And I am alone, so don't speak
I find war, and I find peace
I find no heat, no love in me
The small scuffling wasn't what woke him. In fact, the blue eyes had been staring unseeingly at the ceiling for so long, the man wasn't sure if they would even close again.
He felt… nothing.
He had expected a bitter emptiness, but it seemed that along with his wings, his feelings were simply… gone.
He wondered, distantly, if this was how Sam had felt when he had had no soul. The nothingness in his heart was causing a dull ache, his breaths shaky when he inhaled. He could feel the eyes on him, watching him, but couldn't muster the will or energy to turn his head and meet the gaze.
But he knew that they were a sharp green, and full of worry.
And I am low and unwell
this is love, this is hell
this sweet plague that follows me
It was painful; in it's own way.
He imagined the ugly, crack filled ceiling was the sky; he imagined never being in it again.
Of course, he knew it wasn't just his imagination. This reality now, the one where he was caged in a world so big, was hard to imagine. He could do so much, but also nothing at all.
And my body's weak
feel my heart giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
He realized his breaths had sped up, and they were surely tumbling from his mouth in a noisy stutter.
He couldn't hear it.
And my body's weak
feel my lungs giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
something my soul needs
There were warm hands cupping his face, but nothing to see as his sight left him along with his hearing. There was an ache in his chest, even more pronounced than before.
He focused on the hands.
He focused on the scratch of fingernails down his jaw.
He focused on the circling pressure on his temple.
He focused on the warm breath ghosting across his face.
And I see war on the screen,
and it is cruel and unclean,
but I still worry more about you
He focused on the drag of fingernails on his stubble.
He focused on the whispered assurances from a deep voice.
He focused on the sound of someone's breathing.
And I am rude and unkind
have no thought, and have no time
have no eyes, so no point of view
He focused on stubble on a square jaw.
He focused on a cupids bow upper lip.
He focused on green eyes.
And my body's weak
I feel my heart giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
"I…"
His voice was weak- more gravelly than usual. There was a pulling sensation behind his eyes, and then something warm sliding down his cheek his cheek.
The eyes. Those eyes.
Feel my lungs giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
something my soul needs
They wouldn't stop looking. His chin was trembling, and those eyes would see.
He didn't want them to see.
But the hands were still there, and they weren't moving. They weren't moving, but they were holding, making him stay.
Making sure those eyes would see.
And I am more than this frame,
I feel hurt and I feel shame
I just wish you would feel the same
"Cas," the lips were moving, and now there was a voice. "You're okay, Cas."
His chest was still hurting, had never stopped hurting, and now his throat was closing up. There was more warmness on his cheeks, stopping where those hands started.
He breathed in.
And I am more than these bones
I feel love, I feel alone
I just wish you would come home
It came out in a wet and choked noise, croaky and feeling unnatural.
But the hands were still there, and now there was a body. There was a solid weight that let him cling and sob and get the horrible wetness everywhere.
My body's weak
I feel my heart giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
It was quiet now.
There was a nose touching his own, and the breath was back on his face. The eyes were gone, shut for a short rest. The lips were there, lax in slumber and parted to release a light snore.
The ache was gone.
My body's weak
feel my lungs giving up on me
I'm worried it might just be
something my soul needs
His own eyes were closing now, the lids heaving and sore and stinging a little. When they were closed, darkness surrounded his mind, calm and peaceful and a bit like the sky.
Cas smiled.
Is you, lying next to me
And it's you, lying next to me