Shepard's Shuffle
More mirth and mayhem on board the Normandy 2. This story takes place a week or so after the suicide mission in Mass Effect 2 and before Tulips and Revlon. It was partly inspired by scenes from the movies Explorers and Innerspace.
Profile: Cadrina Ellen Shepard – Spacer, War Hero, Paragon, Infiltrator
With the defeat of the Collectors and all of the Normandy 2's crew accounted for, Cadrina Shepard declares a well-deserved and much-needed shore leave. And shows the crew a different side of herself…
Cadrina Shepard adjusted her collar and ornament in the mirror for the third time. It had been a few years since she had worn any type of dress, and it was only recently that she was forced into a black mini dress that Kasumi Goto had given her to attend Donovan Hock's party on Bekenstein. Judging from the looks she got at the party, wandering around the Normandy 2 in that dress could have proven to be a dangerous distraction. The Collectors needed to be dealt with; she could not afford the crew to be fawning over her.
But now the danger posed by the Collectors was ended. All of the ship's personnel were brought back safe and sound, only moments away from being liquefied and fed intravenously to a new Reaper shell. This is for them, thought Cadrina as she turned from side to side, studying her reflection and making more minor adjustments to her dress and hair. After what they've been through, you can take a little embarrassment. They're good people – they deserve to have some fun! She gave herself one final once-over, took a breath and exited her restroom. As she approached the elevator, she consulted her omni-tool. Satisfied that the needed routines were queued up for easy access, she stepped inside and instructed the ship's A.I. EDI to take her down to the command deck.
Miranda Lawson, Jacob Taylor, Tali, Samara, Kasumi Goto and the rest of the command crew assembled and waited around the galactic map area as Cadrina had instructed them earlier. She had an announcement to make that required everyone to be present. Urdnot Grunt shifted about where he stood. He would have much rather sat out this meeting like Jack, but he did not want to insult his battlemaster. Miranda looked over the group, assessed who was present and folded her arms.
"How disappointing, Jack isn't here," she commented aloud. "Probably just as well. The way she just sucks her teeth at every other meeting, at everything she doesn't approve of. Of every SINGLE suggestion I make, just for opposition's sake…"
"Whoah, calm down Miranda!" Jacob interjected "It's been a long week for all of us. I'm pretty sure Shepard's giving us some leave time to rest up and let the glue dry on all the repairs we made."
"Then why not just announce it?" questioned Miranda. "Why all the suspense and theatrics?"
"I'm sure she's planning a little somethin…" a smirk came across Jacob's lips "Special!"
He thought back to his days with the Systems Alliance military. On a couple of occasions, he had heard of some N7 operatives who were on leave along with him that were creating quite a stir. He thought he heard the name 'Shepard' along with laughter and fond recollections. Apparently, Cadrina Shepard had made a reputation for herself as a party girl in addition to her accolades as Elysium's savior. Now Shepard was here as his commanding officer. And if his suspicions proved correct, this crew was in for a treat.
The elevator door hissed open, causing everyone to straighten up and stand to attention. All was quiet expect for the pinging of electronics, the hum of the Normandy 2's drive core and the sound of Cadrina's shoes as she slowly stepped out on to the deck. Some quiet gasps, hooting and whistling were heard as everyone beheld Cadrina's new outfit. Some crewmen could not resist putting their approval into words:
"Oh wow, man!"
"Is that Commander Shepard… in a mini?"
"I'm in love!"
"Dude, she looks even hotter than Miranda…"
The last comment prompted a look of disgust from Cadrina's executive officer, who began to move in the direction of the offending crewman. Jacob quickly put an arm in front of Miranda to block her advance. As she stepped back, she shot a glance at Jacob who shook his head at her.
The rest of Cadrina's group looked on with a mixture of nodding and smiles. Garrus Vakarian placed a hand behind his head. Urdnot Grunt just stood and stared as did the geth Legion, unsure of what to make of their commander's appearance. Cadrina stood in place for a few seconds, turning slightly in each direction, allowing everyone to have their fill of her. She turned to Kasumi, whose face glowed with pride under her signature hood.
