The Only Thing

by cwby30

Fran gives a speech at her graduation, causing Ennis to rethink his life, and then make a phone call to Childress.

The Only Thing

Final

Posted – 11/10/09

PART 1

June 2, 1983

Ennis felt uncomfortable. Not in itself anything new. But today he really wanted to fit in, to be part of the event, not stand out, just be there. It didn't work. Try as he did, he still felt uncomfortable.

Maybe part of it was sitting next to Alma on the squeaky metal folding chairs at the long table in the gymnasium. Maybe part of it was the tiring exercise of making polite conversation while eating semi-warm scrambled eggs and bacon with luke-warm coffee in what the high school billed as the baccalaureate breakfast, whatever that meant. Maybe part of it was wearing a tie for hours on end. Maybe part of it was being at the high school, a place unfamiliar except for parents' night twice a year. Maybe part of it was knowing Fran would graduate in two days, then head off to Denver with friends for their graduation trip and, once she got back, to Gillette to start college early.

Deep inside he knew most of his discomfort came from worrying about Jack. He couldn't get their last day together out of his mind; it had preyed on him day and night for the past month. The words they said, twenty years of frustration and fear and caring –where did that thought come from? – aired out in what he thought was their sanctuary. No taking back, the reins finally yanked back to grind things to a halt, both of them panting, stomping, unsure of which way to head now. So nothing had changed, nothing was decided. They withdrew from the battlefield scarred and scared, hoping for another day.

"Ennisss!" He heard a whispered hiss from his left, accompanied by a jab to his ribs.

"Huh? What? Dammit, Alma," he said in an annoyed tone, rubbing the sore spot.

"Keep your voice down." Another hushed hiss. "Where's your mind? Pay attention, it's Fran's turn to talk."

His eyes moved to the raised stage set into one wall of the gym, where several students and the principal sat in a line of equally uncomfortable chairs behind a podium. Polite applause rang through the gym as the prior speaker sat down. Principal Matheson stood up, with a piece of paper in her hand, and spoke into the microphone.

"And now, for our final presentation, we have Miss Francine del Mar, the Class historian and, I might add, who is graduating sixth in her class. Francine will enroll at the University of Wyoming this Fall, with a Major in Sociology and a Minor in History. She will speak on the four years of wonderful things accomplished by our graduating Class, and about the future for her classmates. Francine?"

Ennis had to smile as his younger daughter rose up and approached the podium. He was so proud he thought the buttons on his new shirt would pop right off. Kinda like the first night you and Jack was camping last time, didn't take the time to unbutton his shirt, just… Ennis shook his head, not the time or place to remembering those things, later on, at home.

Fran put her paper on the podium, and reached into her pocket and put on a pair of glasses, before smiling at the audience and confidently making her speech. She did Miss Appleton, her speech teacher, proud. She maintained eye contact, speaking slowly and distinctly, mixing humor with facts, engaging the crowd, mixing her tone of voice and not droning on. Ennis couldn't remember a thing she said, just thought about how great she looked and acted and how far she could go with an education, a lot farther than he or her mother did, that's for sure. The last part of her speech jolted him back into the present.

"And so, classmates and parents, family and friends, we approach the end of high school and new beginnings. For some of us, a new beginning means starting over as freshmen in college, whether here in town at Southern Wyoming Community College, or at one of the State College campuses, or at the University. For some of us, a new beginning means starting tech school to learn more about our chosen profession. For some of us, a new beginning means starting a career without any additional education.

"But wherever we start anew this summer, we all will face fear. The fear of change, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, the fear of making new friends, the fear of not fitting in, the fear of not measuring up to the expectations of our parents or our friends or our teachers or ourselves. But worst of all, the fear of being different, of following the path we want to follow, making our way on our own terms and not those that our family or society dictates.

"Robert Frost wrote about it one way in his poem about choices. The author reaches a point where he has to make a choice, follow the path that is well-worn, the easy way. Or follow the path that few others have trod, the harder one. He can't go back, he has to choose which way he'll go forward. As Frost concluded,

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. *

"To make a difference, we have to challenge ourselves by taking the road less-traveled, the harder one, because in the end it will make all the difference to us, make us better persons, and make our country a better country.

"Finally, since I am supposed to be talking about history, after all," which brought forth the hoped-for response of quiet amusement from the assembly, "we need to remember what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said to the American people during the depths of the Great Depression. He reminded us that, 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.'

"In living our lives after graduation, we have to put fear in its proper place, to one side. We can't live our lives in fear, fear of failure, of the unknown, of being different, of taking chances, of living life to its fullest. Rather, we have to grasp life, hold onto it, live it, and to those who criticize your choices, remind them that your life is your business and nobody else's, just like theirs is their own business and not yours.

"So, we each can each write our own history in the years ahead. And, when we come back to visit – and as permanent vice-chair of the Class Reunion Committee, I sincerely hope you will come back at least once a year – each of us can hold his or her head up high, share a personal history of the roads traveled, and smile at the others' stories, and revel in the rich diversity of our lives. Thank you."

The applause thundered through the gym, and most folks stood up to emphasize their appreciation for Fran's words. Ennis, however, remained seated, stunned, his head swirling, while he tried to clap his hands. For Fran had looked directly at him for that whole last part of her speech, talked directly to him, said those words directly for him. Which scared him to death.

Does she know? How does she now? What she said, if she knows, does she really mean she doesn't care? How do I ask her? Do I dare to ask her? Does Junior know, too? What will Alma say? Shit! Jack?

The applause died down, Fran sat down, and the Principal thanked everyone for coming and hoped she'd see them at graduation, and it was over. Almost.

Fran found him where she had left him to take her place on the stage. She walked right up to him and hugged him, and he hugged back, both ignoring her momma and other family members for the time being, especially since they were distracted talking with friends.

"You like my speech?" Fran whispered into his ear.

"Uh-huh, you were great, li'l darlin'."

Fran squeezed harder at hearing that term of endearment from her father, then pulled back enough to look him in the eyes.

"You heard the last part."

"Uh-huh, I heard."

"So, what are you aimin' to do about it?"

"'Bout what?"

Fran sighed. "About you-know-who and all them fears that have you tied up in knots most of the time. I don't know what happened, or when, or why, but I can see something in your eyes, it's there right now. And I've seen you before and after your trips and, being almost a high school graduate, I can put two and two together and get four, so can Junior over there."

Ennis licked his suddenly dry lips, and swallowed hoping to get some moisture in his suddenly dry throat. He could only manage to croak out a few words, a few all-important words.

"You know." A statement, not a question.

"Uh-huh," responded Fran, "we both do."

"And you still… you don't…" He couldn't voice it, he couldn't put it into words for fear of hearing the wrong answer.

"Uh-huh and huh-uh," Fran nodded then shook her head, and continued. "Daddy, we both don't understand all of it and have lots of questions, but we still love you, and don't think it's any of our business, just yours and his, but do think it's high time you did something about it before it's too late."

"Too late?"

"Yeah, too late, before whatever has you so afraid makes you miss any chance you have to be really happy, and live your own life, a full life, with… with whomever you choose. We'll be here for you, regardless."

Ennis pondered this, for what seemed to be several minutes, but in reality was only a few seconds.

"I love you, Francine Jennifer Del Mar, daughter of mine. How'd you get so smart?"

"Must be because I got such a smart Daddy, one that let me grow up… unlike my momma." Fran kept the last phrase even lower, so her momma wouldn't hear her for sure. "Besides, I'm 17, going on 18, Daddy, the way things are these days, we're growing up faster." She continued, "And you haven't answered my question."

