White Flag

Ivory eyes lifted slowly to gaze up at the night sky, studying the beautiful heavens and small twinkling stars. Each star winked down upon Earth, mocking, tormenting, reminding this torn soul of the happiness it once had, of the love it was once warmned with, of the hope that was no longer there. The moon was full was shining its gentle light, illuminating the darkness that covered the land. But to the gazer, the moon only represented what could never be. The moon was a reminder of those eyes…eyes that could look into one's soul with ease…eyes that use to be filled with such love…love for her. Small pink lips parted, a sigh escaping through them, visible in the cold air while a delicate pale hand slowly reached up and grasped at the pain that she was feeling in her heart.

Hinata, closed her eyes tightly, reminding herself not to cry. There was no point in tears. Tears could not bring back the love she had lost. Tears could not make him love her again. Tears were useless…like herself. Her hand at her chest, she squeezed tighter, harder…wishing she could tear out her heart. A heart was also useless. What was the point in having one? It only brings pain and agony, pity and guilt. There was no point in having a heart…not when it was broken into a million pieces.

Muffled voices reached her sensitive ears, capturing her attention. Normally she would leave them be, not caring who it was…but she had heard his voice. She could recognize his voice anywhere at anytime, under any circumstance. Slowly turning onto her stomach, she silently crawled to a nearby bush, masking her chakra so he wouldn't detect her, Hinata lifted her small trembling hand to slightly move the leaves apart so that she could see him. What she saw didn't surprise her, but it hurt her, like the first time she saw them together. The pain took her breath away, leaving her gasping for more. He had his arms around her, holding her close…like he use to hold her. He leaned down as kissed her softly, their lips clinging together passionately.

It was killing Hinata to gaze upon them, to continue watching her former lover in the arms of another woman, a woman who had always had a piece of his heart. A woman whom he was always close with, a woman who he could talk easy with, a woman who was his comrade. Hinata had never been able to compare to her, she was strong, dependable, self-confident, his friend. She was never able to be any of those things. Though her strength had improved, Hinata knew she was never as strong as her and because of that, she was never as dependable. And though through the years, Hinata had slowly come out of her shell, she was no where as confident as her. And because of the circumstances between her and her former lover, she was never allowed to be his friend. He never allowed her to be his friend, his confident. Their's was a "forbidden" love, a love that would have been scorned by others, had they known. But they kept it a secret, deep inside their hearts.

"I love you." he said to the woman in his arms. She closed her mesmerizing hazel eyes, a bright smile gracing her lips.

"I love you." she whispered back. Hinata closed her eyes and looked away, unable to witness the two of them any longer. A lone tear escaped her eyes, trailing slowly down, leaving a cold path on her cheek. Spurred by anger, Hinata jumped up and sprinted away, running as fast as she had ever ran before, leaving the two behind. Deeper and deeper into the forest she went, not caring at all about her surroundings, only wanting to get farther and farther away from them.

Hours later, when her legs could no longer keep her up, her knees buckling from underneath her, she could feel herself fall from the high tree branches. But instead of panicking, she just closed her eyes and felt the cold air rush past her, making her hair fly. However, she had never met the harsh ground under her, instead she was caught by strong arms, pulling her close to a warm body, before being set down gently onto her feet. Opening her eyes, she was shocked and angry to find it was him, the man who was no longer hers.

"Are you all right Hinata-sama?" his deep voice teased her senses, bringing back painful memories. Hinata turned her head away from him, hating him for using the honorific in her name, something he hasn't done since before they were together. Telling her, signaling her that it truly was over.

"She doesn't deserve you." she pouted, looking down at the ground.

"She does." He said softly, silence filling between them.

"She doesn't love you." she said in an angry whisper. He shook his head sadly, gazing at the heart broken woman before him.

"She does." He just repeated once again.

"As much as me?!" Hinata cried, looking up at him, her torn and broken heart in her eyes. But he shifted his gaze, turning his head from her, remaining silent…giving her his answer without saying any words, yet they were louder than anything he had told her before. His silent reply, crushing her.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

"I'm sorry…I…I didn't mean…" she stumbled, trying to save some dignity for herself, but how much dignity could be gained from a woman in unrequited love?

