Disclaimer: God, I WISH. But Santa isn't THAT generous.

A/N: I have recently been on a Supernatural binge, and I couldn't resist. The relationship these brothers have is a writer's paradise. I have so far only seen about halfway through Season Two, but that will be rectified shortly, I assure you. I haven't read much Supernatural fic yet, but I hope you like it. If you do, pretty please review, so that I don't feel the urge to crawl under a rock.

To those of you who read my K/S serial fic, Living and Dying: I apologize deeply for the wait. I know it's been FOREVER but my lovely little fairy muse, Akili, has decided a hiatus from all things Star Trek was neccesary-much to my chagrin. I have most of the next chapter finished and am tryng to get something by...probably not Christmas, considering how few presents I have bought, but New Years. Again, I am SO sorry!

Also, Saturnalia started Friday, and tonight there's a lunar ecllipse. It's been a pretty good few days.

Keeper of My Identity

(What They Know)

A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. ~Marian Sandmaier

You'll be amazed what you'll find, if you look through my eyes. ~Phil Collins, Look Through My Eyes

There's no other love like the love for a brother. There's no other love like the love from a brother. ~Astrid Alauda

Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago - the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider... It doesn't seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we've traveled. ~Jane Mersky Leder

Dean

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown

Dean had never known anyone with a heart as big as Sam's. Until their father had gone missing and Jessica had died, until Sam had rejoined Dean on the hunt, Dean hadn't known about it. Well, that wasn't quite true. Dean had always known that Sam was kind…at times, too much so. It had gotten him into all kinds of trouble, trouble that Dean had always pulled him out of. But when Sam had hit the road with him again, on the search for their father, Dean had, bit by bit, begun to realize just how extraordinary his brother really was. Sam saw the pain in others, even when he couldn't grasp his own. Sam had compassion for things he had been trained to kill his whole life. Dean suspected nearly everyone of nearly anything. Sam looked until he found solid evidence that someone was guilty. When Sam had told Dean that the vampires weren't killers, Dean hadn't believed him; he had brushed him aside on the tenuous word of a vicious hunter he had met mere hours ago, and his own ingrained instincts. His own brother's word and trust, not to mention entirely alive body, and Dean sided with a man he had known less than a day. He hadn't trusted his own brother-the only person he really knew and did trust in the world. And yet Sam-Sam had trusted a creature he had been trained since birth to kill, with no more proof than his own beating heart. Of course, Sam wasn't foolish or naïve. He was smart and he had been brought up the same way Dean had, never taking anything at face value. But he looked for reasons to trust.

Dean knew that Sam had a gift for seeing the truth. Somehow, Sam could look into people's hearts and see them. It wasn't a mystical or infallible method, by any means, but it was undeniable that Sam sometimes understood things better than anybody. Dean thought that maybe, this gift was what gave him his precognitive abilities, or at the very least, enhanced them. Sam knew how to comfort people, and he didn't just try to make them feel better, he actually felt mercy, and pain for their pain. His capacity for empathy was greater than that of anyone Dean had ever met. Even before he had known that they weren't human-killers, Sam had not felt joy at the death of a vampire. Instead, he had berated Dean and Gordon, said that a decapitation was no cause for celebration. Even the decapitation of a vampire.

Dean knew that Sam was sensitive. He always had been. Even now, despite his strength of will, he still had trouble controlling his reactions when something saddened him. Dean knew it was another facet of Sam's unquenchable, overflowing heart. He knew that a part of Sam hated that sensitivity, because he thought it made him weak, so he always pretended not to notice when Sam's voice got tight or his eyes glistened too much, but he always did see it. Always. Sam came really close to crying at his mom's gravesite, and Dean knew it. He didn't have to see his brother's face to know. And some part of Dean was glad that Sam had that sensitivity, because it meant that Sam was still very human. He wasn't desensitized by all the things they'd seen and killed. He could still cry for a mother he'd never known. Which was why Dean had to protect him. Sam hurt easy, in some ways. So Dean had to protect him from anything that would try to hurt him further. Because Dean absolutely could not stand to see his little brother hurt.

