Her crimson lips tremble as the cold wind blows through her window. Doesn't dare shut it. Likes the feeling of the wind blowing in on her pale skin. At least she feels something. Not so numb for once. So use to the aching inside of her that she never expects it to subside. Wants to feel some kind of sweet release from this pain. With Buffy gone, and the scoobies in a constant scurry, it was like her life was in slow motion. This summer didn't look promising for Dawn. And the scoobies were looking for anywhere to get her out of here. Out of there hair. She was just in the way. She moped around constantly, which truthfully got to them. They floated around as if nothing had happened, and to her, that was worse.
Dawn could hear someone outside her window. She didn't bother to move. Didn't care who it was. If it was some monster ready to attack the slayers little sister, then maybe she would finally have some way out of this hell she was tossed into. Let them come. Let them take me. The tears didn't fall anymore. The well had run dry. Or so she thought. Then she smelled something. Smoke? Cigarette smoke. And liquor. Her Spike. A smile rose across her lips. It was a rare occasion when she smiled lately. But he brought a smile. Deserved a smile. The only one who could make her smile.
Dawn watched as the blonde vampire stumbled through her window holding onto a bottle of tequila. A cigarette clasped firmly in the other pale, white hand. She snickered. The vampire fell into her room, then stood up quickly only to look over at her with a wide smile across his stunning features. Why did he smile whenever he looked at her? She would never understand. The others didn't smile at her anymore. Didn't react much to her presence at all.
"Hello, love." Spike's blue eyes lit up as he took a swig of tequila. He looked at the brunette sitting on her bed. She looked calm. She also looked depressed. His girl was not as chipper as she had once been. The optimist she once was had died with her sister.
"Hey, Spike." Her lips held a sincere smile. Though her eyes never did. Because the smile never reached that far. There was not enough happiness in the world to bring her to that point anymore. Just a broken little thing. Torn. Shattered. No one there to catch her. But he would watch her fall. Because it would be beautiful.
"How are you this fine night pet?" Spike asked sitting on the edge of Dawn's bed. He looked towards the floor the bottle still in his hands and he took a big gulp again. Loved how he could drink as much as he wanted and never pass out. Never...well...overdose.
"Alright." She swallowed but her throat was dry. It hurt. She was far from alright. She was aching through and through. And attempting to sooth the pain. But she didn't know how.
"Want some?" The blonde asked holding up the bottle, he noticed her looking at it. She shook her head. "Come on pet...go for it." Spike encouraged.
"Alright." Dawn said again. Accepting her fate. At some point she would fall to this. Why not do it with him. Maybe he would be her big mistake. Instead of some grabby, fumbling boy who had no clue what he was doing. But that wasn't possible. She actually hoped for a fate of falling into his snares. Like her sister. Accept her sister was always in control. Dawn couldn't play that roll. She didn't understand the steps, the lines. She would fail.
The brunette grabbed the bottle from his hands and proceeded to take a swig of the liquid. She refused to allow herself to cringe from the strength as is slid down her throat. The way she fought against everything made him smile. Her defiance. It was what made her, Dawn.
"Careful pet, strong stuff." He smirked looking at her in adoration. She took another defiant swig from the bottle. It burned as it slid down. That's my girl. Spike took the bottle back from her small cold fingers and took another gulp of his own. He enjoyed watching her grow from the innocent, Buffy influenced girl she once was, into this creature. Defiant. Angry. Cold. Like him.
"They left me alone tonight, again." She huffed. "I suppose I wouldn't want to be around me either." She raised both her eyebrows in a very non subtle expression, as she shrugged her shoulders. "Give me more of that." She grabbed the bottle and took another swig.
"Dawnie, better slow down." Spike said taking the bottle from her. "No puking on my leather coat." Spike smirked and Dawn chuckled.
"Sorry." She looked at him as her face turned red. She remember puking on him before, when she was younger. Got sick from too much sugar. Spike got the brunt of her sickness. He didn't mind. Just sort of shook it off and went to clean his coat. Never really bothered him that much. Was used to much worse. Strange how much they both enjoyed memories that did not exist, where planted, altered. Changed to fit Dawn into the picture.
"Pet." Spike spoke as he held the bottle in his hands. "How did everything end up here?" He asked his eyes focused on something she couldn't see. Maybe it was because she wasn't seeing through his eyes. But she wanted to.
Dawn just shrugged then looked over at the blonde. "I think, we brought it all on ourselves." Her eyes began to water. But the tears refused the fall. Suddenly the girl shook from the cold blowing into her room. Weird. Normally she could just ignore it. When she was around him, she felt more. It was like he made her feel. Part of her hated it.
"Your cold." Spike slid the black leather sweeper off of his body. He wrapped it around Dawn's small shoulders. He rubbed her arms trying to warm her up. Then he sat back down. This was hard for him. This caring thing. Not so used to it.
"Why are you here?" She asked. The sound came out harsh. She didn't mean that. Never meant it. Came out wrong. Because she was always so angry.
"Well, thanks pet." Spike chuckled. "Good to know I'm welcome." He played with her. Loved to.