"Hinata…I…" he sighed tiredly, but what could he say? He didn't hate her, but he no longer loved her like he used to, however, he still didn't like to see her in such pain. But what could he do? He had a new life now, a new life with someone else…and he couldn't…wouldn't give that up.

"I know…" Hinata whispered softly, "I know it's over for us. It's nothing but a memory now…I know." She didn't look up at him, she couldn't because she knew that there would be pity showing in his eyes. She couldn't take that, not from him. Wrapping her arms about herself, she stepped away from him, increasing the distance between them.

"I…I'm going home." She stated, walking around him, giving him a wide birth. She couldn't be near him, not if she could help it. She could feel his eyes on his back, giving her small shivers. She could remember a time when she could turn around and see a burning passion in his eyes…that he held just for her. But now, she knew, if she were to turn around now…she would only see emptiness.

"I hope…I hope that she…makes you happy." Hinata whispered, pausing only a second, before she continued her long walk back home.

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Her side was aching with a dull pain as Hinata remained lying on one side, her pearl eyes open and sad. Sunrise would be only in a few minutes, and still he hadn't returned home. His room was right next to hers and the walls were so thin, she could hear every movement in his room. But it was silent…quiet as a graveyard. Finally turning onto her back, Hinata looked up at the ceiling. She knew, she knew he wasn't going to return tonight. Tonight he would be with her, tonight he would think of her and only her, tonight he would make love to her.

Pushing back the covers, she rose noiselessly, walking out of her room. Looking down the hallways on both sides, she tiptoed the few feet between her door and his. Opening it quietly, she stepped in, closing the door behind her. She gazed upon his room, so familiar, holding so many memories. Taking light steps, she walked over to his desk. Only two pictures were shown, framed in simple black frames. One of him and his father when he was young, untainted by hatred and bitterness. The other…was a picture of her. It was a recent picture, one that showed her lovely smile and shiny hair, one that showed how much she had matured from her thirteen year old self.

Hinata's eyes shifted away as pain gripped her heart once again. It use to be a picture of his genin team. It used to just hold past memories. Sitting on his bed, she slowly reached for his pillow. Lifting it up, she bit her lip to stop herself from crying out in pain. It's not what she found that made her sad…it was what she didn't find. It was always too "dangerous" to keep a picture of her out in the open in his room. He had told her that since he couldn't put one on his desk, he would keep one under his pillow. So that she would always be near him, to walk into his dreams and keep his nightmares and past monsters at bay. But now, there was nothing there. There was no picture of her, anywhere. He had moved on, he left her behind to cling to what was, to cry over what would never be again.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Neji walked into the compound hours later, while everyone was still getting up and ready for the day. Walking into the kitchen, he met Hiashi there. The man was still harsh, still distant, still cold…but at least he didn't get worse with age.

"Neji…where's Hinata?" Hiashi asked in an uncaring tone.

"Probably still sleeping Hiashi-sama." Neji replied automatically, Hiashi was always asking him where Hinata was…it was natural wasn't it? He was, after all, her protector.

"Wake her up…it's time for breakfast." Hiashi ordered, walking away from him. Neji nodded, and kept his head lowered when he walked by, always remembering that he had to show respect towards him every second of everyday of his life. Neji quickly strode over to his room, allowing Hinata to sleep at least five more minutes. But as soon as he turned around from closing his door, he could see her small form in his bed under his covers. He sighed and looked at her sadly. She always was one to cling to the past, to never let go. He knew she would never let her love for him go, and if she could, she would never let him go. He tried telling her, tried to convince her to move on, to forget about everything that had happened between them…that it would hurt less that way. But she refused, her rare stubbornness showing.

