was the note, and even that wasn't helpful.
He stared at the paper until his vision blurred and he couldn't comprehend the words anymore.
*Day Twenty-Six*
He was down to $100. Eren left the apartment… two days ago? He wasn't sure anymore. He just needed to find Levi.
As risky as it was, he asked people around town and in the surrounding districts. There was not a trace of him in their hometown. Nor was he found in the neighboring one.
As Eren settled down in a cheap internet café for the night, he remembered something from a long time ago. He borrowed one of the computers and did some research on the past crimes in the district. He remembered faintly of the time one of Levi's friends told him about the man's "lost days". It was roughly six years ago when he was a member of a well-known gang that took in anyone who was able to keep up with the regulations and met the required obligations.
"It's not as simple as it sounds. It was tough." he remembered hearing.
"He went from a lost and broken bird to the most respectable leader the gang ever had. He had a steady reputation wherever he went, and if people didn't know him, they soon did."
He typed furiously at the keyboard. He silently prayed that his history wouldn't be tracked and that Levi won't hurt him for searching his name up. He clicked on a link.
Jackpot.
*Day Twenty-Seven*
He ran through his thoughts in the morning.
'It would make sense. This debt he speaks of. He probably owes it to the gang for something he did. He left the gang after staying as leader for about half a year. He was closely associated with the gang's co-leader. Erwin Smith. They ran Wings of Freedom together for the time Levi was in there. He only got arrested once or twice before he was their leader. But he was much more cautious to save his own ass after that. He must have been found and dragged out by his old gang. Those news and criminal reports gave me enough info to try to find him.'
He walked quickly down the streets to catch the bus to the shadiest and wealthiest area.
Sina.
After about two hours on the bus, he arrived at his location.
He took the crumpled paper out of his pocket. On the back of the note Levi wrote him, he jot down whatever information he found to locate the Wings of Freedom.
The group was infamous enough for rumors and reports to be spread wildly online.
Was led and founded by Erwin Smith in Rose. Levi appointed him co-leader when he led the group. Members consist of those with various business connections in the underground and street criminals. Emblem is a pair of white and blue wings crossed together. Group was focused on selling substances. Known to hold grudges against betrayers and new members. Minimal number of homicides. Wings of Freedom members mostly roam in Karanese District.
Immediately, he saw that he didn't belong here. Lavishly dressed people sat in restaurants with glass windows and walked around flaunting themselves. Their large hats and sunglasses hid their true faces. The luster of this place hid the shaded alleys where the criminals roamed.
Hopefully, Levi was here, safe. Eren could only hope.
He didn't want to take a risk and just walk into those dark corners of the city. He was shitty and stupid, but he wasn't that brainless.
What could he do now? He let out a long exhale. He didn't even know what kind of people were here. He didn't know how to navigate the town. Everything was too expensive; even the cheapest places were overpriced for him. From his last count, he only had about $60 or so left. He covered his laugh with his arm. How pathetic was he?
He wandered miles from the comfort of the gloomy house to find a lover that had could've been gone now. Gone where and why? How the hell would he know.
Eren tried to calm himself down and slumped himself against a nearby cracked pillar.
Levi didn't tell him a fucking thing. That's why he was so lost. And so torn.
He almost regretted not bringing his pills. At least he had his cigarettes.
He blew a stream of intoxicating smoke into the air.
*Day Twenty-Eight*
After earning a considerable amount of questioning and disgusted glances in the morning, he got off the larger streets. He knew he was filthy beyond belief, but he couldn't do anything about that because he had slept on the streets for a few days before.
Eren walked into a corner bar. It was mostly empty because it was only early noon. He lit a cigarette and smoked it as he emptied the backpack of its contents onto the table he sat at.
For food, he only had some dried jerky he bought at a random convenience store some days ago. His canteen of water was empty and unfilled from the day before. He stared at the minimal possessions he had.
How long had he been out looking for Levi?
"When will I find him…" he whispered softly into the emptiness.
"Kid, you look like you need a drink. It's early, but might as well. You need to wind down."
A young woman with blond hair spoke to him as she stirred up a drink. Her cold blue eyes pierced him.
"Uh, no thanks. I can't afford it." he declined. He started to pile his clothes back together and put them in the bag.
"It's on me. Take it. It'll help your mind relax." she walked over to him and placed the glass on the table.