"I'll…I got a lot to think about, I'll tell you at graduation. And some day I'll let you know about them other things, answer some of those questions you have. Meantime, I think yer momma over there is gettin' antsy, wond'rin' what we're talkin' about. Best be on you're way. I'll see you at graduation."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

A final quick squeeze and she was on her way. Ennis watched her hug her momma and shake hands with Bill, before Junior caught his eye and smiled at him. She knows, they know, and they still love me. He smiled back, and busied himself with leaving the crowd and chaos behind. He still had a full day's work ahead of him.

At the ranch, after dinner, he sat on the steps of the two-room place he called home, smoking one cigarette after another between pulls on a bottle of whiskey. One room big enough for a bed, end table, small table with two chairs, dresser, and TV in the corner, small closet for the few clothes and things he had, and also a small bathroom with a shower. He ate almost all of his meals at the big table with the other hands, in their separate dining room behind the kitchen of the main house. Old ranch, old ways, tried and true. Easy, safe, no questions.

But Ennis felt even more uncomfortable now, like he no longer fit in here or anywhere else, for that matter. Fran's speech kept playing over and over, the words as clear as the first time he heard them. Fear, fear itself, fear of living, fear of what others would say or do. No life really, just hiding and biding his time. Nothing had happened as he expected, even when he expected so little from life.

Over and over he played out what he feared the most. Through the decades of life, and with his daughter's words still ringing in his ears, he took a close look at them, one by one. When he was finished, he realized only two fears stood out, but both had ruled his life more than any of the others.

What happened to Earl, what his Daddy had forced him to look at, came to mind immediately, almost at the top of the list. Now, though, he didn't see what always happened to "a queer", but rather he saw the mutilated corpse of an older man, a quiet man who had done nothing wrong except love and live with another man, a quiet man who had been feared because he was "queer", a quiet man who was killed by small-minded men who feared him for who he was. And his Daddy was one of those small men, afraid of someone he didn't understand, whose ways went against what his Daddy believed the Bible taught. He thought hard, and couldn't remember hearing anything since that time about another man being killed because he was queer, or gay as they called it now. Heard lots of talk around the ranches, lots of snickers and cussing, saw guys spitting on the ground in front of other guys walking down the sidewalk, but never heard about a killing. Maybe he just missed it, but he didn't hear about it.

Was Jack right after all? People who found out about them may not like them, or understand them, and even be afraid of them, but wouldn't immediately pick up a tire iron or baseball bat or something and sneak up on them and hit them over the head? Just avoid them, talk behind their backs?

Jack! More than what happened with Earl, his biggest fear was the specter of losing Jack, running out of time to be with Jack, Jack quitting on him like he wished out loud last month, Jack dying one way or the other without him knowing for months, always with the same result, him left alone and crushed. He didn't know how he could stand that if that happened, because he surely could never fix it.

He looked upwards and saw a myriad of stars. Instinctively, he sought out the North Star, his beacon, which nearly all his life had shown him the way across miles of ranchland even on the brightest moon-lit nights. The Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, one pointed to the other, with Draco the Dragon between them, forever, yet all intertwined, forever.

Ennis realized that Jack was his North Star, his beacon, showing him the way for 20 years, even on his worst nights, never changing position, always steady, always ready. One pointed to the other, forever. But he had let the dragons of his fears come between them, and refused to follow the way pointed out to him. And now, maybe those dragons had won, and would keep them apart forever.

So where did that leave him? Nearly forty years old, working for somebody else in a dead-end job, sitting on the steps of somebody else's house, half drunk, already left alone and crushed, unable to move forward, unable to stand it, unable to fix it.

Under those bright stars on a crystal clear Wyoming June night, Ennis Del Mar cried silently for his lost life.

He woke up shivering and damp on the steps, his arms wrapped around an empty bottle of whiskey, cigarette butts strewn aimlessly about, the night still dark. Gathering himself up, he crawled into his room, turned on the lamp on the dresser, and got ready for bed. But sleep wouldn't come, so he got up and alternately sat at the table and then paced back and forth in the dark, smoking, thinking, wrestling with internal demons, listening to the voices from his past and present, plunging deep into his heart.

As the sun peeked over the horizon, spilling rays of light into the room and heralding the dawn of a new day, an exhausted Ennis made up his mind. Opening the closet, he dragged out a footlocker that had seen better days. Reaching in, he pulled out two old coffee cans and placed them on the table. One held his accumulation of pennies and quarters and nickels and dimes, adding each day what little change he happened to have in his pocket, and when full he took it to the bank and traded it for folding money, then started all over again. The other held the folding money that used to be coins, to which he had added some more folding money each payday and what he used to pay in child support for Junior each month. His vast fortune, nine years of his determined attempt at saving enough for a place of his own, their own. He'd never told Jack about it, never felt it was the right time, never felt strong enough to say the words.

Now was the time, time to put it to better use than hiding in a closet.

"Hello."

"Um, hello, can I speak to Jack?"

"Sure. Can I say who's calling?"

"Yes, ma'am, it's Ennis Del Mar."

"Not the Ennis Del Mar from Wyoming?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Well, I'm Lureen, Jack's wife, nice to meet you at last, even if it is over the phone. I'll get Jack for you, he's just heading out to go fishing with a friend, but I know he'll want to talk to you. Hold on for a sec."

Ennis heard Jack's wife put down the phone, and walk away, calling for Jack. Ennis didn't feel so good. Jack's wife, she really exists, sounds nice, didn't chew me out. Fishin'... with a friend?! Shit! Dammit, Jack, are you… Then he stopped. Of course he could, after what Ennis had threatened only a few weeks ago, after all those years. "No reins? You been holdin' the reins for years, got me on a short leash. Sometimes I wish I knew how to quit you." Jack's words rang in his ears. Was he too late? Did Jack find a way to quit him, and someone to quit him with?

Fear reared its ugly head, pictures ran through his brain like a kaleidoscope.

"Hello, Ennis?"

Jack!!

"Um, Jack, hi, it's me."

"What do you want, Ennis?"

"Uh… wanta talk, see you, got some things I need to say."

"Well, thought we said it all a few weeks ago, anythin' else you gotta say will haveta wait 'til November, I'm late meetin' up with a friend."

"Yeah. Lureen told me about yer 'fishin'' trip." Ennis could not hide a hint of anger.

Jack was quiet for a few hearbeats. "Yeah, so what? Told you before, 'friend', I ain't like you, I can't…"

"Don't." Ennis interrupted.

"Don't what?"

"Don't say it… 'n don't go."

"Why not, it's the truth, and I'm tired of hiding the truth."

"From just me, or from yer wife, too?"

"No call fer that," Jack responded icily.

"Sorry," Ennis retreated, but only so far. "Don't go with yer friend, meet me instead."

"Oh, right, like I'm gonna drive fourteen hours to meet you, and turn right around and drive another 14 hours right back again after you've said yer piece? No way. You got somethin' to say, say it."

Lureen's voice broke in from the background. "Jack, honey, everything ok?"

Jack put his hand over the phone, but Ennis could hear the muffled words. "Yeah, it's ok, me'n Ennis workin' out when we're gonna meet up again."

"You want me to call Randy on the other line and tell him you're gonna be late?"

"Nah, I'll do it myself, almost done here."

"Okay."

Randy, he has a name, Randy. Almost done here. Almost done. Ennis sweated. From somewhere in the depths of his mind, a song from his childhood started playing over and over:

Don't' sit under the apple tree

With anyone else but me,

Anyone else but me,

Anyone else but me,

No, No, No,

Don't' sit under the apple tree

With anyone else but me,

'Til I come marching home. **

"You still there?"

