Title: My Fault

Author: Sensibly Insane

Rated: K+

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise, though I wish I did...

Summary: It was a normal night in the lair, but everything changed when Raph left that night.

The lair was quiet that night.

It always was these days, now that our older brother was gone. Leo didn't contribute much to a conversation, but his absence was painfully noticeable.

Now that we had given up on the vigilante gig, there was no need for training. Instead, most nights were spent in the lair. And while we weren't complete, it didn't feel right to spend time as brothers. Instead, we distanced ourselves. We did our own thing.

Mikey was perched on the edge of the couch. He had immersed himself in the virtual world of video games.

Raph slept all day. He had become nocturnal in his brothers absence, and nobody knew what he did all night. I saw him the least of our family, and most of the time it was better that way.

I hid away in my lab, now that I had the time. My workshop was full of new inventions and appliances that needed fixing. I had also upgraded the lairs security grid.

For the first few months of this, Master Splinter tried to unite us again. But after a plethora of futile attempts at togetherness, he finally gave up. Now he spent most of his time meditating. Mikey had hypothesised that he was talking to Leo through some kind of mental link.

With the absence of our leader, I had unofficially taken his place. This was probably because, unlike Mikey and Raph, I was willing to move on, to see reality as it was. Sure, the good old days were fun. But they were over now.

Mikey had forsaken reality for the virtual reality of his video games, while Raph was taking refuge in his memories and dreams.

The appearance of this 'Nightwatcher' character did nothing to help the transition to normality. I could understand how hard it was to give up our way of life when it was being shoved in our faces every night on the news.

I returned my focus to the monitor of my computer, but the characters on the screen no longer made sense to me. I stood up, deciding that my head needed clearing.



I left my lab and joined Mikey on the couch. I watched as he sped through the levels of a racing game. I had to admit that he had gotten pretty good, which wasn't all that surprising considering the hours he had invested into the game.

After a while, a groan from upstairs signalled the awakening of Raphael. I looked up to see a very groggy-looking turtle scratching his head.

"Here comes sleeping beauty." I commented.

"Ha ha." He replied, the sarcasm evident in his voice as he jumped over the edge of the railing. "Very funny. I'm going out."

"Again?" I asked. "Can't you just stay here? For one night?"

He laughed in my face. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy. I stood up.

"Raph, you need to stay." I told him, more demanding this time. He stopped, and I sighed in relief.

However, my relief was short-lasted as he walked threateningly towards me, standing up tall. Intimidation tactics, my mind supplied, and it was working.

"And who's gonna make me?" He asked. "You?"

"If I have to." I replied, hopefully sounding more confident than I was. Apparently I didn't, because he kept on walking.

I took a deep breath and, knowing that I was getting myself into more than I could handle, I positioned myself in front of him, effectively blocking his way.

"You can't keep going out every night!" I told him, noticing that volume of my voice had risen. "What if something happens? What if you're seen? Don't you even care that you're putting our family at risk?"

He glared at me, no longer amused.

"I got news for you, Donnie. I can't put our family at risk, coz we ain't a family."

"Even with Leo gone, we are still a family. And when he comes back, he isn't going to be happy with what's going on here!"

That didn't have the desired effect. In fact, it angered Raph to the point of violence. He punched me. I found myself on the floor; the force of the blow had knocked me over.

I looked up and saw Raph standing over me.

"Leo isn't coming back, and just coz he's gone, it doesn't give you any right to order me around! Now I repeat: I'm going out." With that, he left the lair.

I got up, rubbing my plastron where Raph had hit it. Mikey poked his head out from behind the couch.

"You okay, Don?" He asked, looking worried.



"Yeah, fine." I grunted, glaring at the doorway from which Raph had retreated.

"It's a good thing he didn't use his sai, isn't it?" He attempted to joke.

I forced a laugh. "Yeah..."

"But..." Mikey started hesitantly, "Shouldn't we go after him?"

"No." I replied bluntly. "If he wants to go and risk his neck, let him. I shouldn't have to take responsibility for everything that hothead does." I shook my head and smiled. "How about I race you?" I asked referring to the video game Mikey was playing.