Eren shook the amber-colored liquor around and shrugged. "Thanks, I guess."
After taking a couple sips, he began to feel a bit dazed. The bitter flavor tempted him into downing all of the drink.
"Ahh…" he moaned. The alcohol was getting to his head, fogging it up. "What the hell…did you give me?"
"It doesn't matter. It calmed you didn't it?" she replied with a knowing smirk.
A rough voice grunted, "Thanks, Annie. Here's the money for the favor."
He felt a rough yank on his arms and shuffling of chairs.
Then Eren fell into unconsciousness.
*Day Twenty-Nine*
He couldn't see anything. The sight before him was a dark grey. Was it still the alcohol…? He opened his eyes, but there was something covering them.
Blindfolded. He was blindfolded. And tied too, he discovered while he tried to move his arms.
Eren shuffled a bit, and he regretted that immediately. Someone's shoe landed a kick to his side. He groaned in pain.
"Hah, you little bitch. Are you going to start crying already?" It was a man's voice. A particularly annoying one at that, he noted.
Eren turned around and tried to sit up, but was roughly pushed down.
"Don't get up without permission. You're in no place to do that." The same voice grunted at him.
"Jean, wait, we can't treat him that roughly." A softer voice spoke urgently. "The commander didn't give us any instructions yet."
"Aw, just shush and let me have my fun. He won't mind since we all know he's going to do the same thing to this little bitch."
'What the hell are they talking about? Who's the commander?' Eren thought, panicking.
He decided to voice his continued thoughts. "What the hell am I doing here and who are you guys?"
His words were met with a chuckle. "Do you really wanna know?"
As much as he wanted to kick the guy talking to him, he didn't want to push his luck.
"Yes, of course." He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, and it was not detected to his relief.
The man yanked him into a half-kneeling position by his hair. Eren felt the labored breaths condense on the bridge of his nose. When the blindfold was removed, fierce earth-colored eyes stared at him.
The man had oddly cut hair of blond and brown. His sharp features made him neither dashing nor hideous. It was the tight-lipped frown that pissed Eren off even more than his voice. A freckled man stood silently behind him, arms crossed.
The captor held onto his prisoner's chin and forced him to look straight at him.
"Okay, crybaby Jaeger, have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat? Yea, you're about as good as dead because of this."
A piece of crumbled paper was shoved in Eren's face.
It was the note.
His eyes widened.
"What are you doing with that? Give it back, you bastard! I need-" he snapped. Eren turned his head to the side to escape the grasp, but failed.
The man holding him grinned darkly. "Poor you, we can't let you be running around with information about our gang. Anyway, you'll be of use to us soon."
He opened his mouth to speak, but was kicked in the stomach, making him fall back to the dusty ground. He struggled to breathe properly. As he calmed down a little, he finally noticed that he was in a windowless room, full of rusty pipes and odd measuring equipment that were all bolted stuck to the walls. How odd.
The other one spoke. "You see, Eren, Jean and I were ordered to find you some days ago. You're a hostage of the Wings of Freedom now."
Wings of Freedom? Eren struggled to get up. These guys were part of the notorious Wings of Freedom?
"You bastards are in the Wings of Freedom? You are all fucking assholes! You took Levi away. Where is he?! Let him go!" he yelled, spitting saliva out of his mouth.
He got back up into a sitting position and noticed a tall, young man standing in the room. He had sleek, golden hair and a crisp white shirt under a battered leather jacket. The infamous double-winged emblem was branded on the sleeve.
He stepped toward Eren to speak to him. His blue eyes looked down at him as if he were looking at an injured dog. He spoke in a clear tone of voice.
"We already know about your situation with… Levi. It was confirmed when we discovered the note he left you. Do you know why he left, Eren?"
Eren glared at the man.
"He didn't give me any explanation."
"He didn't want to put his 'dear lover' in danger. But it's too late now. Like Jean said, you could be useful. Just liste-"
"Listen, listen, listen! I always have to fucking listen to empty words." Eren spat. "When am I actually going to get a goddamn explanation?! Or will those be lies too? I'm sick of waiting for something that'll never com. I'm tired of it already. Just… just shut up."
The blond man continued to glare coldly at him. "We'll give you the explanations you want. We'll tell you why Levi had to leave. Don't test my temper or you won't get anything back."
