Author's Notes: Here I am, trying my hand at another story (hopefully one I can actually finish...) Two stories, actually, but that might be too difficult, so I'll probably only continue the more popular one.
Yep, this is the Flapjack/TDI crossover I mentioned in my profile. I just had to try it!
Total Candied Island
Prologue: Not So Happy Campers, But Oh So Happy Flapjacks
"Cap'n?"
"What?"
"How much longer?"
Thus was the first conversation the eager young Flapjack and his father figure, has-been adventurer Cap'n K'nuckles, shared in hours. Both were drifting aimlessly on a single, weathered plank of wood now, after days of harsh seafaring adventure. Even Flapjack, who loved adventure more than anything, was getting quite sick of it all.
But they still trudged on, despite countless perils and near misses from the kiss of Death, because they knew at the end of it all was a fantastic reward; the fabled Candied Island, where everything was edible and tasted so good, no word in any language has been invented to describe it.
Flapjack's ear perked at the gentle rustling of a map. K'nuckles smoothed out the valuable directions and squinted at what was written. "I dunno, Flap. I can't read, remember?"
"Oh, right." The young boy let out a single chirp of laughter, then grabbed the map out of his friend's wooden hands. "According to this, we should be at Candied Island any minute now."
"We better be," the old captain grumbled. "After goin' through that Cave of a Thousand Woes, some candy is the least we deserve."
"Not to mention the Drain to the Center of the World," Flapjack added.
"And the Graveyard of Pirates."
"And the Sea of Perpetual Hail."
"And Eight Armed Willy's Lair."
"And that strange vortex thingy that wasn't even on the map!"
K'nuckles' surprise at this statement was enough to have him actually lift his head off the plank. "Huh? What vortex thingy?"
"Don'cha remember?" the boy asked. "It was the part where Bubbie decided she had enough and left us." A tear leaked out his eye at the mention of his surrogate whale mother, whom he loved very, very much.
The captain carelessly waved a wooden hand. "Yeah, yeah, Bubbie. Whatever. Too bad she's missing all the candy; but then again, she's already big enough as it is."
"Huh?" Flapjack asked, not catching K'nuckles' insult.
"Never mind."
The pair continued to drift at sea…
---
"Chris McLean, you're on in five," a man with a headset addressed.
The handsome host instinctively flipped open a hand mirror and took a second to check his smiling reflection. He smiled back and announced, "Stunning as always. By the way, ya missed a spot." He pointed at his nose, and another intern came by and patted a powder puff to it.
"Perfect-a-mundo!" Chris cleared his throat, the cameras started rolling, the lights flickered on, and all that other T.V. making stuff happened.
"Lights," a cameraman announced. "Camera. ACTION!"
Epic music played as Chris walked on an old dock, looking like it would collapse at any moment. "Hey! Chris McLean here. Greetings from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, and welcome to the first season of what is going to be our proud country's newest and greatest reality T.V. show EVER!" As he talked, the host walked off the dock and passed by two rundown cabins. "Here's the deal; twenty-two ordinary teens are gonna spend eight weeks in this crusty, crappy summer camp, where they will have to deal with disgusting camp food…"
In the background, the big, black, and burly chef waved cheerfully to the camera, while cooking something green and slimy on a barbeque. Then the green thing slithered off the grill, grew an eyeball, and wandered off into the woods.
"…Vicious wildlife…"
A rabbit ran up to the camera and smiled cutely, before a bear came in and roared. The bunny squeaked and hopped away. Then a shark leapt out of the water, its jaws bared towards the bear, which also squeaked and ran away. Then a giant octopus slithered out of the water, and the shark squeaked and flopped away.
"…Insane, dangerous, and even potentially deadly challenges…"
A faceless intern started climbing through a dangerous obstacle course. After nearly falling and getting hit several times, he finally made it to the top. Then the whole course exploded.
