I wrote much of this story a year ago, after the finale, but only got it finished and ready to post now. I'm not delighted with the way it ended, but it had to stop somewhere. I would really love to know what you think - this is the first time I have attempted a True Blood story. Not exactly canon, though!
For anyone interested, I've updated my profile with some information on my future with fanfiction in general.
Thanks for reading!
As always, I do not own these characters.
Sookie stared at the ball of light glowing in her hand, watching as it danced and moved on her flesh. This was what Bill asked her to give up. This was what he was really asking her to do. Him dyin' was just part of it. That was going to happen either way.
"What the fuck am I doing?" the telepathic, part-fairy princess wondered angrily. "Who the fuck does he think he is?"
"When I asked you if you realized what you were asking me to give up," she choked back a sob as she spoke, "I don't think I understood the gravity of it myself." She paused and studied the fairy light in her hand once more.
"This is who I am. It is part of my truth, just like Jason is my brother and my parents are my parents. They are a part of me whether I like it or not. And you, Bill? You're a part of me, too and you always will be. But I can't do this for you," she spoke through her tears, "I'm sorry." Sookie's hand closed and the vibrant fairy light reabsorbed into her body.
The vampire stared at her from his chosen grave. He knew in that moment she would never have the life he'd envisioned for her. With her light and spark intact, Bill knew Sookie would never be free of vampires. He would meet his true death with another failure on his blackened soul.
"Do you still want to die?" she questioned, tears rolling down her face.
"Please," he nodded before she disappeared from sight. A sharp crack resonated through the still night air before she reappeared at the grave's edge. A dull thud accompanied the makeshift stake she threw into the dirt hole. The telepathic fairy princess dropped into the hole that would be her former vampire lover's final resting place and picked up her stake. Climbing into the coffin with him, Sookie looked into the eyes of the man she once believed she loved.
"Are you sure now?" she asked, her tear-stained face sad in the moonlight.
"I'm sure," he replied.
"I love you, Bill Compton," she whispered. He was the first man she thought she loved; the first man she'd ever had sex with. He would forever hold a small piece of her heart, no matter how badly things had gone between them.
"I love you, too," he replied. She leaned forward and placed a final kiss on his cold lips.
Sookie pressed the makeshift stake against Bill's ribs, positioning it above his still heart. Her horror showing on her face, the telepath pressed down with all her might, aided by the weak vampire's grip on the stake. With one push, the broken-off shovel handle penetrated his ribs and slid easily into his heart. With a final gasp, Bill Compton was gone.
Even the creatures of the night stilled as Sookie's heart-rending sobs echoed in the darkness. Tears ran freely down her face, making tracks through the stains Bill's blood left on her skin. Pulling herself up on shaky legs, Sookie stepped out of the gooey, bloody mess and pulled the coffin cover into place. Sobs racked her slight frame as she sat on the closed coffin, crying for what she had done, now and in the past.
"Sookie," Eric's gentle voice came from above. She turned her blood and tear stained face to him, looking up at his imposing figure. He dropped into the grave to stand beside her. "What happened here?"
"I killed Bill," she replied dully, her ravaged throat making her voice sound harsh.
"You did?" he asked with a frown. The smell of the younger vampire's blood was thick in the air. "I didn't think you had it in you. What did he do?"
"It wasn't like that," she replied, fixing watery brown eyes on the tall vampire. "He asked me to kill him."
"He did what?" Eric asked, his tone low and dangerous. Sookie blinked at the rage she saw lighting his incredible blue eyes.
"That's what he wanted to talk to me about," she explained. "He asked me to use my fairy light to kill him. He called it the ultimate kindness."
"But wouldn't that – " Eric paused, looking for the right words. His expression was still murderous.
"Make me normal?" Sookie supplied dryly. "That was his point. He wanted me normal before he died."
"Did you use it?" he asked, not wanting to hear the answer. Sookie's fairy blood wasn't important to him, but he thought it was more important to her than she realized.
"I couldn't," she said, her voice catching and breaking as she told him what happened. "I realized I didn't want to be normal, Eric. This is me. I'm not normal. I never have been. For all the times I've prayed for it and dreamed about it, when it was time, I just couldn't be it."
Eric's eyes closed for the briefest of moments as he whispered a fast prayer to his own gods. Sookie Stackhouse was perfect the way she was.
"How did you kill him, then?" Eric finally asked in a puzzled tone.
"I broke off a shovel and used the handle," she told him, fresh tears welling up and spilling over her clumped lashes.
"You staked him?" Eric couldn't help the incredulous question. What Bill had asked of her was unforgivable. With everything she's gone through because of him, it was unthinkable he should ask her to kill him. His head shook as he thought about it. Even if Bill had been too much of a coward to meet the sun, there were many others he could have turned to instead of Sookie. Eric would have gladly killed the bastard, no questions asked.
She nodded mutely, her eyes exhibiting a glassy vacantness the vampire found alarming. He crouched in front of her, and spoke to her face to face.