"Shep-arrrrd! You DO like the dress!"
Cadrina smiled and began to walk towards the cockpit. Kasumi suddenly noticed that the commander was walking a bit strangely for someone that was supposed to be wearing heels.
"Hey!" she called out and pointed to Cadrina's shoes.
Cadrina stopped and regarded the thief for a second. Her face flashed as she acknowledged what was being pointed out. Cadrina then cocked one leg up to remove a shoe and handed it over to Kasumi. Kasumi stared in horror as she discovered the modifications that were made: Cadrina had converted them to flats.
"Haaah?" gasped Kasumi. "These shoes were Kensley!"
"And now they're practical," declared Cadrina as she took back her shoe and put it on again. "How do people walk in those things without falling over?" She shimmied her foot on the deck to ensure her shoe was on securely and went on her way.
Joker punched in minor course corrections on the flight console, then eased back in his chair and snorted. He heard the sound of footsteps growing louder along with muted gasps and hooting.
"Commander Shepard is approaching, Jeff," warned EDI.
"Thanks for the heads up, EDI!" replied the helmsman. He swiveled his chair about.
"It's about damn time, Commander! I thought you…" Joker immediately focused in on Cadrina's dress, which accented her figure quite nicely in his bulging eyes.
"HEY, HAMA-MAMA!" Joker tried to speak further but found himself fighting the urge to stammer uncontrollably.
"Commmm-ander? Is that... you? Ahhh… you're… ahhhh…"
Cadrina couldn't help smirking at her flustered helmsman. The best pilot in the fleet, now reduced to putty. "You all right, Joker?" she asked.
"Yeaah, uhh… just… I know it's… uhhh… special occasion and all…"
"Jeff, your pulse rate has jumped sharply," noted EDI "I am detecting perspiration forming…"
Joker glanced sternly over at EDI's hologramatic avatar and clenched his teeth. "Awkward enough without the play-by-play!"
Cadrina clasped her hands behind her back and stood up straight. "Speak freely, pilot!" ordered Cadrina playfully "Just spit it out! You'll feel better."
"Oh, man…" groaned Joker and sucked in a large breath. He shut his eyes and vented.
"Commander-that's-a-really-smokin-hot-dress-you-have-on-and-it's-givin-me-a-really-weird-rope-in-gym-class-feeling-and-you-look-like-a-total-hottie-SIR!"
"MA'AM!" Joker's eyes snapped open as he shook his head, correcting himself. He was relieved to see that his commander took his lustful purge well. "Yeah," he huffed "Commanding officers should not look like babes. Definitely should be a regulation…"
"Blood flow is starting to redirect…" began EDI.
"Are you gonna make your announcement, Commander, or are you just gonna stand there and torture me some more?" interrupted Joker. He waited nervously for her response. Cadrina's head motioned towards his console. Seeing that he was not taking her hint, she pointed a finger towards the deck in a circular motion. Joker awoke from his trance and complied. He accessed the ship's intercom system and patched the feed to his station. He then slumped back on his seat.
"You're on," said Joker.
Cadrina took on a more serious posture.
"This is Commander Shepard speaking… I want to thank each and every one of you for your dedication… and your courage. You've ALL defied the odds… and proven that nothing is impossible… when we all band together. I hope you all are as proud of yourselves as I am of you!"
Cadrina paused and applauded. The entire crew responded in kind, a few members whistling and cheering. Joker smiled and nodded approvingly. Soon it became quiet again and everyone waited on Cadrina to speak.
"Our work is far from over. We have an enemy at the gates that is determined to wipe out all sentient life in the galaxy. An enemy… that wants to turn us against each other! An enemy… that has never known defeat!"
Cadrina stopped again to let her audience take in her words and then added "Well… we're determined to rise up together and teach them first-hand, aren't we?"
Cheers and supportive expletives thundered around the ship. Cadrina heard them and chuckled to herself.