"…And worst of all, each other!" Chris let out a sadistic chuckle. "The teens will be divided into two teams, which will duke it out on one of these challenges every three days." He now had walked all the way to a campfire, with several stumps and a podium around it. "The losing team will have to send one of their own off the island in a bonfire ceremony. After eight weeks, only one will remain, and he or she will win…"
The large, intimidating chef from earlier was now wearing a dress. He growled as he produced a treasure chest and opened it, revealing a wealth of…er, wealth.
"…A small fortune of $100,000, which, let's face it, they'll blow off in a week."
---
""K'nuckles! Look!"
"Could it be?!" The captain was astonished, as he saw Flapjack point off to the distance. It was a very tall peak, just like the one described in the myths! "It is!"
"CANDIED ISLAND!" Flapjack squealed, hugging his face.
"WE DID IT, BOY!" Rejuvenated by enthusiasm, Cap'n K'nuckles took his protégé by the arm and performed an impromptu swing dance. Well, as much of an impromptu swing dance as you can do on a tiny wood plank. Finally, after all that danger, betrayal, and heartbreak, they finally reached Candied Island!
---
Chris had walked back to the dock, having just finished explaining everything. "So, who will win it all? Who will touch our hearts? Who will find love? Who will bust our guts with laughter? Find out this season, on TOTAL. DRAMA-"
SPLAT! SPLAT!
The host flinched to each splat, then looked to see what just interrupted his awesome speech. Apparently, it was…some kid, and a blue man with wooden limbs? And they were lying face down on the Dock of Shame for some reason.
Then he became really freaked out when the two started making sucking sounds.
"Hey K'nuckles," the kid asked, his voice muffled by the dock.
"Yeah, Flapjack?" the blue man responded.
"This doesn't taste like candy."
Chris raised an eyebrow. Who the heck were these freaky people?
"WHAT?!" K'nuckles leapt onto his wooden feet surprisingly quickly for someone so disabled. "But, but this is CANDIED ISLAND! Everything's supposed to be made of CANDY! What a rip-off!"
"What the heck is the matter with you two?" Chris asked, finally deciding to talk to the weirdoes.
"What's the problem?" K'nuckles asked furiously. "I'll tell ya what's the problem; your dock is broken!"
"I wanted candy…" Flapjack sniffled.
"Hey, Flap, maybe we can eat this guy!" Then the weirdoes slowly approached the reality T.V. host, arms outstretched and mouths drooling.
"Hey hey hey," Chris nervously replied, raising his hands in defense. "I'm not very tasty, guys."
"But aren't ya made of candy?" Flapjack asked, scratching his head.
K'nuckles shrugged. "Maybe he means he's made of black licorice. His hair looks like it."
"But I like black licorice!"
Chris got mad. "I'm not made of candy, dudes!"
"Then why are ya on Candied Island?" K'nuckles flatly asked.
"Candied Island? But this isn't…"
It was then that the diabolical host's scheming mind got to work. Here these two weirdoes, were, getting shipwrecked at his island and thinking everything was candy. Imagine what would happen if these two were on Total Drama Island; if they harassed the campers, or if they got brutally ripped apart by wildlife. Ratings gold!
"Isn't what?" Flapjack asked.
Chris thought for a moment, then started his scheme. "This isn't…uh…how it works here, on 'Candied Island'." He used air quotes for "Candied Island". "Uh, we've got this, uh, huge candy stash buried underground, and we don't let just anyone take it."
The two weirdoes were already soaking the dock with drool.
"First, you have to prove your worth, by facing several dangerous trials!" Chris waved his fingers in emphasis here. "And you must defeat many others at these trials in order to claim your prize."
"Others?" K'nuckles asked incredulously. "Ha! We can take on these 'others', can't we Flap?"
"Yeah!" Flapjack cheered. "Because we have the power of friend-"
"Okay, that's great. Now quit hogging my screentime." Chris rudely shoved the two out of the view of the camera. "Now where was I? …Oh yeah. Find out who wins on TOTAL. DRAMA. ISLAND!"
"You mean this ISN'T Candied Island?!" K'nuckles asked in shock.
Chris sighed. "Oops, my mistake. On TOTAL. CANDIED. ISLAND!"
---
*Insert TDI opening scenes here, and add Flapjack and K'nuckles wherever you see fit*
Hey Larry and Bubbie I'm doin' fine,
I've got candy on my mind!