He remembered the past months, how she would try to rekindle what they had had together. Trying to bring out the love that he once held for her. She tried so hard, so diligently. But there was nothing left, just an old flame, an old spark…and that's all it ever was…all it ever will be. He didn't want to say that it was just lust, that it was just sexual tension between two teenagers, for he did love her once. She had brightened up his unhappy life, she was the center of his universe…but that was only a small part of what it was. When they were together, he was the dominate one, the only one in control, the one in charge…not her…not a Main House member, but a Branch House member. And that's how everything turned sour. He had put the complications and politics of their family structure into their relationship. That was their downfall…his downfall. He had trapped himself, boxed himself in…later, only realizing that he needed to get out. It was him…it was his fault…not hers.

I know I left too much mess and
Destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble

Looking at the clock, he sighed, knowing he had to wake her up. He wished he didn't have to. He, too, could hear every movement she made in her room, and he knew that she had not been able to sleep very well for the past few months…because of him. Sitting down on his bed, he gaze her at sleeping face. Even in sleep she looked troubled, she use to look so peaceful, so serene and tranquil…but no longer. Instead, she would toss and turn at night, and wake up frequently from nightmares. He destroyed her and he hated himself for that. Everyone needed to be selfish once in a while, but when you act on that selfishness, someone else always gets hurt. And when he had left her, seeking love…true love, else where, she was in pain. But what could he do? To give up the love of his life, the true love of his life for a woman he use to love, with a love that was tainted by his anger and bitterness? He couldn't. He wished he could find another way to help her, but knew there wasn't.

"Hinata-sama…you need to wake up." He said softly, careful not to touch her, not to get too close to her. Hinata's eyes slowly fluttered open, adjusting her eyes to the bright light coming from the window. Her blurred vision slowly cleared to find herself in his bed, with him hovering over her…close, but still out of arm's reach.

"Neji…" she sighed, wishing that it was the past, where he would wake her up with a kiss.

"Your father wants you to come down for breakfast." He stated, leaning back and standing up. Her eyes shifted away from him as she silently nodded, slowly getting up and scurrying out of his room quickly. Sighing tiredly, Neji closed his eyes wanting a miracle for them both.

Walking back down to the kitchen, he sat down in his usual spot at the table. Minutes later, Hinata shuffled through the door, avoiding his gaze. Going to her spot at the table, across from him. Staring down at her food, she merely played with it, hardly eating at all. There were dark circles under her eyes, indicating her sleepless nights, her troubled mind.

"Hinata…what is the matter with you? You've hardly touched your food." Hiashi asked with his cool hard voice, seeming upset with her for not eating.

"Nothing Tou-san…I'm just not hungry." Hinata mumbled softly, her eyes still on her food. Hanabi eyed her sister and her cousin, her pale eyes narrowed with curiosity. Her father was always pretty thick, but she wasn't…she could feel the tension between the two of them. It was so thick she could almost cut it with her kunai. Hinata continued to pick at her food, but once everyone was done, she too got up and put her dishes away, wanting to leave her father's and Neji's presence as quickly as possible. Hanabi, still curious as to what was going on, followed Neji who followed Hinata.

"Hinata-sama." He called to her softly. She paused, but didn't turn around. Her body tense from his deep voice.

"This is the third week you haven't eaten breakfast." He stated to her back. "You can't continue on like this." He urged, his voice filled with worry. Hinata closed her eyes, her heart filled with pain. Why did he have to act like he cared? Why did he have to sound worried for her? Why did he keep breaking her heart when she knew he didn't love her?

Without a word, Hinata continued walking to her room. She couldn't talk to him, she was nothing to him…nothing but his duty. Why did she allow herself to love him? She should have known…she should have known.

Neji sighed deeply, as his sad eyes watched her leave. He knew she didn't understand. She would never understand. It wasn't her, it was never her fault. Just because he wasn't romantically in love with her didn't mean he didn't care about her. Without her, he wouldn't be the man he was today.

I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

"Hey Hinata!" Naruto yelled once spotting the Hyuuga woman walking slowing in the street, her eyes dull as if in a trance. Hinata blinked, the loud calling of her voice shaking her out of her thoughts. She looked up and noticed the blond shinobi running towards her, his hand in the air and a bright smile on his face.