"Will you let me take you home?" he asked gently. "You need to get cleaned up, Sookie."
She turned to him and nodded. Leaning forward, Eric wrapped her in his arms and stood up, oblivious to the blood soaking into his clothes. Sookie rested her face against his chest as he propelled them into the sky, floating slowing across the treetops and the cemetery below. Her eyes closed as she tried to forget the horror of the last thirty minutes; she chose to focus on the feel of the cool night air on her skin instead.
Eric brought them to a soft standstill at the bottom of the porch stairs. Sookie didn't speak, but clung tighter to the Viking. He walked slowly up the stairs and across the wooden floorboards before stopping at the door. He held her in his arms for a long moment, neither of them speaking.
"Do you want me to come in with you?" Eric broke the silence. He didn't want to leave her like this, but wasn't sure she wanted his company, either. Sookie was as unpredictable as any he'd ever known.
"Yes," she answered in a near whisper. "Come in, Eric. I don't want to be alone right now."
He carried her into the house, walking confidently through her home until he reached her bedroom door; opening it, he entered the room quickly before walking into her ensuite bathroom. The vampire placed her gently on her feet while he attended to the shower, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature. She was exactly as he left her when he turned to face her again.
"You need to shower, Sookie," he spoke softly, keeping his voice gentle as he advanced toward her. "Do you want me to help you undress or leave you alone?"
She didn't respond at first, but then she nodded her head. It was just the briefest inclination, but Eric took it as all the permission he needed. With a clinical precision which would amaze him later, the Viking stripped Sookie of her blood soaked dress and undergarments. With one hand at the small of her back, he directed her to the shower, noticing with relief she didn't require assistance stepping into the tub. She hadn't retreated too deeply into her own head.
Sookie stepped under the shower, closing her eyes as the water turned red with Bill's blood. With her eyes closed, she barely registered Eric' appearance in the shower with her, but she gratefully leaned against him as he used a soapy washcloth to clean her skin. His nimble fingers released her hair and she rested against him as he thoroughly shampooed her blood-stained strands before applying a coat of conditioner. His strong fingers massaged her scalp before sliding through her hair, working the tangles out with the slick conditioner. Satisfied with his work, he rinsed her hair carefully before turning the water off.
"Stay here," he instructed. "I'm going to get some towels."
"There's more in the cabinet," she offered unexpectedly. Eric looked at her and nodded, pleased she was communicating vocally again.
He dried himself with vampire speed before wrapping the towel around his hips and returning to wrap her dripping hair and towel off her clean skin. She offered a small smile when he gave her a hand out of the tub. He passed her the towel and she wrapped it around herself before walking back to the bedroom.
Sookie sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes trained on her feet. Eric stood by and watched helplessly, not knowing what to do for her now. If he weren't already dead, he'd kill Bill Compton for this. Nobody should be asked to murder someone they love, and Eric knew a part of Sookie definitely loved the younger vampire. Whether her feelings were the result of the incredible amount of his blood in her system was yet to be seen, but she loved him all the same. Her tender heart wouldn't be differentiating quite yet.
"You still have some clothes in the cubby," Sookie broke the silence. "I can wash your dirty clothes for you."
"There's no need," Eric protested.
"It will give me something to do," she said softy before raising her eyes to meet his. "I don't want to think yet."
"Very well," Eric nodded, going back to the bathroom and re-emerging a moment later with a towel-wrapped bundle in his arms. "Are you sure you want to do this? I can do it, you know. Or we can just throw it all away."
"I'm sure," she replied. "You go change. I'll meet you in the living room in a few minutes."
Sookie went through the motions, dressing herself and pulling a brush through her wet hair, before heading to the laundry room with the bundle of clothes clutched determinedly in her arms. She filled the washer with cold water before pulling on a pair of rubber gloves and transferring the bloody, wet clothes to the washer. She watched for a moment, noting how quickly the pristine water became cloudy and red. Closing the machine, she walked slowly through the house until she reached the living room. Eric was just emerging through the hidey-hole, his tall frame bent slightly as he stepped from the armoire concealing the cubby.
His sharp eyes focused on hers for a moment before he crossed the room and took her hand in his. She let him direct her until she was sitting on the end of the couch, her feet tucked up underneath her. Eric pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapped it securely around her before speaking.
"I'll be right back," he murmured, giving her a small, reassuring smile before disappearing in the direction of the kitchen. Sookie rested her head against the back of the couch and listened to the unmistakable sounds of Eric rummaging in the cupboards and refrigerator. Her stomach gave a protesting rumble at the thought of food. She truly hoped he wasn't going to try and make her eat.
The whoosh of air heralding Eric's return had her eyes popping open, focusing with relief on the glass of juice he held out. She accepted his offering and drank a few sips before placing it on the side table. Eric sat on the end of the wooden coffee table, placing him face to face with the telepath.
