Another fanfiction again! Personally, this is one of my personal favorites because not only is this fanfic a comedy, it is also a social and psychological satire. Read between the lines and you'll see what I mean because the male and female mind interprets each other quite differently. I wrote this originally in Filipino (Shikamaru's thought were in English but the dialogues were Filipino because it was funnier to hear) but I translated it. I'll provide the Filipino dialogues especially for the other Filipinos out there or anyone who can speak Filipino. For the guys, pardon me if my interpretation of the male mind may be prejudiced, but I tried to think like a man even if I am a girl. Also for the girls, not all women are like what I interpreted in this story, I don't even think like this. As I said, satire; based on social prejudices and views. Hope you enjoy.

What He/She says vs. What He/She Means

Shikamaru's Problem:Unlocking Ino's Mind

By: isagani14

(Shikamaru's Point of View)

I never could understand her. She's meteoric and is constantly on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Sometimes she's sweet and warm then turns sour and frigid. We have our sweet moments then she becomes nasty and starts shouting and then blaming me, her childhood boyfriend, for breaking some unspeakable and unwritten rule of masculinity. She loves me (I think) but hates me at the same time (now that I'm sure of). Is it about the fact that I'm her BOYFRIEND, more so that I'm her FIANCE ?

I don't know but the purpose of this story is how she, Yamanaka Ino, baffles me, Nara Shikamaru, to no end

I'd probably say it now since I'm not one to beat around the bush, being too lazy to feel foolish nor lie about admitting (?), besides my IQ of 200 (not one to brag, folks), that I have absolutely no clue or knowledge about the goings-on in a girl's mind.

I'm not proud that I don't take pains to get close to her; in fact I'm uneasy over it. Even more embarrassing is that I'm completely oblivious about the little details in my girlfriend's brain (now that I thought about it, I wish I knew how her special techniques worked). After all, I am her boyfriend, it's such a shocker to find out that your boyfriend doesn't take too much on the obsessive-compulsive deal of your relationship. Where's the "pookie-bear, sugar-muffin, googly-bear, sweet-ham, honey cured, fuzzy-wuzzy, cream pie, apple dumpling, strawberry cream cake" fun in that? But then again, it's just me. I'm ignorant about Ino. No matter what you say I can't help it. I'm so ignorant about her feelings and thoughts that it'd probably blow your mind at how insensitive I am. I'll tell you about when we were young…

We practically grew up together as kids and we're about 16 or 17 now. I didn't pay too much attention to her back then, so did she, so busy with her thing and all. We didn't really see eye to eye and argued and bickered everyday about something stupid or another, when I felt like it of course, when we were 12 and assigned to the same Genin team.

It was hell, those years were. She was even more rabid about this one guy, what was his name?, Uchiha I think, but that's not the point, fact of the matter is that she was weird to my point of view. But who am I to judge, I probably looked like an extremely gross alien to her. We both didn't understand each other, not a tiny bit. Her actions baffled me, more so with her words because, this what I've been trying to say since the beginning, is how she can say one thing but the meaning is entirely a universe so different and messed up than the other. And this power of hers…scares the living daylights out of me.

It's true. I'm lazy but thank God I'm observant. She says one thing but gets angry when she doesn't have her way since the thing she said had a totally different meaning. I learned from my constant and silent observations that girls, and I mean all of them, have the same misleading habits. It didn't bother me but I soon found out that girls' emotional interpretation range is very different from us men indeed. Us, well, we're slobs. Both in relationships and emotional awareness. When it comes to girls, our minds only go overdrive only when pursuing them but when we get what we want, we run out of batteries and loose momentum and then we soon run on a one-track course. It's sad, and I thought that I wouldn't run that track…

As you can already see, I eventually became her boyfriend, then her fiancé. Though we're still far from matrimony age, we were engaged to insure our, (ehem cough, cough), "future". Right, like I don't know that it's all a ploy to insure our clans' stable future with familiar terms and acquaintances. Our clans, not ours. How troublesome!

Anyway, we men are smart enough to get a hold of much-coveted tips from woman talk terminology guides we find lying around tavern lavatories. Heh, who in the world uses those hogwash "dummies guide" books? Morons? However, as I'm saying this, I see Sai reading a "How to have a Super Wonderful-tastic and Happily-rific Smile to Avoid Wibbly-Wobbly Situations!" Guide by a café with that strange foreign (although extremely pretty) girl, Isagani who was scribbling on her notebook and commenting on him being a clodpoll while steadily munching on those pastillas de leche things she carries around while he attempts to snatch one from her hand playfully. I stand corrected. Anyone who's socially clueless and fancying someone who doesn't see you as person she thought she would like in a million years. Example: pastillas de leche eater and foul-mouth artist. Anyone who is like that reads those.

Hey, what am I complaining about? Ino and I are like that! Hence, I, too benefit from the dreaded and scorned "dummies guide" and I find it fine, thank you very much. Clearly, it helps patch up relationships.

And I'll tell you how it served me for that very purpose.