"Yep." Ennis shook his head and concentrated on the important words he needed to say. "Jack, please don't go, please? Just meet me instead, let me say my piece to you face to face, please? Once I've said it, you can decide where we go from there, if… if… we… you… us… please?"

Ennis had never before begged Jack for anything, so it was a new experience for both of them, and had the same effect on both of them. Something big was happening, something very big, bigger than their last meeting. Finally, Jack spoke, slowly.

"Never heard you talk like this. You sure you're okay? Guess we can meet up if it's that important to you. But it hasta be somewhere in between here and Riverton, won't drive all that way this time, huh-uh, won't." Curiosity, reluctance, defiance.

"Fair enough. How about drivin' long as it takes to go four hundred miles?"

"What? Four hundred miles? What're you sayin'? Where are you?"

"In a phonebooth across from the Riverton Post Office."

"Sounded like you were closer. Thought maybe… Where you got in mind to meet?"

"A place west of Pueblo, off Highway 50, a ranch with cabins."

"Good God almighty." Jack couldn't believe his ears. Whatever happened to Mr. only-travelin'-I-do-is-around-the-coffeepot-lookin'-fer-the-handle Del Mar? What would make him drive half way to my doorstep? And meetin' someplace where other people will see us? Know we're there together? Must be mighty powerful, whatever it is.

"You sure this is Ennis Del Mar?"

"Never more sure of anythin' in my life, Bud. Meet me there?" He couldn't keep the pleading from his voice. How could Jack turn him down, not when he'd kicked over the coffeepot and was ready to roam beyond the borders of Wyoming.

"Yeah, soon as I can get there, already packed anyway. Got a few things I gotta do first before leavin'."

"So do I. But how about tomorrow afternoon? Haven't finished packin' my things, and I promised Fran I'd be at her graduation in the mornin', and I'm gettin' my truck fixed, two new tires."

"Fran's graduatin' high school? How about that. 'Kay, then, tomorrow afternoon it is. Now that you mention it, this'll give me time to have my tires checked, too, one of 'em keeps losin' air."

They both paused, not sure where to go from there. Jack finally broke the silence.

"So, guess I'll see you around… 4:30?"

"I'll be there waiting for you." Like always.

"I… I…" Jack gulped. "I'll be seein' you then. And Ennis? Drive carefully, it's a long way. Bye." He hung up the phone and stood there, trying to figure out this sudden curve in the road of his life, hoping that he wouldn't miss it and run into a ditch. He picked up the phone and started dialing.

"Randy?... Yeah, it's me… About this trip we planned…"

PART 2

Early the next morning Ennis dropped his truck off at Steve's Auto on his way to Fran's graduation. From his vantage point in the bleachers of the football field, he watched her walk in wearing her white cap and gown, clapped when they called her name as one of the graduating class of 1983, clapped harder when she accepted her diploma from the chairman of the Board of Trustees of the school district, and hugged the breath out of her when they met on the track surrounding the football field after the ceremony. He handed her an envelope, her graduation present, and asked her not to open it until she was alone at home, since it was nobody's business but theirs what was inside. He gave her a second envelope with her mother's name on it, and asked her to give it to her mother later on, after things had settled down at the house.

Then he kissed the grown woman that his daughter had become, hugged Junior and shook hands with Kurt, and walked away before he had to listen to one more word from an approaching Alma.

Thirty minutes later, he maneuvered his truck onto the on-ramp of the freeway, and headed South towards Jack.

At 5:02 PM Saturday afternoon, Jack drove under the Western-style entrance to Running Springs Ranch. He had followed Ennis' directions, Highway 50 West, get off here, left here, right there, finding the Ranch with ease. He took in the large main lodge, with several outbuildings which appeared to have rooms for guests, some cabins in the distance, and the signs showing the way to the stables, barn, recreation hall, swimming pool, and other amenities. Jack parked in front of the main lodge, crossed over the wide porch, and entered through the front door. Looking around, he spotted his next destination and walked over to the counter with the "Reception" sign hanging above it. The clerk smiled on his approach.

"Good afternoon, sir, and welcome to Running Springs Ranch. How may I help you?" His nametag read "Brett."

"Hi, Brett, Jack Twist, here to check in."

"Let me see… Yes, Mr. Jack Twist, Childress, Texas, staying with Mr. Del Mar. He's already checked in." Brett smiled.

Jack didn't what to say, so he just smiled back and said nothing.

"I'll need your driver's license for identification, and if you'll fill out this form for us, including the information on your vehicle. You'll note the arrival date and the departure date." Which Jack noticed to be the following Saturday. "Please initial here, and here, and here. Thank you. Do you have your trailer and horses too?"

Trailer? Horses?

"Um, no, I don't." Jack finished the form and handing it over to Brett, who smiled and scanned it. "Do you want my credit card?"

"No, that's not necessary, Mr. Del Mar has paid in advance."

In advance?!

"Well, why don'tcha just in case, you know, for incidentals."

"Sure, though most everything including your meals is included in the price of your cabin."

Cabin?

Handing the credit card back to Jack, Brett pulled out a map of the Ranch and started drawing lines and circles. "You and Mr. Del Mar have the Mountain View cabin, which is right here, and if you'll follow the road to your left as you leave the Lodge, and follow the signs, you can't miss it. One of our more private cabins, complete with a kitchenette if you prefer to eat in. On the reverse side, you'll see the hours for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which are served in the dining room of the Lodge." Brett gestured to his right. "Cocktails are not included, but are available in the bar between 4:00 and 10:00 every night. The cabins do not have phones, but we have payphones in phone booths down at that end of the lobby," Brett gestured to his left, "and over at the recreation hall. Do you have any questions?"

A million of them, none you can answer.

"Not right now, thanks."

Jack picked up the map, touched the brim of his hat in thanks, and walked outside. He paused on the porch to take in the view before walking down the steps to his truck.

Brett's directions and the road signs got him to the cabin in no time. Mountain View cabin was just that, perched on a rise, the front porch faced across the valley to the mountains beyond. Pine trees and brush screened the cabin from the rest of the Ranch, the nearest other cabin being over 50 yards away and barely visible. Jack parked next to Ennis' truck, got out, and walked over to admire the view, hands on hips, hat tilted back a bit. When he heard a screen door open and shut, he turned around to admire an even better view, Ennis Del Mar standing at the top step, hatless, hands in his pockets, smiling at him nervously.

As Ennis walked down the steps, Jack walked towards him. They met in the middle and hesitated, just standing and staring for a moment, each taking the other in. Recalling their harsh words the last time they met, and mindful of the location, and with twenty years of experience with Ennis, Jack held out his hand. Ennis looked at it, considered it, and brushed it aside. He wrapped his arms around Jack just like he always did when they first met on one of their trips in the middle of nowhere. Startled, it took a few seconds for Jack to respond, but respond he did, matching Ennis in the tightness of his grip. His resolve crumbled in Ennis' embrace. They breathed in the other's distinctive smell, and rocked ever so slightly.

"You came, you came, li'l darling, you came," Ennis murmured against Jack's neck. Jack could feel a dampness, which didn't come from the heat of the day, against his neck and on his cheeks.

"Yeah, I promised I would, and here I am, Cowboy," Jack murmured back.

Ennis pulled back and looked into Jack's eyes, trying to read his feelings, pouring out his own. Then without a single glance to the side or over his shoulder, Ennis leaned in and kissed Jack, easily, softly, like he had all the time in the world. Jack let him, and kissed him back the same. Then he pulled back and put some distance between their faces, so he could see Ennis, but remaining within his arms.