"Sorry." Dawn smiled. "I mean why do you come here. Everyone else leaves me." Dawn chewed on her bottom lip. Nervous habit. Nervous?
"'Cause pet…" Spike paused. Why did he come here? For her. For himself? "You're my only friend." He admitted. Only one he ever really considered his friend.
"Yeah, well that's good." Dawn nodded. "Cause you're the only one around here I actually care about." She almost smiled. Almost.
They both heard the door slam downstairs, and knew someone was here. One of the scoobies. Dawn suddenly became her normal depressed self, came out of the bubble they both were cocooned inside when he was around her.
"Well, I best be going." Spike stood up. "Don't want the scoobies thinking something wrong went on here." He raised his eyebrows. "You know how those dumb gits can be." Spike smiled calmly at the brunette.
"Well, here's your jacket." She went to slide it off but Spike pushed it back onto her shoulders.
"Keep it for the night." The vampire suggested. "Not like I get cold." Then before she could look back up he was out the window.
Dawn waited for whoever had arrived as she heard them walking up the stairs. She heard a knock on the door of her bedroom. She huffed.
"Yeah?" Dawn asked her voice held an air of thick sarcasm. Like she really didn't want them to be here.
"It's Angel." The dark voice answered from the other end of the door. "Can I come in?" He asked unsure. Who knows. The way she was lately maybe she would say no.
"Sure." Dawn sighed. Dawn slid the jacket off of her shoulders not wanting him to notice.
The dark brooding vampire strode into the room. He shut the door behind him and looked down at the small figure. She always looked so tired. Breakable. Like if you moved wrong, she would crumble before your eyes.
"What's up?" The brunette, asked not looking at him. Just staring at the ground. Scuffing her feet. Missing the blonde that was here a few moments ago. Made her feel safe. Nothing made sense anymore. On occasion he made sense. Some form of sense.
"Nothing." He lied. "Just came to see my Dawnie." He smiled. Fake. He had no right to call her his. Only Spike was allowed that little claim. He knew that. Or did he? No one that called her Dawnie would ever be allowed to call her, theirs.
"Well, you saw me." Dawn looked up at him. Darkness clouded her vision whenever she saw his face. Something was so off lately. Since Buffy was gone. And she hated looking at him. As much as the scoobies hated looking at her. No matter how beautiful she was. Like the sun. It almost hurt to look at her beauty.
"You alright Dawnie?" Angel asked curiosity rising in his tone. Curious? That was the only reason he came to her. The only reason he looked at her. She hoped to God that was not why Spike came. That he came because he cared. Looked at her because he saw something they would never see. And didn't fear it.
"Fine." She nodded her eyes blank as she looked into his. Dark oracles that frightened her. Not much frightened her. Not nowadays. Lately things just didn't matter enough. When she walked home late at night. She was not afraid. Though she knew more than anyone else that she had a reason to be. Never afraid when she was alone at night in the house, all night. Sometimes even for days. Not afraid when her heart felt like it refused to beat. Not afraid.
"You don't seem fine, dear." Angel said sitting on the bed next to her. Looking at the frail seventeen year old girl. Stunning. Flawed. Tainted. There was no saving this one. The darkness was what she was born for.
"Angel, please." She closed her eyes. "I am fine." Dawn despised this part. Having to sit there. Talking to them like they didn't hate one another. Like they didn't think she was ugly inside. Like they didn't think she was just like Spike.
"Alright." Angel nodded. "I get it. I'll see you later then." Angel patted her on the shoulder before exiting the room. She shook off the feeling of his hand on her skin. Hated it when any of them touched her. Spike hated it even more.
That night sleep didn't come. Usually didn't. She laid awake, staring at the patterns on her ceiling. Constantly thinking, sometimes forgetting to breathe. Wishing she could drown out all of the feelings inside of her. It seemed like no one could understand her. Which was logical, because she didn't understand herself. Not the way she felt. The way she breathed, sometimes refused to. Her unnatural defiance.
Dawn rose from her bed in the afternoon. Had gotten a few hours of sleep when the morning came. She undressed and got into the shower. The water was not warm. Not soothing. It was far too hot for normal skin. She enjoyed the extremes. Gave her some closeness to feeling. Better than nothing. Sometimes.
Dawn dressed in the first thing she could find. A grey long sleeve shirt, from Victoria Secret, and a pair of jeans. Nothing special. Like usual. She walked down the stairs of the Summer's home. Never felt like a home. Just a house. She went into the kitchen and grabbed package of strawberries as she sat down at the kitchen counter.
She could hear the girl walking slowly behind her. Knew when people where there. Could always sense them. The red head suddenly appeared in front of her with a fake, apathetic smile on her face. She grabbed a strawberry from the container and began to suckle the juices.
"Hey Dawnie." She smiled wide and began munching on the fruit in her hand. Dawn hated that nickname. Dawnie. Like they were making a wild attempt at preserving her innocence by calling her child's names. It was hopeless. This broken girl could never be saved. Not by anyone. She was going to fall apart, crumble before their very eyes. And no one could stop her. Or could someone?
