Chapter one - Rainy morn.
Drumming, pitter patter sounds of rainfall bouncing off the windows.
"What great Scottish Weather no? What do you think Mirrin M'lass?" The loud echo of my fathers voice caught my attention, I had been to busy staring out of the window at the droplets of water rolling down the glass like tears. My gaze shifted from the window towards my father. His eyes wrinkled at the edges when his brown hues met my own, indicating that he was smiling and when I looked, I was right to assume so, he wore a gracious smile, almost touching both of his ears. My father wasn't an old man but he sure as hell wasn't young anymore, the stubble that coated his chin and jaw had gray tips and if you looked closer at his thick brown hair upon his head, he was graying.
"Yes father!" I mused softly this weather wasn't exactly odd, no here we were graced with rain at least three days of the week, a lot of the time more, but of course we were used to it, Scotland was known for its dull weather. I wasn't sure what it was like anywhere else as I had never been out of the city never mind the country. My father however? He had traveled, mostly to England of course. He was not long back actually, he had been down to London on business, he was the Lord Advocate, Head of the Law enforcement.
He had been to see through a hanging, one which was being spoke about countlessly through the city, everywhere you went. Captain William Kidd, executed for piracy and murder, when a man from your city turns into something like that, everyone talks, especially when he was well known within the community. My father had said he was a good man in his younger years, they were friends, but of course power and money can ruin a man if they let it. Sometimes I wonder if he says that from experience.
Before I was born he had been through some things which were still held over his head and no matter how many times I ask, he never tells me what happened. It often worried me, I could see they some people looked upon my father, judging him, looking down on him with distaste, I wanted to know why but I also didn't know if I should know why, what if it was something bad enough to make me look at my father the way those people did? Stop it. I could not think such things, no, nothing in the world would ever make me think of my father in such a way.
"Perhaps we should miss today's serves?" The sweet sound of my mother's voice had my attention shifting towards her. I was often told I looked more like my mother than my father, but how could I when she had such firey hair? The long red curls that naturally hugged her face whereas my long locks were poker straight and golden. I guess it was the eyes, but even then, mines were a tinge different; hers were a cold blue and mine were more teal than blue. My mother was beautiful, even as she aged, I did hope that I would be the same, my beauty staying with me as my body aged.
"Ach Nonsense." My father scoffed which in turn caused me to give out a small giggle, rolling my eyes knowing exactly what he was going to say next before he said it. "Its Jus' a wee bit of water, only goes skin deep. No harm come fae' a bit eh rain." he mused chuckling. There it was, how many times had I heard him say that? I don't even think I could count and clearly my mother thought the same as she heaved an eye roll of her own, sitting back a little in her chair.
The three of us sat at our large dining table, awaiting not only my two brothers; the twins but our breakfast, more so the former. I could smell the thick sent of porridge radiate from the kitchen just waiting to be brought forth, however, we would not eat until my brothers decided to join us. The pair of them were a throne in my side at the best of times, right now I wanted to go find them and drag them back to the table, my stomach was almost at the point of growling out for something to eat.
"We can take the buggy." he mused a little more, directed to my mother but then glanced towards me, catching my eye and gave me a playful wink. My mother laughed in turn, "Of course James, I wasn't going to let our daughter walk to the church the pouring rain." she retorted towards him, a hitch to her voice giving her the tone we all knew well. "More like you won't walk in it yer'self" he chuckled once more shaking his head. I could not help but admire how my parents were with one another, I once asked my mother what it was like when I was younger and she told me, he was her best friend, she loved him and he loved her and that was all that mattered.
It was a nice thought, that one day I would share that with another, I was hopeful of course but not everyone was lucky enough. They had been brought together by their parents, made to get married after just meeting one another just like almost everyone and I knew that one day I would be too, wed off to someone I didn't know. They had explained it to me and I understood, to an extent of course, I didn't want to marry some man just because he was chosen for me, I wanted to choose for myself, yet of course.. That wasn't going happen.