You asked me what I wanted to be,
Now I think the answer is plain to see…
I wanna beeeee an ADVENTURER!
I wanna brave the ocean blue,
With a large and loyal crew!
Everythin' to prove nothin' in my way,
I'll travel the world one day…
'Cause I wanna beeeee an ADVENTURER!
Naaaa nanananana naaaa nanananana naaaa nanananana naaaa!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be an ADVENTURER!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be an ADVENTURER!
Doo doodoodoo, doo doodoodoo doo doo! GUITAR RIFF!
---
Flapjack was now dangling his legs at the end of the dock, humming an improvised tune to himself. K'nuckles grumbled, facing towards the host who never stopped smiling to the camera.
"So mister candy guy," he asked, "when are those other people getting here, anyway?"
Chris nonchalantly checked his watch. "Any moment, now."
Flapjack turned his head to the other adults and added his own two cents. "Oh boy, I can't wait to meet these new friends!"
"They ain't our friends, Flap!" K'nuckles argued. "They're tryin' to steal our candy!"
"Aw, I'm sure they're all adventurers like us," Flapjack reasoned. "And all adventurers are friends, right? Because we all have…" He then whispered in K'nuckles' ear, "…common interests." Then he laughed.
"Oh, to be that naïve again…" Chris was about to wallow into his memories when a small, but very fancy and expensive-looking yacht abruptly stopped at the dock. Out leaped a short girl with a brown ponytail and large glasses, looking as if she was about to explode in anticipation.
"Omigosh! Hi Chrith MaClean!" she lisped through her braces, ignoring the adventurers and racing up to the host to give him a hug.
"Erm…" Chris looked a little uncomfortable about his situation. "Hi, Beth. Welcome to Total Drama…"
K'nuckles glared at him.
"Uh, I mean, Total Candied Island. Don't ask about the name change for now."
Beth merely shrugged it off, as Flapjack approached the new girl.
"Wow!" Flapjack pointed at the receding yacht and gawked. "For an adventurer, you've got a really nice boat! You must be rich!"
Beth giggled and snorted, letting a small blush creep onto her cheeks. "Ah no, I'm not rich at all. But thankth!"
Chris frowned. "That isn't her boat, moron. All the campers are arriving on yachts like that."
"Oh." Flapjack seemed to get lost in his thoughts as the next yacht arrived on the island, letting out a large, Jamaican boy with a skullcap and a beard.
"DJ!" Chris greeted, raising his hand for a high-five. "Wassup?"
DJ did not accept the high five. "I dunno, dude. That guy ridin' the boat was kinda freaky…hey, where's the hot tub at?"
Chris chuckled evilly. "Heheh, that was a lie so you'd accept the invitation. Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, your crappy home for the next eight weeks."
The gentle giant's broad shoulders drooped. "Aw man, for real?" He passed by K'nuckles, then instinctively looked back. And then he screamed.
"EEK! PIRATE!" To K'nuckles' shock, DJ cowered before him, trembling like a leaf.
"Wow!" Flapjack announced, "You scared the toughest guy here! You must be a great adventurer!"
"Well, I don't like to brag, but-"
"You must be kidding me." The next contestant, a goth girl, arrived. And she looked none too happy about where she was staying.
"Gwen," Chris greeted. "Got any complaints about how unfair life is for us to hear?"
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Ignoring how blatantly stereotypical that comment is, I've got plenty. First of all, you promised us a five-star hotel." She gestured towards the campgrounds, which looked far below five-star quality. In fact, they may have gotten negatives. "Second, who the heck is this freak?" This time she was referring to Cap'n K'nuckles, who understandably got upset.
"Look who's talking!" he retaliated. "I've never seen anythin' with green lips before! Are ya even human?"
Gwen tried to kick him in the crotch, but only got a painful toe as a result.
"You're going to pay for that," she grimaced, fury etched in her pale face. Meanwhile, K'nuckles laughed and taunted her, revealing that his…unmentionable area was a plank of wood.
DJ looked between the two characters. "I can't decide which one's scarier!"