"Good morning Naruto-kun." She said softly with a tiny smile, trying to act normal. Unfortunately Naruto, over the years, had gotten better at reading people. His smile suddenly vanished and his hand dropped to his side. A concerned frown flittered across his face as his deep blue eyes searched hers.

"What's wrong?" he asked her gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Hinata looked away from him, his gazed pierced her heart, looking at her broken soul. "Please tell me Hinata…I want…I want to be here for you." he urged her softly, lightly grasping her chin and pulling her face back towards his.

"It…it's hurts." She said in a ragged whisper.

"What does?" he asked her.

"Love." She replied in a choked voice. Naruto looked at her sadly, wishing he knew of a way to help ease her pain. "I…I'm in love…with a man…who loves someone else."

Naruto wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. He knew exactly was she was feeling. He has felt her pain before, and knew of it's hopelessness of healing. Oh sure, you could move on, but you never really get over your first love. Your heart never fully heals from that first deep cut. Hinata shut her eyes though it didn't stop the tears from flowing. Clutching to his jacket tightly, she cried silently in his arms, feeling her loss throughout her body and into her soul. She had thought she had found her soul mate, she had thought she had found her true love, she thought that she would be happy. But all of it was for naught. Yet, how could she move on? She still loved him, and loved him deeply. She knew that she would never stop loving him, because to her, he still was meant for her. To her, they were supposed to be together…but it seems fate had never smiled kindly on her, ripping everything she held dear away from her, leaving her bare and naked to the cold and exposed world. Leaving her to cling to her past.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Hinata stayed away from her home as much as she could and avoided all the places that they ever were together. The pain of her memories were too difficult to bare. Whenever she saw them on the street, she would turn the other way. Whenever she saw them in a restaurant, she would get up and leave immediately. She couldn't accept them, she just couldn't. She couldn't accept her. The woman who eventually stole him away from her, but she knew that she couldn't do anything to break up what they had. She knew her chances with him were gone, there was none left.

She waited and waited, hearing that time will eventually heal wounds. But the healing never came. Whenever she was forced to be in his presence she could feel her love for him burn through her like an all consuming flame. She could feel the pain of her broken heart. She could feel it all. She could just close her eyes and remember his touches, his soft caresses and passionate kisses. She could still remember what it was like when he would drive himself into her. But then she would open her eyes, and harsh reality crushed her once again.

Every night he would spend away from home killed her. Every mark on his neck that he tried to hide destroyed her. Every smile that graced his lips poisoned her soul, knowing that she wasn't the cause. She wasn't the one to mark him as her own, she wasn't the one who put the smile on his face. She wasn't the one. Her tortured soul was ravished every time she saw him. And living under the same roof as him, made it impossible to never not see him. He was everywhere she looked, she could hear his voice within every sound that came to her ears, he was still deeply in her soul.

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still

She could see it, she could feel it almost radiate off of him. The pity he held for her. It angered her. She didn't want his pity, she wanted his love. But what could she do? Nothing. There was nothing she could do to win back his love, he made that abundantly clear to her. So as the weeks slowly, torturously, turned into months, she hid her pain. She hid her love. She had kept it from her family for so long, it was almost like second nature. But keeping it from him, it felt almost impossible. Yet she knew, she knew he didn't want to know about her harbored love.

So she slowly learned how to mask her emotions, to keep her hidden love away from him. When she would walk into her room late at night, she would leave the window open. So that if she couldn't sleep, like usual, she would sneak out of her room silently. Walking to a lone tree not far from her home, and sleeping in that. It wasn't comfortable, and she didn't expect it to be, but she would get just as much sleep in a tree as in her bed. She started to wear make-up, just to mask and try to hide the dark circles surrounding her eyes.