I was seventeen, soon to be eighteen in fact a few days away, well a week and a few days but it was close, most of my friends were already married or engaged, I wasn't and I was thankful, Mother says it is because father is picky and hasn't found the right man he wants me to be with yet, but I can't help think that it is because of his past, that others don't want their son's involved with my family. Either way, I wasn't complaining, no, not in the slightest. My brothers, they weren't married yet either and they were a few years old than myself, twenty-four.
My parents had continued on with the conversation, speaking about how we were all going to get to church, our family weren't full heartedly religious but it was an assesity that we went every sunday to the service. I didn't mind it, I followed my mother in that front, both of us liked it whereas my brothers poked fun at everything and my father seemed like he was so bored he would fall asleep, fortunately he never did.
My gaze turned towards the door, hearing sounds of laughter and chatter, my brothers, finally. The door swung open and in walked the two of them, laughing together in sync. Sometimes I found it adorable that they were so in sync with each other but other times, times like this, it irritated me like crazy. Although they were identical to one another, I could always tell which was which, even when they tried to pretend to be the other, maybe it was because they were my brothers? But I could always tell, Tamas had a deeper dimple on his right cheek and Rory had a small speck of green in the corner of his right eye, those were the tell tale signs I made sure to look out for.
"It is about time you grace us with your presence boys!" My Father's stern voice shot over from behind me, I didn't have to look at him to know one of his thick brows were raised skyward with the same annoyance that twisted in the pit of my stomach, enough so that I could feel my lips twitches at the edges, begging to be pulled into a smug smirk. "Sorry Da'" Tamas mused, trying not to chuckle more as he slid into his chair followed by Rory, "Aye Da' Sorry." he mused. To anyone who didn't know them, they sounded the same, but to me, Rory's voice was an octave deeper than Tamas.
"Hmm." My father hummed, shaking his head lightly, he turned his head to the side, catching the attention of the silent male who had been standing there this entire time, waiting patiently in silence like he always did. "Evan, would you let the kitchen know we are ready for breakfast." Evan then nodded his head, "Yes Sir James." he agreed bowing his head before turning. Evan had been working for my family for as long as I could remember, he was an older gentleman, round about my father's age, perhaps a little bit more.
"Da?" Tamas called for my fathers attention, which in turn got all of our attention, she shifted a little, straightening up. "I was speaking to Albet and he says that Granda' Uncle Robert and John are coming down from Stirling the day?" he questioned.
Wait what?
I turned towards my father, eyes widened uncontrollably, I let my lips part about to question if this was true but the look on my face said it was. I closed my lips and pushed them into a thin line, feeling the frown come on, brows furrowing together. Grandfather was a vile man, constantly puts my father down, bringing up 'what he did' without actually saying it, my uncle wasn't as bad, he seemed to shy away from them when they were together, Father and Grandfather always argued. Cousin John? Uggh
The last time I saw John, he was about eight? Small, round and dumpy, annoying and oh my lord, his voice was so squeaky, thinking about it makes me cringe. Although that was what? Nine or so years ago? He was only a year younger than I, but the thought of seeing him again was enough to make me shiver.
"Yes, they are coming for your sisters eighteenth birthday." My father nodded his head with a matter of fact like tone, well sure, I guessed they would be coming to party but that was a week away? Oh.. no… They were staying for more than a day? A week? I quickly looked back up from looking down at the table, "It isn't until next week!" I could hear the squeak in my own voice, but I didn't care, my brothers both made sounds that agreed with me, clearly they agreed with me.
My father drew in a deep breath, the worry lines upon his forehead became deeper as his brows knitted closer together and his lips fell ajar, no words came from his lips however as the doors opened and one by one the staff brought out plates of food filling the room with a rich aroma of cooked food. My stomach rumbled and my hand shot to it, to cover it. Although my hand could not silence it, I acted as though it did, rubbing the soft fabric of my dress as if soothing my stomach.
A bowl of thick porridge was placed in front of me, I could see the sprinkle of cinnamon coating it before the scent it hit me and all my previous worries were gone. The smell was too good to be angry or worrisome at the time being and by the looks on everyone else's face, they felt the same way. My lips curved into a small smile as my hand lifted to the table, fingertips brushing the silver spoon as my eyes danced across to my mother. All eyes were on her and with a wide smile she lifted both of her hands, one towards my father and the other to Tamas.