He started to pace circles around the sitting boy slowly. "You already know that this is the Wings of Freedom that Levi is associated with, correct?" He didn't wait for a response and continued on.
"Well you see, he was my partner for quite some time before and after he led the group, which makes me the Erwin Smith that you mentioned in your notes. The Wings of Freedom has a lot of pride, and will always help comrades when it's appropriate. But Levi did not do that.
"He was always like a canon with its long wick already lit, but you never knew when or if it was going to blow or not. He had a controlled temper most times, but no one could ever tell. He was still one of the best members and leaders that we were ever blessed with. He tended to stay distant with the others until necessary… but that did not pose a serious problem because he was the perfect person to become the head, outranking me.
"Levi being the loose canon he was, he was often involved with the underground far too often for someone of his young age. As his crimes piled up, we eventually had to cover for our precious leader and take any blame. We couldn't afford to lose someone like him."
Erwin started to slow him pace and turned to face Eren.
"Then one day, he resigned from his high position.
"And that was about seven months after being head. He came up to me with the special jacket awarded to the leader and told me he didn't want to be part of the gang anymore. There were no questions asked. He placed the neatly folded jacket into my hands. With a nod of his head, he left us as silently as he had joined.
"Eren, you wouldn't be able to imagine the uproar among the members." He knelt down and looked Eren in the eyes.
"It was fucking havoc! Our greatest leader was gone. And I thought I was shit at responsibilities." Jean snapped from behind them.
"Levi left us in shambles and confusion. He laid his crimes down to bury us. What ever the reason was… it doesn't matter. The Wings of Freedom want the debt paid. We've lost too many members because of him." Erwin said in a bitter voice.
"As long as he pays for what he did, we'll let you both go. You'd best cooperate with us, Eren."
The battered teen was still trying to absorb all of Levi's past in his dizzy mind.
So this was why.
He never really knew anything about Levi's "lost days" before Erwin told him. But why did the Wings of Freedom track him down years after he ditched the gang?
As if reading his mind, Erwin said, "Levi did very well lying low all these years. But eventually, his weakness was revealed. His Achilles heel."
Eren stared at him with questioning eyes.
"You."
Eren inhaled sharply, and his bruised ribs and cramped stomach made it difficult and painful.
"He's been involved with you and then he falls in love. His guard fell, and we were able to find him districts away from Sina. It was very simple, I assure you. I contacted him and told him that his fees were very much overdue. At first, he was reluctant and angry, but he became quite agreeable after we exchanged a few words. It's as if these six years apart have merely been an extended lovers' quarrel. He was very eager to return to us."
The boy stood up quickly and snarled at the man. "Lovers' quarrel? Cut the crap, Smith. I know you did something to make him come here. He's not involved with people like you anymore so let him go."
He took a deep breath to gather his words and glared at the man.
"Let him go, and I'll cooperate. I'll do anything. Let Levi go."
Jean cackled loudly and slapped his friend on the back. "Ha, ya see, Marco. This kid's head over heels for that bastard! How fucking cute."
Erwin looked at the determined boy thoughtfully.
"Is that so? I think you might need a little while to really make up your mind. You do know you're practically going to throw your life away for a criminal, right? It is up to you, but we'll be considerate and ask you again tomorrow.
"But you have to understand that he might never trust you again. We both are going to have to think this over. And maybe, we'll have a deal. Good night, Eren."
"Sleep tight, lover boy!" Jean exclaimed mockingly.
A hand clamped a wet, fragrant cloth over his mouth and Eren fell to the darkness again.
*Day Thirty*
Eren took a breath.
Okay, he was alive. Thank god, even if he didn't really exist. But did he really have to go through a terrible experience every fucking single day? For the past three days or so, his waking moments were painful and nauseous.
And that wasn't even counting his days at home.
He didn't even know if night had really passed.
He wasn't blindfolded this time. Or gagged. But still, his wrists burned from the tight coils of fraying rope. He was lying in a room that he assumed was the same location as yesterday.
Yes, there were the same rusty pipes, as if they were there longer than they should have been. Against their will, they were pinned to the walls to break down.
Just like him.
Eren sat on the ground, trapped and confused. What… what happened again?
He remembered seeing the leader, Erwin Smith, and being beat up by some horseface named Jean. His head pounded as he tried to recall everything that happened yesterday.
Oh.
