Title: Don't Look My Way
Author: Blue-eyed Fox
Warning: Yaoi, Shounen-ai (Male/Male romance), OOC major, a lot of swearing probably…
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst…(sweatdrops)
Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto and the rest of the gang. If I did then Sakura would be dating Rock Lee after the forest of death incident. And I would be downright married to Kakashi… (dreamy eyes...)
Status: Can be a one-shot or a multi-chaptered fic… Who knows… (huge wide grin)
Authoress' Note:
As much as I love Sasuke, I would like to concentrate more on other pairings since it seems like there's only a handful of people doing so, leaving the Sasu/Naru page flooded to the brim… Or so it seems… Anyway, here is my offering to other fics… But don't worry, one day I might make a Sasu/Naru fic in the not so near (?) future… But for now, ENJOY! Cheers!
In this fic, Sasuke never left to join Orochimaru… Details of it will be dealt with in this story later on… Well… Maybe…
Summary:
Actions speaks louder than words. A tortured heart, a battered soul, everything has breaking point that not even one can prevent if not saved in time.
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Chapter 1: Musings
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Rain was pouring outright that day, like it had been the last few days. The only difference was that the rain seemed to hold a lingering tinge of sadness and sorrow in it. But no one seemed to notice except for a lithe figure standing at the top of the Hokage monument.
Blue eyes surveyed the vast sea of what seemed to be nothing but despondency and hatred.
He loved this village with all his heart, gave everything he had, hoped and believed that one day he would make a name for himself and be recognized for who he is and not for what he was – a demon vessel. But despite all of it, still, the village itself had given him nothing in return.
On an average day, thoughts as such would mean nothing to him. After all, he, Uzumaki Naruto, is the one who never gives up! That was his way of a ninja. But now, it all seemed meaningless to him.
He was too tired of putting up a show, a masquerade for everyone to see. He had snapped, he was broken. Those he needed to protect, those he loved and given much importance to were nothing more but fragments of his misshapen soul – they were all nothing more but a sore illusion that fleetingly lingered in his heart.
All he wanted was to be saved.
TIMELINE: One month ago…
Naruto was on an A-class mission together with his teammates and jounin teacher. He had been so ecstatic with the fact that this was their very first high-ranked mission. He had made sure to set his alarm clock an hour and thirty minutes before the said time so he could prepare himself.
He had arrived in front of the gates of Konoha waiting for the rest of his team. To him, it seemed foolish to arrive early knowing that either way, their perverted teacher would be late as always. But this was his first A-class mission! So Uzumaki Naruto was no way in hell going to be late for it.
Naruto sat down on the cold earth, leaning on the wall as he waited for his teammates to arrive. One by one they arrived: a disgruntled Uchiha appeared out of nowhere, being the first one after him, followed by a sleepy looking Sakura whose hair was flicking out in different directions and of course, as expected, the last one to arrive, Hatake Kakashi who was forever seemingly holding his 'beloved' book.
As team 7 was finally gathered, they headed out to their destination towards Lightning Country to retrieve eight elemental high-level ninjutsu scrolls and a chest whose contents were only for the eyes of the Hokage.
The one-week journey towards Lightning Country was somewhat bearable provided that there was occasional bickering from the two so-called rivals, shouts and reprimands from Sakura and a random bark of order coming from the perverted lazy-ass jounin. And yet, even with all of this, Naruto loved his life for it, or so it seemed.
There were always the instances where he would see Sakura fawning over Sasuke wherein some instances the sight of it made him sick, other than that, his team, for being his loud self would ignore him outright. But what hurt the most is when the one you most needed the attention from ignores you – the only one person who made his heart beat in a mysterious way.
Every time the jounin ignored him or brushed him off, he would feel like he was being torn into pieces. He felt like his heart was being ripped apart whenever their teacher would give more attention teaching Sasuke or Sakura, but who was Uzumaki Naruto in his eyes?