"Hey Will." I'll give her a boy nickname, see how much she likes it. She cocked her head, as she picked at the red fruit.
"Slept late again huh?" She asked. More curiosity. None of them really cared. Just probed at her like she was some sort of psychology project. Always wondering, why she acted so strange. Couldn't be perfect like her sister. Couldn't save the world. Die for anyone. But she would die for him.
"Mhm." She just nodded. She couldn't stand to be around them. Shouldn't have graduated early. But that would just be another bunch of people she hated, that she had to be around.
"You feeling alright?" The Wicca asked. Always asking if she was Okay. How she was. She didn't want to answer these questions. Hated the fact that she had to lie.
"Fine." Always fine. When she really was no where near the word.
"Okay, well if you ever need to talk…" Willow tried to comfort her. Knew her lines well. All the scoobies did. Dawn didn't.
"I'll know exactly where to find you." Dawn cut her off. Rudely. Always that way. Willow nodded and left unsatisfied. That's how Dawn seemed to leave everyone.
The day went by slowly. With Dawn trying to push through the same conversation over and over again. With the scoobies. With herself. What was wrong with her? No one knew. Maybe it was impossible to find out. Maybe she was a lost cause.
Anya walked into the house to find Dawn sitting on the couch alone. She sat next to her. Dawn rolled her eyes. She knew this would be another round of fakeness. Of asking if she was okay. Accept Anya, when she lied, you could see straight through her.
"You really need to stop moping around here all of the time. It's making everyone awkward when there around you." Anya nodded looking at Dawn. When she looked at her she saw nothing. Like a deer in headlights.
"Anya, please don't talk to me." Dawn said frustrated. If she could punch her without the scoobies freaking out. She would. Right now. Square in the face, and the girl would know what it was like to be human. And to mess with the wrong people.
"No seriously." The ex-demon paused. "And you really need to stop pining over Spike, he use to bang your sister." Anya continued to look a the Brunette as if what she was saying was in no way offensive. "He is not going to be satisfied with you." She shrugged and stood up as if she were going to leave. Finished with her speech.
"That's it." Dawn stood up now. Anger filling her face. Her arms. Her fists. "I'm done with your shit." She pulled her arm back and released her fist into Anya's unprepared face. Anya was sent across the room in shock. She looked up at Dawn and quickly scurried away. There would be repercussions for this. But she did not care.
Dawn suddenly felt relief. Like she had done something real for once. Something she should have done a long time ago. Retaliate. She felt like she had to tell someone. But there was only one person to tell. The girl rushed out of her home and down the street. She was making her way to Spike's crypt. Wanting to share the news with him. As soon as possible.
She made it to his place breathing heavily. Dawn reached up to open the door rushing in, in excitement. Her joy was crushed when she saw Spike, on top of Harmony. The blonde vampire she thought he was finished with. He jumped up quickly covering himself. She usually knocked. This time she didn't think about it. Was far too excited about the news she had. News she knew would please him. All she ever wanted to do. Seemed like others did the job well enough.
"Dawn!?!" Spike exclaimed. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?" He asked surprise in his voice.
"Seriously," Harmony piped in. "Blondie Bear, can you please make her like, leave or something." She rolled her eyes.
"Already gone." Dawn said holding back the tears. He said they were over. Guess he lied. Dawn stormed out of the room not wanting to face her current situation. Her life. She tried not to stumble as she made her way down the road. Couldn't run. She knew she would fall.
"Dawn!" She could hear his voice yelling after her. Go away! Dawn rolled her eyes and continued walking. "Please Stop!" Spike hollered. He continued to chase after her. Soon enough he caught up to her, the blonde grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Dawn, are you alright?" Spike asked confusion all over his face.
"Not that again. Why does everyone ask me that!?!" The brunette hollered tears building up in her eyes.
"Because…your not." Spike sighed still grasping onto her small arm. He hated that she looked hurt because of something he did. That was why he was standing in front of her, in the middle of the street, half dressed.
"Just don't worry about it Spike." Dawn pulled away from him violently. Her eyes were filled with anger. "No one needs to worry about me." She promised. Because she was the only one how needed to worry about herself. No one else. They didn't mean it anyway.
"Well, what were you barging in all bloody excited for? Like some little school girl or something." Spike paused. Cause she was a school girl. Well, age said so. Only graduated a month ago. Graduated early. But he never saw her that way. She was such an adult to him.
"Because…" Dawn shrugged and shook her head. "I had something to tell you." She admitted saddened. Something she was going to regret now. Because the scoobies would turn on her. And she didn't have Spike to confide in.
"Well…" Spike attempted to lure it out of her. He had a sly smirk on his face. It didn't feel like they were in the middle of the street. It felt like they were sitting in her bedroom, or in his crypt. Just talking. Playing. Like usual. He had a way of doing that to her. But something always ruined it. Someone else.
"Spikey!!!!" Harmony whined from behind Spike. "Will you come back inside…pleasseeee." She begged attempting to be sweet. It didn't work, she just had this annoying way about her. It drove Spike insane. Some guys will do anything for a little action. Even put up with someone they can't stand to be around for more than five minutes.
