Author's Note: I guess this is where this sort of thing goes, so I'll just put this up here.

If you happen to see any errors in my writing, I'd appreciate it if you could put them out, since I do enjoy improving myself.

As for this story… I blame public education.

And the Communist(s).

*Insert Disclaimer Here*

Orochimaru, Snake Sannin, Student of the Professor, (second) Greatest Traitor of Konoha, and numerous other titles, was having a wonderful day. Not only had he found a simply gorgeous disguise to wear, but he had managed to get into the Chunin exams without a hitch! Orochimaru had been concerned that he might have to put forth an effort, heaven forbid, to get into Konoha, but all he had to do was make a slight change to his features, pretend to be the jounin-sensei to a team of his ninja, and he got in right away. Honestly, what was Sarutobi-sensei thinking letting such a group of absent minded ninja man the gates? Well, at least he wouldn't have to live with such a shame on his shoulders.

Oh, that was a good one!

Pausing in his internal monologue/discussion, Orochimaru decided that he had apparently waited long enough to test the last 'loyal' Uchiha. The Sannin ran his rather lengthy tongue over his lips in anticipation.

Orochimaru was annoyed. He was very, VERY, VERY, annoyed. Not only had that blasted, blond, bother managed to avoid his initial wind based assault, thus ensuring that the genin team stayed together, but he was actually giving him, Orochimaru of the Sannin, a hard time! Even now the gaki's gallery of galling clones were swarming him, ensuring that he could not reach the team easily. He supposed he could just use one of his numerous wide-area ninjutu, but Anko would recognize his signature, not to mention the attention that high level elemental manipulation would raise. So it was, with great reluctance, that Orochimaru continued to punch and slice his way through these blasted, bouncing, bother's.

Finally having finished off the last of the bumbling, bright, barnacles Orochimaru took in the situation around him with a practiced eye.

All he needed to do now was find the U-

"Hi There." A polite voice spoke out to Orochimaru, startling the Snake Sannin from his thoughts. Orochimaru calmly turned towards the voice, though inside of his mind he was panicking over the idea that an unknown element had managed to sneak up on him.

What Orochimaru found behind him was…not what he had expected, were he to be honest.

An angry Sarutobi would be manageable, an enraged Jiraiya worrisome, but what he saw was in fact, something he never expected to see.

A proper looking man stood not 7 feet from Orochimaru, once again disturbing the Sannin with his proximity. The man wore a black business suit with a red tie. His brown hair was combed over to one side of his head in a simple, unstyled wave. The man nodded, knowing that he now had Orochimaru's attention. "My name is Chris Hansen." The man gestured with his left arm in a direction outside of Orochimaru's immediate field of view, "Why don't you have a seat," the now named Chris Hansen continued, "right over there?"

Glancing in the direction that this mysterious Hansen was gesturing Orochimaru was shocked to find a quaint looking breakfast nook where he was certain one had not been before. Though outwardly calm, a small amount of true fear began to seep into his black heart. The only way that this man could have hidden that nook from him would have been with seals, and it would have surely taken a master of the art to pull off such a trick!

Still, Orochimaru was not a Sannin for nothing! Calmly, with great poise and grace, Orochimaru made his way over to one side of the breakfast nook, noting that Hansen seemed to be following him there. Taking the offered seat Orochimaru took the time to study this man, his new opponent, who was currently taking his place in similar seat across from Orochimaru. The Sannin was forced to admit, this man was someone who truly impressed him. It was not often that an S-Rank Shinobi such as himself managed to find someone with the courage and foresight to set up such a situation.

Orochimaru found himself brought out of his introspective thought by Hansen's voice, "So then Mr. Orochimaru, what brought you here today?" Hansen skipped right past the pleasantries, going straight for the meat of the issue, something Orochimaru could certainly agree with.

"Kukukukuku…" Orochimaru decided to begin with his laugh, and found himself somewhat disappointed by Hansen's lack of a reaction. "I had come to…" Orochimaru decided to choose his words carefully, "test young Sasuke-kun's abilities, in order to see whether I should…bless him with my gift."

Hansen looked at Orochimaru for a long moment, before producing a surprisingly full manila folder seemingly from no where. Orochimaru found himself beginning to sweat as this Hansen skimmed through the document, letting out a quiet "hmm…" whenever he found something of interest. Finally Hansen closed the folder with a snap, and held it out for Orochimaru to take, stating simply, "That's not what my information suggests."

Orochimaru took the packet with not a slight amount of trepidation, but steeled himself convinced that this was nothing he could not ha-

No. That single word was all Orochimaru could think, as his eyes poured over page after page, each one listing more and more information that this man should not, could not have! His experiments, right from the first one to the latest he finished just before he left for Konoha, all of them were in this little, yellow folder! The locations of each base he had performed them in were there too! Exact logs of numerous conversations, including ones he had had with himself were there! How could such a massive information campaign have happened under his watch!

Orochimaru shot to his feet, the only sound signaling his departure from his seat was the whisper of the grass. Orochimaru felt those stirrings of fear in his heart build up to a cold fist holding his chest in its grasp, the full knowledge of just what was happening here coming down on him.

"You…," Orochimaru let out a low growl, "Do you think you can stop me! I am Orochimaru of the Sannin!"

Hansen continued to watch calmly from his chair as the Sannin broke down in front of him. "No." The man spoke just as he had throughout the entire encounter, "I can't do anything to you."

Orochimaru noted the emphasis the man had put on his words, and his eyes widened as he realized just what that meant. Accomplices! The Sannin whirled about trying to find his bearings, and locate just who else could be clearing.

Only to find the all too familiar, all too terrifying red and black gaze of a Mangekyo Sharingan. "Tsukuyomi." A soft voice spoke, though the layer of anger that boiled underneath was clear to the target of Itachi's ire. "For the next seventy-two hours, I will teach you what a mistake it was to dare touch MY foolish little brother."

As he fell into what Orochimaru knew without a doubt to be the blackness of his end, he cursed Hansen and his inescapable ploy.

AN: What was Hansen doing there? Was he working with Itachi? Is he a member of Konoha's T&I division? What will happen now that Orochimaru is really and truly dead?

I do not have ANY of these answers.

Never eat olive pizza before bed kids, your dreams will be weird.