Over the times, Naruto had began to slowly distance himself from their teacher, trying not to entertain his feelings but rather think of it as sign that he should just forget it. After all, the student-teacher relationship type is a taboo in society's perspective. But still, those feelings lingered on, especially during the times when the said jounin would go and treat him at Ichiraku's for their special ramen and chat about nothing in particular and laugh their heads off, or the times when they, just the two of them, would sit at the Hokage monument watching the sun go beyond the horizon till the stars came out of it's velvet blankets, enjoying the tranquility of the moment.
Thinking about those moments made his heart swell with pain. He no longer knew what he should think about or do. Thankfully, they had made it to their destination and retrieve the items in their mission making him momentarily forget his train of thought.
They had stayed overnight, courtesy of the Raikage who had offered them to stay and recuperate for their journey the next day. The Raikage had ordered his assistant to book them at a nearby five-star hotel, which was near his residence; he was also kind enough to invite them for dinner since Cloud was one of the strong and loyal allies of Konoha.
The stay at the Cloud Village would have been nice but it just made Naruto's feelings worse. He had found a note stating that they, the rest of Naruto's group would be outside training except for Sakura who was buying some local herbs from the night market and medicines for them to take home, while the jounin and his best friend were outside, training yet again. He had wondered if why they didn't bother to knock on the bathroom door to inform him instead. Was it that hard to say, 'Hey, we're going out for a while' or 'don't stay too long in there', rather than just leaving him a note? The simple action would have made a big difference. But then again, he can't blame them if they found that troublesome to do since they might have probably assumed that he would have made a fuss out of it… Just like what he was doing now.
As his thoughts trailed in one by one, fatigue had washed over him slowly like the waves that rolled softly by the shore. He didn't even hear his comrades roll in, muttering whatever it is that they had to say. All that he was aware of is that in his dreams, a soft, warm pair of arms held him close in a loving and accepting embrace that lasted to what it seemed like an eternity.
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They had woken up early for a start; Sakura who was pestering and threatening him rudely waked Naruto up from his peaceful slumber. Naruto for a start looked at Sakura with a bleary eye, he asked her what was all the fuss about and the answer he got in return was a steaming lump on his head that had sent him flying directly inside the bathroom.
Naruto knew that this was not his day. The trip back to Konoha was something that Naruto would describe in a sarcastic tone as most eventful, since he would be scolded time and time again by Sasuke or Sakura, but he could no longer take was Kakashi doing the same thing as if it was he had let a comrade fall… By the time they had reported in the Hokage's tower he was no longer perky and decided that since his presence wasn't really that necessary in front of the Godaime. So he opted to make a lame excuse that he was extremely hungry and needed to go to Ichiraku's for his daily dose, Naruto had whined by telling them that the 16-day mission without ramen from Ichiraku's was driving him insane and the grumbling protest of his stomach had added its two cents worth in making the whole lame excuse to get away from them making it even more realistic.
And so, his teammates giving in deciding that he might give the Hokage a headache if they dragged his butt down towards the Hokage's office, Naruto whooped for joy as he ran towards his favorite ramen stall. Once he had arrived at Ichiraku's, he had only ordered 2 bowls of his favorite Miso ramen; Ayame and the owner were a bit worried and surprised at Naruto's lack vigor and had asked him if he was okay. He had brushed off their worries by saying that he was tired and exhausted since he had arrived from a mission. Thankfully, they seemed to have believed that excuse. Naruto then got up and paid for his meal as he made his way back to his apartment. Little did he know that there were a pair of eyes watching him eve since they have left for the mission.
Naruto entered his apartment and dropped his bag in the corner of his bedroom as he plopped down the bed. His body was aching. The container they had retrieved from Cloud was awfully heavy and Sasuke wasn't much of help when they had protected and carried it back to Konoha. It was only two in the afternoon but his body was dead tired. He let himself drift off to a peaceful slumber not even realizing that he was not alone in his apartment.
He woke up that night around ten in the evening. Opening his eyes, he stared at the ceiling for a moment before he decided to get up and take a shower. He slowly undressed himself, placing his dirty clothes neatly in the hamper before he let himself enjoy the warm water gushing down, relieving his skin. Once he was done, he dried himself and wore a plain white shirt with the leaf symbol printed on the back and a baggy khaki shorts over his black boxers with yellow frog prints.
