Things with Reid were, understandably, bad after Hankel kidnapped and tortured him, but after they went to New Orleans, he had been better; then, Gideon left.
Now, Reid was a shadow of his former self. He had lost weight he really couldn't afford to lose. He used to be pale, but now, he was almost transparent, except around the eyes, where he was dark purple, almost black.
He didn't spout off random facts anymore, in fact, he never said anything to anybody not directly pertaining to the current case, and even then, he never volunteered any information.
Everybody on the team had tried to talk to him, Hotch had even ordered him to talk to the department therapist, but since Reid had a major in psychology and an IQ of 187, he could run circles around her.
Something had to be done, but none of them knew what, and Reid wasn't talking. It all came to a head one day when Reid had finished his paperwork and on his way home said goodbye, not 'see you tomorrow' as he usually did.
Hotch and Morgan looked at each other, alarmed, and Hotch told Morgan to just leave his reports for another day and go after Reid. The only problem was that he wasn't fast enough to catch the younger man. He called Garcia to get her to look up Reid's address; it was a little weird that Morgan didn't have it already, considering he had a spare key to the place, but he had never thought of that before.
He drove as fast as he dared all the way to Reid's apartment and when he got there, he knocked on the door and rang the bell, but there was no answer. He took out the key and opened the door. He stuck his head in the kitchen and living room but didn't find Reid, so he proceeded to the bedroom. Morgan found Reid on his bed with an empty bottle of sleeping pills on the nightstand.
He ran to the bed and hauled Reid off of it and half carried, half dragged him into the bathroom, where he leaned the younger man over the toilet and rammed two fingers down his throat to make him throw up; he did, violently. When Morgan could see that he was done for now, he sat Reid on the floor, propped up against the bathtub, and hurried to the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the fridge, a glass, a teaspoon and the kitchen salt.
He all but ran back, poured the water into the glass, added some salt and stirred. He then forced Reid to drink the water and as soon as it hit his stomach, he threw up again. He did this until the water bottle was almost empty.
By now, Reid was a little more awake, if not exactly alert. Morgan went back to the kitchen to get a bottle of water that hadn't been in the fridge, a couple of crackers and a banana that might be a little too ripe, but Reid needed the nutrients and the stomach lining.
He put it all on the coffee table and then went to the bathroom to get Reid. He again had to half carry the other man since he was still very weak. He sat him on the couch and sat down next to him. He then gave him a little piece of one of the crackers and told him to eat.
When Reid tried to object, Morgan just glared at him and eventually, Reid complied. He actually ate both crackers and all of the banana and drank half of the room-temperature water before Morgan was happy. He didn't want to give him cold water since it could be too much of a shock to his system.
When Reid was done, Morgan helped him to the bathroom, where he brushed his teeth and washed his face.
Reid was falling asleep sitting on the closed toilet and Morgan decided to put him back to bed. He lifted the young man into his arms and carried him into the bedroom and put him to bed.
"I'm sorry, Morgan."
"Don't, Reid; we'll talk about it when you wake up. There is just one thing I want to ask; didn't you once tell me I was your best friend?"
"You are."
With that, Reid fell asleep, missing the look of awed shock on Morgan's face. He was frozen to the spot for 10 minutes before he snapped out of it. He bent down to check on Reid; when he saw that his breathing was deep and even, his pulse was steady and strong, he went back into the kitchen.
He had discovered a letter on the kitchen counter when he looked for something for Reid to eat, but he had only read the first two paragraphs before he had to hurry back to Reid.
The letter was the reason he had asked Reid the question and why the answer both shocked and awed him.
To whom it may concern:
I am sorry if I have caused anybody any hurt in the past, or by doing this, but I can't live like this anymore.
I'm in love with my best friend, who will never feel the same way about me, who might in fact hate me if my secret ever comes out.
I have cravings for the Dilaudid I haven't used in 6 months and I can't seem to get over it. I lie in my bed at night thinking about all the horrible things we see every day and I just want to forget and I know the Dilaudid would help me do that.
I have no appetite and have lost 10 pounds I couldn't afford to lose, I'm starting to look like a skeleton, but each time I try to eat, my throat closes up and my stomach turns.
I can't sleep; every time I do, I have nightmares, either about what Hankel did to me, about what I could have done to make both my father and Gideon leave me, or about telling the man I love that I'm in love with him and seeing his expression turn from friendly to betrayed, hateful and disgusted.