He was kidnapped and taken hostage by the Wings of Freedom. And Levi was here. He had to find him.
But he had to strike a deal with these bastards first.
From what he concluded, he had to bait Levi into "paying his debt", whatever that was. Would Erwin really keep his word though? He couldn't trust this set of criminals.
He didn't know what lengths they would go to, and wasn't eager to find out.
Yesterday's events were coming back clearer. He remembered the man's playful and provoking words about a "lovers' quarrel". What the fuck was he talking about?
Did that mean… Levi was in a romantic relationship with that man?
A dangerous question came to mind. 'Was Levi still in love with Erwin?'
His shoulders sunk in disappointment. The insight struck him too suddenly.
"Then… then I can't-"
"Then you can't what, lover boy?" Jean announced as he kicked the door open. "What's got you looking like you're gonna cry again?"
Eren didn't look up. He was drowning in his thoughts.
Erwin told him that Levi was "eager to return" to them, despite being difficult at first. That meant that… he must have gone… willingly. He had really meant to leave Eren.
That left an icy feeling in his chest.
Then what if his searches were all for nothing? And this month of suffering…
What if Levi never came back? What if he didn't want to come back?
Jean waved a hand in front of his face. "Hey, Smith, I think he's loony. He's not responding at all."
Erwin Smith walked into the rusty room calmly. The boy raised his head when he heard the footsteps resounding on the walls.
"Good morning, Eren. I hope you slept well enough to make a very important decision today. Both your lives depend on it."
The battered young man gazed solemnly at the superior. He didn't want to decide yet. He wasn't prepared for it, especially when he wasn't even sure about how Levi felt about the situation.
"What will it be, Eren? Can you "convince" your loyal lover to pay his dues? He doesn't have to return to us…. unless he chooses to do so. If you cooperate with us and he is agreeable, we can let you go."
Eren looked to the floor, as if he expected it to help. "Wouldn't that mean I would be betraying him?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"Not quite. It depends on your perspective of the circumstances. I think we can agree that you have no choice, really. We can't let you leave after knowing so much.
"As much as I hate to admit, we would have to kill you."
Eren expected that answer.
There was a deafening silence.
His mind echoed betrayal.
His clear eyes clouded as he spoke.
"Fine. I'll help you get Levi, but you guys better hold up your side of the deal."
The tall man gave a small smirk. "Of course. We appreciate your cooperation."
*Day Thirty-One*
"You need to tell Levi to come. He refuses to listen to anyone, and he'll definitely be surprised to hear from you. Once he knows you're here, he'll rush right over."
Eren stared at the cell phone in his hands. He couldn't believe he was going to do this. The doting thought of betrayal bounced around in his head.
But, the Wings of Freedom actually trusted him to call Levi and not scream for help, or tell him it was a trap.
He scrolled through the contacts of the phone and saw "Corporal" as one of them.
"Ah, that would be Levi. Go ahead and call him." Erwin placed a hand on his shoulder, making him squirm.
Eren pressed the call button. He broodingly put the device up to his ear and waited for it to start ringing. For a few seconds, he thought the call didn't go through. To his disappointment, it did.
He felt a tremor in his chest as he waited patiently for Levi to pick up. It was going to be the first time they spoke to each other all month.
Which was a really long time.
It was a really long time to be alone.
The phone rang five times. He took a deep lungful of air each time.
He heard a click on the line.
A voice spoke.
"What do you want."
Eren's breathing hitched. He recognized the speaker immediately.
It was Levi.
"I-it's me… Eren." he spoke nervously.
There was silence. He heard deep breathing on the other end of the line.
"Eren. What are you doing calling from Erwin's phone?"
Erwin's hand tightened the grasp on his shoulder. It was not at all comforting.
"C-can you come to the old filtering building? I was wandering around and… and got trapped in here. Please help me."
His words held another meaning. He wasn't lying about getting trapped while wandering around, and he did need help. But Levi had to come for both their sakes.
"That doesn't explain why you're using that shithead's phone."
The man stayed silent before speaking again. "Eren. You wouldn't happen to be involved with the Wings of Freedom, would you?"
Eren threw a panicked glance at Erwin behind him. The blond man only continued to stand passively.
"Levi, just come. Save me… to save us both." His voice cracked at the end. He hung up and dropped the phone into his lap. He hoped Levi knew what he meant.