He then trudged in to the kitchen and made himself dinner. He had then noticed the letter that was posted on his refrigerator after he had cleaned up. Warily, he took the letter, studied it before he tore it open and read it. Its contents had shocked him, not knowing what to say or do.
I don't think you have noticed, but I have been watching you from a distance. Don't get me wrong. I am not a perverted person stalking you or anything. I have been watching you for quite a while now, studying you and your every move. I have seen the sadness in your eyes. I have seen your pain when you are alone.
Your eyes hold a distant look, as if you are searching for something. Your hands reach out never knowing what you are trying to grab and hold on to. What are you looking for, Naruto?
Naruto re-read the letter over and over again. He was nervous and he was even scared. He clutched the letter tightly in his hands. Not knowing what step he should take. He then took his jacket and darted off to the Hokage monument. It was one of the places where he can let himself breathe. It was one of the places where he can think without much worry that anyone would bother him. Like anyone did actually.
He sat there on top of the fourth's head, not even thinking in the first place nor even taking in the fact that someone was watching him. Silently, he wondered why was he chosen to be the Kyuubi vessel, why him of all people. Was his life that cursed to be sealed in such a terrible fate? His mind went back to the memories of his past – a past that has never left or gave him peace.
Memories of being detested by villagers, those whispers of hate and disgust. He had often wondered why, not knowing really to whom those hateful stares and stinging words were meant for until he had reached the age of twelve where Mizuki-sensei had told him the shocking truth.
He sat there on top of the monument, thinking about his seventeen years of existence. Had he really found his purpose? Was living and keeping up in a sea of pain, hate and detestation really worth it? Was he even worth anything?
He went back home with more questions than answers. His mind was reeling in overload. He was thankful that from time-to-time, the Kyuubi inside him would somehow offer a piece of comfort for his pains. He didn't know whether or not to be thankful for such an act. But over the years, the two had grown quite fond of each other. After all, he did share his body with a demon, so it was obvious that the Kyuubi itself felt his pain, most of the time, they only had each other's comfort. Talking to the demon was no longer a fear nor was it taboo in his opinion. During one of his visits to the demon's chamber, he had come to know the real reason why Kyuubi attacked the village. And even with that knowledge which he later on found out was the truth, he didn't have the heart to detest neither the Kyuubi nor the village he had grown to love despite the pain it had given him.
Naruto then found another note, this time it was on his bedside table. It was the same kind of note, the same paper with the same eligible handwriting.
You seem to be lost in thought Naruto. It looks like you haven't found the answers you've been looking for. Instead, more questions have made its self clear to you. You have more worries than any normal 17-year-old worry about. You have seen more pain than anyone in this village.
I see that you're tired from wearing that mask of yours… How long do you intend to keep it up? How long will you wear a fake smile that only mars your heart with more pain?
I will be near Naruto.
Naruto didn't like the fact that there was someone watching over him. Someone who had seen through his mask and read him like an open book. He had wondered who might the person be. However, the fact itself thrilled him: anticipation, longing and at the same time, fear of the motives of what the person might have.
His heart was wrenching painfully in his chest. Naruto sat down on his bed as he ran everything in his mind. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't even notice the silent that tears rolled down the side of his face while he contemplated. Did the people around him really see him as an idiot? A dead last from the academy till now? A prankster who pulled pranks on people who never had a serious side? Were there any people who even cared? Maybe Iruka-sensei but he knew that his beloved teacher wouldn't be able to fill in the missing parts in his soul, in his heart. No one really gave a fucking damn about him. Did they?
He knew in himself that he was faking it from once in a while, his smiles hid the pains that he felt deep inside, somehow, he had mastered his own emotions and expressions denying the urge to weep and let his pain out for the world to know. Overtime, he had put up barriers around him to protect himself from all the pain the world had to give him. No one knew that behind those goofy smiles, the mischievous antics was a soul desperately searching for something that will claim him, something that would want and love him, accept him for who he is and what he is. No one knew that when he, the number one prankster of Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto would let those barriers fall and crumble down when he was in the safe confines of what he had called home.