"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"I don't really know how I feel," she confessed, her fingers picky at the afghan. "I'm trying not to feel much of anything, to be honest. I want to feel numb, but mostly I'm just feeling angry. Hurt, angry and betrayed again."
Eric's blue eyes widened fractionally as she spoke. He could understand the need for numbness, but her anger impressed him. She should be angry; what Bill asked of her was unforgivable. He hadn't thought she'd find the anger this soon, however.
"He should never have asked it of you, Sookie. You have every right to be angry with him."
She shook her head, looking Eric straight in the eye. "It's not him I'm angry with. I'm angry with myself."
His face showed his surprise at her explanation. "Why on earth are you mad with yourself?"
"Because I let him talk me into it," she told him. "I knew it was wrong. Every part of me knew it was wrong, but I still let him talk me into it. It wasn't until I held my light in my hands that I began to see reason and I think I only saw it then because my light brings out my fairy side more than my human side."
"Thank God for fairy Sookie," Eric replied with a smile; the smile quickly faded as Sookie's forehead creased in a frown.
"He never liked that part of me, you know. He didn't even like me being a telepath. Hell, most of the time? Most of the time I don't think he even liked me being me. There was an idealized version of me living inside of his head and he preferred her over me." She paused and looked away for a moment. "He told me the Hep V was making him feel more human than he'd ever felt, even when he was human. I don't think that's true, though. I think what he was feeling was his mortality bearing down on him; he knew he was dying and he was trying to make amends. He thought he could make me normal and therefore somehow absolve himself of his role in what's happened to my life."
Eric levelled a measuring look on her before responding. "You are more perceptive than even I give you credit for, you know. I experienced something similar when I thought I was going to die. It is why I returned to Louisiana."
"Were you seeking absolution, too?" she questioned, her brown-eyed gaze intense.
"No," he replied simply. "I am not interested in absolution, Sookie. I've lived over ten centuries. It would be impossible to absolve me of my sins."
"Then why return?"
"I wanted to see those people who were important to me," he stated softly. His mesmerizing blue eyes held hers. "I wanted to say goodbye."
A serious expression graced her lovely face. "I was at Bill's when I saw you," she said softly. "Would you have come to see me if I hadn't been there?"
The smile he gave her reached his eyes, making them crinkle just a little around the outer corners. "You and Willa are the only people I came here to see. I did need to make some amends with her," he revealed. "I made plenty of mistakes with Willa. I never should have made her, and abandoning her was even worse. If it weren't for Tara, Willa may not have made it. She asked to be released, and I have done as she asked."
"I'm sorry, Eric," Sookie said softly. She knew what his nonchalance was costing him. He prided himself on being a good maker to Pam. To admit defeat with Willa must have been hard.
He gave her a brief smile and nod. "I planned on visiting with you after I left Bill's. I had hoped for a more private meeting."
Her answering smile was fleeting. "It broke my heart to see you like that," she told him, her eyes watery. "You're Eric Northman. You're supposed to be invincible."
He acknowledged her with a wry grin. "That's what I thought, too. Or maybe I just didn't give a fuck for a while. I don't know. But I knew I had to see you again before I met my true death."
"I don't think I ever really told you how happy I am you're going to be okay," she said. "I was so focused on getting Bill better."
His expression was contemplative as he regarded her. He reached forward and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, stroking her cheek as he withdrew. "You put yourself in a lot of danger for him. Why would you take those chances? I told you to stay put."
"Guilt," she replied simply. "It was eating me from the inside out. I gave him Hep V, Eric. It was my fault."
"Did you know you had it?" he asked and she shook her head. "Then it wasn't your fault."
"I know you're right. I really do know that somewhere inside me. But my life has been such a mess for the last year; I was just at the end of my rope."
"You agreed to be his again out of guilt and confusion?" he asked skeptically. This was not the conversation he'd expected to have, but it was a productive one, nonetheless. Her candor was surprising considering her tendency to run away from her problems. Sookie Stackhouse would stare the very devil down to protect someone she cared about, but never gave herself the same consideration.
She shook her head, her hair tumbling free again to frame her face. "I never agreed to be his, Eric. You misunderstand completely. What happened between Bill and I was nothing more than two old friends taking solace in one another when all else seemed lost. At least that's what it was for me."
Eric viewed her with some surprise. He had misunderstood her attachment to Bill. He had been operating under the mistaken assumption she was his again.
"I had wondered how you ended up with him, and so quickly. You were grieving over Alcide when I last saw you," Eric spoke musingly, making Sookie wonder if he'd meant to voice his questions out loud. She answered anyway.
"I don't look good in this scenario, do I?" she asked dryly. "Jumping from one man to the next, I mean. In my own defense, I can at least say I'd reconciled my feelings for Alcide before I slept with Bill."
"You loved them both," the vampire summarized shortly.