Fortunately, the fight was interrupted when loud party music blasted in the area. Everyone's head turned to see a blond cowboy with a pink, unbuttoned shirt jump off his yacht, his bags jumping in afterward.
"Yo!" he greeted, waving at everyone. "I'm so stoked to be here, man!"
Chris patted the new kid on the shoulder. "Geoff, my man! Great to see ya, man!"
"Great to see ya too, man!"
Gwen rolled her eyes. "If they say 'man' one more time, I'm going to puke."
"So Chris, is this where we're stayin', man?"
Gwen vomited.
The next boat arrived, holding a gorgeous blonde with large breasts. "Ladies and gentlemen!" Chris announced. "This is Lindsay!"
"Bimbo," Gwen muttered, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.
"Sexy," K'nuckles muttered.
"She looks nice," Flapjack muttered.
"And sexy."
"Hi Kyle Mickey!" Lindsay stepped onto the dock, and squealed in delight when she saw Flapjack. "Omigosh, he's so kyut!"
Chris frowned. "What am I, chopped liver? And the name's Chris Mc-"
"Huggies!" The males watched on in jealousy as Flapjack received a…very soft hug from the bubbly blonde.
K'nuckles grinned, holding out his wooden arms. "Say, hottie. Can ol' Knuckies have a hug, too?"
Lindsay looked back from her hug, and recoiled a bit at K'nuckles' appearance. "Uh…I don't hug ugly people."
"Ugly?! Who're ya callin' ugly?!"
"You. You're really ugly."
Flapjack giggled. "Ya know…you're right! K'nuckles may be a great adventurer, but BOY is he ugly!" K'nuckles growled, subconsciously holding his nose as he walked away…right into a tall Asian girl wearing sunglasses.
"Watch it, you freak!" she snapped, pushing him to the side.
"Hey!" the adventurer retaliated. "You watch it!"
Chris chuckled. "Looks like our villainous prima donna, Heather, has arrived. Let the ratings begin."
Heather removed her sunglasses, squinting as she took in her surroundings. Finally, she began her barrage of insults. "You promised us five star accommodations, Chris. All I see is a crappy campground. Where is the hotel? The butlers willing to serve my every whim? The deluxe buffet with eleven selections of butter?" She snarled into the host's face. "I did not sign for this. I'm leaving." She began to walk back to the yacht, but Chris merely smiled and held up a contract.
"I afraid Mr. Contract here says ya can't leave," Chris chortled. "That goes for all of ya vic- …campers."
K'nuckles looked confused. "Contracts? What contracts?"
"We never got any contracts," Flapjack noted.
Chris frowned and handed the pair some contracts. "There ya go. Two contracts for the new freaks."
"The head nurse spoke up. Da na na na! And she said to leave this one alone! Da na na na! She could tell right away. Da na na na! That I was bad to the bone!" A punk with a green mohawk and many piercings scowled from the deck of his yacht. Everyone, even Chris, fell silent. "Bad to the bone! Da na na na! B-b-b-bad to the bone! Da na na na! B-b-b-bad!"
In one quick move, the punk jumped off the boat, with his luggage, and grabbed Chris' shirt. "I don't like surprises," he snarled.
Chris chuckled nervously. "Well Duncan, sadly for you that isn't gonna be the only one. Just don't try any funny business, or I'll hafta call your parole officer to send ya back to juvie."
"Hey Flap," K'nuckles whispered to the boy. "What the heck is that guy?"
"He looks scary," Flapjack answered. "Like one of those-"
"Ya think I look scary, kid?" Apparently Duncan heard him, because he lifted poor Flapjack off the ground. "Well let me tell you something." He jabbed a finger into Flapjack's stomach. "I AM scary, and you better not forget it. Capiche?"
"What does 'capiche' mean?" Flapjack asked. K'nuckles shrugged.
Duncan growled, letting the boy drop onto the hard dock.
A horn blew, and Chris once again directed everyone's attention to the lake. "Ladies and gentlemen," he announced. "Tyler!"
