Summary: In Alexandria, the new world is surprisingly normal. It's almost like the walkers aren't there. Finally having room to breathe, members group come to terms with what they've found thanks to the apocalypse. A Rickyl fic in three parts, with hints of Richonne and Caryl.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead or any of its characters/ locations. This is for fun, because god knows this is never actually going to happen in the series.

A/N: This is my first Walking Dead fic, which I never thought would happen- I was certain I'd never start writing about these guys. But my brain hasn't listened and has given me this instead. As you can probably guess from the summary, I can't decide who I ship, so I basically just love them all. Season 7 is going to kill me. Leaving a review if you read would be awesome! (Also I should be starting a multi-chapter Star Wars fic, soon. I promise.) Rated T for quite a lot of swearing.

Things We Never Said

'Because what's worse than knowing you want something,

besides knowing you can never have it?'

-James Patterson

Rick isn't gay. I know that. I can't not know it. He's the straightest guy I've ever met, and Merle Dixon was my brother.

Plus I think he has a thing against Tara, and it's not just her working with the governor. The rest of us have got over it- Maggie trusts her, so there's no real reason for him to dislike her anymore. He probably hates the idea of two girls getting it on. Or two guys. I need to stop this- Rick's married, for cryin' out loud. He still wears the ring. Something tells me Lori's the only person he's ever fucked. He's probably never even thought of doing it with a guy.

He's definitely not gay.

But does he know I am? Does he know I ... shit. This is gonna get me killed. Thinking about anything other than survival, what you need to do right now, gets you killed in this world. But maybe that's not how it works in Alexandria. Maybe that's why all the other stuff's rushing in now.

Carol's managed to get me into the kitchen, even though I've already told her I don't know shit about cooking. Plus I'm looking after Judith while Carl goes to see his friends, so I've got an excuse. Carl gets annoyed when I call her L'il Ass Kicker now, but I can't help it. I'll probably still be calling her that when she's all grown up, if I live that long. Rick doesn't seem to mind it, anyway.

"Daryl, hand me a spoon, will you?"

I shift Judith into my other arm to pass one over to Carol. She pauses and looks at me for a moment, then goes back to the hob.

"I was just thinking that we should have a party," she says. "I can't remember the last time we celebrated anyone's birthday."

I don't bother mentioning I've never had a birthday party, even when I was a kid. I don't even recognise it as a special day.

"Birthdays don't exist no more."

"Well, they should." She replies firmly. "For Carl and Judith, at least."

"I don't even know what date it is. I got no idea when she was born." I'm getting angry and I shouldn't be. It's not Carol's fault I'm here right now, looking after Rick's baby, thinking about how damn good he looks without his beard. "And if we have parties in here, we have to have 'em out there, too."

"What makes you think we're going out there again?"

Sometimes I wonder if Carol's who I thought she was, or if this side of her is who she really is. It makes me sick when she smiles at everyone here, acting like she's one of them. You saw your own daughter get shot down in front of you, Christ's sakes.

Everyone else is having that problem, too: Alexandria brings you back to who you were, before. Everyone's changing, even Judith. She's started crying like a proper kid now we're away from the walkers. I feel just the same as I've always been.

"We won't go out there again, Daryl." Carol says quietly. "Rick won't let them kick us out."

"What about the walkers?"

"We'll deal with them. We always do."

Yeah, and we always lose people, I want to reply, but I know that's not fair. We can't help it. It's just what happens now. People die. We go quiet again and she throw something into the pan.

I don't know what she's cooking, but it smells incredible. I forgot what actual food tasted like. Burnt snake or tree bark or something became the norm, and now we're back to proper meals it's like I'm hallucinating. They make pasta here, bread. Eating meat after Terminus still makes we wanna puke, but here I don't even need to.

There's a lot of stuff I don't have to worry about here.

"I like Rick."

I speak without meaning to, like I've completely forgotten Carol's there. I don't know why. I've never even allowed myself to think that before, and now I've told her it feels worse. Like something's rotting inside me.

"I'm not saying I don't. Rick got us here. He's our leader. If he makes wrong decisions sometimes... well, that's what any of us would do."

"No. I mean-" I want to tell her. If can't tell Carol, I'll never be able to tell anyone else. I drop my head and let my hair fall into my face. "I like Rick."

Silence. Please don't make me repeat it again.

"Is that it?"

It?

"Is that all you needed to say?"

I was expecting her to laugh at me, or freak out and yell, or start calling me the names I call myself everyday in my head. I wasn't expecting this. She's making it seem like it's nothing.

"Yeah."

"I already knew that," she turns off the gas and starts spooning the food into a dish. "You don't hide it very well."

I freeze in fear. Carol knows. How long has she known? I never even told anyone I was gay until Aaron a few days back- has he told her? God, what if the others know too? How long has everyone been assuming stuff like this? What if-

"Does Rick know?"

Carol laughs. "I doubt it. He's not the best at subtlety, either."

"He can't know, okay?"

She places the lid on the dish and opens the oven. I have to raise my eyes to normal level to avoid meeting her gaze.

"Why not?"

Judith babbles in my arms, like she's reinforcing Carol's question. I can't believe we're having this conversation, that she's just asked me that, like it's not the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because he's not... he's not like that, damnit." My face is getting hot. I wish Carol would shut the oven. "I don't want to fuck things up. We just got here."

"You've known him all this time, Daryl. You really think you'd mess something up?"

"Yeah, I do."

Rick's more to me than anyone has been before. I love him like he's part of me, like I wouldn't know what to do if he wasn't here. Merle wasn't the best example of a brother, I'll give him that, but I don't think of Rick as a brother. He's definitely more than just family- I'm not stood here blushing about Glenn or Abraham, after all. Rick's probably my first friend. If this all ends, I never want to leave his side. I don't think I can.

But this could destroy it. He'd want to get rid of me, and I wouldn't blame him. I've been hiding this for so long that I can't let it go just like that.

Carol finally closes the oven and sets the timer. She squeezes my hand.

"The world might completely change tomorrow. All we've got is right now- and that's too precious to waste."

I don't move as she takes Judith from me. I hear her go out onto the porch, probably going to see someone with the baby. My hands are shaking, and not just because I can still feel Carol's hand in mine. I grip the worktop in an attempt to stop them.

What the hell's wrong with me?

Carol's voice keeps going through my mind as I try to stay steady. I try to make it shut up. I don't need anyone else telling me what to do right now. Why did I tell her? What happens if she tells Rick? Daryl Dixon, if you start crying, you are leaving this place right now.

I watch the timer start to tick down. 90 minutes. 89. 88. 87...

God.

This place is making me go crazy.