"Yes, I did," she answered. "But not in the way you think. Alcide and I never loved one another romantically. I loved him as a friend, but I think it was nothing more than loneliness that led both of us together. We only got together about three months before he was killed. He never got over losing Debbie; my heart was too broken to love again. I cared for him a great deal, but it wasn't love. I grieved when he died, and I still mourn for him today, but it wasn't love."
Eric's face remained impassive as he listened to her cataloging her feelings for the men in her life. He wondered if he would be lucky enough for her to spell out her feelings for him, too.
"I thought I loved Bill when I was dating him. I really did believe that. But I know now that it was never real romantic love I felt for Bill. It was a little bit of infatuation mixed with his blood. I came to love him, but as a friend, as an important part of my past." She broke eye contact, fidgeting and picking at the afghan for a moment. "I was so young and naïve when I was with Bill. Even if his blood hadn't been inside me, I may still have fallen for his charm in the beginning. I just don't think it would have gone as far as it did."
"My blood was inside you, too," Eric pointed out.
"By the time your blood was inside me, I was completely ensnared in Bill. I ignored every sign that told me he was wrong for me, and I fought every bit of attraction I had for you with every ounce of strength I had." She paused and took a sip of her juice. "It's weird how I blamed your blood for everything, but it took so long to understand what Bill's blood did to me."
"You had no more than a couple of drops of my blood compared to the couple of pints you'd had from Bill," Eric pointed out. "My blood is stronger and more powerful than his, but it hardly made a dent in those quantities. I'm sure he would have used it to make sure you questioned everything but him."
"I wonder how different my life would have been if I hadn't drank his blood," she mused. "I have so much vampire blood in me now, who knows how it's affecting me still."
"It's impossible to tell how things would have been. If Bill had failed, Sophie-Ann would have sent someone else. She might even have decided to use me. We will never know." He picked up her hand and held it between his stronger ones. "But I do know you have less vampire blood in you now than you have ever had."
"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, her brows drawing together over inquisitive brown eyes.
"You had blood from Bill, myself and Warlow, correct?" he quizzed her.
"Yes," she replied, her eyes downcast. He gave her hand a slight squeeze until she met his eyes again.
"Mine is the only vampire blood remaining in your veins," he informed her. "Warlow's blood left you when he died, as Bill's did tonight."
She stared at him, her pink lips parted in surprise. "I didn't know it worked like that. Are you sure?"
He leaned forward and inhaled deeply. "Yes. I am positive. There is no trace of Warlow at all, and only faint remains of Bill's. That will be gone completely in a day or two."
"But your blood is still there?"
"Yes." His affirmative was firm and strong. "It's not strong like it was, but a lot of time has passed since you took any blood from me."
The vampire and the telepath sat quietly together, each lost in their own thoughts. The silence lengthened, but neither minded the respite. Both realized this conversation was teetering dangerously on the edge of becoming more honest than they'd ever been with each other.
"Why did you leave, Eric?" she finally asked. His head jerked up to meet her wide eyes.
"I had to get away, Sookie. Everything had become too much for me here." He gave her a grin which looked more like a grimace. "Like you, I wanted to feel numb. And like you, I only felt anger, hurt and betrayal when I thought of Louisiana."
"What were you getting away from?"
"Nora's death nearly destroyed me," he admitted quietly.
"You must have loved her a great deal," Sookie answered, looking a little forlorn.
"I did love Nora, like a sister. Yes, we fucked many times, but I was never in love with her." He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "When you turned me away, I turned to Nora. I projected all I was feeling for you onto her. When she died, it was twice the pain. I hated those fuckers for what they'd done to her, but I felt the loss of you even more acutely. I had to admit I'd lost you for good, especially with Warlow in the picture."
"What did you feel for me, Eric? I was never sure. One minute you were with me and the next you were with Nora." Her brow furrowed as she posed her question.
"What did you feel for me, Sookie? I was never sure, either. One minute you were with me, then you loved Bill and me, but not enough to choose. The next minute, you were with Warlow," he countered.
"I loved you, Eric," she told him, her brown eyes blazing with sincerity. "But then Bill gave me even more of his blood and I got confused. Before I had a moment to think, you were with Nora and Bill was a monster. Like you said earlier, I was in an 'I don't give a fuck' kind of mood when I met Warlow."
"I loved you, too," he told her honestly. "When you took me in and cared for me, I fell in love with you. When you broke the curse, I realized I'd been falling in love with you before I was cursed, too. But you turned me down."
"So you ran away," she stated.
"I didn't think I stood a chance in hell with you. You'd never given me any room to hope before I was cursed. As soon as my memories came back and I was me again, you rejected me. Every time I saw you after that, you gave me no reason to think otherwise." He shrugged his shoulders.
"I looked for you, you know," she said surprising him once more, as she was wont to do. "I went to Fangtasia a bunch of times before I finally believed them when they said you were gone. When Pam disappeared too, I stopped going. I figured you'd both skipped town after everything that went down here. I really never thought I'd see you again."