"Who are you, 'cause you sure ain't the Ennis that I know." And love. "What happened to you? You're not the same, acting kinda weird, you know? We're outside, anyone coulda seen us, we gotta be careful about that. And why are we here? What's so damned important to make me change all a my plans?" Jack needed answers, so did Ennis.

"You're late, what happened? Thought you weren't comin', just about wore a path in the rug inside, worryin' about you, and if your other plans were so all-fired important, more important than me, then maybe you shoulda just said no and not changed 'em."

Jack broke free and stepped back, just out of reach. "Shit! This how it's gonna be, huh? Drove all this way for what? Have you interrogate me about my social life? Got enough a that from Lureen and Randy. If you must know, I got a late start, had a fight with Randy followed by another one with Lurren, traffic was a bitch coming through Amarillo, and then north of Dalhart some poor s.o.b. changing his flat tire on the side of the highway got smacked in the face by the rim causin' a back-up fer miles, then Pueblo, shit, every goddamn town between here and Childress must be havin' a street fair or a graduation party, and I had to stop for gas and somethin' to munch on. So I don't need you to yell at me about bein' a few minutes late. If that's the way you still feel, I got a good mind to…" Jack started wagging a finger at Ennis.

Ennis stood shell-shocked. What just happened? Randy? Lureen? Tire rims? What'm I doin'? Ennis quickly moved to mend fences and stop this runaway Twist tirade before it gathered too much steam and jumped the track. Stepping forward, he moved right up to Jack, and looked downward. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, you're right, I don't know why I said that." He tentatively reached out to touch Jack, and when Jack didn't push him away, he put one arm around Jack, and caressed Jack's cheek with his other hand. "Don't matter, none of it, you're here, you made it, you came, you came to me, that's all that matters."

This time Jack initiated the kiss, and it wasn't gentle or soft. It was hard and demanding, wanting answers, wanting certainty, wanting… him.

An hour so later, they lay naked and sweaty on the king-size bed in the only bedroom in the cabin. Ennis lay back against Jack's chest in the circle of Jack's arms, his own hands running up and down one of Jack's arms. They shared a cigarette, blowing lazy circles above them. Jack looked about the room, suitcases jumbled in the corners, clothes strewn about, boots nowhere to be seen, an errant sock draped over the footboard of the bed. The bed. One bedroom, king-size bed, two guys staying here, won't be any way to avoid the obvious when the maid comes in. Wonder if that's what made Brett smile so much.

Once again Jack wondered what was going on inside the brain of the man in his arms. And he was glad that Ennis and not someone else was in his arms. Still, he needed answers.

He marveled again at the view of the mountains from out front, remembering the first time he and Ennis made love in the shadow of their Mountain. And all the other times they had kissed, groped, grunted, groaned, pushed, pulled, yelled in the shadow of their Mountain and in the shadows of other mountains over the past twenty years. And here they were again, almost back to their beginning, only this time hundreds of miles away from the familiar. His stomach grumbled, breaking his line of thought. And Ennis' too, by the reaction it got.

"Jack Twist, always hungry."

"Yeah, always hungry, 'specially after a good work-out." He squeezed Ennis a bit.

"Glad to oblige you." Ennis twisted slightly so he could see Jack's face. "Though I'm not all that hungry yet, maybe I need a bit more of a work out before dinner."

Jack reached down so their lips were millimeters apart. "Whatta you got in mind?"

"Thought I'd go for a ride on a wild stallion, one with a black mane and muscles that ripple in the sunshine." He moved to lie on top of Jack, and brushed the hair from Jack's forehead before kissing him soft and gentle.

Jack wrapped his arms and legs around Ennis, pulled him close, and whispered, "Giddyap, Cowboy."

Another half an hour or so later, they still lay naked and sweaty on the king-size bed, Jack now in the circle of Ennis' arms. No cigarette, just their thoughts. Once again, Jack broke the silence.

"Penny for yer thoughts."

"I love you, John Edward Twist."

Jack froze. The words he had waited twenty years to hear now echoed in his ears, said effortlessly, like normal every-day words. Like fucking normal.

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. Finally figured out what this thing was between us, the one that we can't let get ahold of us out in public, but can and do when it's just the two of us."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

They both stared forward not daring to look at each other. Not hearing any response from Jack, Ennis whispered into Jack's ear. "I love you, Jack. I don't hold the reins any more, they're in your hands now."

Jack moved out of Ennis' arms, and sat cross-legged opposite him on the bed. Ennis also sat up. "What happened? Why now? Why now when…" He stopped. Ennis finished his sentence for him.

"… when you found somebody who wouldn't hide out in the woods, would go places with you, be seen with you, and it almost felt like you could quit me?"

Jack lowered his eyes, blushing. "Yeah, sorta."

Now or never, Del Mar.

"Jack, I've been afraid of most everything my whole life. My daddy, my brother, Alma, bein' different, what we have between us. Froze me in place, don't think I've moved much since the day my daddy took me and KE to see what was left of Earl."

Jack looked up. Ennis had always used that as an excuse not to take a chance. And now?

"Decided Thursday night to change all that."

"Why Thursday?"

"'Cause someone told me I should stop being afraid, that the only thing I really should be afraid of is just being afraid." Ennis struggled. "I'm still afraid, but I'm learnin' not to let it freeze me in place. It's hard, damn hard, harder than anythin' I've ever done. Not as easy as just goin' along with what everyone else expects a me. Well, almost everyone." He looked over at Jack. "Don't have your way with words, your way of talkin' to people. You know what I'm tryin' to say?"

"'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,'" Jack quoted.

"That's it, just what Fran said, not to be afraid of everythin' all the time."

"Fran told you that?" Jack's mind reeled at the thought, Ennis and his daughter, talking about this, about them.

"Yeah, Thursday morning, made a speech at her graduation breakfast. Thought about it all day at work after that, and most of the night." Ennis stopped, not wanting to share that time yet, then continued. "Um, Jack, um, Fran knows, so does Junior, about us I mean." Ennis motioned back and forth between the two of them.

Jack paled. "They do? And… and…"

"And they hugged me and told me they loved me, and that I should work things out with you."

"Damn." Jack got up and began to pace back and forth at the foot of the bed, running a hand through his hair, clasping and unclasping his hands. This is totally unexpected. Now what? He stopped and looked at Ennis. "And you're okay with that?"

Ennis shrugged and sighed. "No, not really, can't hardly look them in the eye, but ain't got much of a choice, now do I? They know and they love me." His voice held a tone of awe, but then changed. "Um, and uh… Alma knows…"

"Alma, too? How do you know that?" Inwardly Jack groaned. Who else?!

"She said as much, after the divorce, that Fall after you drove all the way up…." He stopped that train of thought, another wound he didn't want to pick at. "Thanksgiving night, in her kitchen, we had a fight after dinner. Didn't see the girls for quite a while after that. Then they finally called, asked me if I still loved them, just about broke my heart. So I went over that same day, never missed a chance since then. And Alma hasn't missed a chance to remind me when the girls ain't around."

"You never told me that." Jack was upset, amazed, upset. It explained a lot about the past nine years.

"Jack, darlin'?" Ennis asked, sitting forward, his arms around his knees.

Darlin'? "Yeah?"

"Do you love me?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you love me?" Ennis repeated. "You never said."