Two weeks have passed ever since he received those letters coming from his 'watcher'. And every single day that passed, reality seemed to have been sinking in him. True that reality bites. And it bites back painfully. He had decided to reply to one of the letters that was left in his bedroom that morning. Seeking solace and comfort from whomever the person was who seemed to have given a damn about him.
His team was doing numerous D-class missions that day. And every so often, he would cast a longing look at Kakashi. He had loved the man. He had loved him even though it was more or less like a long, winding one-way road, but still, his heart longed for simple affection coming from the silver-haired jounin. He knew that he was blindly reaching out. Trying to grab a hold on to him but to no avail.
That night, as he expected, there in the four corners of his bedroom, lying prettily on the pillow on his bed was the same stationery with the same familiar handwriting along with a spray of freesia.
With shaking hands, he had gently opened the note, his heart was beating rapidly for some reason, and there it was, the answer to his silent plea.
Naruto, I am surprised that you want to know who I am. As much I want you know my identity, there is a price for it. I know that it sounds absurd that I tell you this, however, I want you to think it over thoroughly. The price I will be asking will go against your norms.
The question now is, are you willing to pay for it? Take a chance and dance with someone you hardly even know? Tale a chance and dance with destiny and fate? If you are certain that you really want to meet me, if you are willing to take a chance to take that leap of fate, then come this evening to the clearing where you have practiced you practiced your water walking at midnight.
Do not worry, I have no intention of hurting you. All I have to offer is something that you have been longing for – what we have both been longing for…
Naruto was thinking about the person's proposal. What was there to lose? What was there to gain? He looked at the clock on the bedside table - he had approximately 4 hours and 24 minutes to think about the whole situation. He had taken his time thinking about it. He took his shower and wore a loose black shirt and shorts. He took his jacket and took a stroll in town in order for him to help with his decision.
Walking aimlessly around the streets of Konoha, he watched the people move about in their own lives, every once in a while, he would overhear those spiteful whispers and earn those insufferable glares from some of the villagers.
Along the way, he had bumped into Hyuuga Neji. Naruto took the opportunity to talk with the Hyuuga prodigy and listen about his ramblings on fate and destiny. He noted that Neji wanted so much to change his but the curse seal on his forehead was putting and holding him in place. After 30 minutes or so, he bid the Hyuuga prodigy farewell as they went their separate ways. He went to his spot on the Hokage monument and pondered further on what he may call, 'a life changing decision'.
He knew that if he wanted something, he must do something in order to achieve it. But what if the price was too high of a risk? Would he dare and risk it anyway? So far, all he had in his life was nothing but a tub of crap and bullshit. He was living a lie.
He checked the time and realized that time flew fast. He had 30 minutes left till the said time. Would he or would he not go? He then did a checklist and weighed the pros and cons of his current situation. He then looked up the sky and watched the twinkling of the stars. Chucking out the last hints of apprehension, he jumped down and headed towards the meeting place, deciding to go ahead of schedule so he could set himself at ease even though his heart was beating rapidly.
Once there, he sat on the boulder near the waterfall. He no longer cared for whatever the price might be. The person offered him a life that was more or less a complete opposite of the hellhole that he was currently in. No longer thinking, he just stared mindlessly at the flowing water, listening to the pleasant and soothing sounds of the gurgling water and crickets that made its music in the stillness of the night, with only the light of the moon casting a calming yet peculiar glow around him.
Lost in his own world, he didn't notice the figure that was slowly made its way towards him. Watching him with caring and unfathomable eyes.
The figure in the shadows watched him solemnly, taking note of the beauty that was laid before his eyes - a beautiful soul, a beautiful heart, the beauty that was carefully kept hidden under a mask. A beauty that has been scarred, bruised and trampled on but still remained pure.