I can't concentrate at work and I'm no good to anybody like this. I apologize to whomever finds me, but I really think everybody is better off without me.
Spencer Reid.
Morgan sank to the floor with his back against a cupboard and his head on his bended knees. He folded his hands over his bowed head and the tears started streaming down his face.
"Oh, god, what have I done?"
Morgan sat there for a very long time before he got up off the floor. He called Hotch and told him that Reid was going to be alright.
"What happened?"
"That's Reid's story to tell, man, I can't betray his trust like that."
"Right, sorry, I never should have asked you that. Look, we don't have any cases and if one comes up one of the other teams can take it. Why don't you take tomorrow off and come back on Tuesday after the holiday?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure; we need Reid at his best, you too, for that matter."
"Thanks, Hotch, talk to you later."
He also called his neighbor who always looked after Clooney when he was out of town and asked if they could look after the dog for the weekend. He was hoping Reid would let him stay that long.
He then went to Reid's computer to order some groceries to be delivered first thing in the morning; he didn't want to leave Reid, in fact, he was scared to.
After that, he went to the bathroom to wash his own face and rub some toothpaste over his teeth with a finger.
He then went into Reid's bedroom and took off his clothes, except for his underwear. He found an extra blanket and pillow in the closet and got in the bed next to his friend.
Reid rolled over and snuggled up to Morgan in his sleep and Morgan found himself relaxing into the mattress at the feel of Reid's strong and steady breath on his chest. He put his arms around the man on his chest and fell asleep.
He woke up the next morning still tangled up with Reid and smiled at the peaceful look on the young man's face. He sobered quickly when he thought about the state he had found him in the night before.
He untangled himself carefully so as not to wake up Reid, who definitely needed the sleep. He went to the bathroom to take a leak and put some water on his face. He went back to the bedroom to get his ready bag he had taken out of his car when he arrived the day before.
He got dressed and then went to the kitchen to make some coffee and wait for the delivery guy. When he arrived, Morgan tipped him and then made some breakfast for himself; he didn't think Reid would wake up for a few hours yet.
After breakfast, he started doing some cleaning; the house smelled like the windows hadn't been opened for quite a while. He dusted everywhere and washed the floors. He checked on Reid throughout the day, but he just slept what looked like his first peaceful sleep in weeks.
Morgan ate lunch alone, too, and then, he checked the internet for support groups in the area. He found the Beltway Clean Cops, and thought it was perfect for Reid, if only he could get him to go.
When the chicken salad he had made for dinner was done, he put it in the fridge and went back to the bedroom. He got on the bed and pulled Reid into his arms again. He was hoping he would wake up soon, and he really needed to be there when he did.
About thirty minutes later, Reid started stirring. He snuggled closer into Morgan's arms.
"Mmm, Derek."
His voice was sleepy but conveyed his pleasure until he apparently realized that it wasn't a dream and tried to pull away.
"Hey, Pretty Boy, it's ok, I've got you. Calm down, just let me hold you."
Reid struggled for a little while longer, but there was no real effort behind it, or any strength, either. When he finally settled down, Morgan tightened his arms a little more.
"I read your letter, and I have to tell you that I am so happy that I got to you in time, Pretty Boy. I don't know what I'd do if you had already been gone when I got here."
"I'm sorry, Morgan."
Reid broke down then and Morgan just let him cry until he was all cried out.
"Now listen to me; we are going to fix this. Let's start at the beginning. The cravings. I have found a support group that I think you'll fit right into; it's called Beltway Clean Cops. They should be able to give you some coping techniques, or if you're not comfortable with that, you can talk to me."
Reid nodded a little against him and Morgan was satisfied.
"We are going to get you to eat again, starting in a little while when we are goin to go out to the living room and eat the salad I've made for us; I don't think your stomach can handle anything more substantial than that. I'm happy the two crackers and the banana you ate yesterday stayed down."
"Ok."
The word came out broken, but it was a beginning.
"We are going to talk about the nightmares about your dad and Gideon, and I promise you, there is nothing you did or said that made either of them leave. You are an amazing person and the problem is with them, not ever anything you did. We are going to talk about Hankel, too, that way, we might be able to get rid of his ghost altogether."