He had to.
Erwin gripped the boy's shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. "Nicely done, Eren. You have been such a great help."
It all felt so wrong. It was the cold shadow of betrayal. He knew that anything he said would be used against him, so he stayed silent at the man's praise. He couldn't take back what he said to Levi. Eren didn't even try to release himself from the man's grasp.
"Jean, Marco, Sash. Take our wonderful guest to the next room. He deserves a nicer place to wait after he's been so obliging.
"Go and follow them, Eren." Erwin gave him a small smile as he stood up slowly.
The weight of guilt made every footstep heavier. The other three members walked behind him, poking fun at his and Levi's "oh-so-committed relationship." They pushed Eren into the room and locked the door.
It was only a bit nicer than the wider space he was in before. The light from the small desk light made the room shine a brighter yellow. A small cot with dusty sheets sat in the corner. He walked over to it and slumped onto the bed. He buried his face in the course pillows and blankets, crying. The drops escaped his once-bright emerald orbs.
There was nothing that would comfort him, nothing that could. The burden of remorse was heavy on his shoulders as he waited to see his beloved again.
He lay down on the cot, unable to fall asleep. Eren was almost out of tears to cry, and the pillow was already soaked. He thought of their last time together. There were sweet words exchanged after a passionate night. He couldn't get Levi's promise out of his head.
"Does getting laid screw up your head even more, brat? Of course, we'll be together forever."
"Don't give me that bullshit, Levi!" he threw the pillow across the room and it hit the set of drawers, making the lamp shake. "I thought we weren't going to play with each other's feelings…"
He shoved a hand in his pants, searching for his box of cigarettes. He sighed contently because his captors didn't take it from him. He had to relax, but sleep refused to come.
Eren opened the lid and pulled one out.
"Damn it, this bastardly fate!" he yelled. He threw the cigarette at the opposite wall.
He had no lighter. No comfort.
Were Erwin's words true? Or was Levi the one telling the truth? He didn't know what to trust. He didn't want any more empty words and promises. He couldn't cry anymore, so he sighed, heavily. And multiple times. With every exhale, he felt like he was pushing a part of his life out, cutting his life shorter and shorter.
The peace of sleep was about to overcome him, but he heard a knock on the door.
"Stop throwing a tantrum, kid. You can come out now." Jean's gruff voice said. His door was unlocked.
He could run out and leave the place forever, if he wanted. But they would capture him again anyway.
He didn't know how long he was in this room so it didn't matter. Eren decided to get up and see what was going on.
"Hurry up before we have to drag you out!"
Eren sighed and walked to open the door.
*Day Thirty-One*
"Good morning Eren."
It was morning? That didn't feel like a very long night.
Erwin continued to talk. "We have something to show you. It is very important. I think you would like to see this."
A hand was placed on his shoulder again. How unnerving of Erwin to do that.
"Get your filthy hands off me!" a voice cried out angrily.
'Wait… it couldn't be…' Eren's hand twitched at his side.
Sounds of rough pushing and hoarse grunts reached his ears.
"Shut up, corporal."
A metal door was shoved open and it hit the wall with a loud clang. A tall figure resembling Jean pushed someone into the room roughly. "Get the fuck out there, corporal. Someone's dying to see you."
Levi stumbled into the room after being brutally shoved and fell to the floor on his knees. Crimson speckled the floor as he coughed.
"Levi!" Eren cried out in a breaking voice. Even when Erwin gripped his shoulder to hold him back, he wrenched himself off and ran to Levi.
He knelt down and hugged his lover.
"L-Levi… I-I'm so sorry…" he cried into Levi's chest. "What did they do to you? Why…"
Eren combed Levi's hair back only to feel the bumps of bruises on his head. He found cuts on his arms and raw skin from the chaffing of rope around his wrists. There were trickles of blood were both dried and fresh. Eren sobbed harder each time he discovered a new wound on Levi's body. It hurt him to see his lover flinch as he brushed each injury. He kissed the parched and bleeding lips in desperation and longing.
Levi pressed back weakly against Eren. "What the hell… are you doing here, you shitty brat? You're in danger because of me… get out while you can."
"Shh, Levi, don't waste your breath. I'm not leaving without you. I wanted to save you… but I'm so sorry to drag you here. It's completely my fault."