"Will you, Sod off you stupid bint!" Spike hollered not even looking at her. His eyes firmly planted on Dawn. The blonde suddenly looked hurt.
"Fine." Harmony pouted. "See if I come back this time. You can have your little brat Dawn." Her eyes welled up with fake tears.
"Hey!" Dawn hollered looking around the muscular figure standing in front of her. "I am not a brat." She pointed her finger at her frustrated. "Stupid little blonde slut." Dawn hissed.
"Are you gonna just let her talk to me like that Blondie Bear?" Harmony gave him a questioning look. As if things would be different this time. He would come to her rescue like he never had before. Be her hero. Not someone else's. Spike was no one's hero. Only hers. Dawns. Their abnormal claim upon one another was something no one would ever understand.
"Yes." Spike smirked amused. Still staring at his Dawn. It seemed like he was always staring at her. Even when he was speaking to someone else. Why did it always seem like that?
The blonde girl just huffed and stormed off into the crypt to get her clothes. Soon to leave Spike, both of them knowing this would not be the last time. It never was. Always found this way to come back. Hung around like some love sick pup. But it wasn't love. It was something else. Some other skills he obtained.
"I have to go Spike." Dawn sighed. The moment he attempted to create was gone. She was breaking even further. When she watched him with other women it tore her apart. When he wasn't with her, it was even worse.
"But…" Spike tried to make the situation better. But it wasn't working. Usually didn't work. Not with this girl. Attempting to make things better, seemed to make them worse.
"It's okay, just don't worry about it." Dawn assured him. Her eyes looked faded. Always so faded. Because nothing would ever be okay. Not fine. Not alright. Nothing. Not anymore. Her life was this endless abyss. And she was falling.
"I am worried." Spike spoke honestly. For once. Someone really cared. Really felt afraid for her. Wasn't just pretending because she was the slayers little sister. He actually cared. She could feel it in the tone of his voice. The way he reached for her again.
"I'm fine." Dawn paused. "See." She smiled wide. Fake. Always fake. But this time it was on purpose. Cheezy. Showing all her teeth. Made him chuckle. And then it made her smile. Really smile. Didn't show her teeth this time. It was a slight smile. But it was real.
"Pet…" Spike stroked her cheek. "I'd do anything for you, you know that." The blonde half smiled, his eyes had an affectionate glow. This was strange. Something she also did not know how to navigate. He was here. With her. Treating her like she always dreamed. Something inside her, began to feel warm. Began to feel like she could feel. Like this was alright. Like, it would be okay. Maybe for a moment she was fine.
"Spike?" The brunette shook. "Can I stay with you tonight? Or maybe you can stay at my house. I don't want to be alone." She pleaded using her eyes. How could anyone resist those big blue orbs.
"Love, you know that the scoobies wouldn't react too well to that." Spike looked unsure. He didn't want to leave her alone. But it seemed like another mistake. Another reason for them to hate her, and he didn't want that.
"I don't care Spike." Dawn paused. "I did something, something their gonna hate me for anyways." She sighed.
"What?" Spike looked shocked. Something they were going to hate her for? What could that possibly be. One thing he was praying it wasn't. Mistakes he hoped she would never make. Literally NEVER. Even though he knew that was impossible, he still remained hopeful.
"I punched Anya in the face." She said shyly. Why did she act different around him. Like she was human. By herself, or with anyone else, she was different. Like she had nothing left. Nothing inside her. Saved it all for him.
Spike began laughing uncontrollably. "That's my girl." Finally spoke the words he had imagined saying a million times. "But I can't pet. Wouldn't be proper." Spike nodded. Had to try. Try not to do what he wanted to so badly. Knew that would be harder if he was alone with her. Wanted to be close to her. Closer then she could imagine. Knew experiencing that closeness with her would be different. Somehow not the same as it had been with other women. Wanted so badly. But it wouldn't happen. He had to fight against destroying the one thing left that the scoobies hadn't destroyed. Her innocence. Couldn't take that from her. She wasn't that kind of girl, yet. Spike would see to it that she never was. Not at seventeen at least. Would make it as far as he could save her from that. Being tainted. That way. The thought made him sick. Because he knew that she wanted to give it to him. Saw it in the way she looked at him. The way she spoke his name. Especially when she slept. He knew better than anyone. Knew people. Knew Dawn. The way she was alive around him. Didn't want her to feel alive that way. Wasn't right. Especially not with him. Didn't deserve that.
"Okay." Dawn nodded closing her eyes for a moment. Fighting back the pain inside of her. Denied again. Like usual. Dawn just walked away. Ignoring him trying to say goodbye to her. Didn't want to feel the aching anymore. But she knew he would say no. He always did. While all the other guys begged her, he pushed her away. Why?
Dawn arrived at the Summers home and plopped on the couch a cold feeling inside her gut. Why did it seem like he cared for her, then when she needed him most he pushed her away. There was no saving her at this point, no turning back from this rejection. There was literally nothing left inside of her. What was she going to do? Stay here and be stuck with this group, attacking her, telling her she was all wrong. There was nothing left. She once had her dreams, but they were slowly being crushed.