"As I'm sure you all know… we are no longer in the employ of Cerberus. For many of us, it's a welcome relief. But there are some who feel somewhat out of place here, some who feel they were… cast out… against their wishes. Who these individuals are… and what is to be done with them… is an issue for another time. At this moment, we are all brothers and sisters, and we are all alive and well. Now it's time for all of us to rest… and gather strength."
Cadrina took a breath. "We are currently on course towards Omega. As of nineteen hundred hours later tonight… we are all… officially… on two-week shore leave!"
The crew exploded again. Proclamations like "Thank you!" "All right!" and "We love you, Shepard!" could be heard all over the Normandy 2.
Cadrina smirked and her voice took on a more playful tone "Afterlife's VIP club is the first stop on our 'Heaven and Hell' tour! I expect to see you all there! Midway through, we'll be heading to the Citadel for an 'officers club' party at the Dark Star. In between, almost any destination goes! You'll all be getting an email shortly where you can cast your votes on which four other resorts we'll hit. Sun, sand, surf, snow… just remember to wipe your feet before you come back on board!"
Laughter from the crew and Cadrina continued on, her voice taking on a somewhat somber tone.
"Have some fun, enjoy yourselves… you deserve it. Enjoy and remember any little moment that makes you laugh… or smile… treasure them. Life never stops… and fate always has surprises in store…"
Cadrina closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts. She thought back to all of her own moments briefly. Her triumphs. Her losses…
"A friend of mine once told me," said Cadrina "'In the face of dark times, it's only the brave who can afford to kick back and party…' Well, I can't think of any braver souls than the ones I travel with now."
Cadrina activated her omni-tool. "And so… ladies and gentlemen…"
She glanced over at EDI's avatar, that also monitored her every word and action, "Fellow sentients…"
Cadrina keyed in commands to her omni-tool and then placed her hands at her sides.
"Let the good times roll…"
Suddenly music began to play over the ship's intercom system. A human male's voice began to sing.
(…All around the world…rock and roll is all they play!)
The song took some of the crew by surprise. They never figured on their commander liking music from two centuries past. Nonetheless, they began to move in place to the beat, some clapped, others snapping their fingers. Those seated or stationed near consoles saw that their normal screens had switched over to a video feed of Cadrina as she began to dance. Evidently, she had reprogrammed them to do so.
(All around the world…rock and roll is all they play!)
Cadrina swayed in time to the music. Joker tapped his hands and swiveled his chair in rhythm.
(You can hear the jukebox jumpin'…All night and all through the day!)
Cadrina raised her omni tool. It produced a holgramatic microphone in her hand. She held it up and began to lip-sync along to the song to Joker's surprise.
(All the flat-top cats, with their rock and roll queens!)
Cadrina moved and shifted her shoulders in time, slowly bending her knees.
(Justa rockin and-a rollin in their red and blue jeans!)
Cadrina began to strut slowly down the corridor towards the galactic map as she continued to move her mouth to the words of the song. The running lights along the route began to flash off and on, tracking along with her.
(All around the world…rock and roll is here to stay… You can hear the jukebox jumpin'… All night and all through the day!)
Cadrina stopped halfway down the corridor.
(Ain't never no time for romance, they only wanna dance!)
Cadrina hopped and spread her legs slightly apart.
(The people all holla when they hit the floor…)
She held the holo-microphone closer to her lips. She closed her eyes and thrust out her left hand, shaking it about.
(Go, cat, go!)
Cadrina playfully skipped down to the end of the corridor.
(All around the world…rock and roll is here to stay… You can hear the jukebox jumpin'… All night and all through the day!)
Cadrina stopped again and spun around on her right foot.
(WOOOWWWW!)
When Cadrina faced the gathering around the galactic map again, her holo-microphone had changed into a hologramatic saxophone to match the instrument now audible over the ship's speakers. Cadrina then proceeded to pantomime playing her virtual saxophone, walking about and stopping periodically. Eyes closed, mouth pursed, foot tapping, caught up in the music. The galaxy map image also changed to broadcast Cadrina's performance. Her comrades had many different reactions to this impromptu floor show:
This woman is unbelievable was Miranda Lawson's thought.