A red speck was flying on the lake's surface, being pulled by a yacht in overdrive. Once he got closer, the speck waved…then he tripped somehow, somersaulting over the water due to his high velocity. He crashed into the dock, sending him airborne until he landed in the small collection of the campers' luggage.
"Wow," Lindsay gushed, her baby blue eyes widening. "That was amazing!"
Gwen sighed, "Amazingly pathetic, you mean"
"Whoa-oa-oa!" Chris ran over to the suitcase pile, seemingly buzzed by Tyler's "act". "Nice intro, dude! Are ya gonna be okay?"
A red-sleeved hand popped out of suitcases and flashed him a thumbs-up.
Geoff and DJ gave Gwen thumbs-ups as well, which she didn't return.
The next thing the campers heard was heavy breathing. A lanky nerd with auburn hair and green glasses was already on the dock, waiting to be acknowledged. And he was breathing heavily.
"So," he rasped, "is this where we're staying?"
Chris didn't look too excited about this one. "Yup."
"You mean, we're staying at a crappy, rundown summer camp instead of a big stage or something?" he asked, sounding more excited with each syllable.
"You got it, Harold."
The nerd celebrated with a fist pump. "YES! This is so much more favorable to my skills!" He walked jauntily across the dock for a few seconds, then he locked eyes with Duncan, and instantly gave him a very frightening glare.
Duncan cracked his knuckles and mouthed "You, me, the flagpole. See ya there."
"Idiot," Harold muttered under his breath.
Chris was now beside a handsome-looking guy with a guitar and a FREAKISHLY MASSIVE HEAD. "Contestant number nine is Trent!"
Harold rolled his eyes. "Uh, Chris? He's actually the twelfth to-"
The host put a finger to the nerd's lips. "Shush!"
Trent didn't seem to notice, though, as all he was really looking at was the goth girl at the back of the pack. He coughed nervously, patted down his hair, and walked towards her, counting his steps. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine." In nine steps, the guitarist was right next to her. He smiled, and Gwen couldn't help but smile back.
Chris flashed his pearly whites to the camera. "Romance: it's what's for ratings!" He winked. And then he was bonked on the head by a surfboard.
"Hey guys," a blonde girl holding a surfboard greeted everyone. "I'm Bridgette, and I can't wait to catch some waves here!"
"Gnarly!" Geoff exclaimed. "I'm Geoff, and I've always wanted to surf! I'm no good at it, though…" He removed his hat and scratched his head nervously.
"Hey Geoff," said Bridgette. "Maybe I can teach you!" She lifted her surfboard in excitement, but accidentally bonked both Chris and a small Indian kid on their heads.
"Watch the precious cargo, Dojikko," the new kid grumbled, holding his large forehead in pain.
Bridgette blushed. "Oops, sorry…what's a Dojikko?"
"Yeah, like I'd expect you to know." He rolled his eyes, then looked for someone else to insult. He chose Duncan. "Nice piercings, Mr. Original. You do them yourself?"
The punk furiously grabbed the insulter's lip and held out a piercing. "Sure, ya want one?"
To everyone's surprise, the new kid didn't flinch. "Uh, no thank you. Can I haff my lip back?" Duncan let go of his lip. "Thanks."
"Insulting everyone right away might not be a good idea, Noah," Chris advised. "After all, half of 'em are gonna be your teammates."
Noah scoffed. "Yeah, I'll stop insulting them once they stop sucking, thank you."
Before anyone could complain any further, a large-boned black girl was strutting down the dock. "Wassup y'all? LeShawna's in da house!"
Harold gasped.
"That's right, baby. Y'all might as well drop out now and save yo'selves the trouble, 'cause I came to win!" She planted herself besides Trent and Gwen and smiled confidently. Most everyone was staring at her, but Harold was actually leaning over her shoulder, once again breathing loud.
After a minute of breathing, he said something. "I've never met a girl like you in real life before."
LeShawna cocked an eyebrow and placed a hand on her hip. "Excuuuse me?"
"You're real big," Harold wheezed, holding his hands far apart for emphasis. "And loud." Obviously, this was the wrong thing to say.