Suddenly Angel stormed into the room an angry look on his face. "Dawnie!" He hollered.
"Oh God!" She shrugged. "Here we go!" Here came the lecture. And this time it was from Angel, mister broody pants himself. He was going to tell her she needed help of some sort. They needed to send her away, because she was going down the wrong road, and hitting Anya was proof of that. Punching a demon was proof that there was something wrong with her. The world she lived in really was no where near normalcy.
"Dawnie, what were you thinking?" He sat down on the couch next to her.
"I was thinking she deserved it!" Dawn hissed.
"The gang and I discussed it and we think you should come to LA with me." Angel announced a smug look on his face. "It's what is best Dawnie." He touched her shoulder gently.
"No!" She hissed. "This isn't up to you guys!" Her voice was hoarse. This was the last thing she wanted, beyond everything. She still did not want to leave Spike. Even after he broke her heart. She still could not imagine a life without him in it. Just when it seemed like things could not get any worse…they did.
"You are only seventeen Dawn." Angel spoke earnestly. She was only seventeen, and so it really was not up to her. "Go on upstairs and start packing up your things." Angel demanded. He was trying to sound considerate, but it was clear, he didn't really care.
"Ugh!" Dawn ran up the stairs exasperated. She began going through clothes and tossing them into her suitcase. This was ridiculous, she was being forced to move to L.A. with someone she didn't even like. She tossed her items into bags furiously. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she could get a break from Spike. From seeing him with other women, from just plain seeing him every damn day. It wasn't like he cared. No one cared.
As Dawn was packing she came across something. A bracelet. Spike had given it to her for her fifteenth birthday. It was a silver charm bracelet.
Dawn took the gift into her hands. It was a small silver charm bracelet. It had one small charm dangling from the chain. It said Little Bit. He got it customized just for her. She smiled wide enough to outshine the sun as she looked up at the blonde vampire.
"I just figured you could use something of your own." Spike shrugged. "You can add to it, make it yours." He smiled impishly.
"Thank you so much Spike." She wrapped her arms around him excited. "This is the best gift ever." She giggled.
"Anything for my little bit." He smiled. He loved seeing her happy.
The bracelet had a few more charms now. One said "Best Sister Ever." It was from Buffy. Another was an ice cream cone charm, from Xander of course. A few from some trips she had taken and from friends. But her favorite was "Little Bit."
She fastened the bracelet onto her wrist, tears welling up in her eyes. She hated leaving this house. So many memories, of her mother, of her sister. Of Spike. Even though they were all technically dead, she still had Spike. But now she was being forced to leave him.
"Dawn, hurry up!" She could hear Angel hollering from down the stairs. She hated the sound of voices. Voices like his. Like the scoobies. The only voice she loved ringing in her ear, was his. Spikes.
She refused to rush down the stairs. She would never obey. She was always defiant. It was who she was, who he had made her. The brunette looked at Angel who was standing at the bottom of the steps.
"I want to say goodbye to Spike." She demanded. There was always more to what she said when she spoke. Like when she said she wanted to say goodbye to Spike, she was saying he was better than Angel.
"No!" Angel answered, denying her one last parting goodbye. His eyes were filled with anger, as if he was jealous. And more than that disgusted, that she preferred his company.
"Who do you think you are?" She hissed. He had no right to deny her this. This was something she deserved, something Spike deserved. They were allotted one last word. Best friends. They should not be torn apart like this.
"The person who is taking care of you now." Angel nodded, sure of himself. "And seeing Spike would not be good for you." He assured her. But she did not believe it. Did not believe him. Never trusted anyone. Accept Spike. He told her the truth, was honest with her. Even when it hurt. Kept her from the pain he could, tried his hardest. Tried to give her the things she wanted, needed. But he was all she ever wanted.
"I hate you!" She hissed her words were filled with venom. No one could express herself like Dawn. With three words she could make you feel the hatred, by the way she spoke the words, the way she glared at you. No man had ever experienced what the worlds I love you could make you feel, when the words came from her lips. No man had ever been that lucky.
"That is something I am just gong to have to live with." Angel spoke the words he did not mean. Because he wished for her acceptance. He only spoke the words in pretend, hoping he would sound like the strong father type. But that was never how he really saw her. Hated that Buffy was gone, the only one he ever loved, and now his feeling for the Dawnster were changing. It seemed she replaced Buffy. Had the love of the two vampires that once possessed it for her sister. But she would never know that.
"Ugh!" Dawn groaned as she followed him outside. Might as well go along with it, it was not as if she were going to be rescued. Not as if Spike cared to keep her. She meant nothing to him. Couldn't. Not when he had the blonde vampire held up in his crypt. Had other women falling all over him. Experienced women. Ones who knew how to keep him interested. Dawn just knew how to love him.
They sat in the car in silence for a while. Angel tried to make her talk but she didn't want to. It hurt to much. She just sat there. Life could not possibly get worse. And at least she had that. She knew there was no possible way things could actually be worse. It was a strange comfort, one she would give up just to have him beside her. Would be alright with the fear of losing it. Because it was better than this nothingness.