Jacob Taylor's smile seemed a mile wide. Yes! Cady Shepard strikes again!
Urdnot Grunt was still, staring at Cadrina incredulously. My battlemaster likes dancing?
Legion was motionless as well, not knowing how to best interpret the commander's actions. PRACTICAL JOKE? TEMPORARY INSANITY? INSUFFICIENT DATA – REQUIRES FURTHER ANALYSIS AND CONSENSUS.
Tali'Zorah vas Normandy was enjoying herself. Shepard, you've been holding out on us!
Kasumi Goto was still a bit upset over Cadrina's alterations to her footwear to fully take part in the festive environment. Eight hundred credit pair of high heels. Why not just use a Renoir as a table mat?
The justicar Samara allowed herself a smile. You are quite full of surprises, Shepard.
Zaeed Masani crossed his arms and shook his head. Steady, now! This is the same woman who had you on the ground with a gun to your head the last time you stepped outta line!
If Garrus Vakarian could blush, the turian's face would have shone like a beacon. Cadrina, please don't sashay over my way and ask me to dance!
Mordin Solus appeared a bit confused at the proceedings. Song and dance routine not required for announcing shore leave. No mention in medical history of head injuries…
Thane Krios took in every detail of his environment and Cadrina's performance. Good to have a joyful remembrance for a change. Dance on and revel, siha!
The saxophone solo ended over the loud speakers as Cadrina was in front of Miranda. The singing resumed and Cadrina's holo-saxophone reverted to a microphone. The commander paid no mind to her executive's exasperated look and resumed lip-synching.
(They do the Baja…)
Cadrina hopped over to her right to stop in front of Jacob.
(That takes his ha ha…)
Cadrina hopped over to her right again to face Tali. She took tiny steps towards the quarian as she bent her knees, appearing as if she were heading down a stairway. She then suddenly stopped and leaned forward till her head nearly touched Tali's. Tali emulated her friend's every move.
(Shim, sham, shimmy and they never, never stop!)
Cadrina then snapped up straight and paraded around the galactic map area.
(All around the world…rock and roll is here to stay… You can hear the jukebox jumpin'… All night and all through the day!)
Cadrina paused a short distance away from her yeoman Kelly Chambers and slowly walked towards her.
(Never no time for romance, they only wanna dance!)
Kelly registered slight uncertainty as to what her commander had in mind. Cadrina was getting closer still.
(The people all holla when they hit that floor…)
Cadrina stopped an inch away and in three moves she had wrapped an arm around the yeoman's waist, grasped her hand and stretched it outwards.
(Go, cat, go!)
Cadrina began to dance Kelly around in a circle. Kelly's eyes went wide and stared at her partner. She sported a goofy grin as her commander led on.
(All around the world…rock and roll is here to stay…You can hear the jukebox jumpin'…)
Cadrina suddenly stopped in place.
( All night and all through the day!)
As the music finished, Cadrina spun Kelly outwards with her arm. She drew her back in and, with both arms, caught her partner and tilted her back. Kelly couldn't help but bend one leg in response, her face locked in the same grin and wide-eyed stare.
The command deck's lights and viewscreens resumed their normal function. The galactic map displayed the Milky Way's spirals once again. The intercom system went silent and a new commotion filled the ship. Applause and cheers all around for Cadrina Shepard, the entertainer. As Cadrina and Kelly stood up again and parted, the yeoman chuckled nervously. A slight blush came over her; the commander was still holding her hand. Cadrina took several bows, encouraging Kelly to do the same. After bowing a final time, Cadrina clasped Kelly's hand and thanked her for playing along. The yeoman cocked her head slightly as she looked at Cadrina lovingly. Cadrina walked back into the elevator and turned to face the command deck, whose occupants were still raving over her show.
"See you all at the party!" she winked. The elevator door then hissed shut.
END
Author's Note: The song used was All Around The World by Little Richard