Morgan felt the tears start again, but not a sound came.
"Your performance at work has been just fine, we just all miss the old Reid; we haven't heard a single statistic in weeks and we are all missing your smiles, too."
He took a deep breath and pushed Reid away a little so he could look into his eyes when he said the final bit. Reid tried to avoid eye contact, but Morgan was having none of that. He lifted the younger man's face by putting a hand on his cheek.
"The last part of your nightmares and the first part of your letter? There is no chance that I would ever look at you that way, not even if I didn't feel the same way about you."
Morgan kept looking into Reid's eyes until he saw the significance of what he had just said hit him.
"What? Even if you didn't feel the same way? Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Yes, I love you, too, Pretty Boy."
Morgan smiled brightly and was so happy to see the slow small smile on Reid's face. It wasn't one of his usual smiles, but it was a start, and Morgan could live with that.
Three months later, Reid was doing so much better. He had gained all the weight he had lost and he was pale again, instead of transparent with dark circles under his eyes.
He hadn't been magically cured by Morgan's declaration, but it did give him a reason to fight, and fight he did. He went to meetings at Beltway Clean Cops, and it actually helped, to his big surprise.
He and Morgan talked about his nightmares, his abandonment issues because of his father and Gideon; they talked about Hankel and all the horrible things he had done to Reid, but most importantly, they talked about what they wanted from each other.
They had decided to keep off a physical relationship until Reid was stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally, but it hadn't been easy, for either of them.
Reid had talked to Hotch and told him what had happened, except the part about Morgan; they wanted to keep that private for now. Hotch had then yelled at Morgan for not taking Reid to the hospital.
"They would have admitted him to the psych ward and put him on a suicide watch. That would have been on his records and he would have been kicked out of the bureau, and I really didn't think that was the best thing for him at the time. I made sure everything was out of his system and I kept an eye on him until he woke up."
Morgan's voice was low and a little menacing, daring Hotch to disagree. Hotch calmed down and nodded; it wouldn't have been good for Reid to lose his job at that point, besides, the team needed him.
The day after Reid spent his first nightmare-free night was also the day he didn't feel any twinge of craving for an entire day. When he got home that evening, he felt better than he had since before Hankel kidnapped him.
It was a Friday and Morgan was coming over to spend the evening with him, and he decided then and there that he was also going to be spending the night. Reid was ready to take the relationship to the next level.
In fact, he was more than ready. Being around Morgan as much as he had the last three months, knowing he felt the same way and not being able to do anything more than kiss, was slowly killing him. He wanted to touch, he wanted Morgan to touch him; he wasn't even worried about Morgan seeing him without his clothes because he had seen the desire and want in Morgan's eyes on several occasions and he didn't really think a little thing like him being just a little on the skinny side was going to turn the other man off.
He ordered some food just like they had agreed on and then he just waited for his boyfriend; just that word put a smile on his face, it didn't even matter that nobody else knew.
Morgan arrived at the same time as the delivery guy and they started eating right away. While they ate, they watched a movie, and when it was done, they started kissing. This was the same thing they had done almost every night since the first one and they both liked their routine.
Tonight, Reid had some changes in mind and he had no intensions of letting Morgan leave; it was Friday, after all, and they didn't have to be at work the next day. When Morgan started getting ready to leave, Reid stopped him.
"I don't want you to leave tonight, Derek. I want you to stay the night; I'm ready."
Morgan stared at him for a long while, searching his eyes to see if he was really sure. When he saw that Reid was serious, he started smiling brightly.
"God, Baby Boy, this is amazing. I love you so much."
Reid smiled back at him; he really couldn't help it when Morgan looked at him like that. Morgan pulled him into his arms and kissed him passionately. When they finally pulled apart, they were both a little breathless.
"I love you, too,"
Reid said while getting up off the couch. He reached his hand down to Morgan, who grabbed it, and they walked to the bedroom. Reid turned to the other man and pulled up his t-shirt and when Morgan lifted his arms, he pulled it all the way off.
Reid let his hands wander from Morgan's shoulders, down his arms tracing the tattoos, then back up the arms again, down to the pecs and the amazing stomach.
"God, I've wanted to do that for years; I can't believe I'm allowed to touch now. God, you are so beautiful."