"You did?" he asked with a small frown playing around his brows. "Pam never mentioned it."
"She didn't?" Sookie looked at him with her own frown firmly in place. "She always told me she'd be sure to pass along my message when she spoke with you again."
"No, she didn't," Eric replied, clearly annoyed. "What was your message?"
"I told her to tell you I was sorry I made the wrong choice," she admitted softly, looking at him through lowered lashes. "I waited months to hear from you. I rarely left the house except to work, I was so afraid I'd miss a call from you. I was starting to give up hope when Alcide showed up one day. He told me I was wasting my life moping and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't a date, but we went out and had a bit of fun. We did it again a few times and eventually we just sort of ended up together. There was no discussion about what either of us wanted from it, it just happened."
"I was thinking of returning when I heard you'd gotten involved with the Were. I was infected not long after," he told her. The news had made him careless; reckless, even. He didn't think the relationship would last, of course. Alcide had pack responsibilities, including breeding. Sookie was not the kind of woman to look the other way. But he knew her new relationship signalled her moving on with her life and he loved her enough not to interfere.
"Why did you come here this evening, Eric?" she asked. "Why were you in the cemetery?"
"I came to see you," he replied. "I didn't like how things ended between us last night. I heard you crying and followed the sound to the cemetery."
"What would you have said to me had I been at home when you arrived?" she probed.
He sighed and stood, gesturing to the empty space on the couch. "May I?"
"Of course," she nodded.
He sprawled against the cushions, getting comfortable before speaking. "When I was cured, you were the first thing I thought of," he admitted, continuing the honesty. "I came to you as soon as I could, but you weren't home. I followed your scent to Bill's, where I found you. I was completely surprised when I realized you were with him. I didn't know what to think. But I was honest when told you I would return for you. If you had chosen Bill, I still wanted you to be happy."
"When he rejected the cure, I have to admit there was a part of me that was pleased. I didn't want him standing in my way again. But I also thought you would be destroyed by his death, especially since he was determined to turn it around on you. I went to see him to convince him to live, but he was so fucking convincing when he talked about your future without vampire involvement. I know he was right on that, Sookie. Your life would be safer and easier without involvement with vampires and other supernaturals. He convinced me to talk to you, and I did."
"It wasn't until later that I really started to think about it again. You will always be in danger, lover, no matter what happens. Too many people know about you. And there was something about Bill's story that didn't sit well with me. Why come to Fangtasia in his weakened state if he didn't plan on taking the cure? He was going to drink from her, but he stopped when he looked at me, Sookie."
"Call me paranoid or delusional, but I think he looked at me and saw competition; a competitor he could not beat. If we were both cured and available to you, would you still have chosen him? Now, knowing you were not truly his at the time, I am even more certain in my beliefs. Instead, he chose to become a martyr in your eyes, dying so you could lead a vampire-free, 'normal' life. He probably thought my interest in you would die with your fairy light."
He stopped speaking there, looking at her for a moment. This was the most they'd ever communicated. He hoped she understood what he was trying to tell her, as long-winded as the explanation was.
"I came here tonight to offer you an option, Sookie. Bill might be willing to die to give you a normal life, but I want to live so you can live the life you want, normal or not." He looked her directly in the eyes as he spoke, his vulnerability written on his face. "If you want me, Sookie, we can have any kind of life you desire. I'm not the Sheriff of Area Five anymore, if Area Five still exists, that is. The political structure has collapsed, Louisiana doesn't even have a monarch and I am moving on from it. I don't need Fangtasia as my base anymore, so Pam will be taking over the bar. I am free. We could be free."
"I came here tonight to tell you I lied to you last night. I told you I cared for you, but the truth is, I love you, Sookie Stackhouse."
She sat quietly for a moment after he finished speaking, her expression pensive. When she finally spoke, it was not to respond to his heartfelt declaration. Instead, her story started from the beginning.
"The first night I met Bill, I was so excited. He was the first vampire I'd met, you know? It was just perfectly fascinating to me that I couldn't hear his thoughts. I didn't know if it were just him, or all vampires, but for a telepath, even knowing one silent mind was a blessing. When I realized the Ratts had gotten him, I knew I had to save him. But the funny thing was, after I saved him? The little bit that I got to know him, I didn't like too much. He was crude, offering me the blood and making sexual innuendos. He was no better than the boorish lot inside the bar, regardless of how silent his mind was."
"By the time his blood was inside me, though, my opinion of him totally changed. I was charmed by his old-fashioned Southern mannerisms, even though I don't usually find that kind of smarminess attractive. It didn't matter what I decided during the day, by the time the night came, I was right back under his spell again. I wanted to see him all the time – I even dreamed of him."
"I dreamed of Bill an awful lot after I had his blood, but they weren't really nice dreams. They were dark, and confusing, and kind of scary. After I had your blood, I started to dream about you, too, but those dreams were so different. They were so light and happy; there was always a sense of peace and well-being when I dreamed of you. My brain tried so hard to get me to see the truth."
