The Ultimate Deathmatches III

The third installment! Who's gonna appear? Anyone could! From Cloud, Squall... all the way to Carl Johnson, Sora, or whoever else!

"And I'm gonna be announcing the whole thing!" Luna exclaims. "Luna Silver, at your service! I think I might have to beat the crap out of Squall for being a jerk!"

"...whatever." Squall says, then gets sacked.

"See? Wait, that wasn't me!" Luna says.

Apparently, a barrel has hit Squall. The barrel was thrown by...

"It's time to split!" the assailant shouts.

...Sgt. Cortez... he's here, too!? Well, can he beat up Sephiroth!?

"NO ONE CAN BEAT ME!!" Sephiroth roars.

"Screw off, Sephiroth!" Cloud insults.

"Wait, wait! Let's meet the judges!" Luna interupts.

Oh, right. First Judge... Casey McDonald!

"Hey, everyone!" Casey greets.

Second Judge... Derek Venturi!

"Hey Hey! Now the party can begin!" Derek declares.

Third Judge... Edwin Venturi!

"Hey party people!" Edwin exclaims.

"Well, you've met the judges, let's start the first match!" Luna announces.

Battle 1: Sephiroth VS Sgt. Cortez

"No one can beat me!" Sephiroth roars.

"It's time to split!" Cortez declares.

Sephiroth starts by teleporting and fires lasers. Cortez pulls out two SciFi handguns and shoots Sephiroth. Sephiroth summons Gingerbread Man.

"Bite my crunchy brown ass!"

Cortez sacks GBM with a Vintage Rifle.

"Nooo!"

Sephiroth begins casting Meteor.

Cortez jumps on Sephiroth and shoves a grenade up his ass. Sephiroth explodes.

"I'll be back!!" Sephiroth screams.

Sgt. Cortez wins!

In 1969...

"Did SpaceMan just kill someone?" Harry Tipper asks.

"Cool! But what was with the Gingerbread Man?" Derek asks.

"Not too much blood, and Cortez is tough." Casey comments.

"Awesome!" Edwin exclaims.

"Awesome!" Newt Livingston says.

"Who're you?" Edwin asks.

Newt disappears.

"Wow! I bet Sephiroth will return! He always does! Now, I'm going to the locker room. Squall's down there being a jerk and I've gotta stop him."Luna announces.

The Locker Room...

"No f--kin' way, Rinoa! You're too damn clingy! Always hangin' on to me! I hate it and I hate you!" Squall shouts.

"Squall! I hate you! I thought you changed, but you're still a jerk! I challenge you!" Rinoa counters.

"Fine! I'm not going easy!" Squall shouts.

"Ooh, Squall and Rinoa are gonna fight? This I gotta see!" Luna exclaims.

Battle 2: Squall VS Rinoa

"F--k you, bitch!"

"Squall, you're dead! And I love Seifer!"

Rinoa casts Meteor and then Aura. Rinoa enters Angel Wing. Rinoa casts Meteor five more times. Squall is crushed.

"F--k off!!"

Rinoa sacks Squall with her Shooting Star.

"Take that, jerk!"

Rinoa wins!!

"Wow! I wish I could do that on the ice!" Derek comments.

"Squall and Rinoa broke up?" Casey asks.

"Awesome! Sweet! I like the final attack!" Edwin exclaims.

"Didn't expect Squall to be so weak... Rinoa really was mad!" Luna exclaims.

"...f--kin' bitch... hate her..." Squall says.

"Squall! You're not done with me yet! So hurry up and heal!" Luna demands.

"..great, another bitch... ordering me around.." Squall says, then gets sacked by Luna.

"Well, you'll get what's comin' to ya! Oh! I just got a call from Carl 'CJ' Johnson! He says he's coming as soon as Sweet gets back from San Fierro with his new sports car! Can't wait, CJ! On to the next match!" Luna announces.

Battle 3: Sgt. Cortez VS James Bond

"Yeah, that's right, I'm ready for more!" Cortez shouts.

"...sure, let's go." Bond says.

Bond silences his gun. Cortez kicks Bond. Bond puts on armor. Cortez does the same. They shoot each other for awhile. A group of Bears run in and crush Bond.

"Yeah, go Bears." Cortez says.

Sgt. Cortez wins!

"Bears!? Now I've seen everything!" Derek exclaims.

"Bond doesn't cut it anymore..." Casey comments.

"What's next? Dinosaurs?" Edwin asks.

A group of dinosaurs runs past.

"Cooooool!" Marti Venturi exclaims.

"Smarti! I was wondering when you'd show up!" Derek says.

"I hope Sephiroth comes back soon. I want a piece of him.." Cloud says.

"Wow! Three battles and we're outta time!? Oh well, they were great! Come back for more please! And I hope CJ gets here soon! I'm surprised Vic Vance hasn't called yet! Well, see ya!" Luna announces.

Continued...

Hey, Ashe and Co. haven't showed up yet? Vaan said they would... and where's Vic Vance? Could there be an Adamantoise waited to be defeated, like in the first U.D? Maybe a Monkey Squad or an All-Brick fight?

Or... ZOMBIES!!