It was inevitable that Batman would collide with them but Jason had assumed things would go a little differently. The way it always seemed to go with them since his return from the dead: violently. So it came as a big surprise when Roy pulled him aside to hesitantly hand him an envelope. At his puzzled expression Roy mumbled that he told him to give it to Jason after a run in the archer had in France. Since Jason never expected Bruce to do such a thing he had thought Roy must have meant someone else. But sure enough it was addressed to him as it read "To Jason" in that familiar handwriting he knew so well. The helmet hid his expression from his comrades as he tucked it away for later not wanting to dwell on it then. Which was an impossible feat.
It seemed to burn a hole in his pocket. All throughout the mission Jason was aware of it's presence. Such a small item really shouldn't have felt so heavy. When their done and retreating back to his latest safe house he felt their concerned stares. Kori doesn't say anything but the clasp on his shoulder she gave to say her goodnight was pretty telling. She usually gives him the personal space he needs. Roy on the other hand was usually clingy but he doesn't dare to hover too close. Doesn't offer a friendly pat or a lame joke. No, Roy looked worried. Scared even. He babbled a little about not being sure if he should have given the letter to him in the first place. How out of no where Batman handed it to him and that in the future he promised not to act as a messenger if Jason didn't want to receive anything else.
Jason nodded but didn't comment. Idly skimming the intel he had over another mission he was considering embarking on. He had gone over it at least a dozen times not taking in a single word. With one last guilty glance Roy promised he'd be there as a friendly ear if Jason wanted to talk before heading off to his room.
As soon as he heard the door close down the hall Jason pulled out the envelope. The first thing he did was scan it for bugs and tracking devices. Nothing. The back was sealed proving that Roy hadn't snuck a peek. Jason was vaguely impressed that it hadn't even broke during the action they went through that day. The second test was a chemical one, not that he believed Bruce would attempt to poison him (and Roy by proxy.) There were other means of tracking someone through chemicals that would show up in certain lights. Not as exact as electronic means but it would help keep tabs of someone in crowded areas. Negative.
Jason frowned. For the billionth time he wondered why Bruce would send him a letter. Especially if it wasn't tampered with in some manner. Hope tentatively reared it's head despite Jasons' many attempts to squash it permanently. It always did. The hope that maybe just maybe Bruce would care enough to make an attempt to mend fences. That he had read things wrong and his adopted father really did care about him. Because the Joker hadn't killed the part that was just a kid that wanted to be loved. To have someone in the world that actually gave a damn about him. Jason hated that part of himself. It made him feel pathetic to cling to the slightest possibility that daddy might love him after all. Despite all the evidence to the contrary. As usual Jason had to remind himself of this.
Bruce never showed the slightest hint of regret when I fought him in the graveyard. The world's greatest detective never even figured out that my body was missing until it was shoved in his face. Why? Because he obviously never cared enough to visit my grave. He never went out of his way to reach out to to me after he learned I was back. Bruce-
-sent a letter. It was given to Roy to ensure he received it. That was reaching out right? The issue could have been forced. Bruce could have tracked them down after spotting Roy. He-
-made it as impersonal as he could. I fucking died and the best he could do was send this? Face it, he didn't even want to see me. Why would he? Everyone knows me as the Robin that failed. I'm his dark secret he wishes he could forget.
Lifting up the envelope to the light Jason tried to see if he could get a glimpse at the contents inside. It was impossible to tell what was written because of the thick stock. Curiosity burned in his veins but fear kept him from tearing it open. How often had he been let down? Far too many times alway with the same results. No one wanted him in the family. They couldn't have been anymore clearer than if they actually said "we wish you stayed dead." Jason was surprised they hadn't said that one yet but it seemed to an unvoiced agreement. And yet...Bruce had sent a letter. He couldn't get over that bit. Not when Bruce had been written off so completely as someone who didn't care what happened to Jason.
The asshole doesn't care! He threw a fucking batarang into my neck to save my murderer! Would he have done that with Dick? Hell no! If it had happened to Dick then the Joker would have been hunted down and killed without a second thought! Dick wasn't the expendable one, the one that was only chosen as a place holder. If Dick had "gone down the wrong path" Bruce, hell the whole cape community, would have done everything to bring him back. Not ignore him or treat him worse than Two Face!
Jason took a deep shuddering breath. It didn't make any sense. Why the hell would Bruce send him anything? This was the first time he actually seemed to be acknowledging Jasons' existences enough to address him directly. Every other time Jason had to be the one desperately trying to get Bruces' attention and once pretty much begging for some sign he meant anything to his father figure. What could he possibly have written? A twisted smile formed on Jasons' face when he actually thought about it. Bruce would never have given him anything that would meet Jasons' hopeful expectations. Not even close. It wouldn't be a long heartfelt letter outlining things that Bruce regretted or how he missed Jason.
No, not even in something as detached as a letter. There would be no emotions involved. No concern over the dangers Jason exposed himself to on a daily basis. Not even a remark on the bat symbol he wore. At most it would be a sentence long. Perhaps an address. Maybe a request that he turn himself in or a trick to force him to go to prison. Cold dread coiled in his stomach because this prospect seemed so much more likely than the ridiculous notions that popped up when Roy delivered it. Of course it wasn't personal. Jason never ranked high on Bruces' list. After their fateful meeting where Bruce had to decide between the Joker and him the man had avoided him at all costs. He wasn't important enough for the mighty Batman to seek out.
Jason traced the curves of his name on the envelope.
It would be easy to rip it open but what if he was right? What if this was just another big disappointment? He...he didn't think he could take that. This new life away from Gotham was about moving on from his past. Not letting the fact that he was unwanted consume him as it used to. Jason was better off now, he didn't feel as depressed. He was trying not to let his hopes up with his semi-teammates. Now with a single sign of causal interest from Bruce he was back to the same neediness he hated. He idly considered putting it away until he was ready to open it. But just it's presence alone acted as a distraction.
Looking out at the snow covered grounds of his safe house Jason wondered if he'd ever get over this crushing pain in his chest at the mere mention of his so-called family. Hardly a fair trade. Everyone else was past caring about him surely he could get over them too? Flipping the envelope in his hand Jason realized that as long as he had it the letter would act as a beacon of false hope. It made sense to just rip it open like pulling off a bandaid but Jason was tired of being hurt. Tired of barely being noted and only seen as someone as deranged as the scum on Gothams' streets. More than anything he wanted to break free of the chains that tied him to those people who never showed any concern for him since his return.
With a flick of his wrist he sent it into the fireplace watching the flames lick it's corners before slowly consuming it. No matter what Bruce had said it was too little too late. Which proved nothing really changed.