Title: Log Of Helen Magnus
Synopsis: Helens thoughts following some of the events (episodes) at the Sanctuary.
Co-Author: None
Email:
Pairing: Magnus
Rating: FRG
Season: 1
Episode Spoilers: Season 1 episode Sanctuary For All
Disclaimer: I dont own Sanctuary, just borrowing it to take it out for a stroll so dont sue me cause it isnt mine and I promise to return it in the same shape I found it in. J J J J
Authors Notes: Ive never as yet tried to write a Sanctuary story particularly from Helens POV (point of view) as Im not sure I can get in her head rightits a bit scary, shes just so danged complicated. My plan for this story is to do a log/journal entry for every episode/event; not sure if the webisodes will be included as they were sort of redone for the TV series but well see. This is chapter one so please let me know how I did, especially about getting in her headI want to do it right but Im just not sure if I did her credit and I really want to.
[Sanctuary For All Pt. 1 & 2]
Carefully watching her newest staff member as well as the friend she had a feeling since he hadnt run screaming into the night at the revelations hed shared with her leave her office Doctor Helen Magnus had to smile to herself just a bit silently before she gently opened the leather log below her fingers, shed been in the middle of updating it on the latest adventures as she tried to keep up with her personal journals/logs as much as possible finding over the years it was one f the few things that was therapeutic as well as revealing sometimes even to herself. Scanning the worlds already written quickly, her favorite pen a gift from her daughter a great many years ago, turning idly in her fingers as her eyes moved over the carefully transcribed wordsafter all it would hardly do for someone with her upbringing to have anything but perfect penmanship.
The latest adventure that my staff and I have found ourselves involved with not only allowed us to aid a young boy with a single intelligent symbiotic appendage from his parents likely exposure to radiation in the city of Genoa but it also afforded me the opportunity to expand my staffhowever I do wish it had not come at such a cost. It has been so easy for me since the time of Ashleys birth to lull myself into a false sense of security about the man who once a great and intelligent man, the man I was determined to spend rest of my life with, however I turned complacent and I allowed myself to underestimate Johns determination.
Each time I think of him its impossible of me not to recall the gentle, caring, concerned man who approached me so many decades ago on the lawn at Oxford, his softness and gentleness and yet the underlying strength that saw me through so much. John and I never needed words; simple presence was enough for the both of us; even after all this time I fear. Why my latest actions were born about of a desire and need to protect our daughter even from her father part of me cannot hide or ignore the desire that somehow I have been wrong, that what I forced him to do did not result in his death and that he is somehow still out theresomewhere waiting until I can find the cure that will one day bring him back to me.
How nave we all wore back at Oxford, our desires may have been lofty and our goals true of heart but we had no idea what our curiosity and our desires would cost us each in our own way but perhaps John most of all. Even I cannot understand that which he fights against every moment of everyday, the rage and bloodlust that consumes him and more and more eats up the man I knew and yet somewhere under the surface I saw just the hint of the man I fell in love withwho through all time I will always be in love with. Time though my enemy is also my confidant reminding me of happier times, reminding me of the man Im in love with and that there is always a chance that perhaps I may find the cure and if he is alive perhaps we can have the future we promised ourselves so many, many years ago.
On other matters Ashley is currently recovering after her ordeal with the creature within the enclosure, if not for my newest staff member and protg I fear however that may not be the case; more about young Doctor Zimmerman in a moment however. Silence has slipped into the relationship I share with my daughter and I do not blame her, there are so many things I should have told her and yet fear of how she may react have assured my silence. Each time I send her out it is with the intimate knowledge that she may not return and yet I still have not taken the chance to speak with her at length. Next to finding a cure for my former fianc, being able to rid him of the madness I have spent over a century failing at which has resulted in countless loss of life, my only other hope is that one day I may find the courage to share with my daughter all that my fear forces me to keep silent. I can only hope that through it all, no matter what, Ashley understands just how very much I love her and how much I would gladly to do to protect her, even at the sacrifice of my own life.
Pausing in her reading having ended there Helen Magnus put her pen down to settle back in her chair thinking over the words, taking a sip from her nearly empty teacup, and using the opportunity to form her thoughts before she picked up her pen again to continue before going to check on her daughter and the others again for the evening.
I have rescued and saved a great many children over the years from abnormal attacks, even some have come to know me and my work and I value all of them and the contributions they made however when I held young William Zimmerman so many years ago reassuring him that he would be safe I had no idea how vital he may come. Of course I have kept up with his exploits since that initial meeting though until recently he has not put the pieces together of our first meetinga fact I am immensely grateful for. Why his gifts of seeing past the known will be invaluable to the Sanctuary and to the work in the abnormal world I cannot help but feel that he is destined to become so much more. It is possible that unlike previous protgs Ive had in such a long time that this young man given enough time and enough guidance may one day be the idle candidate to take over for me should the time come.
My position as head of the Sanctuary Network is not one that I have yet found anyone capable of handling in a full degree, including Ashley as she is at this stage in her life too much reaction and not enough forethought first (a fault of youth as even I know), but Will though young has the feel about him of wisdom. He has a desire for understanding and for looking past not only what is known and telling people what they dont know but also telling them and picking up on what they may not want to know or share, it is a rare combination that I have in my 157 years only seen once before in one other individualof course what are the odds that I have found another James Watson as counselHmmm, time like all matters within my life will answer the question I hope?
The woman had just closed her journal when her ringing phone demanded her attention and when she heard the demanding voice had to smile just a bit, My darling, I was just on my way to see you.
TBC in Ch. 2