"Nice bracelet." Angel spoke looking down at the charms dangling from her wrist.
"Spike got it for me." Dawn spoke looking down at it as well. "For my birthday." She tilted her head against the window.
"I see that." He spoke poking at the one that said 'Little bit.' "What it is with you Summer women?" Angel asked still focused on the road.
"What are you talking about?" She asked dryly as she shook her head.
"With Spike." Angel answered. "It seems all the Summers women have some genetic blind spot when it comes to him." He half chuckled. But it was clearly fake.
"Jealous?" She hissed. She knew how to cut, knew how to injure. Hated how good she was at it.
"Why would I be jealous?" He asked sarcastically. "There is clearly something wrong with you to think of him so fondly." Angel shrugged annoyed.
"Buffy never really cared about him, Angel." Dawn looked at the dark vampire. "If that makes you feel any better." Not like she wanted to do that. "My mom always loved him though." She smiled thinking about her mother. About how the three of them would spend time just talking about nothing, everything. He enjoyed her mother, and she enjoyed him. She always understood the way Dawn felt about him. It made sense to her. No one else.
"And you?" Angel asked curiosity filling his tone.
"I love him." She answered in complete earnest.
Angel looked at her in complete dismay, and disgust. "Dawn you don't know what love is." He shook his head. "Your only seventeen."
"Oh of course not, of course little Dawnie doesn't know what love is." She rolled her blue eyes back into her head. "Couldn't possibly know, couldn't know that it feels like there is no one else in the world. Like everything else you experience, besides the experiences with him, are a complete fallacy. Like if you could have one wish, anything in the world, it would merely be for him to be happy. Forever. Like you would give up every inch of your own joy just to see him smile once. To know what it is like to be completely content to die for someone, because there all that matters. To lose yourself completely because the only thing you see is them." Her eyes began to well up with salty tears. She thought the well had run dry. She was wrong. "Of course I couldn't know any of that, because I'm just a kid right?" She spoke oozing with sarcasm.
"Dawn it's wrong." Angel growled annoyed. How could she feel this way about Spike. He was undeserving.
"Why is it so wrong Angel?" She asked anger burning in her eyes. "Because it's Spike, or because it isn't you." So maybe she did realize how he felt about her. No one understand just how aware Dawn could be. The only person she couldn't read was Spike. The only who she really wanted to understand.
"Dawn?" Angel stumbled over his words. He had no idea how to get out of this one. "That's absurd." He barked.
"Is it?" She asked sitting up further now. She did not start this conversation, he pushed her into it. "Why?" She asked sarcastic. "Because your still so in love with my sister," she stressed every word, this was not the Dawn he was use to. She was angry, she was dark, strong. "Admit it Angel, the dark side in you is still there." She huffed. "And that's the part that wants me, because I am nothing like Buffy, she was sunshine and perfection, I'm darkness and I'm flawed, and I don't want you, and it drives you crazy." She hissed, narrowing her eyes.
"You have completely lost it." Angel growled gripping the wheel tightly. He was infuriated now, she was telling the truth. Every little truth he had always hated about himself. No matter what he did, Angelus still lurked inside him, and he was burning through more than ever when he was near Dawn.
"Maybe." She snickered. "But I am right." He face was sullen now, honest.
"Even if you were right." Angel replied trying to calm himself down. Failing. He was never like this, filled with anger, passion, he was calm, collected, broody. "What makes you think anyone would want you over your sister." Angel spoke, his words were meant to break her. But nothing seemed to break this girl. Not even realizing she was not real. She still stood there, unbroken. Tainted. Scarred. Unbroken.
"Nothing." She admitted. "She is the one everyone chooses. Because someone like you would never admit the way you felt towards someone like me." She shrugged unbothered by this fact.
"And that doesn't bother you." Angel asked confused now. This girl never made any sense, she also never ceased to surprise him.
"No." She half smiled. "You forget, how you feel means nothing to me." She licked her lips. "I love Spike." She stared out the window.
"And he doesn't love you." Angel furrowed his eyebrows.
"Of course not." She admitted. "He's better than that." Dawn looked down closing her eyes. Her bottom lip quivered.
The rest of the car ride was completely silent. When they arrived at L.A. Dawn was asleep. Angel looked over at the Dark haired beauty. He hated her in so many ways. She was the only person who brought out the one creature he fought so hard to suppress. She was the only one so cursed and tainted that she was unbelievable desired by Angelus, by his dark side. A part of him he thought he had locked away. It seemed she held the key.
"Wake up!" Angel jabbed her roughly to wake her.
Dawn huffed and jumped out of the car. She grabbed her things before Angel could be the gentlemen and carry them for her. She was use to doing things herself, she was not about to let him do it for her. She walked inside the building. Angels home. Wesley, Fred and Gun as well. Lorne had left last she heard. There they were ready to greet her. Fake smiles planted on all of their faces. Accept Gun, always liked him, he was real.
"Dawnie!" Fred shouted. He voice rang a high pitch that drove Dawn insane.