There was a huff made from Tamas before he lifted his hand and took hold of hers, lazily holding the other hand to Rory who took it and offered his other to me, I reached over and took his hand eagerly and done the same, holding my other out towards my father. My father, as always was the last to take the hands held out towards him, taking both mine and mothers.
In turn starting with my mother, our heads bowed and then she spoke, "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen." her voice like silk resting the same prayer every day, before every meal. In sync, my brother, my father and I chanted, "Amen" and dropped each others hands. "We eat!" Rory cheered grabbing hold of his spoon, digging in to his bowl.
I wasted no time in doing the same, returning my hand to my spoon only to pick it up and pull it towards my bowl, scoping up the oats and brought the first spoonful to my mouth. It was heavenly, just the way I liked it! It was hot enough to warm me from the inside, on its way down. Our head cook, Felicia had always had a knack for getting meals exactly the way you liked it. I could feel my hungry resign with each mouthful I swallowed down, filling up the empty space.
For the rest of the time we were rather quiet, eating, it was given that none of us spoke with our mouths full of food, but I think we were all trying to distract ourselves from the conversation we almost had. Why were our relatives coming to visit a week before they were due to come? Was there something going on or did they just decide they were coming a week early? Or was it planned and father had refused to tell us until it was too late? Probably, I wouldn't put it past him.
I placed my spoon down next to my now empty bowl and looked up towards my parents, my head giving a small tilt so I did not strain my neck from an awkward angle. My father had put his own spoon down and met my gaze with his own, brown meeting teal, he gave me a smile but it didn't reach his eyes, not this time. I returned a smile as best as I could, about to ask if I could be excused but his words came out before I had the chance.
"I am aware it is not an ideal situation for any of us for my father to be here for longer than a day, however my brother needs to for business purposes and must bring both him and John with him." He explained, his gaze shifting from me to my brothers who had stopped eating to listen. "There is not enough time nor point in him coming here along for a few days, returning to Stirling only to come back again for the party, thus they will be here from today until next week, a day or so after the party." he continued to explain.
Tamas narrowed his eyes "What business?" he asked, out of turn which of course made my father raise a little higher in his chair. "That doesny concern you boy!" he shot a stern look towards him and I sunk a little deeper into my chair, I didn't like it when my father did things like that, to anyone.. It made me feel small, like I was still a little girl whose feet were nowhere near the floor, dangling there, swaying from side to side. I sucked in a breath as my father spoke once more. "This is not up for discussion, they will arrive today and that is that." His voice sent shivers through me and I had to look at something, anything that wasn't him, so my gaze locked on my empty bowl.
"You may be excused." he then spoke, waving his hand a little dismissing us from the table, I peered up, looking over towards my mother, she had been looking at me already and gave me a small smile, nodding her head gently, "We leave for church in an hour, be ready and at the foyer then." She said gently, a much softer voice than before. I nodded lightly and without another word I slipped from my chair and onto my feet, bowing my head towards both of my parents and quietly made my way out the dining room.
The hour went by faster than I would have liked, the quicker the time went, the sooner our relatives would be here and it made me nervous. Most people got excited at the thought of family coming to visit, not us however, nope, we would rather keep them at arms length but when push came to shove, we had to suck it up. As father says, 'Blood is thicker than water, which makes it harder to swallow' for a long time I didn't understand that saying, but now.. Now I did.
- An hour later -
I had changed into my church dress, with the held of Iona, my handmaiden, the dress was thick and heavy, the tartan flowing in waves down my skirt from my waist, my waist was pulled in tight with the help of the corset underneath the thick cashmere fabric. The red was dull and ran over a white underlayer, complimenting my pale skin in ways I probably shouldn't be happy about,, blue was always my colour, not red, maybe that had to do something with my eyes. I pulled up on the shall which had been draped over my shoulders, tugging it tighter around me while I shifted from one foot to the other, looking around.