A smile broke out on his face; all thoughts of Raph had left his mind at the thought of having someone to beat.

After a few hours of racing each other in virtual cars, I hadn't beaten Mikey once. But I wasn't racing to win; I was racing to keep my mind off of all thoughts of reality. But suddenly Mikey brought reality back with a single question.

"Shouldn't Raph be back by now?"

I checked my watch and was surprised by how long we had been playing for.

"You're right; he should've been back hours ago!" I paused the game and stood up, making a beeline for my lab. Mikey followed me. Normally I don't allow him in my lab, for safety reasons, but I made an exception this time.

"What are you doing?" He asked curiously. "Shouldn't we go look for Raph?"

"I am looking for Raph." I replied. "I'm tracking him through his Shell Cell. It's much quicker and more effective than just hoping to run into him."

"Oh." He said, understanding. "So where is he?"

"He's there." I replied, pointing to a red dot on the screen.

"Okay. So where exactly is there?" He asked.

"He's downtown." I told him, uploading the information onto a wristwatch. "And now I can find him even if he moves." I answered his unasked question.

The two of us went topside and searched for our missing brother. We kept to the rooftops so that we weren't seen. It didn't take us long, but I was starting to get anxious. The red dot didn't seem to be moving.

The tracker took us to an alley. As we climbed down the fire escape I looked around nervously. No one was there.

"Dude, I think your tracker's busted." Mikey commented.

"It's not 'busted'." I snapped. "He's here, just keep looking."



As I looked closer, it was clear that there had been a fight. There were holes in the walls, which had been made by a sai. There were also traces of what looked like blood. It's not Raphs, I told myself. He's tough!

"Don?" Mikey called out. "You might want to come and see this..."

The tone of his voice told me that, no, I would probably not want to see whatever 'this' was. But I went to see what he had found.

"A trashcan, Mike?" I asked uncertainly.

"It's what's in the trashcan, bro."

I examined the contents of the bin and what I found there made my breath catch in my throat. There, sitting on top of the garbage, was a Shell Cell and a pair of sai.

"Raph..." I whispered. He was gone.

I looked at Mikey, and it was clear from his expression that he didn't believe it either.

Raph had been captured. That was the only logical conclusion. If he had left the alley, he would have brought his weapons with him. If he had lost a fight, he would still be here. I took his weapons from the trashcan and put them safely in my belt. I left the Shell Cell where it was.

"We should go back to the lair." I told Mikey.

"What?" He asked, surprised. "Why? We need to look for Raph!"

"No." I corrected him. "We need to tell Master Splinter about this."

"Okay..." He agreed, but obviously wasn't happy about my decision.

Splinter obviously wasn't happy with the news that Raph was gone, but he wouldn't let us search for him.

"The team is not complete. It is much too dangerous." He explained.

"So we're just going to sit here while Raph is in the hands of god-knows who?" Mikey shouted.

"He's right." I realised sadly. "Whoever took Raph is obviously powerful. We wouldn't win. And that's if we even find him. He could be anywhere, we don't even know if he is even in New York anymore."

I looked at Mikey. He looked completely crushed, I felt bad for making him feel that way. I looked at Splinter; sadness had crept through his normally calm demeanour.

"I need to get out." I stated. And I left before anything could be said.

I kept to the rooftops, going as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going; I just went wherever my feet took me. However, it wasn't long before I realised where they were leading me.



I looked down at the alley. It seemed too normal, just like any alley in New York. It seemed hard to believe that he was taken here!

I felt my knees buckle beneath me, and I didn't fight to stay up. My hand drifted to my belt, but I snatched it away when it landed on something cool and smooth. Raphs sai...

I pulled my arms around my knees, staring at the setting sun. It was my fault. If I hadn't brought up Leo, then he might have stayed. Even after he left, I should have gone after him! Why didn't I go after him?

I tried to ignore the part of my mind that replied, that said I wanted him to get into trouble, which said I wanted to get revenge on Raph for hitting me. I didn't want this!

"Raph..." I whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."