The figure walked up to him, slowly making his presence known.
Naruto didn't even turn back to take a glance at who it was. The aura of the person behind him was comforting enough to assure him that he was not to be harmed in anyway. However, what startled him more was when the person spoke for the first time, speaking his name. Naruto liked the way his name rolled off the man's tongue. One thing he was definitely certain of: it had no malice in it.
The man's voice was smooth as velvet. A deep, baritone voice that somewhat sent shivers down his spine. He stiffened when he felt a firm yet gentle grip on his shoulders. He closed his eyes when he felt the man walk and kneel right in front of him. Naruto felt the man's fingers gently brush away the strands of gold from his face as it moved to caress his cheek.
When Naruto heard his name called out again, he reluctantly opened his eyes to see for the first time the face of the man who almost knew him… The man who had read him like an open book and help him clear his mind.
The moment he opened his eyes to look at the man before him, all he knew right then was confusion and suspicion. But it was all brushed away with a warm lingering kiss on his soft lips, a kiss that made his decision final, a kiss that forged a somewhat forbidden romance. A kiss that chucked away all uncertainties out the window and made him embrace the new path that was now laid before him.
TIMELINE: Present…
Naruto took one last sweeping look at the village before he jumped down the monument and headed towards the gates of Konoha. He had slipped past the guards silently and made sure that he was at least a good 30 meters away and without looking back, Naruto darted into a run towards the meeting place. The place where he would permanently seal his destiny and fate…
He had arrived at a certain clearing minutes ahead of schedule before another figure appeared behind him.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting."
"Iie, I just arrived here myself." Naruto turned his heel to look at the owner of the voice. Naruto looked at him squarely in the eye, needing assurance that he had indeed made the right decision although he had already bid farewell and threw away all that was of him the moment he had stepped out the protective gates of Konoha.
"I assure you, you did the right thing." The voice was soft, it was enough assurance for Naruto, setting him at ease.
Naruto turned his head back, not wanting to let the other man see whatever emotion that might have been playing in his eyes. He then felt a firm hand gripping his shoulder as he met eye to eye with the taller man beside him. And before he knew it, soft lips covered his as he was pulled in closer in a welcoming embrace. He closed his eyes savoring the moment as he felt the other man's tongue sensually lick his lower lip asking for entrance. Naruto complied as he brushed his tongue timidly with the other, making the taller man deepen their kiss.
Warily, they broke their kiss, needing to fill their oxygen-deprived lungs as they looked deeply in each other's eyes. The taller man lovingly caressed those soft, silky smooth whiskered cheeks as he spoke in a gentle yet commanding voice,
"Let's go."
"Hai, Itachi."
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TBC?
I need to rest these typing fingers of mine. So, for the meantime, that three letter acronym will just have to do for now (what is that question mark for?)… Cheers!
We're you guys able to guess who his mystery watcher was even before you scrolled down till here? (wide grin)
Authoress' Note: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! WTF! Did I just write that! Shucks! (bangs head on the computer table) I can't believe I made this in the span of 15 hours… Bottles of flavored tea really do have its wonders…
So? What do you guys think? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Love it? Hate it? Flames by the way are only used to roast chickens to perfection, and also, to char damn viruses that make computers crash…
Anyway, I'm sure some of you might have figured out one of my writing styles by now… I can't really figure out myself why I'm like that… (scratches head)
I was listening and will continue to listen to Grief and Sorrow by Toshiro Masuda the whole time… So you might as well expect some heart wrenching moments in this fic… If you want me to continue that is… And if you do, I'll think about it… (evil smirk) So, should I or shouldn't I?
My other fic Façade is still an ongoing progress… So don't worry about it… I'm having a blast writing that fic… (winks)
Naruto: Blue-chan! Why do you keep doing this to me?
Blue: Do what?
Naruto: This!
Blue: Huh? (confused)
Naruto: (eyebrows twitching) Argh! Never mind! It's no use questioning or arguing with you! Especially now in that sleep deprived state of mind of yours! Read and Review people, that is, if you want her to continue…
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