Morgan actually blushed and then pulled Reid in for another kiss before he started working on the buttons on Reid's shirt. He pulled it off and took half a step back and just looked. His eyes turned even darker than the chocolate color they normally had and he reached out a hand to run it down Reid's chest.
"So smooth and gorgeous; my Pretty Boy."
Reid had a bright smile on his face and a lump in his throat, and it wasn't from nerves, in fact, he didn't really feel nervous at all; he was ready for this.
He reached down between them and started unbuckling Morgan's belt and then undoing his pants. They slid off his hips and then Morgan started working on Reid's pants. They both stood in their underwear and stepped out of the pants pooling at their feet.
Reid hooked his thumbs in his own underwear and slid them down his long legs. Morgan gaped at the beautiful man before him. His cock was half hard and quickly filling and Morgan couldn't help himself; he reached out a hand and touched it with just a finger from the head to the base.
The gasp that came from Reid's mouth at that made him want to do it again, and so many other things. He took off his own underwear and then led Reid to the bed, where they both laid down on their sides just looking at each other.
Reid broke first and reached out to touch Morgan again, not really believing that he was now both able and allowed to do that; that really amazed him.
Morgan sucked in a breath when Reid's hand closed around his erection and just held on; he wasn't moving, just holding on lightly. That sparked Morgan into action because this was torture; he needed more.
He pulled the other man closer and started kissing him again.
"Do you have condoms and lube?"
He could hardly recognize his own voice, he sounded breathless and husky. When Reid reached across him to the nightstand to get the things out of the drawer, he licked across the nipple that went by over his head.
Reid gasped and almost dropped the supplies when he felt that. He moved back to his own side and gave both things to Morgan.
"Baby Boy, have you ever done this before?"
Reid opened his mouth, but when he found that his voice didn't really work, he just shook his head.
"Me neither, at least not with a man."
Reid was shocked; he had no idea this would be Morgan's first time, too. He knew that Carl had abused him, but he never knew how far the bastard had gone. He was so grateful that this would be something they did for the first time together.
He smiled and then leaned in for another kiss. He rolled, taking Morgan with him so that he ended on his back with the other man above him. They kept kissing while Morgan opened the cap of the lube and squirted some onto his fingers.
He reached between them and pushed his fingers between Reid's cheeks and lightly massaged around the rim until he felt it relax enough for him to press the finger in till the second knuckle.
Reid sucked in a breath, not in pain but in pleasure. The feeling was like nothing he had ever felt before, even when he had tried fingering himself; knowing it was Morgan's finger made a world of difference.
Morgan moved his finger in and out, pushing it in a little deeper each time. When he could move it without trouble, he added a second finger and started again. He kept going like that until he could move three fingers with ease and then he pulled them out and put on the condom.
He put on some more lube and then pressed in, in one long slow move. When he was all the way in, both men let out the breath they hadn't realized they had been holding.
Reid grabbed a firm hold on the back of Morgan's neck and pulled him down for a deep wet kiss. When they had to break apart to breathe, Reid pushed up and Morgan moaned deeply.
He started moving and when he changed angles slightly, Reid keened. Morgan kept that angle and started moving a little faster. They both moaned and panted, the sweat dripped off both their bodies and they couldn't stop kissing.
It didn't take very long before Reid tightened around Morgan's cock and then Morgan felt moisture between them just as he heard his name moaned out from Reid's mouth.
These things combined were his undoing and Morgan came hard and groaned loudly. He collapsed onto the man beneath him before he could stop himself. He hurried to roll off and take off the condom. He threw it in the waste basket next to the bed and then snuggled up to his boyfriend.
"Wow, Baby Boy, that was amazing."
"Yeah, it really was. I think I'm going to like sex."
He said it very seriously, but when Morgan looked at him in astonishment, he couldn't help but grin. Morgan chuckled and pulled him closer.
"I'm glad, because we are definitely doing that again."
They got up and went to the bathroom to clean up a little before sleep. Reid had a slight limp in his step and Morgan started feeling a little guilty.
"Are you ok, Spence? You are limping."
"I'm a little sore, but it's the good kind of sore. I'm fine."
He gave Morgan a bright smile and could see the tension easing in the other man's shoulders.
They got cleaned up and then crawled back into bed. They snuggled up and it didn't take them too long to fall asleep. It was the first time they slept next to each other since the night Morgan had found Reid, but this time, it was completely different and they were both happy.