"Oh no you di-in't!" she protested, getting ready to beat the ever-loving crap out of the nerd. "Nobody calls Shawnie big and loud, 'specially not a little white string bean such as yo'self!" She was held back by half the campers, while Harold tried to defend himself with some impromptu kung-fu poses.
"EEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Once again, the campers' attention was turned to the dock, where two girls, one fat, one thin, and both with identical clothes and hair, were squealing.
"Omigosh, Katie!" the fat one squealed. "We're at a summer camp!"
"Omigosh!" the skinny one squealed. "I totally love summer camp! Especially when I get to go with my BFFFL, Sadie!"
"Omigosh, me too!"
"EEEEEEEEE!!!"
"It's so great we can agree on so many things, isn't it?"
"Like totally! We make such perfect BFFFLs!"
"EEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Maybe we can sleep on the same bunk!"
"Omigosh, I'd love to sleep on the same bunk!"
"Me too!"
"MAKE 'EM STOP!" K'nuckles wailed, plugging his unseen ears. However, this caused him to get splinters in his ear canal. "YEOW YEOW YEOW YEOW YEOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!"
Noah droned, "Next time you hear squealing, try using earplugs." He pointed at the earplugs in his own ears.
K'nuckles growled.
Chris then greeted the next camper, a pale boy wearing unusually warm clothes for the summer and a toque on his head. "Ezekiel, what's up, my man?"
He looked confused for a moment, then directed his attention skyward. He pointed, and replied, "I think I see a bird, eh."
"Where?" K'nuckles also looked to the sky, using a wooden hand to shield his eyes despite wearing a hat.
"There!" Flapjack turned his father figure's head around, until it was facing a seagull with soda rings on its neck, flying very crookedly. Then a shark randomly jumped out of the water and gulped it down.
Ezekiel gasped. "I doon't think I like this island, eh."
Chris laughed. "Well too bad! You better get used to it, unless you get kicked off first or something."
"Yes sir." Ezekiel saluted, and marched off to join the rest of the campers.
Gwen sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots."
"Welcome to my world," Noah replied.
Just then, a boy even scrawnier than any other (except Flapjack, of course) stepped off his yacht and gave Chris a hi-five.
"Cody!" the host greeted. "The Codester! The Codemeister!"
Cody greeted him right back. "Dude, psyched to be here. I see the ladies already arrived. Nice!" He then started…walking down the dock, using the term "walking" loosely. He looked absolutely ridiculous.
"Hey babe." He pointed to Lindsay. "You've got boobs so big, they've got their own gravitational pull!" Most of the campers groaned at this, but Lindsay giggled, somehow flattered by the terrible flirting. "And you, I'd like to ride your surfboard, if you know what I mean." Bridgette raised an eyebrow. "And you-"
LeShawna stopped him before he could embarrass himself further. "Save it, short stuff."
STOMP STOMP!
"Eva," Chris smirked. "Glad you can-OW!" A muscular girl with a black ponytail kicked the host in the shin, hard.
"And you!" Cody continued, now just being flat-out stupid. "You can manhandle me any-" CLANG! Eva dropped her bag right on the flirt's foot. "OW! What's in there, dumbbells?"
"Yes."
"She's all yours, man," Geoff told DJ, who cowered in fright.
"CHRIS MACLEAN!" an incredibly excited voice shouted out. "THIS IS AWESOME!" A morbidly obese boy with a Toronto Maple Leafs t-shirt was hopping up and down the deck of his yacht, his weight noticeably denting the wood.
Chris somehow matched his enthusiasm. "OWEN! WELCOME!" However, he became far less excited once the jolly teen lifted him off the ground in a massive bear hug.
"Okay, Owen…let me go…urgh!"
"Sorry dude; I'm just so PSYCHED!" Owen grasped his hair in excitement, accidentally letting go of the host and letting him crash to the ground. "THIS IS GOING TO BE SO…uh…"
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Awesome?"
"Yeah! AWESOME!" Now Owen was hugging the goth girl, who was wrinkling her nose; probably because her face was right next to his armpit. "WHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO-"
"Oh will you be quiet!" a tan girl with formal summer attire snapped. Owen quickly let go of Gwen and nervously twiddled his thumbs.