When sparring against him in front of her father, she would force her mind to think of something else. Force her mind to stay away from her memories. Masking her face to look indifferent. Shuttering her thoughts from the world. Whenever he was around, she forced herself to smile, forced herself to laugh. Never once feeling happy, never once being relieved of her pain. And when she didn't think she could bare her pain any longer, she would run. Run away, deep in the forest and cry. Curling into a small ball, she would hold herself and weep. Tears streaming down her face, her body shaking, choking on her tears. Afterwards, she would find a stream and cool down a bit, making sure that all signs of her tears were washed away.

She would come home, and be normal again. Over time, she slowly started to speak to him, only civil and polite words…their relationship back to where it was after the Chuunin exams. She even saw them saw them together once, and didn't turn away. Though her smile felt more than a grimace, she played her part. She had become an amazing actress in the play called Life.

I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on...

Many many years later:

"It's no fair Obaa-san! Kaa-san and Tou-san don't understand me!" a young sixteen year old girl cried, weeping into her pillow. Hinata stroked her granddaughter's hair as she tried to soothe her.

"I…I couldn't help it! It's not like I asked to be in love with someone I'm not supposed to!" the girl cried into her pillow.

"I know…I know dear…I know how you feel." Hinata replied in a soft voice. The girl looked up at her grandmother with a surprised look, tears streaming down her face.

"You…you do?" she asked, curious about her grandmother and her past. Hinata nodded her head.

"I…was in love with someone I wasn't supposed to love, it…was a forbidden love." Hinata said softly, her eyes becoming dull as she remembered times long before.

"Who?" the girl asked, intrigued with the image of her grandmother when she was younger in a forbidden love.

"My…my protector." Hinata said vaguely, unwilling, even now, to unlock the deep secrets in her heart.

"What happened?" her granddaughter asked her, wiping her tears away, interested in her story.

"He fell out of love with me…and turned to another woman." Hinata said quietly, feeling a numbness in her chest, a heart that was yet to be fixed.

"Aaww that sucks…" the girl sympathized, "But then you found Ojii-san right? And he healed your heart right?" her granddaughter's eyes lit up brightly with hope for her grandmother.

"Unfortunately, not every story has a happy ending." Hinata replied, caressing her granddaughter's face, white eyes showing an eternal sadness.

"What…what do you mean?" the girl softly cried.

"Your grandfather and I had an arranged marriage…I never came to love him. My broken heart belonged to my protector, and him alone." Hinata replied, telling her the truth of her feelings.

"You…never loved him?...Is that why you didn't cry when Ojii-san died?" she asked her grandmother. Hinata nodded her head, guilt coursing through her veins, it wasn't that he was a bad man. On the contrary, her late husband was a good man, but when she gave her heart to Neji, she gave it to him forever…she had nothing left to give to her husband.

"But…you said that he loved someone else. Your protector. Why did you keep on loving him?" she asked Hinata.

"She…may have completed him. And he may have completed her…but he also completed me. With him, I was whole. And without him…I could never truly be happy." Hinata replied. Her granddaughter nodded her head in understanding, but her eyes were sad.

"So…does this mean that my love is doomed to fail? Is there no hope for my love?" she asked, tears coming back to her eyes as she looked at her small grandmother in a different light. Now she also saw her as a broken woman, who's love was never returned. A woman who still grieved for her lost love.

"No." Hinata said urgently as she gently grasped her granddaughter's chin. "For you there is hope. For you there is always hope. But you must fight for your love, you must make sure that it is pure and untainted. And never forget."

"Do you still love him?" her granddaughter asked, focusing on her grandmother's words so she would always remember them, and wishing she knew of a way to ease her grandmother's pain.

"Yes, I always will. Even if it's an unrequited love, then I shall always remain a woman in love with a man…who will never love her back."

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

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AN: Oh my gosh, what a sad story, I know! But I just had to write it. This is inspired by the site I RP at…this I guess is just my ranting frustration at it turning into a NejiTenten instead of a NejiHinata…which is what it seemed like it was heading. This is just a jealous and sad Hinata point of view, I guess. Oh well. Hopefully I'll write a happier ficcie next time. R&R if you want, but please no flames. All flames will just be used to burn my ex-boyfriend's piccies.