Twenty years, twenty years I've come to him, slept with him, thought of him every day, and I never said it, too scared about what would happen if I did, probably drive him away, and I couldn't stand that or fix that, and look where it got me. Now he's said it first.

Jack crawled back onto the bed and right up to Ennis, kneeling in front of him. "Ennis James Del Mar, I love you right back, not sure exactly when I figured it out, but knew it before we left Brokeback, and no matter what I've done, where I've gone, who I've been with, it's always been you right here." Jack took Ennis' hand and placed it on his heart. "Just about gave up on us after our last trip, didn't see things changing, just us drifting apart, couldn't stand it any more so I thought I should fix it, for both of us. But now…" Jack sighed. "What you still do to me, Ennis Del Mar."

Ennis nearly choked when Jack mentioned being with others and again when he heard the sadness nearing despair as Jack talked about their drifting apart, but said nothing. Instead a calm came over him. Jack loved him, Jack was here with him, not there with someone else. That spoke volumes to a quiet Ennis Del Mar.

"Twenty years, Twist, twenty goddamn years. What took you so long?" Ennis couldn't keep the hitch out of his voice.

They fell into each other's arms, and finally let their emotions out of their self-imposed cages, no reins, no fears, no matter any more.

Ennis insisted on checking the horses before they ate dinner. So they cleaned off the first layer, dressed in their disheveled traveling clothes, and found their way to the stables in the twilight. Pete, who ran the stables, met them, told them they didn't have to do it since they were guests and it was part of the fee they paid, but appreciated that they cared about their horses enough to see to them themselves. It gave all three of them time to size each other up. By the time Jack and Ennis left, nobody had said it outright, but Pete knew and didn't care, and Ennis and Jack knew that Pete knew and didn't care. Jack accepted this readily, Ennis had a bit harder time of it. But, remembering Thursday night, and Brett's look when he checked in and gave Jack's name as the other guest in the cabin, and what he had said to Jack only a few hours earlier that day, Ennis shook Pete's offered hand. They walked away with some advice from Pete on little-used byways branching off the marked riding trails.

They made it to dinner just in time before the diningroom closed, all smiles, hair damp, clean clothes. Only a few tables scattered about in the large room still had guests sitting at them. The hostess, Annie, showed them to a table in the corner near the fireplace, with no one at any of the nearby tables. Folks took notice, but didn't stare. Most just looked away, disinterested, some smiled as they passed, and they smiled back. They ordered drinks and dinner, and talked quietly about family and friends and their old lives, and about the shape of their new lives.

They walked slowly in the darkness after dinner, occasionally bumping shoulders, saying nothing. Dim lights near the ground marked the pathways to the cabin, where the front porch light sent out a welcome glow. Jack opened the door and turned out the light. They spent the next hour sitting in the padded bent-twig chairs on the porch, smoking, talking, holding hands, planning, until the evening chill drove them inside. Within a few minutes they took refuge in each other's arms under the down comforter on the king-size bed until, tired, sticky and happy, sleep overtook them.

PART 3

During the week that followed, they fell into a routine. Ennis woke early from habit, got out of bed long enough to start the coffee in the automatic drip coffeemaker, then hopped back into bed and used his lips and other body parts to pull a sleepy Jack into full wakefulness. After seeing to the horses, they showered, had breakfast in the dining room, and then saddled up the horses for a morning ride. They explored the marked trails and some of Pete's byways, and always found a quiet, hidden place to explore each other. After lunch, they went swimming and played cards by the pool, before heading back to the stables to feed the horses and chat with Pete. After dinner, they sat in the bar or headed to the recreation room to play some pool, or both, before walking back to their cabin, where they spent some time on the porch winding down from their day, then spending time in bed wrapped in each other's arms.

Their routine varied occasionally. One morning they rode with a group of guests on a morning trail ride, ending up with a chuck-wagon breakfast next to one of the lakes on the Ranch. One afternoon they drove into Pueblo and looked around, had dinner, and returned with gifts for their kids. Another day they went river rafting with a group from the ranch, including jumping off a 20-foot outcropping of rock into the river below. One evening after dinner they joined other guests for a show put on by the Ranch employees in the recreation hall.

Some of the guests engaged them in conversation in the dining room, or by the pool, or in the bar, or at the stables, light talk about what a nice place this was, and where they were from, and what they did for work, and how they knew each other, and their families, and such. Ennis usually had little to say, listening, answering when asked, while Jack kept the conversation rolling. Ennis learned that people simply accepted them as two friends, spending time together. He could tell when another guest figured out their sleeping arrangements, and the response of the other guest fell into one of two categories: either the guest avoided them while pleasantly making excuses, or the guest stayed around as usual without changing. Most stayed around as usual. Like Sally and Jim and their kids.

But Ennis and Jack had some of their best conversations in the dark, on the porch, before heading inside for the night.

On Sunday night, Jack broke the silence. Mentally steeling himself, he asked Ennis the question that had been on his mind since Friday morning.

"Enn?"

"Yeah."

"What happened Thursday night?"

Jack waited while Ennis collected his thoughts before speaking.

"You could say I wrestled with Draco to capture the North Star."

"What? Draco? Who's Draco?"

"A dragon."

"A dragon?!" Jack didn't expect that answer.

"Yep, one big bad dragon, that big fella up there." Ennis pointed towards the sky, towards the North Star and Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and Draco in between. "See the North Star, and the two Dippers. Then see Draco? He runs in between the Dippers, that's his head, then his body…"

"I know the North Star and the Dippers, never knew about Draco."

"Well, the Greeks or some such called the Dippers bears, and the dragon kept the bears apart." Ennis took a swig from the bottle, and handed it to Jack. He could barely make out Jack's dim outline in the darkness. "Thursday night I looked at 'em and didn't see the Dippers, could only see you and me, and you showin' me the way steady and true, and a big dragon of my fears in between us, keepin' us apart. Thinkin' on what Fran said, I decided I just couldn't let that happen no more. So I wrestled with that dragon, knocked him down, and took hold of that Star."

He reached out and Jack handed the bottle back, and he took another swig.

"You're my North Star, Jack. But all these years I was too afraid and ashamed to follow you. Not any more. Huh-uh. Now, I ain't sayin' that dragon's gone fer good, mind you, ain't sayin' he won't try to get b'tween us again sometime, not after so many years, but now I know he can be handled and I can handle him."

Ennis stopped, exhausted from talking so much. They both sat in silence for a while, before Jack broke it again.

"Remind me to thank Fran some day."

"Okay." Ennis paused, took another swig from the bottle. "Thank Fran some day."

"Dumbass."

"Sticks and stones… salesman."

"Ouch, that hurts."

"Where? Want me to kiss it and make it all better?

"Damn right I do."

They walked inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled clothes of each other all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Ennis kissed nearly every square inch of Jack's body without ever finding where it hurt, but making it all better nonetheless.

On Monday night, Ennis broke the silence. Mentally steeling himself, he asked Jack the question that had been on his mind since Friday morning.

"Bud?"

"Yeah."

"Who's Randy?"

Ennis waited while Jack collected his thoughts before speaking.

"Remember me tellin' you about the rancher's wife?"

Ennis nodded in the dark, not wanting to hear what he knew was coming, but needing to hear it.

"Well, it wasn't the wife, it was the rancher. Randy's the foreman at a big place outside of town, his wife and Lureen belong to the same women's club. We sat at the same table at the Valentine's Day dinner dance last February. Afterwards we were sittin' together on a bench outside waitin' for the gals, when he asks me if I'd like to go fishin' with him some time, just the two of us, at a cabin on one of the lakes. Couple of weeks later he asked again and then again, and finally I took him up on his offer, and… well… we did a little fishin' and a lot of other things."