Levi laughed faintly. "Tried to save me? I was trying to keep you out of it first and you come here, making me come to save you. The fucking irony."
"We're going to get out of here together." Eren looked away after he said that. "But… but you have to-"
"Eren, look at me. I know that these shitheads are making me pay back for all I've done. I deserve it, and more. We'll get through this."
This time Levi's lips met Eren's first, but both their eyes and faces glistened with tears.
"Alright, lovebirds. The corporal's right. He's gonna pay for all the shit he's made us go through." Jean said.
Erwin stepped toward the embracing couple on the floor.
"Welcome back, Levi. It's so wonderful to see you again, even in your sorry state. The two of you have been so cooperative; I almost want to let you both go." he said smiling.
"But we can't let that happen. We already went through so much trouble to bring you here, corporal. As much as I would enjoy working with you again, personally," Erwin said. "Your payment is way overdue. So today, the Wings of Freedom will make sure you'll compensate accordingly."
"Don't hurt him!" Eren cried out. He clutched Levi in his arms.
Erwin gave the boy a pitying smile. "His pain has to equivalent to the pain he caused us."
Levi looked solemnly at his lover and nodded. "It'll be okay. I'll explain everything afterwards."
Eren wasn't even able to respond before Jean yanked Levi up by his hair and dragged him away. It pained him to watch his lover, defenseless.
'Shit, why can't I move myself to actually do something…'
The freckled one, Marco, then pulled Eren to the other side of the room where he chained him to a bent pipe. "We can't let you rush over to try to help him while we're punishing him. Sorry."
"We're gonna let you sit by and watch the show." Jean said, grinning malevolently. He tugged on the metal chain. It was no use.
A couple members walked Levi to the center of the room. His shirt was gone, leaving his pale upper body exposed.
Eren gasped at the amount of fading scars on his back. They were faint, but noticeable. They crossed mostly at the top of his back, near his neck and shoulders. He winced, imagining what might have caused them.
The man's wrists were bound in the front this time. Erwin walked over to his ex-partner and pushed his neck down, forcing him to kneel. Then he glanced over at the chained boy.
"Just sit there and be the good and behaved little boy you've always been, Eren."
Erwin brought his attention back to Levi. "I remember when we worked together so well, Levi. You really had so much potential all those years ago, and I doubt that it has disappeared. But you betrayed us. Left us wandering like the old dogs you believed we were. The Wings of Freedom has lost many members because of you, and you will pay for it… because a good corporal like yourself should always take responsibility for his actions."
Levi didn't respond. He only knelt there with his face close enough to touch the floor.
"Bring over the thinnest branding rod and light the pit."
A medium-sized hole in the ground was revealed when a sheet of metal covering it was removed. A collection of ash, wood, and kindling was in there. One member threw a match into the pit and a fire started to blaze. It was deep enough so that it wouldn't go out of control. Jean handed the captain a long thin metal pole with a thick wooden grip at one end. It was charred slightly, but that didn't seem to bother Erwin. The total length was approximately two-and-a-half feet long.
It didn't take long for Eren to realize what was going to happen to Levi.
Erwin leaned close to Levi's face, and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
"This is going to be physically painful yes, but also emotionally. Would you like to know why, corporal?
"I'm going to burn you with our special emblem of the Wings of Freedom, and every second you feel the physical pain, your memories will also be branded with regret. The symbol you once admired and protected will haunt you for the rest of your life. You will always regret leaving our gang. Be scarred forever, Levi." he rasped loudly.
Eren's emerald eyes flamed with fear and anger. "Stop! Fucking stop, Erwin! He doesn't need that kind of pain for the rest of his life!" he yelled fiercely as he pulled against his restraints.
The tall man ignored him. Instead, he stepped back behind Levi and traced the ice-cold pole down the back of his captive.
Levi shivered. He took steady, slow breaths.
"Don't worry. You won't feel cold after I do this." Erwin let his free hand ghost over his back. "Such a shame that this beautiful skin will be so drastically disfigured soon…"
"Don't fucking touch him!" Eren roared out in fury.
Without even looking up, Erwin commanded Marco to gag him. The boy's rage was muffled, but it burned through his bright green eyes.
Erwin dipped the iron rod into the fiery pit and let it heat up. He held onto the wooden handle so he wouldn't get burned. When the metal began to glow an intense red, he pulled it out. He admired it for a few seconds.