"That first night we came to Fangtasia is a perfect example of how things were between us. He'd agreed to come with me to Fangtasia, but I wasn't his. I didn't even know what that meant. Do you understand? We weren't a couple, but I told you I was his, even though I wasn't. I was so fascinated with you that evening. You didn't know that, did you? Bill pointed you out before we were introduced. He even told me you were interested in me; he basically told me to go to you, for God's sake."
Sookie paused and reached for her juice. Eric watched as she took a coupe of sips, her blue eyes narrowed as she thought of what to tell him next.
"When Gran died, my whole world died with her, Eric. She was my everything; the only rock I had to lean on my entire life. The day we buried her was one of the worst days of my life, for all kinds of reasons. But when darkness fell? I went running to Bill." Sookie's face twisted into a grimace as she spoke. "I've never told you this before; in fact, I've never told anyone this before. But that night? The night of Gran's funeral? I had sex for the first time that night. I had sex with Bill - in the graveyard, where I'd just laid my grandmother to rest – covered in mud and dirt."
Shame flashed across her face and reflected deeply in her eyes. The vampire smothered the desire to comfort her; to speak and tell her no action of hers, especially one initiated by Bill Compton, could ever sully her in his eyes or his heart. It was not the time to interrupt her, but Eric resolved to make sure she understood the truth about herself. She was worthy of so much more than she valued herself.
"I used to try and tell myself that it was passionate, needy. I convinced myself we just couldn't wait to get somewhere more appropriate. I told myself it was a sure sign of how much he loved me." She paused there, her eyes downcast. Eric remained silent, allowing her the same courtesy she had given him. "It took me a very long time to reconcile what happened that night. It's not like I wasn't ready to have sex, I was twenty-five years old, but I know I deserved better than that. I knew it then, too, but I allowed myself to be convinced otherwise."
"I've done a whole lot of grieving and a whole lot of thinking these past few weeks, Eric. I've lost so many people I cared for, and I learned something about myself with each of those deaths. When I thought I'd lost you to the Hep V, I learned the cruelest lesson of them all; how soul-shattering the pain of losing true love could be. I thought I was strong, but just the idea of losing you brought me to my knees, Eric." She paused and looked at him, trying to gauge his understanding of her tale. His face remained impassive, but he gave her a faint nod. "If I'm going to be completely honest with you, it was one of the reasons I was with Bill this time. I felt tremendous guilt for infecting him; he'd been so careful about his blood sources. But it was also because I wanted him to maybe have some of the closure with me that I wanted to have with you."
Eric sat and listened to her story, not interrupting her once, even though her speech brought many questions to his tongue. Once again, she was managing to surprise him; not only with her forthright honesty, but with the revelations themselves. He'd misread the situation so poorly; as with every interaction he'd ever had with Sookie Stackhouse, there were layers upon layers to mine through before one got to the bottom. He resolved in that moment never again to walk away without stripping every layer bare.
"What were your other reasons?" he asked, going for the next layer.
She looked pensive as she stared across the room. It took her a moment to formulate a reply, but when she did speak, her words surprised the vampire. "I was being selfish. I thought I could lose myself in him, and forget about you, but it didn't work. It was actually kind of sad and pathetic, to tell you the truth. I couldn't lose myself in him because he was already fading away right before my eyes. It was a constant reminder to me of how you were dying, too."
"We've been such fools, you and I." Eric reached for her hand and held it between his two palms. "If only we'd talked long before this."
"We might have saved ourselves a whole lot of pain and heartbreak," Sookie admitted with a small smile. "But I don't know if either of us was ready before now, Eric. Lord knows, we had many chances to talk, many times when we should have but never did. We both did our fair share of running away. Maybe we needed time. Maybe I needed to grow up."
Looking at her face as she bared her deepest secrets, Eric thought back on the innocent, but feisty, girl he'd met so long ago. She'd been so pretty standing there in her white and red sundress; a shining beacon of light in the darkness surrounding him. That girl's innocence was long gone; her naiveté stripped away. The woman sitting before him showed a level of maturity that young girl could never have managed.
"You have changed; grown up, as you say. It suits you. I have changed, as well. Being as close to death as I was, it made me realize how much I took my life for granted; how infinite I thought my time on earth was. I might be cured of the Hep-V, Sookie, but I am not as indestructible as I thought – as I wanted you to think. I understand now how precious each and every night is. I don't want to waste another minute of it not admitting how I feel, even to myself."
Sookie wrapped her free hand around his, squeezing gently. "We're both guilty of lying to ourselves," she told him. "I couldn't admit how much I wanted you until you weren't even yourself."
"I thought you despised me," he admitted. "Even when I could admit how much I wanted you, I never thought for a moment it would happen."