Ennis just stared straight ahead, hardly breathing, waiting to hear Jack tell him these past few days were all a joke to Jack, and Jack would be driving back to Randy when the week was up.

"Ain't proud of what I done, Babe." Jack remembered what Ennis had said the night before. "I ain't always been steady, but I've always been true to you."

Babe?! He called me Babe!

"Things got pretty tense at home before our trip last month, guess that's what pushed me over the edge that last day when you told me about August. I really counted on that week, and then it was gone, poof, just like that. By the time I got back to Childress, I'd settled down and felt real bad about our fight, called Randy and told him I wanted to cool things a bit. But he just wouldn't let things go, just had to see me alone to try to convince me to keep things going between us, kept calling every day, so I finally gave in. Thought he'd calmed down what with our trip comin' up, but they sure boiled over after I called him yesterday and cancelled."

Jack took a swig to fortify himself, and continued on.

"He hardly said a thing over the phone, but bright and early with the chickens this morning he hauled ass up the driveway in his fancy Suburban as I was loadin' up my truck, jumped out and started callin' me all sorts of names. I dragged him into the garage and tried to explain things calmly, but he wouldn't hear anythin' but his own voice. Finally, he started in on you and me and twenty years, so I hauled off and slugged him up the side of his head, right where you got me that mornin' twenty years ago. Hit the concrete hard when he fell, knocked the wind out of him and some sense into him. Made up my mind and told him right then and there how things were gonna be, that it was over between him and me. He apologized, said he was sorry, then I helped him up. We shook hands, and he drove off."

Ennis still stared forward, then squirmed in his seat before asking quietly, "You gonna see him again?" Please say no, please…

"Nope, that's all through, over, done with. Guess for me he's like yer waitress gal, only with diff'rent equipment, the kind you and I got. He filled in some lonely blank days for a while, when I was missing you so much I couldn't stand it and I couldn't have you and I needed what I couldn't get."

They both sat in silence considering these things, before Jack asked, "You gonna see yer waitress gal again.?"

"Nope, that's all through, too, ended it the day after I got back from our last trip, saw her in the diner, told her I wouldn't be callin' any more."

"How'd she take it/"

"Not so good neither. But she left me alone, ain't heard from her since then."

"So, it's just me and you?"

"Yep, me and you… always has been for me, you know, no one else, just you."

Jack squeezed his eyes shut at that, not wanting to let Ennis see through the darkness how much that simple statement affected him. Thank you Lord for whatever you did to make him start talkin' to me after all these years, sayin' all those things I never thought I'd ever hear from him.

"And while we're on the subject, Jack Fucking Twist, from now on I'm the only one's gonna give you what you want and need, and I don't wanta hear anythin' more about any other… any other… well, I just don't wanta, ever, got that?" Ennis growled this out, low, but still couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice.

"Got that." Ain't gonna hurt you ever again, Babe. "Same here, got that?"

"Got that."

Both got the feeling that a door had closed while a big window opened, and reached for each other's hand at the same time.

On Tuesday night, Jack broke the silence. Ennis had bought matching mugs at the ranch gift shop, complete with the ranch's name and brand on either side, so they used them to sip whiskey this night.

"What're gonna do about Alma?"

"Alma? Nothin' to do. She's got Bill and her new family, the girls are still around, she don't need me at all."

"What about the child support you owe her?"

"Don't owe her nothin'. Paid her yesterday the rest of what I owed her."

"How'd she take it?"

"Don't know, wasn't there to see it."

"Then how'd you pay her?"

"Put it in an envelope and gave it to Fran right after graduation, asked her to give it to her momma later on, after things quieted down."

"Chicken."

"Dumbass"

"You tell her why you did it?"

"Sorta. Wrote her a note, told her I was leavin' town, no reason to stay, nothin' left there for me. Didn't tell her where I was goin' or who I was goin' with, that's my business, ain't none of her business far as I'm concerned."

Jack smiled in the darkness. Nobody's business but ours! Talk about a twenty-year circle.

"My business, too." I hope.

"Yep."

They sat in silence for a while, holding hands. Ennis chuckled a bit.

"Sure woulda liked to see her face when she opened that envelope!"

"Maybe not, then you woulda been within' range of something she coulda thrown at you."

"Got good reflexes, woulda ducked."

"I flex pretty good myself."

Ennis frowned slightly. "What's that gotta do with…"

He shivered and nearly dropped his almost brand new $7.95 plus tax souvenir mug when Jack leaned over and whispered in his ear, before licking it oh so slowly. "Wanta see how flexible I can get, Cowboy?"

"Damn right I do."

They walked inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled clothes of each other all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Jack proceeded to show Ennis how flexible Jack could be, and later when Ennis lay panting on his back, Jack proceeded to show Ennis how flexible Ennis could be.

On Wednesday night Ennis broke the silence.

"What happened with Lureen?"

"Randy, that's what happened," Jack replied with a touch of bitterness.

"Huh?"

"She was at home Saturday morning, tryin' to be nice, makin' me a sandwich and some snacks for the drive, like she always does." Ennis filed that away for further thought. "Apparently she heard and saw Randy drive up, and came out to say hello to him and bring me the food, and she heard it all."

Ennis felt light-headed. "All of it?"

"All of it that matters. I watched Randy head back down the driveway and drive off. When I turned around, there she was, standin' next to the garage, holdin' on to a bag of food, hands on her hips, tappin' her foot, that look in her eyes tellin' me not to try to lie my way outta this one." Jack went silent as the conversation played over again in his mind.

"Lureen, honey, I…"

"Don't you 'honey' me, Jack Twist! I heard what he said, loud and clear."

"But it ain't what it seems, really."

"Oh? And just what part of it isn't what it seems? The part about you and Randy spending your 'fishing" weekends holed up in a cabin fucking each other's brains out? Or the part about you and your precious Ennis doing the same in a tent in Wyoming for how many years? Well? Which is it?"

"Lower your voice, dammit, calm down. This is nobody's business but ours, and you're shoutin' it loud enough to wake the dead."

"Good! Maybe if I shout loud enough my daddy'll rise from his grave to tell me 'I told you so' and whip the daylights outta you."

"That's it, I'm outta here. You wanta let Mary next door know your business, fine, go ahead. Just remember she's got a tongue on her that ain't stopped moving since the day she learned how to move it. You go draggin' my name through the mud, and I'll do the same to you, but you'll still be livin' here and so will Bobby unless he wants to come with me. So you better think twice about it before you go yellin' it from any more rooftops or driveways. We'll talk about this when I get back, and we'll do it inside!"

"On, we'll do it inside, alright, inside my lawyer's office drawin' up the divorce papers on the grounds of adultery with a man."

"Fine, you call him and while you're at it, be sure to let him know I'll be askin' for every penny I got comin' to me for bein' married to you for the past 17 years and putting up with your daddy for most of them. And by the way, I quit, find yourself another regional top salesman of the year to peddle your combines."

"But… you…I…Jack, I swear…"

"Don't, it wouldn't be lady-like."

"Jack? Jack! Earth to Jack!"

"Huh?"

"Finally. I said, so what happened?"

"We had it out right there in the driveway, and she threw the bag of food at me and told me she's callin' her lawyer and filin' for divorce. On my out of town, I stopped at a gas station and called my lawyer, too, to give him a heads-up and start figurin' out a way to stop the fightin' and get me single again."

Single again, just like me, just like nine years ago.

"'Course, I don't intend to remain single for long."