"Freddy!" She shook her head sarcastically imitating Fred's chipper tone. She didn't notice. Gun did, he laughed.
"Hey Gun." She winked with a smile.
"Hey squirt." He chuckled. She remembered that nickname. Curious as to why she received it. She was not short. She was taller than her sister. 'Legs that went on forever.' She remember Spike saying that once. Liked the way he could actually think of her that way. At least, enough to make that comment. She cherished the words forever.
"So where's my room at?" She asked placidly.
"Up the stairs third one to the right." Angel pointed.
"Thanks." She spoke sardonically rolling her eyes. She quickly went up the stairs into her new room. She dropped her bags and sat on the edge of the bed. Purple sheets. She rolled her eyes. Spike would have gotten her red. He really knew her. These people knew the old her.
Dawn breathed in deeply. This place was where she was burdened now forever. It seemed even though he was now miles away she still thought of only him. No longer a quick walk down the road. But he still plagued her thoughts. It seemed after what she had said to Angel in the car, things would be different. Awkward for him. Because she knew exactly how he felt. It should have scared her, that Angelus longer for her. Part of Angel did as well. But he would never admit that, was suppose to adore the elder of the Summers. The only one of them who actually deserved admiration.
She looked in the mirror across from her bed. This was her. What the monks had created at least. She had gotten past the fact that she was not real. She felt real, so she knew there was more to it than that. She defied reality. Simply by existing. And then she did it every day after that simply by being who she was.
Before Dawn knew it weeks passed. It seemed like life was really going to be this way. Away from Spike. Away from any kind of possible happiness. Because she didn't deserve it.
Dawn woke late in the morning and decided to go downstairs. She could smell something being cooked. She was hungry, might as well eat. She glided down the stairs only to see the entire crew sitting around the kitchen waiting for Angel to finish cooking. He didn't eat, what the hell was he cooking for. Dawn sat at the counter in front of Angel.
"Morning." He smiled almost apologetically.
"You cook?" Dawn asked raising one eye brow, a faint smile on her face.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"He is actually really good." Fred piped in.
"Well aren't you just a regular Martha Stewart." Dawn snickered. Teasing, the exact way Spike would have. She reminded him so much of his protégé, something he despised most about her. Yet didn't.
"I try." He nodded.
"I'm sure you don't have to." Dawn shook her head. There she went again.
"Someone is feeling feisty today." Angel answered. Angel? Or Angelus?
"Yeah, I suppose I shouldn't waste good insults on you." She answered stealing a pancake he had made for someone else. She poured syrup over it. Knowing there wouldn't be strawberries here. No one here liked the same things she did. Spike did. Always did.
"Dawn are you okay?" Gun asked confused. She was never so rude to Angel. Gun couldn't see why she had changed so much. Seemed so different from the old Dawn. Buffy's sister, molded into what she wanted.
"Just dandy." She answered popping a large bite of pancake into her mouth.
"Dawn is just a little irritated because she's got a big crush on Spike, and he would rather hump everything that moves, besides her." Angel snarled back at her. Yet again confused by his own words. Since when did he speak to her like this.
"Let's not discuss who you have a little crush Angel." She narrowed her eyebrows. This was definitely not the girl he knew. She was so confident, so sure, so not like Dawn.
"Angel?" Fred looked at him confused.
"Forget it she's just rambling." Angel answered nervously.
"Or should I say Angelus." She smirked. She knew what it was that made him want her. And she knew exactly how to play on that. How to confuse him further. Her knowledge astounded him.
"What about Angelus?" Fred asked her voice an even higher pitch than usual. Dawn cringed.
"Nothing." Angel hissed.
"Exactly, nothing." She smirked. "I think I'll go enjoy these in my room." Dawn picked up her plate and went into her new bedroom.
"What was that all about?" Wesley asked looking at his fearless leader.
"Nothing. She's just bitter." Angel growled.
Dawn sat on her bed finishing her pancake. She enjoyed toying with Angel. Enjoyed showing him just how much she despised him. Because he had taken away everything that meant anything to her. Her sister. And the only man she would ever love.
It seemed she was growing colder now. Growing angrier than she ever thought she would. Was tired of being treated like a child, of being treated like she knew nothing. When she knew so much more than any of them could comprehend. Was not the same Dawn they had known back when she was thirteen. Only because the real Dawn was hiding. Always hiding. Behind what was right and what was acceptable. She no longer had any reason to hide the real her. Hide what she wanted. Because Buffy and her mother were gone. The only two people she had to stay pure and honest for. Because she was not made of sunlight like her sister. Was made from the darkness. Made to end the world. Should have been destroyed. Never meant to be here, like this. Only put into this form so the Slayer would protect her. And she loved her. Always did. Dawn knew that now, and she missed her everyday. Missed her sister, missed her mother. Alongside Spike. Because he was gone. Or was it her who was gone. Torn away from him. She sat in that room for hours, watching the sun fade away. Enjoyed the darkness better. Didn't have to pretend in the darkness.
"Don't be afraid pet." The blonde vampire smiled looking at the slayers little sister.