"I never despised you. There were times I was really angry with you, and many times when I just couldn't understand you, but I was always attracted to you. That's probably why I was so damned hard to get along with," she laughed. "I could understand you wanting to sleep with me – sort of – but I never thought you wanted anything more than sex. With all the complicated feelings I had for you, I knew it could never be just sex for me."
"That's all I was interested in at first," he stated plainly in true Eric Northman fashion. "You were interesting, yes, but blood and sex were all I was accustomed to wanting. It wasn't until Dallas that I saw things differently."
"When you got your blood inside me," she guessed. Eric shook his head and smiled.
"No, but I did enjoy that moment, all the same." His smile widened into a grin as she swatted at their joined hands. "It was when you were taken. I felt such an overwhelming feeling of relief when we found you; it was then I started to realize how much my feelings for you differ from any other. When I told you not to use words I didn't understand, it was true. I didn't know what love meant then, Sookie, but I was starting to learn."
"Dallas changed everything, I think," she spoke slowly, as if weighing the words she spoke. "I was still so damned naive; just a poor, small town girl on her first plane trip. After that girl got off the plane in Dallas, she was never seen again. So much happened in so short a time…When it was you who came for me in that hellish church and not Bill, I knew it meant something. I know you were there for Godric, but I know you wanted me safe, too. I saw love in you that day, Eric, even as you say you didn't understand it."
"When it was you who used your body to shield me when the bombs went off, I knew that meant something as well. No matter how handy my skill might be, you don't risk your life for an asset. You might have used it as an excuse for getting your blood into me, but that's not why you saved me," Sookie said with a certainty in her tone.
"No, it was not my plan," he confirmed. "I can't really explain why I got in front of you, other than to say I knew I wasn't ready to lose you after just finding you. As for the blood, I improvised as I went along. You seemed amenable, so I went for it," he shrugged and laughed as she pulled a disapproving face. His expression became sombre as he continued. "I wanted to be able to find you; to know if you were in danger. So much happened with you that I didn't even know about."
"I started to dream of you after I had your blood," she told him. "Everything in those dreams showed me how perfect you were for me, but I just couldn't break free of Bill."
"It just wasn't our time. As you say, neither of us was ready." Eric stroked his big hand down through her still damp hair. A sense of belonging washed over Sookie as she leaned into his touch.
"You're probably right," she agreed with a small sigh. "Our timing was never good, was it?"
"Not particularly," the vampire agreed with a frown marring the smooth, alabaster skin above his expressive brows. "It still sucks, if you ask me."
A strangled laugh escaped Sookie's throat as she lifted her head and met his eyes once more. A million emotions danced in her eyes and Eric could only think of how he missed feeling her in his blood. A quick prayer went up to the gods to let him feel her in that way again.
"It does suck. It sucks because I love you, Eric Northman. It hurts my heart, I love you so much." She laughed again, shaking her head in wry amusement. "I love you, you love me. That should be all that matters, right? But here I am, just freshly washed from the latest round of literal blood on my hands. I'm damaged goods, Eric. Maybe damaged beyond repair – I don't know. But I know that no matter how much I love you, I know we aren't skipping off into the happily ever after quite yet."
A twisted grin lifted one side of Eric's perfectly shaped lips, while the eyebrow on the other side rose dramatically. "You really do have a way with words, lover. That was quite the declaration of love and doom, all in one."
"Yeah, well, when have you ever known me to do things the easy way?" Sookie shrugged and laughed when he poked at her ribcage. "Okay, I'm sorry! I really did muck that up, didn't I?"
"Just a little, but I appreciate the gist of it."
"And that's one of the reasons why I do love you, Eric. You do get me." A solemn expression came over her face as she thought of her next words. "It's not all doom and gloom, though. I'm a total mess, but so are you. I want to be with you, Eric, truly and completely, but I just don't want you to expect too much from me. Every man I've been with so far has ended up dead. See what I'm saying? I'm far from a safe bet, but despite it all, I still want cling to the hope of a happily ever after with a man who loves me."
"I'm willing to stake a bet that I'm not going to die anytime soon, Sookie. As long as we're together, I'm going to live, if for no other reason than to ensure your survival." He smiled as she again swatted and poked at him lightheartedly. "You're right, though. Both of us are indeed a mess, as you say, but you can't find any fault in that. It's been complete fuckery the last few years, but we are survivors, you and I. It takes strength and adaptability to survive; you and I? We have that in fucking diamond coated spades, lover. There's not a chance in heaven or hell I'm going to let you go now that we can finally be together, my sweet Sookie."
"Let's do it, Eric," Sookie said impulsively. "Let's get the hell out of Louisiana. Start fresh somewhere new."
"Anywhere you want to go," the vampire replied quickly. "We can go anywhere you like, but there are plenty of states with a nearly decimated vampire population, if you want to stay in the country. There are many places around the globe, in fact."
"I think I'd like to stay in the States, for now, anyway. Who knows what the future will bring, you know?"