Shit, I knew this was too good to be true. "Who you got in mind?"

"A cowboy."

"Anybody I know?" Fuckin' Randy? Ennis couldn't get that picture out of his mind just yet.

"You, as if you didn't know already." Jack reached out in the darkness and found Ennis' hand. "This here's our chance. You and me, two divorced dads, friends for twenty years, makin' a go of it on a place of our own, havin'a sweet life together. Whatdya say, Cowboy?"

Ennis thought about the past twenty years, Jack asking, him refusing, the loneliness, the emptiness. He looked up and saw the North Star. Time to wrestle another dragon, Ennis del Mar, it's what you're here for, ain't it? To make things right with Jack? And here he's the one askin' you, not the other way around.

Ennis squeezed Jack's hand. "I say yes, Jack, yes to all of it, I want all of it, like other folks have, a ranch, a house, a couple of trucks that don't need fixin' all the time, the kids over at Easter and Thanksgivin', a tree in front of the livin'room window on Christmas, and the man I love next to me every day and night."

Jack was speechless, and had to rub his sleeve across his eyes.

"Ennis del Mar, are you proposin' to me?" Jack managed to get it out with only a slight hitch in his voice.

Ennis considered that. "Guess I am, kinda."

"Only kinda?"

"Seein' as how we can't get married, it hasta be 'kinda'."

"Well, I accept your proposal, and if ever the day comes, I'll hold you to it and make honest men outta the both of us."

"Does that mean we gotta wait 'til then for the honeymoon?"

"No way, Cowboy."

They stood up, and embraced for what seemed like hours, just holding onto each other. Finally, without saying a word, they briefly kissed before walking inside to start their honeymoon, one that would last many decades.

On Thursday night, Jack broke the silence.

"Somethin' botherin' you, Cowboy?"

"Nah. Well, sorta."

Jack waited a few seconds. "Sorta what?"

"Thinkin' about Sally and Jim."

"What about them?"

"They know, I can tell."

"Know what?"

"About us."

"What about us?"

"You know, me and you, um… together, you know, 'together' together."

"I kinda thought so, too. When did you figure that out?"

"Tonight, at dinner. Shoulda never sat down with them."

"Sure we shoulda, it was nice of them to ask, and polite of us to accept. After all, we've been on a raft trip with them, and on a trail ride breakfast, and we see 'em every day at least once."

"Still…"

"Still what?"

"Makes me uncomfortable, sittin' there, them knowin', lookin' at me, us, wonderin' what they're thinkin', maybe condemning us for who we are and what we do."

"They wouldn't have asked us to sit down with them if they didn't like us regardless of who we are, or that we're sleepin' in the same bed every night."

Quiet ensued.

"They're not the only ones that know about us, you know that, dontcha? Brett, Pete, the maids, Annie…"

Jack could hear Ennis shifting in his chair. "I know."

"And…?"

"Sometimes I feel like I gotta big sign on my back, or a big letter on my forehead."

One step at a time, he's already traveled so far so quickly.

"You mean like Hester only with a big red 'Q' tacked onto your shirt? So what're you gonna do about it? Check out in the middle of the night? Run?" Jack sighed. "Enn, if we're gonna do this, have a life together full time, then you gotta be prepared for folks to figure things out. Nobody's business but ours, but some busybodies will always try to make it theirs. If folks try to pry into our private lives, we'll be polite but firm and refuse. Not sayin' Jim and Sally are like that, as a matter of fact, I think they're just the opposite. Besides, I like 'em."

Ennis remained silent for a minute, pulled on his cigarette, causing it to blaze brighter in the darkness, lighting up his face for a moment.

"You said 'if'."

"If what?"

Twenty questions. "You said 'if' we're gonna have a life together full time. Want you to know, there's no 'if' for me. Nothin's changed since Saturday."

Jack could hear Ennis' determination as his words floated quietly through the darkness. He matched it with his own. He reached and found Ennis' hand and held it in his, running his thumb over the smooth back of the rough hand of his very own cowboy.

"Okay, then, no more 'ifs'. We just have to decide how and where and when…"

"Already decided. I got all my things with me, go wherever you want to go, do whatever we need to do, soon as we leave."

"Then it's settled."

"Yep."

"No changin' your mind."

"Nope."

Jack squeezed Ennis' hand, and leaned over until his lips brushed against Ennis' ear. "Let's go inside and seal the deal." He breathed more than spoke those words.

Ennis stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray next to his chair and stood up. So did Jack. Ennis didn't let go, rather pulled Jack in for a kiss. When they broke their kiss, they stood holding each other, cheek to cheek, hands running circles on each other's back. Ennis broke the silence this time.

"Jack?'

"Ummm…"

"Who's Hester?"

Jack looked at him in wonder, grinned and snorted out a quick laugh. "No one you gotta be worried about, believe me, I'll tell you later."

Jack then tugged on his hand and led the way inside. The lights in the cabin stayed off.

Pete smiled to himself as he fed the horses a late breakfast Friday morning.

PART 4

On Friday night, Ennis broke the silence.

"Darlin'?"

He called me darlin'! Jack took a sip from his mug before answering.

"Ýeah."

"What about tomorrow?"

"What about it?"

"What's gonna happen? We've talked a whole bunch, but ain't talked about that."

Jack sighed in the darkness. "I gotta drive back to Childress, pick up the pieces, get my things, at least whatever Lureen hasn't tossed out or burned, clear out my bank accounts, file for divorce, talk to Bobby. Should only take a couple a days, then I can meet you…"

"Ain't letting you go by yourself, I'm goin' with you."

"You sure about that? You sure you wanta drive right into Childress and meet my… meet Lureen, maybe run into Randy in the process, meet Bobby? You sure you wanta do that?" Please say yes, Babe. I need you with me, can't do it alone no matter what you think, just don't be afraid, don't back out.

"Can't say it's gonna be easy, just thinkin' about it makes my stomach feel funny and my palms start to get sweaty. But I ain't gonna let you go by yourself, don't want anything to happen to you and me be hundreds of miles away and not find out about it in time to help you." The strongest fear still had its grip on him.

"Nothin's gonna happen to me, nothin'," Jack said soothingly and he hoped convincingly. "Lureen may be mad as a wet hen, but she's also smart and a sharp business woman and she's gotta live there after I'm gone. Once she calms down, she'll know it hasta be a quiet divorce. So like I said, you don't have to do this if you don't wanta."

"I do, Jack," Ennis replied firmly.

And Jack knew that was it, no changing Ennis' mind. Ennis had used his first name, not 'darlin'' or 'Bud' or anything else, just Jack.

"Thank you, Ennis, I know how much it takes for you to do this with me, and I appreciate it. Wasn't lookin' forward to doin' it alone."

And Ennis knew that was it, no changing Jack's mind. Jack had used his full first name, not 'Cowboy' or 'Enn' or 'Babe' or anything else, just Ennis. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll talk with Pete, see if can take care of the horses for a week or so while we're gone, and ask Brett if I can park my truck somewheres outta the way, so's we can ride together, talk more about where we're gonna end up after Childress."

"Sounds like a good plan. You been thinkin' about things, haven't you?'

"Yep, my turn after all these years."

"Well, like I said before, I sure do like this new Ennis Del Mar."

"And I sure do like this old Jack Twist."

"Old! Who's old? I ain't old!"

"Old as me."

"Huh-uh, you're three months older'n me. I've been keeping time with an older man for twenty years now."

"Hummpf. I'll show you who's old and who's not."

"Promise?"

"You bet. Inside, now!"