When it faded to a dull red, he pressed it into the flesh. Levi's eyes widened as the pole touched him. He sucked in a breath. He grinded his teeth and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists.
He choked as Erwin dragged the thin pole to draw the first feather-like mark of the symbol.
Levi cried out in anguish. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't. The pain enveloped him.
Eren cried. He couldn't do anything to get rid of his pain. He couldn't bear to look, but did so. He had to bear it.
Erwin worked efficiently, which sickened Eren. He made the three little rectangle-like feathers in the right side of the pattern.
Levi dug his fingers into his palms, drawing blood. His breathing became shallow by the time Erwin got to the third set of feathers.
"Shh, Levi. Can you feel how much pain you put us through as I brand you with this pattern? Can you feel the wretched regret yet?" Erwin said wickedly, his voice raising another pitch with each question he asked.
"Oh, of course you can't answer. You're much too occupied with this torturous process." he laughed. He dipped the pole into the fire once more, and let it cool slightly to that beautiful, beautiful red that would mark the skin forever.
He guided the hot iron rod to illustrate the rest of the right wing. Each little box, rectangle, shape was meticulously drawn. Levi's skin was turned a disgusting, dirty color. Erwin laughed softly as he admired the half-done emblem.
Despite its ugly shade, the skin had risen wherever it was burned. It shaped into the half wing that was perfect in every way. Every feather was seared perfectly.
Levi's head rested on the ground. He was not completely conscious.
Eren's muffled screams didn't reach him. He was in a haze. His entire body felt numb, as if he was encased in ice. But no, he was encased in fire. It burned him. The heat was so intense that it felt icy.
His body trembled uncontrollably as he was continued to be tortured.
"Did that hurt?" Erwin asked teasingly. The other members laughed as they stood around.
There was no response from Levi.
His breathing was rickety and shallow. He let out a small moan.
"Nnnn…"
"Alright, it's time to start on the other side." Erwin let the flames envelop the small tip of the rod.
"This side will be filled in, since it is the dark wing. Let it reflect the darkness in your empty heart that left us."
Levi tried to brace himself, but it didn't work. His voice betrayed him and he screamed as the hot tip met his skin again.
Eren struggled against the chains but they wouldn't release him. His wrists were cut from the metal. He let out furious cries and sobbed because he couldn't do anything. His ears pounded and bled as he heard the tortured shrieks of his lover.
He could not help Levi.
Erwin branded the small man as if he was doing a tattoo. Create the outline and then fill it in with color.
Agonizingly slow, he did so. He dipped the rod into the pit to heat it over and over.
Over and over, he pressed the scorching tip onto the reddened flesh.
Over and over, Levi screams turned silent. There was so much pain that he couldn't move. He let out short yelps and quivered. He couldn't shift his arms to struggle, or even his mouth to shout.
His brain went as numb as his back. His nerves felt as if they were being burned to nothingness. As they shriveled, he trembled. A trickle of saliva ran down the side of his mouth and onto the floor as he was lying down. His legs were pins and needles from sitting on them so long.
He felt the burn spread all through his entire body when Erwin pressed harder to fill in the dark places of the wing.
His throat produced a guttural sound, unable to scream.
"Oh, Levi, I'm almost done here." Erwin said calmly. "Only two feathers left.
"Pity that this has to end so soon."
Levi's eyes rolled back. It was too much. Too much pain. Too much agony.
Erwin pressed the heated rod onto his skin again, moving it back and forth to define the dark interior of the wing's feathers.
The sweat drops on his back shook as he did.
The tip of the last feather was completed. The entire symbol covered the middle of his back in a sickening, bubbling brown, red, and black. The porcelain color of his skin was turned into a blistery red.
Erwin smiled at his work and put the warm pole on the floor. "You're so lovely with the wings of freedom branded on you. They won't help you fly away from your past though. It will always come back to sear through your memories, just like how I burned you with these wings. Remember the pain, how it made you shake and quiver, and cry."
Erwin's voice faded away as Levi closed his eyes and fell into black.
*Day Thirty-Three*
"Levi! Levi, please wake up!"
Eren called over and over again. His voice was full of urgency and longing. He held onto Levi's hands and begged.
"Please…" his voice cracked. "You have to wake up! You can't leave me alone again!"