"Sorry."
Now that everyone's attention was on her, the new girl instantly changed her demeanor into a friendlier one. "Hello everyone, my name is Courtney," she greeted with a large smile. "You all must be the other contestants. A pleasure to meet you all."
Duncan smirked, cracking his knuckles. "The pleasure's all mine…"
Courtney approached the criminal, her eyes narrowing. "What is that supposed to…" A golden glow hit the campers, and they all turned to the lake, where heavenly music greeted their ears. "…oh wow…"
Proudly standing atop the approaching yacht was what many would believe to be a physical god. His black hair wafted in the breeze, his blue eyes sparkled with beauty, his teeth were whiter than snow. He didn't even wear a shirt, instead opting to grace the entire viewing world with his flawless physique.
"Uh, can you get me back on the camera?" Chris' voice asked. But not a single cameraman obliged, too enamored by the absolute perfection approaching the dock.
Finally he arrived, and all the girls instantly swooned and fainted before his feet. He merely smiled and winked at the cameras, which started shaking.
"I don't get it," K'nuckles complained. "What's with the faintin' and the starin' and stuff?" Katie and Sadie both hit him on the head.
"Thanks for that, ladies," the model spoke. Even his voice was amazing, and it quickly reduced the BFFFLs into jelly. "The name's Justin. What're yours?"
"Brbbubbububllbuub."
"Bllbulbbrrubbrblbbu."
"Nice names…waugh!" Justin was pushed aside by a girl with fiery orange hair and skimpy green clothes. "Hey watch it, you have no idea what my body's worth!"
The girl then randomly tripped on the dock. Several campers flinched.
"Wow, that felt so…GOOD!" She got back up, only to slam her face into the dock several more times.
Justin cocked an eyebrow. "What the heck? How did she resist-"
"DON'T TALK WHILE I HURT MYSELF, MORTAL!" she roared. Then she faced Chris MaClean and started babbling. "Hey Chris, I've got a cousin named Chris, except that he's now just a head and a pair of legs due to a freak incident involving a screwdriver, 26 erasers and a peacock! Crazy day that was!"
"Nice to see you too, Izzy," he deadpanned.
"But then the peacock became the family pet. We named him Charlotte, and he beat the world's oldest chihuahua in a friendly chess game! Of course then people started beating each other up with the knights, but then-" Chris taped her mouth shut.
"As I was saying, welcome to Total Candied Island, everyone."
"I thought it was Total Drama Island," Izzy mused.
"It was, but then these two guys came along and…wait, how did you get the tape off your mouth so fast?" Chris gave Izzy's mouth a scrutinizing glare.
"I could tell you," the crazy girl replied cheerfully. "But then I'd have to kill you."
Chris chose to drop the issue, for the sake of the show and his life. "Okay then. Now we need to take a picture for the promos. Everybody line up!"
---
"So remind me…why are we standin' around like idiots again?" K'nuckles asked no one in particular. Of course, no one answered.
"Alright campers," Chris said. "On three, say 'Wawanakwa'! One…two…three!"
"Wawanak-"
"Wait wait wait!" Everyone stopped smiling and glared at the sadistic host as he fiddled around with his camera. "Forgot the lens cap!"
Gwen smacked her forehead.
"Idiot," Harold muttered.
Finally, Chris got the camera working again, and got ready to take everyone's picture. "One…two…three!"
"Wawa-"
"Whoops! Cart's full!" Now everyone was groaning and whining.
"C'mon man," LeShawna complained, "My face is startin' to freeze."
"Okay okay, sorry, geez! One…two…three!"
"Wawanak-AAAAHHHHH!!!" Due to the combined weight of all the campers, the dock gave way and everyone plummeted into the water. Chris took the photo anyway, grinning his famous sadistic grin.
Author's Notes: Please check out the prologue for my other story and vote on my poll, if you don't mind (I'm so polite, aren't I?). I don't want to work on two stories at a time, and the poll results will help determine which story I'll continue with.