Ennis tugged Jack inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled Jack's clothes off all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Ennis stripped in front of an admiring Jack and set about proving to Jack how much an older man could do, after which Jack reminded Ennis that a younger man could do even more.

Saturday morning they stood on the porch outside the office, taking one last look at the ranch before leaving. They'd said their goodbyes to Pete and the horses and Brett and Annie and all the others. Sue and Jim had left shortly before, but not until they'd hugged and Sue had made them promise to keep in touch. And they did, exchanging Christmas cards and photos and wedding invitations and birth announcements, meeting up every few years somewhere in between and occasionally at each other's place, keeping alive a warm friendship.

"We'll have to come back again some day, Enn. I like this place, lotsa good memories."

"Know that, too. Already made reservations for next year, same week, same cabin."

Jack turned his head and caught a bit of a smile playing across Ennis' lips. Oh what those two lips can do! Quietly he remarked, softly enough so only his cowboy could here, "Why, Ennis Del Mar, you old romantic fool, you."

Ennis' lips twitched, and he blushed a bit.

"Stop it, Jack, someone could hear. B'sides, like a showed you last night, I ain't old."

"So you don't deny it, you're a romantic fool."

Ennis didn't deny it. Instead, he bumped shoulders with Jack and started down the steps to Jack's parked truck. "You comin?"

Jack bit back a ribald comment, and just said, "Yeah."

Five minutes later, they drove under the Western-style entrance to Running Springs Ranch and reached the highway. Jack signaled, then turned the truck east, towards Childress, towards the end of his marriage and the beginning of their sweet life twenty years in the making.

EPILOGUE

June 7, 2008

"Afternoon, Mr. Del Mar, Mr. Twist, nice to have you back."

"Good to be here, Mike, ain't that right, Enn?"

"Sure is."

"Got your usual cabin ready for you, and have the four closest ones ready for the Campbells, the McGowens, the Johnsons, and the other Twists. Just need you to fill out, initial and sign these forms. Do you need help with the horses?"

"No, thanks, we'll drive 'em down and make sure they're settled before headin' to the cabin."

"Here are your keycards. Let me know if you need anything."

"Sure. Is your dad around?"

"Right behind you, Jack," came a recognizable voice.

They turned around and smiled as they shook hands with the Ranch's owner. "Howdy, Brett, nice to see you again."

"Jack, Ennis, glad to see you, too. What's it been now? Twenty-two years in a row?"

"Twenty-five," corrected Ennis, with a small smile, "June of 1983."

"Twenty-five it is, same week each year, same cabin. Special occasion, huh?"

"Yeah, our anniversary, you might say," said Jack.

"Jack!"

"Ennis? I'm just sayin'…"

Knowing them well, Brett started talking before the next volley began, while Mike busied himself with paperwork behind the Reception desk. "Never forget that first time, the look on Jack's face when I handed him your cabin key."

"And I'll never forget the look on his face first time he walked into the cabin," replied Ennis.

"How so?"

"Well…" Ennis dragged the word out.

"Ennis!"

"Jack? I'm just sayin'…"

Jack quickly changed the subject. "Nothin'. We gotta get goin'. We have horses outside that've been cooped up in a trailer for four hours, not to mention kids and grandkids arrivin' any minute now." He turned to Brett. "Everythin' set up for dinner tonight?"

"Yep, all set up, just like you asked. You have a long table at the far end of the room, next to the window, menu's ready, Andrew's already getting things prepared in the kitchen. I'm sure looking forward to seeing your whole family again, been too long since they've all been here. I'll bet the young-uns have really grown," replied Brett.

"Yeah, they sure have, and there's two more besides," replied Jack

"How many does that make?"

"Seven, we've got seven grandchildren," said Ennis, not without a hint of pride in his voice. "How many have you got now?"

"Still just two, and they could have a little cousin if Mike and Susie would do something about it like his sister did." Brett raised his voice a bit towards the end, on purpose.

"Dad! Please! We've only been married six months."

"Humpf. Long enough."

"Had my first before our first anniversary," interjected Ennis.

"Me, too," added Jack.

"Guys, please, don't egg him on. It's our business and nobody else's. Jeez." Mike turned to busy himself with the computer.

Jack and Ennis traded a look, both thinking of the same thing, the same phrase, murmured more than 45 years before.

"Think we better lay off?" asked Jack, looking at Ennis.

"Nah, he can take it," replied Brett with a smile.

"Speakin' of family, sorry again about Don's passin'," said Ennis. "He was a good friend to us."

"Thanks. Uncle Don was a great guy, one of a kind, always there when I needed him. Couldn't have kept the place going without him those first few years after Dad died. We all miss him a lot."

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Mike?"

"Somebody from Smart & Final says he needs to talk to you, line 3."

"Okay." Brett turned back to the guys. "Gotta go, the trials and tribulations of owning a combined working horse ranch and dude ranch. See you tonight." With another shake of the hand, Brett picked up the phone.

"Brett Wroe here, how can I help you?"

Ennis and Jack still had some of their best conversations in the dark, on the porch, before heading inside for the night. Ennis turned off the light, and dropped into the padded bent-twig chair next to Jack. Reaching out, he handed Jack a mug followed by a bottle of Old Rose.

"Can't believe it, you still have these mugs." Jack filled his half-way and set the bottle on the table next to his chair.

"Yep, chipped, a little worn around the edges, but otherwise all in one piece and gonna last a long time more."

"Kinda like the two of us, eh?"

Ennis smiled in the dark. "Kinda like."

They both stared at the dark sky punctuated by pinpoints of light, and both instinctively searched out the North Star. Echoes of that night 25 years before rattled through their heads.

"Best damn 25 years a man could ever have," said Jack, switching his mug to his other hand, and reaching his right hand out for Ennis' left hand. When their fingers entwined, Jack ran his thumb over Ennis', and then leaned over slightly as he pulled Ennis' hand up to his lips. He kissed Ennis' thumb, then the slim gold band on his ring finger.

"Happy one-month anniversary, Cowboy."

"Same to you, Bud," replied Ennis, as he duplicated Jack's gesture and then leaned over for a real kiss. "Can't believe I let you talk me into flyin' to San Diego and getting' married."

"Don't give me that, you wanted to get married just as much as I did, and I knew you wouldn't go for my first choice."

"San Francisco?" snorted Ennis. "Right about that. Glad we didn't. That Hotel Del … Del…"

"Hotel Del Coronado."

"Yeah, that Hotel Del Coronado was some wonderful place."

"You sure looked handsome standin' there in front of the preacher in your suit."

"So did you." Ennis took a sip of whiskey. "'Course, you looked even better afterwards, in your birthday suit."

"Why, Ennis del Mar, you old romantic fool, you."

Ennis' lips twitched, and he blushed a bit.

"Like a showed you last night, I still ain't old."

"So you don't deny it, you're a romantic fool."

Ennis didn't deny it. Instead he squeezed Jack's hand in agreement.

They spent the next hour or so sitting in the padded bent-twig chairs on the porch, drinking, reminiscing, holding hands, kissing, until the evening chill drove them inside. Within a few minutes they took refuge in each other's arms under the down comforter on the king-size bed until, tired, sticky and happy, sleep overtook them.

---

* "The Road Not Taken," Robert Frost, Mountain Interval, 1920

** "Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree," - written by Lew Brown, Charles Tobias and Sam H. Stept,

recorded in New York City on February 18, 1942 by Glenn Miller and His Orchestra (two months after the attack on Pearl Harbor) for his album "Chattanooga Choo-Choo", later recorded by the Andrews Sisters.

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