The man suddenly jolted in the bed. After a few minutes, Eren saw his eyes flutter open slowly.
A pair of dark eyes looked into pale green ones.
"E-Eren…" he asked softly.
"Yes… Yes, it's Eren!" The teen squeezed Levi's hand excitedly as he answered. "Oh, thank goodness you've woken up."
He sighed exasperatedly.
Levi turned his head and felt his muscles tense up. "Nnngh… How long has it been?"
"It's been about two days since we… since we escaped."
The older man looked up at the ceiling, letting his mind wander. They were released from the holds of the Wings of Freedom, his old gang, after he "took responsibility and paid his dues."
It was fucking painful shit.
"H-how are you feeling, Levi?" Eren asked, deeply concerned.
The man's head was bandaged, and his arms and wrists were covered in a pasty medicine. There were purplish bruises on his neck and shoulders. His eyes looked as if he had no rest at all, or had a very fitful rest. They were sunken and gloomy.
His stomach was also bandaged, and the large burns on his back were covered.
"Where am I?"
"We're both in the hospital right now. I requested my friend, Armin, to treat you. He'll keep your criminal secrets, don't worry."
Levi wanted to sigh in relief, but his chest hurt too much. "Can I get up?"
The boy looked at him doubtingly. "Uh, only for a little bit. You've been out for a long while and I'm not sure how much activity you can handle right now. Here, hold onto my shoulder. I'll help you."
The injured man reached for Eren's shoulder and grabbed it to sustain his weight. The pressure of the mattress squishing his burns disappeared as he sat up on the side of the bed. He hissed as the bandaged rubbed on his blistered skin.
Eren held onto his arm, supporting him. "Are you okay?!"
"Y-Yea, I feel fine. I just wanted to make sure I could still move my body." He bent his arm and flexed it in and out. "Glad I'm not dead to the world."
His flat humor died when he took a longer look at Eren and noticed scars. He ran his hands over the injured neck. Then his arms and hands. Levi lifted his shirt and gasped.
"What did you do to yourself, Eren? These look like…"
He brushed over one on the wrist. "…burns."
The boy yanked his arm away. "It's nothing really, especially compared to what you've been through." He tried to nervously laugh it off.
Levi looked into his eyes, knowing what had happened. "Don't ever hurt yourself for me. I think I've told you that before. I'm so sorry, really I am, that I made you grieve this much…" He brushed his lips over Eren's cheek. His eyes were filled with tenderness.
Eren's lips quivered and he couldn't stop himself from hugging his lover. He was very careful not to place his hands on the bandages or press too hard.
"It's just th-that… I-I've missed you so much! I can't even… can't even put this into words." he sobbed. "I was so torn and dead when you left so suddenly. I couldn't… I was in a lot of emotional pain, which caused me to torment my physical body. I didn't get out of the house until I went to find you… I didn't know… if you were coming back." he said as he cried onto Levi's shoulder.
"Not coming back? Why the hell would that cross your mind? Didn't you read my fucking note?" His tone softened a bit. "You're my safe haven, you shitty brat. I belong with you, and you make me feel loved. This love is unlike any other I've had before. It was never as true as this. I'm really sorry if I made you feel so lost this past month."
Levi kissed the top of his lover's head. "Eren, whatever happened between the gang and me is dead and gone. Yes, I was a big asshole for leaving them like that, but everything was catching up to me too quickly. My friend pulled me out before I really got too close to the gang. I don't want you to get involved. I never wanted you to come save me. I cut off all my connections with you so they wouldn't be able to trace anything. But damn it, you just had to come find me. Don't blame yourself. Don't hurt yourself for me. I tossed myself into hell when I was first born.
But I would never ever forgive myself if you got hurt because of my stupid actions. You mean the world to me, and I don't know if you heard me before but I'll say it again. Thank you for loving a train wreck like me. I may have the scar of the wings of freedom on my back that will be excruciatingly painful for a long time, but I won't give in to the memories that promise to haunt me. They won't tear me away from you ever again." he spoke with a confident voice. He ran his lips and fingers in Eren's tousled brown hair.
"I promised that I would be back, didn't I? Do you believe me, Eren?" he whispered.
Eren looked up at him and answered. "Y-yes… and that we would be together, always?"
Levi landed a sweet kiss on the boy's lips. "We'll be together, always and forever, just like we promised."