The sky was extremely bright today, much to everyone's excitement. I scroll through Twitter and Facebook and saw everyone's enthusiasm, making plans as swiftly as they can. I scoffed. It was just another day. Why is everyone making a fuss about it?

It was a weekend so my idea of perfection was scrolling through Tumblr all day, watching movies and TV shows non-stop and only leaving the room to rummage the kitchen for some snacks. Aaaah life!

But the thing is, that's not all I do during my freetime. I also watch... him.

Dan. Now known as danisnotonfire; internet cult leader from Youtube, BBC Radio1 presenter, etc. etc.

Funny. I found myself crying when he announced that he was going to release a book and will be going on tour with his friend, Phil. I was happy for him. Truly happy. I watched every single thing he posted on his channel, his collabs, everything. He grew up. He succeeded.

But I can't look at him without thinking about the boy I fell in love with when I was fifteen. We've been together for three years and it feels like it was just yesterday when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was the funniest thing.

We were in my room watching some random show on TV when he attempted to squeeze my hand in an affectionate way (he ended up almost crushing my fingers). We laughed so hard to the point of tears until he kissed me briefly, mumbling the question as he pulled away. I remember saying, "what the heck are you even trying to say?" jokingly.

He pursed his lips (making his dimples appear), breathing out to ease his own tension. Then he asked me the question. "(OC/n) do you want me... Us... To be..."

It was taking him forever that it made me laugh so hard. His face was already turning red so I looked at him and nodded. He grinned so much that night. And so did I.

My phone vibrated. A text.

"Hey! Dan and Phil's interviews are up tomorrow on YT for sure. Just a heads up!" my friend said. Everyone knew I was a fan. But no one in my new life knew that I was once somebody in Dan Howell's life.

I thanked her for the reminder and sighed. An idea has been playing in my mind for so long already but I was scared to even consider it. Still, I told myself, it wouldn't hurt. Not anymore.

Dramatically, I muffled my screams with a pillow and grabbed my laptop hastily. A few moments later, I could see the worry in my eyes as I stared at the available tickets for their tour. "Oh just do it already!" I told myself.

Click and done. VIP.

After getting a confirmation, I smacked my hand on my forehead. What the heck have I just done? The VIP tickets are for people who wanted to meet them. I... We've never talked after we broke up. I had to freaking make fan accounts to actually try and interact with him on Twitter and Tumblr... Whatdoidowhatdoidowhatdoido?!

I'm literally trembling. I tried to calm myself down but to no avail so I figured f*ck it. He wouldn't even recognise me anymore. I changed a lot just like him. It'll be okay.

I'll be okay.

To be honest, I knew deep in my heart that I would do anything to just be near to him again even for a mere minute. I'd give everything if that means I would get him to look at me the same way again... Just like he did in Paris.