"Anything your heart desires, you will have. That's what the future will hold for you. Name it, and it's yours. We can go anywhere; we can be anyone we want to be." Eric paused, staring intently into her eyes. Declarations of love from the fairy and plans for a future together were absolutely an unexpected turn of events and the vampire was loath to do or say anything to jeopardize the remarkable situation he found himself in. Still, events were unfolding at a furious pace and he felt the need to give her a chance to clear her head and think about what she really wanted. "Are you sure this is what you want? I don't expect you to make any decisions tonight. If you need some time, lover, it's yours, too. Whatever you need, do you understand? I'm yours, Sookie, and I'm not going anywhere."
Luminous brown eyes stared back into an intense blue gaze. Only a fraction of the emotion brewing in her heart was reflected in the seemingly bottomless depths of her eyes, but it was enough to tug dramatically at Eric's still heart. Realization dawned on him as he watched the powerful emotions play in her hypnotic eyes and expressive face; he was finally seeing the real, unguarded Sookie. For the first time ever, no walls or barriers stood between them. It was a heady feeling for the vampire.
"I'm completely sure. I love you for asking, but I can promise you this is what I really want. Even before tonight, I knew I was getting out of here once everything calmed down. There's nothin' but bad memories here. I'm ready to make some new memories, good ones."
"We can leave tomorrow," he declared seriously.
Sookie laughed. "Hold your horses, cowboy! It's going to take a few days more than that, but I can have the house closed up and be ready to go in a week or so, I'm guessing." The telepath looked momentarily puzzled as she looked at Eric questioningly. "What about you? Can you really walk away from everything here that easily?"
"Yes, I can." The vampire's tone was definitive, but he wasn't being as honest with Sookie as he could have been. It was true he could walk away, and he did plan on doing so, but the truth was, much of his plan revolved around Pam taking full control. He didn't doubt her ability to do so, but was smart enough to know his progeny was not going to be pleased with having even more placed upon her already full schedule. He had personally advocated burning Fangtasia to the ground, but Pam had stubbornly dug in her expensive heels, declaring the defunct vampire bar a perfect location for her new headquarters.
"Just like that?" she asked skeptically.
"Just like that, lover." In truth, he would sign away his rights to New Blood, if it posed a hindrance to his life with the bewitching fairy. Fortunes, he knew, came and went. Whatever this was between them was greater than anything he'd ever experienced before. "I told you, it's all about us from now on."
"Wow. I'm not sure I believe this is all happening. Do me a favor and pinch me, will you? I think I must be dreaming." A small giggle escaped the telepath's lips.
"You're not dreaming, lover." Eric chuckled back at the wide-eyed girl. "And there are better ways than pinching you to prove that."
"How did this night turn out so perfect?"
"Maybe because we finally trusted each other enough to actually talk," Eric suggested with a wry grin. "Who knew what honesty and communication could do?"
Sookie laughed, a huge mile wreathing her beautiful face. "It feels great, doesn't it? I can't imagine what could make this night even better."
"Well, I could think of one thing" Eric said with a smile of his own.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Northman. I may be in love with you, but I'm not having sex with you tonight," Sookie reprimanded lightly.
"You wound me, Stackhouse. I love you, too, and I know we won't be making love tonight," he replied, as he corrected her terminology gently, but firmly. The distinction was easy, but very important, to him. He'd had sex with thousands, but he'd only ever made love with one woman.
"My deepest apologies," she inclined her head towards him, a cheeky grin twisting her lips. "Forgive me for leaping to conclusions. Tell me what you had in mind, sir."
"I was thinking of something more innocent," he began, while trailing one long finger across her cheekbone until the tip of it lay lightly against the bow of her upper lip. "I believe it is perhaps customary to exchange at least a kiss when you declare your love for another."
Sookie's lips pursed automatically, opening just enough to close delicately around the tip of his cool finger. The vampire's appreciative hiss was the only sound in the room as the telepath's eyes locked with his, her warm mouth holding his still finger captive.
"A kiss, you say?" Sookie questioned softly as she let go of the digit with a tiny smack of her pink lips.
"A kiss," Eric agreed in a quiet voice. His blue eyes blazed brightly in the paleness of his angular face, never straying from the fullness of her lips.
"I suppose it is customary," Sookie teased. In truth, drunken butterflies were practising the macarena in her lower belly; her muscles tightened and flexed as she registered the intensity of his gaze. "Although, really, Eric, you and I have hardly stuck by the customary, have we? There's probably no Hallmark card suitable for us, is there? Do they even have a vampire section, I wonder? They do say they have a card for every occasion. Hey, maybe we should go to the Hallmark store in Shreveport and look. You never know -"
"Sookie," the vampire patiently broke into her nervous ramblings. "Lover, I need you to do me a favor."
"Sure. What is it?" The telepath had the grace to look a little shamefaced at her silly speech.
"I love you. You love me. Now just shut up and kiss me."
The End.
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