Dean knew that Sam worried like a mother hen. It made him laugh, and it annoyed the hell out of him simultaneously. Sam hovered when he was hurt, and floundered like a fish out of water when he thought Dean was hiding emotional pain. And of course, he was always right. Not that Dean ever told him that. Sam floundered around, trying to help. Sometimes he did, and other times he just succeeded in royally pissing Dean off. But even though Sam sometimes made him feel like hitting something, when he calmed down, he was always grateful for Sam's worry-wart-ing. It reminded him that at least one person actually cared what happened to him.

Dean knew that Sam was obsessive and stubborn. When he set his mind to something, he focused on it with a singular, manic intensity, forsaking everything else. When their dad had closed in on the demon that had killed their mother and Jess, Sam had thought of nearly nothing else, the idea of vengeance all-consuming. Dean knew that it made the backlash when something didn't happen hurt all the more, but also knew that there were few ways to deter a focused Sammy, and no way at all to change his nature-not that Dean wanted to. So he did the best he could by just standing by him and supporting him when things fell down.

Dean knew that Sam sometimes focused too hard. That sometimes, he focused so hard that when the outcome wasn't what he wanted, it knocked his wind out. And Dean made sure to be there, to hold Sam up so that the weight of the disappointment and frustration didn't crush him.

Dean knew that Sam loved freedom and success. It was why he had run off to college. It was why he had walked away from Dean in Indiana. It was why he and his dad had fought constantly. Because Sam hated feeling like his whole life was being determined for him. Because Sam needed to choose his own destiny. Because Sam hated feeling trapped. Sam knew that there were things out there in the dark and he knew they killed innocent people. But in knowing that, he also knew that he had the tools to destroy those things. And in knowing that, he knew couldn't let them live. But that meant a life of lies and running and fighting and more running. Never a home or a family or even, really, friends. Because any one close and any place permanent was another liability, another way to get to them. And if he died, no one but his brother-if even him-would know and no one but his brother would care. Like the ghosts they hunted, no one would know he existed, here and gone like a wraith. Without leaving a trace. That's why Sam needed freedom. In the hunter's world, life was predetermined. The only things you didn't know was how soon you would die, and what would kill you, and how much it would hurt. In the normal world, Sam had to pretend everything was okay, but he was able to do what he wanted, and there were hundreds of turns his life could take. He liked being able to choose.

Dean knew that Sam loved him. Sam had always loved Dean more than anyone. It wasn't that he didn't love their father, because he did. It was just that their father was out on hunts half the time when they were growing up, and he had trained them hard when he was home-wherever home happened to be. But Dean was the one who picked him up from school. Dean was the one who brought him home and asked how his day was and actually listened to the answer. Dean was the one who made supper for him and insisted he drink all his milk. Dean was the one who helped him with his homework and kept one eye on him at all times. Dean was the one who hugged him and told him it was okay when he was scared. Dean was the one who promised that he loved Sammy and would always protect him. Both the Winchester boys knew that their dad would do anything for them, and they knew that he loved him. But he had been so busy protecting them from and arming them against the real monsters of the world, that he sometimes forgot that children have their own demons. Dean never forgot. Sammy had always loved Dean. It showed in his face when Dean did something that surprised him with its gentleness. It was there when Dean made wise-ass quips in the middle of a life or death situation. It was there when Dean saved his ass from whatever evil creature had gotten hold of him that day. It was there when Dean was being sarcastic and obnoxious, though in those situations, it was generally accompanied by worry and annoyance. It showed when Dean got hurt. Dean would never, if he lived to be six hundred and forty-seven, ever forget the look on Sam's face when Dean had said, "I'm gonna die…And you can't stop it," and Sam had replied, "Watch me." In that moment, his face had been so full of determination and denial that all the pain had just disappeared. And Dean had known that he wasn't dying anytime soon. Because Sammy loved him that much, and just wouldn't let it happen.

Dean knew Sam was special. Not just for his precognition, or his fighting skills, or his steel resolve. Not even for his willingness to lay down his life for his chosen crusade. Not even for his way with kids, which, frankly, Dean did not understand. No, Dean knew that the thing that was most special about his brother was his ability to care. To hurt. To empathize. To wear a hole in the floor pacing. To love.

Dean knew that Sam's greatest gift was his all-encompassing heart.