"Why not?" Dawn asked shivering. "It feels like everything I do, I can't be safe." The girl whimpered. "I'm not real Spike. Do you know what that feels like." The brunette shivered again.
"Sort of." He smiled. "Pet your real." He promised as he grabbed a tight hold of both of her shoulders. "You feel real. You smell real. You are completely real." He nodded sure of what he was saying. "Nibblet, I don't think it get's more real than you." He wrinkled his forehead. Confusion all over his face. Why did he feel like there was no one else in the world when he was touching her.
"Promise." Her eyes welled up with tears.
"I promise." He smiled kissing her forehead gently.
"Spike?" She asked nervously.
"Yes love." He touched her cheek gently.
"Promise you'll always be my friend." She asked sincere.
"I promise Dawn." He answered seriously. "And I promise to always be here for you, no matter what gets in my way." He smiled. And for once in a very long time, the girl felt safe.
Dawn heard a door slam and she heard yelling and noises downstairs. Probably some demon entering Angels home, ready for a fight. Might as well mosey on down and find out what was going on. It seemed there could be some form of entertainment in this lousy place.
"Angel!" The blonde vampire hollered anger laced in his strong, raspy voice.
"Spike?" Angel looked at his childe in dismay.
"You better tell me what in the bleeding hell you think you are doing taking my Nibblet away." He pointed at the dark haired vampire. "This is bollocks!" He shouted.
"She needed to be protected." Angel answered.
"The only one who needs to protect her is me." There was a low rumble in Spike's throat.
"Well you weren't doing a very good job." Wesley piped in. "We feel you are a bad influence on her." He nodded sure of his comment.
Spike lifted Wesley by the throat swiftly holding him in the air as he kicked his feet around. "She's mine!" He growled.
"Spike!" Dawn shouted as she arrived at the bottom of the stairs. Why was he here? For her? It was not possible. All she ever wanted. Couldn't be possible.
"Dawn!" Spike tossed Wesley to the ground with ease. His eyes fixated on his girl.
"What are you doing here?" She asked as he ran towards her.
"Came to rescue you Nibblet." He smiled. "Unless you would rather not be rescued." He looked at Angel, then back to her.
"Spike!" She shouted with a wide smile as she wrapped her long arms around his large neck.
"So you did miss me then pet?" Spike asked wrapping his arms around her perfectly shaped waist.
"Of course." She smiled openly. Spike came here for her. Because he thought she might want him to. He did care. "You really came to get me?" She asked a smile planted firmly on her face.
"Of course love." Spike pulled her closer. "Finally realized all the mistakes I was making." He admitted sullen. "m'not gonna make 'em anymore pet." He promised. It seemed he was keeping most of his promises. Why couldn't she believe this one.
"What do you mean, mistakes?" She asked slightly confused.
"I love you pet." Spike spoke as he leaned his forehead gently against hers, in a very affectionate gesture.
Dawn gasped at the sound of those words being spoke. Words she had dreamed of for so long. Words she only dreamed he would utter. And her dreams were coming true. Why was she so lucky?
"Like platonically?" Dawn asked dryly.
"No." Spike shook his head, the sound was his voice was breathy. "I love you, like I have never loved anyone before pet." He admitted, almost nervous. But mostly sure, and pleased. Pleased that he finally realized it. Finally admitted it. Professing his love and admiration.
"I love you too." Dawn admitted almost crying now. "I always have." One stray tear slid down her porcelain cheek.
"Hate to break up this wonderful moment." Angel chided in. "But Spike you're the reason she is the way she is, and she isn't going anywhere." He tried to sound confident.
"Try standing in my way Angel." Spike spoke pulling Dawn closer. "You'll be in a world of hurt." The blonde promised.
"Just let me go Angel." She pleaded her eyes wide with hope.
"But…" Angel argued with himself for a while. Argued with Angelus. But he knew the right thing was to let her go. Let he experience happiness. "Go," he answered quickly.
"Thank you." Dawn whispered.
Dawn followed Spike out of that wretched place. The car ride was no where near silent. So many questions, so many promises. Had to ask him so many things. How long her had known? How much he really loved her? Why her? And he had all the answers. Ones she would cherish for eternity.
The next morning Dawn woke to Spike almost crushing her body into his own. He held her tighter than anyone had ever done before. She didn't mind the pain. Didn't mind it because for once she really felt safe. Felt loved. Spike loved her. He had professed in front of the entire L.A. gang. He was hers. For once she got exactly what she always wanted. What she deserved. For once. She could be happy. Without breaking. Without losing herself. So they could spend eternity like this. Because no one else deserved them. Just each other. Holding onto something far more transparent than imaginable. And for once they could be happy.
Spike held her in his arms. His Dawn. His dark haired beauty. His forever. He loved the way she breathed. The way she smelled. She was more real than anyone he had ever known. She felt so real in his arms. He knew no one could ever deserve such a perfect creature. Not even him. But she thought he did. And that was more than enough. And he would protect her forever. All he ever wanted. His Dawn. His Little Bit. Little Bit of happiness.