Of course I was the first one ready, after my mother of course, the pair of us stood waiting for the men of our family to join us so we could take our leave. I let out a small puff of air, a sigh and glanced towards my mother, "we are going to be late." I murmured lightly, loud enough for her to hear, god have mercy if I muttered to low for her to hear, that would be another lecture on how to be a proper lady. The glance I received from her was enough to know I only got away without one by the skin of my teeth, I flashed her a small smile before bowing my head the slightest.
"Remember Tammy, Jesus is always watching you!" The loud voice of my brother followed by the pairs laughter echoed through the foyer as they descended down the stairs behind us. "Aye and so is Mr Boyle down the street ye' bas- lovey brother of mine." Tamas, clearly changing his voice of words realising our mother was at the bottom of the stairs along side me. The twins had a habit of cussing, swearing out loud every chance they got, but not in front of mother or father they didn't, me? They didn't seem to care, unless one left my lips.. Which never happened.
I glanced over my shoulder to see them and gave them a small smile, trying not to laugh at the silliness of the two, to think these two were older than me? With the way they behaved you'd think they were still pre-teens sometimes. "Have you seen father?" I called to them while they took the last few steps and were by my side, which had me straightening my head back around, stopping the cramp in my neck I could feel beginning. "Eh, Aye, he's just coming, sorting some stuff out with Evan about them coming." Rory spoke lowly, a bitterness to his tone.
Honestly, I was glad I wasn't the only one still bitter about our relatives coming and staying for longer than a few hours, or a day. I could feel my gut twisting with a sense of anxiety at the single thought. My Grandfather was a mean old man, especially to my father, come to think of it, mostly to my father. We didn't see him much, once a year, sometimes twice so knowing him wasn't something we were able to do and growing up he paid little to no attention to me or my brothers, it was seemed all he cared about was bringing my father down.
It was always worse when uncle Robert was with them, Uncle Rob was fine, he was actually quite fun, however it was clear as day our grandfather favoured him over my father and made a point to make known to all. I could see how it broke my father's heart and although it hurt him, he never held any judgment, envy or even jealousy towards his brother, I admired that about him.
"Are we ready then?" My father's voice awoke me from my thoughts, when did he get there? My gaze falling on him standing next to my mother, I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn't daydreaming. His eyes then met mine and I gave a small bow of my head, "Yes father!" I mused softly followed by confirmation from my brothers by my side. "Now that you are." My mothers tease pulled at my lips, watching as she looped her arm around his arm and the two of them in sync lead the way to the door, Albet, our butler opened the door for them.
Albet was an older gentleman who mostly kept quiet, he was short and plumed with a messy tuft of hair, which he clearly tried to keep maintained but I was sure it had mind of its own. He was a funny man, when he wasn't quiet or more so when he was running around after me as a child, his smile was wide and sometimes I had to stop myself from commenting on how crazy he looked when he smiled, as if he was a mad man with those bright green eyes. If I didn't know him as well as I did, I wouldn't like to come across him in the streets at night that was for sure.
I followed my parents out the door, bowing my head to Albet who flashed me that crazed smile and I gave him a sweet one in return before stepping out into the cold, wet air. The rain made the air seem colder, but it wasn't like I was not used to this weather, in fact I enjoyed it, running around in the rain, my mother hated it however. The 'buggy' as my father liked to call it was parked up and ready for us right at the bottom of the steps, all we had to do was try doge the rain.
My mother was first to make her way into the carriage, slipping in as quickly as she could while remaining as graceful as ever, then my father motioned with his hand for me to go in next. I moved forward towards the open door, the instant I left the shelter of the roof I felt the sheet of drizzle and rain coat my hair and clothing, quickly I placed my foot on the step and pulled myself in, sliding into the seat opposite my mother, flashing her a wide smile, it faded as quickly as it arrived for she was leaning in to 'dust' off the rain that had caught me.
While my mother fumbled with my hair, both my brothers one by one slipped in, squeezing in by my side, pushing me against the wall of the carriage and then my father slipped in next to my mother and the door was closed. With a beat of my heart passing the carriage budges and began to move, the horses hoofs and wheels crunching the drenched gravel bellow as we began our short ride to the church.